Advice needed

[Olleyke]

Hi guys.

I'm just looking for a bit of advice really. I've been trying to find out whether my paternal grandmother is still alive. My dad and his siblings lost contact with her due to family disagreements and have no idea where she is living or whether she is even still alive.

I've managed to find her brother's address via the electoral roll, he is living in Lancashire, and I'm thinking about writing to him, but is it a good idea? It's a side of the family I've wanted to know more about for years, and I'd love to know whether she is still alive and well.

What would you all do?

Thank you in advance

OlleyKe

[lizdb]

No harm in writing to a long lost Great Uncle. He may be really pleased to hear from you.

[Craclyn]

Worth a try, but prepare yourself for the possible disappointment of a negative reaction if there were family problems. Hopefully they will want to leave the problems in the past and take a positive approach to your contact.

[Pennines]

I agree with what has already been said -- just be very softly, softly in your letter, as I am sure you would be. If you don't do it whilst you have the opportunity you may regret it.

Good Luck!

[ThrelfallYorky]

Agreed, but take it gently (I'm sure you would). I drafted something once along the lines of:
"I've been given your name, address, and telephone number as a possible relative of XYZ, and would really like to be able to know a little more about (something fairly minor).
 My parents were ABD and DEF, and ABC's parents (the side you are interested in) were GHI and JKL. If you are related to GHI and JKJL I would really like to be able to talk with you, or write to you, as I know so little about that side of the family, and would welcome help. If you want to pass this to other family members, to help me, I'd be quite happy for you to do that.
May I ask you to send a reply to me, hopefully to confirm the link, but even if it's to say that you are not related, for that will help me a little, even should you choose not to make more personal contact?
I enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope for your reply, and I do hope that you will be able and willing to help me.
Perhaps, if you prefer, you could tell me of a day and time to telephone you at a time that would be convenient to you? Thank you for your time, in any case...."
If you get a reply, great. Even if it's not very helpful you may be able to follow it up. If you get no reply - well, it's just the cost of a couple of stamps.

[Olleyke]

Thanks guys!

The family disagreement happened before I was born so I'm no way influenced by it, but I'm just worried they'll see who my father is and then will just assume.

I do think I will go ahead and write to him, you never know unless you try my grandfather died recently and I'm gutted that I never got the chance to meet him, which is why I now want to find out if my nan is alive, she could well be my last living grandparent.

Thank you all again

[lizdb]

As the disagreement was before you were born, I'd just take the approach that you understand he is your great uncle and it would be great to be in contact with a long lost great uncle, especially as you have an interest in Family History. Dont mention the disagreement.

[Pennines]

I am SO pleased that you are going ahead with it. Hope it goes well --- please let us know how you get on.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.

[ThrelfallYorky]

Yes, do let us know how it went. Good luck.