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Topic: Advice required - how do I approach long lost mother? (Read 1737 times)
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daval57
RootsChat Aristocrat
 Offline
Posts: 1687
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Hi all,
Header is slightly misleading, I'm doing this for my first cousin.
My cousin (call her C) is 50. Her mother left the family when C was 2 or 3 and divorced in 1961.
The mother made one attempt to contact C when she was 17 but was turned away from the door by other members of the family.
Since then, there has been no contact.
In recent years, C has been trying to trace mum with no success.
Yesterday, I think I found her - I have the name and address but no phone number. We cannot be 100% sure this is the correct person.
C now wants to approach this person and write to her, obviously to ascertain if we have the correct person and if so, to make personal contact to renew their relationship.
How do we word the letter? Would it be best if C writes? I've considered the option of writing myself and acting as an intermediary?
All opinions would be appreciated. If someone can even draft a letter, that would be fantastic.
Dave
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------------------- FORREST (Glasgow, Stirlingshire, Dunbartonshire) BORTHWICK (Midlothian) ROONEY (Glasgow and Co Down, Co Antrim) ANDERSON (Moray, Caithness, Glasgow) FORTUNE (East Lothian) BARKER (Midlothian / East Lothian) SIVES / SIBBES and variations (East Lothian) ROCHEAD /ROCHEID and variations (Dunbartonshire) OR VISIT MY SITE FOR MORE NAMES http://daval57.tribalpages.com/access code: aldav5257Census information is Crown Copyright |
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KathMc
RootsChat Aristocrat
Offline
Posts: 2621
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I agree with Sue. At least some intermediary might be a good idea. Just to make that initial contact and prepare the mother. This happened to my mom years ago with her dad, although I think he knew where she was for the most part, due to his mother and sister, at least until their death. Sadly, my mom finally reconnected with him, and we all got to meet him, and he died six months later. So whatever she decides, don't wait. And tell her good luck. All us Rootschatters are behind her.
Kath
Kath
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Sligo: Davey (also Mayo), McCluskey, McNulty
Wexford and Staffordshire: Hayes, McClean
Galway and Staffordshire: Scott
Coventry: Wells, Collins, Palmer, Moody, Beck, Mickelwright, Husbands
Ireland: McNulty (Sligo), Kealy, Murphy (Carlow) Connolly, Gillen, Powell, Ryan, Moore, Martin
Davis from I don't know where originally
Stahl, Russia to England to USA
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'Tricia
RootsChat Marquessate
Offline
Posts: 10325
Edith Gent Bowskill
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At least some intermediary might be a good idea -I agree entirely.
I have acted as an intermediary twice - it's a very difficult task and although my initial approach for one of them was via phone the person requested a letter - contact was rejected at first but when the shock wore off the person contacted me and the 2 people concerned are now in regular contact and meet up although the rest of the person's family have not been informed!
Wording a letter for someone else is very difficult - only you know the circumstances but what you must bear in mind is the fact that the mum's circumstances may have changed and a letter may cause problems. Is there no way of obtaining a phone number? There is nothing worse than checking the post every day for a reply!!
I wish you the very best of luck and hope there is a happy ending
Tricia
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Census transcriptions are Crown Copyright from www.NationalArchives.gov.uk******************************************************** Nottinghamshire,Bulwell: Bowskill, Everley, Gent, Haywood, Houghton, Wilkinson. Nottinghamshire, Mansfield:- Baxter Buckinghamshire: Charlesworth, Fowler Derbyshire:Brimington:- Adams, Baxter London: Bird, Charlesworth, Coleman, Desmoulins, Everard, Jarman, Quinton, Richards Italy: Gioffredi |
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KathMc
RootsChat Aristocrat
Offline
Posts: 2621
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Good advice Dinie. I do that with my letters to relatives too. It might not be the response you want, but at least you aren't left hanging.
Kath
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Sligo: Davey (also Mayo), McCluskey, McNulty
Wexford and Staffordshire: Hayes, McClean
Galway and Staffordshire: Scott
Coventry: Wells, Collins, Palmer, Moody, Beck, Mickelwright, Husbands
Ireland: McNulty (Sligo), Kealy, Murphy (Carlow) Connolly, Gillen, Powell, Ryan, Moore, Martin
Davis from I don't know where originally
Stahl, Russia to England to USA
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daval57
RootsChat Aristocrat
Offline
Posts: 1687
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Great suggestions everyone. An intermediary, if not me, sounds the best way to go.
It crossed my mind that The Sally Ann might be able to assist so C is contacting them to tell them what we know.
I'll let you know the outcome.
Thanks for all the interest.
Dave
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------------------- FORREST (Glasgow, Stirlingshire, Dunbartonshire) BORTHWICK (Midlothian) ROONEY (Glasgow and Co Down, Co Antrim) ANDERSON (Moray, Caithness, Glasgow) FORTUNE (East Lothian) BARKER (Midlothian / East Lothian) SIVES / SIBBES and variations (East Lothian) ROCHEAD /ROCHEID and variations (Dunbartonshire) OR VISIT MY SITE FOR MORE NAMES http://daval57.tribalpages.com/access code: aldav5257Census information is Crown Copyright |
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jksdelver
RootsChat Senior
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Posts: 280
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I have done this before and when I wrote I put in that I was carrying out family history research for ..... who was born on... in .... with the family surname of ...... Perhaps you may be able to help with this matter. I also put a SAE in and suggested that they return it if they didn't want to or couldn't help. I also put my telephone number in . I had a reply the next day
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daval57
RootsChat Aristocrat
Offline
Posts: 1687
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Cheers for all your comments.
C contacted Sally Ann but they were not as helpful as we'd expected.
Despite my (your) advice, C wrote directly to the lady on Monday.
She did enclose SAE as suggested.
Here's hoping.
I'll keep you all posted.
PS, One of you sent me a draft letter which C and I used as a basis for the letter that was sent. Thanks for that. You know who you are! - just wanted to acknowledge it here on the boards.
Dave
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------------------- FORREST (Glasgow, Stirlingshire, Dunbartonshire) BORTHWICK (Midlothian) ROONEY (Glasgow and Co Down, Co Antrim) ANDERSON (Moray, Caithness, Glasgow) FORTUNE (East Lothian) BARKER (Midlothian / East Lothian) SIVES / SIBBES and variations (East Lothian) ROCHEAD /ROCHEID and variations (Dunbartonshire) OR VISIT MY SITE FOR MORE NAMES http://daval57.tribalpages.com/access code: aldav5257Census information is Crown Copyright |
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KathMc
RootsChat Aristocrat
Offline
Posts: 2621
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Good luck. I wish her well and keep us posted.
Kath
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Logged
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Sligo: Davey (also Mayo), McCluskey, McNulty
Wexford and Staffordshire: Hayes, McClean
Galway and Staffordshire: Scott
Coventry: Wells, Collins, Palmer, Moody, Beck, Mickelwright, Husbands
Ireland: McNulty (Sligo), Kealy, Murphy (Carlow) Connolly, Gillen, Powell, Ryan, Moore, Martin
Davis from I don't know where originally
Stahl, Russia to England to USA
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MarieC
RootsChat Marquessate
Offline
Posts: 3087
In Queensland, Oz
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I too am interested to know what happens, and am waiting with fingers crossed for a positive outcome!
MarieC
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Martins in London and Wales, Lockwoods in Yorkshire, Hartleys in London, Lichfield and Brighton, Hubands and Smiths in Ireland, Bentleys in London and Yorkshire, Denhams in Somerset, Scoles in London, Meyers in London, Cooks in Northumberland
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daval57
RootsChat Aristocrat
Offline
Posts: 1687
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Hi Folks,
Just got a phone call from my cousin Carol.
She answered the door this afternoon and it was her mother!
Spent 3 hours in the house and it went really well.
Apparently the mother has been trying to find Carol for years too.
Carol's mum had been on holiday this week and came home this morning to find the letter. She and her husband jumped in the car and drove straight to Carol's there and then.
Brilliant result. I'm kinda shocked because I've been trying to play it down. We weren't sure that I'd found the right person and I didn't want Carol getting too high in case she got a disappointment.
Not only has Carol found her Mum, she's got two new sisters too.
I'm over the moon for Carol.
Dave
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------------------- FORREST (Glasgow, Stirlingshire, Dunbartonshire) BORTHWICK (Midlothian) ROONEY (Glasgow and Co Down, Co Antrim) ANDERSON (Moray, Caithness, Glasgow) FORTUNE (East Lothian) BARKER (Midlothian / East Lothian) SIVES / SIBBES and variations (East Lothian) ROCHEAD /ROCHEID and variations (Dunbartonshire) OR VISIT MY SITE FOR MORE NAMES http://daval57.tribalpages.com/access code: aldav5257Census information is Crown Copyright |
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KathMc
RootsChat Aristocrat
Offline
Posts: 2621
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OMG. That is just incredible. I am so happy for your cousin. What an incredible story.
Kath
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Logged
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Sligo: Davey (also Mayo), McCluskey, McNulty
Wexford and Staffordshire: Hayes, McClean
Galway and Staffordshire: Scott
Coventry: Wells, Collins, Palmer, Moody, Beck, Mickelwright, Husbands
Ireland: McNulty (Sligo), Kealy, Murphy (Carlow) Connolly, Gillen, Powell, Ryan, Moore, Martin
Davis from I don't know where originally
Stahl, Russia to England to USA
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Shropshire Lass
RootsChat Aristocrat
Offline
Posts: 1120
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What a wonderful ending to the story!
Monica
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Census information is Crown Copyright, from www.nationalarchives.gov.ukDALBY - Suffolk and, after 1860, Birmingham. EBENEZER - Cardiganshire & Glamorgan. GARVEY and GRAHAM - Mayo. HUBBARD - Birmingham. MAUND and LEWIS - Shropshire and Birmingham. MORGAN(S) - Cardiganshire. SLADE - Somerset and Worcester. |
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silvery
RootsChat Aristocrat
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Posts: 1481
information Crown Copyright, from www.nation
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How lovely. What a great piece of work you've done.
congratulations!
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