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Topic: Curt? Rude? Or is it just me? (Read 4520 times)
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Roobarb
RootsChat Veteran
Posts: 866
Looking for that elusive branch!
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I recently found my grandmother's name on Ancestry but couldn't find what the connection was to the owner of the tree. I found that the owner had put their email address there so I wrote to them asking what their connection was to my grandmother. My email was complete with the please, thank you, regards etc. that I would normally use. A few days later I got a reply - "Through the Prouds". That was it! 
I thought people who put their family trees on the internet did so because they want to publicise it to the rest of the world and get in touch with distant rellies. I would have expected an exchange of information about our common ancestors or even if they didn't want to do so, a Hi, Regards, etc wouldn't have hurt. It wound me up so much I've trashed it! 
Most family historians are lovely people, what one earth is up with this one? 
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Bell, Salter, Street - Devon, Middlesbrough. Lickess- North Yorkshire, Middlesbrough. Etherington - North Yorks and Durham. Barker- North Yorks, Crooks- Durham, Forster- North Yorks/Durham, Newsam, Pattison, Proud - North Yorks
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patrish
RootsChat Marquessate
Posts: 4394
My kind of place
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There is no excuse for that reply, its extreamely rude , they should be ashamed of themselves . 
I would have done the same thing and trashed it, good on you Roobarb 
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this information is Crown Copyright. from www.nationalarchives.gov.uk London Hall, Thurston Stanley, Phillips, Ayrton, White, Morrish, Smith. West Ham/Barking Saint,Briggs, Essex Barker, Hampshire Kill, Kent Spong, U.S.A Earp, Scotland/Cumbria Templeton, Devon Morrish, Chudley |
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Roobarb
RootsChat Veteran
Posts: 866
Looking for that elusive branch!
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Yes you're right Crystal, people are always kind enough to reply on this site. 
I just hope the gulity party is sitting at their computer wondering what information I might have that they don't! 
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Bell, Salter, Street - Devon, Middlesbrough. Lickess- North Yorkshire, Middlesbrough. Etherington - North Yorks and Durham. Barker- North Yorks, Crooks- Durham, Forster- North Yorks/Durham, Newsam, Pattison, Proud - North Yorks
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trish251
RootsChat Leaver
RootsChat Marquessate
Posts: 9162
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Surely there should be a suitable reply to the comment "Through the Prouds"
Something like - "Well I'm proud to be me - not too sure about you" - but you'd be able to think up a much better one Roobarb 
Trish
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KathMc
RootsChat Aristocrat
Posts: 2657
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Too funny Barbara.
I would want to trash it but it would eat at me whether they had any info I didn't, and knowing me, I would recontact them in a couple months.  But that's me. Although I did have a similar situation and I actually spoke with the relative and sent her a slew of info that I had and never heard from her again. It's a shame because she is the only member of that branch of the family and she is interested in family history as she put her tree on Ancestry. Just can't figure some people, and sometimes it's not worth trying.
Kath
PS, now I am thinking of recontacting her. .. I just can't let some things go. 
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Sligo: Davey (also Mayo), McCluskey, McNulty
Wexford and Staffordshire: Hayes, McClean
Galway and Staffordshire: Scott
Coventry: Wells, Collins, Palmer, Moody, Beck, Mickelwright, Husbands
Ireland: McNulty (Sligo), Kealy, Murphy (Carlow) Connolly, Gillen, Powell, Ryan, Moore, Martin
Davis from I don't know where originally
Stahl, Russia to England to USA
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Stovepipe
RootsChat Veteran
Posts: 680
Daddy Stovepipe
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It's curt, certainly, but you don't know the circumstances under which the person made that reply.
He may have just received bad news, a redundancy or bereavement, perhaps. He could be suffering from a depressive illness, or is maybe laconic by nature but at the same time friendly and willing to help.
You don't know, so to base assumptions about that person's rudeness upon a single reply is judging him unfairly, I think.
Given that, I can't see any reason to get annoyed about it - after all, you got the information you requested.
Stovepipe
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crystalight
RootsChat Veteran
Posts: 509
Happy Hunting
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 Too kind I think Stovepipe,
I too have suffered most - and more of what you mention (except redundancy - thank God) but I would like to think I have always remained courteous. I do agree that messages can sometimes be misconstrued, because of that I try to be careful how I word them.
Just an opinion
Crystal
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Oakes and Rance - Cheshire Wright, Teesdale, MacWhirter -Sussex Wright, Wooldridge and Little - Surrey and London Grimes - Middlesex and Surrey Cardy - Surrey Broyd, Hanch and Lazell - Essex Bradshawe - Hampshire, London and East Indies Hearsey - India (British Army), Cumberland and London Census information is Crown Copyright from www.nationalarchives.gov.uk |
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Roobarb
RootsChat Veteran
Posts: 866
Looking for that elusive branch!
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I also think you're too accommodating Stovepipe. I have also suffered all of the things you mention but have always been polite in my communications. If they were too busy to give a proper reply then they should have indicated that and perhaps agreed to write later. My query wasn't just to establish what their connection was but to prompt an exchange of information.
Interesting to note that you assume it's a man though Stovepipe!
I am actually on the winning side as far as the information is concerned as I can now trace what they have through the tree on Ancestry. He/she does not have the benefit of my information and I already know there are numerous siblings missing. I already have information on the Prouds and I will see if there is anything there that I don't have and happily filch it! I have another contact through the Prouds who is much friendlier and very helpful, I will probably contact her and ask if she has come accross this person and if so, what response she got.
Unless people are professional researchers they are doing family history research as a hobby, so why not been nice about it? 
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Bell, Salter, Street - Devon, Middlesbrough. Lickess- North Yorkshire, Middlesbrough. Etherington - North Yorks and Durham. Barker- North Yorks, Crooks- Durham, Forster- North Yorks/Durham, Newsam, Pattison, Proud - North Yorks
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madpants
RootsChat Aristocrat
Posts: 2082
Old Pants for Mum44
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Sorry Stovepipe but even with all those problems there is still no excuse for rudeness, a couple of seconds is all it takes to say,
Sorry to be brief, through the Prouds, I'll explain in more detail at a better time
regards
****
Courtesy costs nothing
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GREENWELL - Middlesbrough
TURNBULL - Houghton le Spring, Coxhoe, Spennymoor
DEVEY - Pentonville, Stockton, M'bro
MOHAN/HUN - Stockton on Tees
SCRAFTON - Darlington
BROADBENT - Saddleworth, Ashton Under Lyne
HEMSWELL - Grantham, M'bro
SIMPKINS - M'bro
SIMPKIN - Little Wratting, Suffolk
MALLALIEU - Saddleworth, Ashton U L
GOODWIN - Macclesfield Forest
SUTCLIFFE - Heptonstall, Ashton U L
PLIMMER - Pontesbury, Ashton U L
CAMBRIDGE - Goulborne, Ashton U L
SIDDALL - Ashton U L
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Tony Payne
RootsChat Senior
Posts: 466
Tony Payne, Deerfield Beach, Florida
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I think it might not be intended to be rude, but some people just don't know how to communicate effectively, and keep their answers short (if not sweet).
Might I suggest you have been on RC for so long that you have got used to the nicer and more communicative type of person that is drawn here... maybe you expect too much from people who aren't good enough for RC
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I am researching the following families: Hurst / Payne - Leicestershire / Warwickshire / Worcestershire Toon(e) - Leicestershire Batchelor / Foster - Warwickshire / Northamptonshire Hardy - Dorset My web site has the family tree showing. I am researching primarily the Payne, Hurst, Foster and Batchelor lines in the Midlands. Off The Record With Debbie And Tony |
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Roobarb
RootsChat Veteran
Posts: 866
Looking for that elusive branch!
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You're right Tony, I've probably been spoilt by Rootschat but I'm sure anyone doing family history research must have had to communicate with people a lot during that research. I must admit I wouldn't be inclined to be very welcoming to anyone who sent me an email that baldly said something like 'What's your connection to the Prouds?' without any of the niceties. I suspect that they may be just a name gatherer, the tree is huge. Can't say I'm 'Proud' of having such a person as a rellie though, albeit a distant one. Their loss. 
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Bell, Salter, Street - Devon, Middlesbrough. Lickess- North Yorkshire, Middlesbrough. Etherington - North Yorks and Durham. Barker- North Yorks, Crooks- Durham, Forster- North Yorks/Durham, Newsam, Pattison, Proud - North Yorks
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Tony Payne
RootsChat Senior
Posts: 466
Tony Payne, Deerfield Beach, Florida
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I agree. It doesn't promote any futher questions, or any desire to make friends with this person.
I worked with someone like that, it was very difficult. He saw no point in making friends with people you worked with when you travelled to a client (which in our case was usually South America) because after 2 weeks you wouldn't see them again. Me on the other hand realised you would still be dealing with these people afterwards, but in any case it was much more fun to make friends...
It doesn't cost to be nice does it!
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I am researching the following families: Hurst / Payne - Leicestershire / Warwickshire / Worcestershire Toon(e) - Leicestershire Batchelor / Foster - Warwickshire / Northamptonshire Hardy - Dorset My web site has the family tree showing. I am researching primarily the Payne, Hurst, Foster and Batchelor lines in the Midlands. Off The Record With Debbie And Tony |
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