|
Pages: [1] 2 3
|
 |
|
Author
|
Topic: When to stop pestering people. (Read 1609 times)
|
Windsor87
RootsChat Member
 Offline
Posts: 157
|
Hello all,
This summer I have decided to make it my challange to find out as much as possible about 3 sets of my greatx2 grandparents from living people. I have earmarked the people I want to speak/write to already.
One of the three could be potentially hard. I have known about her since January 2007. Both her sister and her cousin have tried on my behalf to get information on my great great grandmother. I was told that she was the best person to speak to as she lived with my greatx2 grandmother for a number of years. The person has ignored them quite convincingly. So now I have a letter written and ready to be sent out to her. I doubt that my letter will have much impact on her but it is worth a try, isn't it?
Any tips on the best way of getting her speak? I've tried flattery in the letter. I know she was close to her grandmother so I've basicaly said that I think her grandmother was an amazing woman (which she was). If this fails, should I continue to pester her until I get the information I want (not that I want to sound like a bully).
regards
Windsor87
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Aberdeenshire/Banffshire:
Strachan, Connon, Watt, Beattie, Noble, Watt, Sinclair, Garden, Birnie, Wilson, Christie, Gatt, Watson, Sim, Ross, McWilliam, Middleton, Burr, Johnston, Munro, West, Porter, Trail, Bruce, Peddie, Kemp, Smith, Ewen, Kerr, Grieve, Whyte, Ritchie, Mackie, Jamieson, Barron, Grant, Robertson, McKay, Hadden, Forbes, Walls, Shepherd, McDonald, Duncan, Gray, Will, Thomson, Lascelles, Brown, Anderson, Doherty...
Dumfriesshire:
Bryson, Harkness, Scott, Roddick, Armstrong
|
|
|
|
|
Gadget
RootsChat Marquessate
Offline
Posts: 17396
My lovely Mum
|
What can you offer her - friendship, a kindly ear?
Talking to old people, particularly ones that you don't know is tricky and I feel that she might feel a bit threatened. If she does speak to you, just chat to her and let her memories come out that way. Don't go with a checklist.
Gadget
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
mike175
RootsChat Veteran
Offline
Posts: 593
Census information Crown Copyright, from www.nationalarchives.gov.uk
|
I suppose it's a personal thing, but I would be very wary about pestering people I don't know, especially those in their later years. There may be something in the past that they would prefer was left there! 
I think I would write that letter, as tactfully as I could, explaining my interest, and if it brought no response, I would regretfully leave it at that and look elsewhere for my information. Nothing I might want to know could justify the risk of dredging up painful memories and causing distress to anyone.
On the other hand, the letter might result in a flood of memories from someone who is flattered to find anybody interested in her story. 
Mike.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Baskervill - Devon, Foss - Hants, Gentry - Essex, Metherell - Devon, Partridge - Essex/London, Press - Norfolk/London, Stone - Surrey/Sussex, Stuttle - Essex, Wheate - Middlesex/Essex/Coventry/Rutland/Oxfordshire/Staffs, Gibson - Essex
|
|
|
|
|
aghadowey
RootsChat Moderator
RootsChat Marquessate
Offline
Posts: 7627
Census information Crown Copyright, from www.nationalarchives.gov.uk
|
Elin- I've a similar situation and had to not stir up too many memories to avoid hurting someone. There are often times when I wish I had pursued certain lines of inquiry but decided it was better not to as too many people could be upset.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
Windsor87
RootsChat Member
Offline
Posts: 157
|
The lady in question is only in her mid 60s, so she isn't actually all that elderly. Thanks for all the advice so far. One other thing I have done in my letter is steer clear from speaking about her parents (who my great great grandmother lived with in her last years). According to her cousin, there was a family rift over where all granny's money went in those years. I'm not really interested in that so I've simply not mentioned anything about her parents.
regards
Windsor87
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Aberdeenshire/Banffshire:
Strachan, Connon, Watt, Beattie, Noble, Watt, Sinclair, Garden, Birnie, Wilson, Christie, Gatt, Watson, Sim, Ross, McWilliam, Middleton, Burr, Johnston, Munro, West, Porter, Trail, Bruce, Peddie, Kemp, Smith, Ewen, Kerr, Grieve, Whyte, Ritchie, Mackie, Jamieson, Barron, Grant, Robertson, McKay, Hadden, Forbes, Walls, Shepherd, McDonald, Duncan, Gray, Will, Thomson, Lascelles, Brown, Anderson, Doherty...
Dumfriesshire:
Bryson, Harkness, Scott, Roddick, Armstrong
|
|
|
Gadget
RootsChat Marquessate
Offline
Posts: 17396
My lovely Mum
|
Hi Windsor
I'm nearly in my mid-60s and I think you might get the same response from me if I felt that you were pestering me 
On the other hand, a pleasant approach to share information, etc. might get me talking 
Gadget
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Windsor87
RootsChat Member
Offline
Posts: 157
|
Hi Gadget,
I haven't actually spoken to this woman yet. When I first found out about her I left it to her sister to ask for information. That was back in January 2007 - I daresay that she gave up a long time back. I know that her cousin is regularly emailling her, but that is mainly because she is doing her own family tree (we happen to have a common interest in her Granny).
So I have not pestered her yet which my put me in a good position. I have no history so I can't possibly have offended her.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Aberdeenshire/Banffshire:
Strachan, Connon, Watt, Beattie, Noble, Watt, Sinclair, Garden, Birnie, Wilson, Christie, Gatt, Watson, Sim, Ross, McWilliam, Middleton, Burr, Johnston, Munro, West, Porter, Trail, Bruce, Peddie, Kemp, Smith, Ewen, Kerr, Grieve, Whyte, Ritchie, Mackie, Jamieson, Barron, Grant, Robertson, McKay, Hadden, Forbes, Walls, Shepherd, McDonald, Duncan, Gray, Will, Thomson, Lascelles, Brown, Anderson, Doherty...
Dumfriesshire:
Bryson, Harkness, Scott, Roddick, Armstrong
|
|
|
Gadget
RootsChat Marquessate
Offline
Posts: 17396
My lovely Mum
|
That's OK then.
I'd phone her and be really pleasant - offer to meet her for a coffee or something - your treat
Gadget
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
KathMc
RootsChat Aristocrat
Offline
Posts: 2620
|
One thing I have found helpful with older relatives is to try to go armed with some names and maybe dates, things you already know from other records and people. Oftentimes, especially with my mother and MIL, I will ask a question and they have no clue, but then I say a name or place that jars their memories and they talk forever and give great information.
Maybe even initially don't ask for anything, just share what you know and maybe some pictures. Then she won't feel you expect anything and will be more open.
Kath
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Sligo: Davey (also Mayo), McCluskey, McNulty
Wexford and Staffordshire: Hayes, McClean
Galway and Staffordshire: Scott
Coventry: Wells, Collins, Palmer, Moody, Beck, Mickelwright, Husbands
Ireland: McNulty (Sligo), Kealy, Murphy (Carlow) Connolly, Gillen, Powell, Ryan, Moore, Martin
Davis from I don't know where originally
Stahl, Russia to England to USA
|
|
|
Gadget
RootsChat Marquessate
Offline
Posts: 17396
My lovely Mum
|
Kath
We're talking about a woman a couple of years or so older than me. I think that I could give Windsor and you a run for your money any day
Gadget - ever so old that I need my memory jogged 
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
KathMc
RootsChat Aristocrat
Offline
Posts: 2620
|
Gadget,
Sorry, I said older, not old. Please forgive me. 
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Sligo: Davey (also Mayo), McCluskey, McNulty
Wexford and Staffordshire: Hayes, McClean
Galway and Staffordshire: Scott
Coventry: Wells, Collins, Palmer, Moody, Beck, Mickelwright, Husbands
Ireland: McNulty (Sligo), Kealy, Murphy (Carlow) Connolly, Gillen, Powell, Ryan, Moore, Martin
Davis from I don't know where originally
Stahl, Russia to England to USA
|
|
|
Windsor87
RootsChat Member
Offline
Posts: 157
|
Thanks for the advice.
With my letter, I was going to send a photo of her grandfather and great grandfather. As well as that I was going to mention that my grandmother kept the card that my great great grandmother sent her on my uncle's birth. According to my grandmother, it was the last she heard from my grandfather's family. I now own the card.
Good idea or bad idea?
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Aberdeenshire/Banffshire:
Strachan, Connon, Watt, Beattie, Noble, Watt, Sinclair, Garden, Birnie, Wilson, Christie, Gatt, Watson, Sim, Ross, McWilliam, Middleton, Burr, Johnston, Munro, West, Porter, Trail, Bruce, Peddie, Kemp, Smith, Ewen, Kerr, Grieve, Whyte, Ritchie, Mackie, Jamieson, Barron, Grant, Robertson, McKay, Hadden, Forbes, Walls, Shepherd, McDonald, Duncan, Gray, Will, Thomson, Lascelles, Brown, Anderson, Doherty...
Dumfriesshire:
Bryson, Harkness, Scott, Roddick, Armstrong
|
|
|
|
Pages: [1] 2 3
|
|
|
|
|
