RootsChat.Com
General => The Common Room => The Lighter Side => Topic started by: Carol22 on Friday 20 June 08 16:19 BST (UK)
-
Hi
Can anyone tell me why it is illegal to scatter ashes on someones grave.
I rang the local cemetery to find the number of a grave, 91 yr old Mother in law has just passed and wanted to be scattered
on her Father's grave in the local cemetery, I was told very bluntly it is illegal and they would do it for £150. I shall be sneaking down with ashes in a bag and doing it when no one is around.
Caz
-
See http://www.rootschat.com/forum/index.php/topic,303324.0.html
Stan
-
My advice to the last person that asked this question:
What they don't know can't hurt them.
;)
-
This is worth reading.
http://www.rootschat.com/links/03o5/
Jebber
-
Hi
Can anyone tell me why it is illegal to scatter ashes on someones grave.
I rang the local cemetery to find the number of a grave, 91 yr old Mother in law has just passed and wanted to be scattered
on her Father's grave in the local cemetery, I was told very bluntly it is illegal and they would do it for £150. I shall be sneaking down with ashes in a bag and doing it when no one is around.
Caz
Thats a good idea. If she wasn't cremated, they would easily allow your family to bury her in the grave, so why not allow you to scatter her ashes there?
Stephen :)
-
What are the normal options for disposal of cremated remains?
All crematoria provide a Garden of Remembrance where cremated remains can be dispersed. Some crematoria provide niches where containers may be placed for limited periods. Cremated remains can be removed from the crematorium in a suitable container for disposal elsewhere. This may include internment in a grave in a cemetery or churchyard, disposal at another crematorium or dispersal privately in a particular area selected by the family. Suitable permission should be obtained from the appropriate Authority in these cases.
Note it says should not must :)
Stan
-
Hi Caz
sorry for you and your family's loss. Go ahead and scatter and them where she wanted to be scattered - It would take one very hard hearted person to stop you ( and what grounds can they stop you for?) .
If it were me, I would go ahead with the person's wishes, and b*gger what anyone else has to say about the legalities of it. I doubt very much the gaols are full of people scattering ashes of family members over graves.
Kind regards
-
When my husband died I paid the cemetery £150 for a tiny rose bush and metal tag with his name on. I had a major argument with them because I wanted the name "Rocky" put on it. He was never called anything else.
I went to the cemetery expecting to scatter his ashes around the rose bush only to be told by a thoroughly obnoxious man that I couldn't "chuck 14 lbs of ashes around a rose" and had to take them to an agreed area. They knew when I paid for the rose that that was the plan!
I gave up that day and later took them to his favourite part of the coast and put them in the sea. However I kept a small amount back. My friend and I went back to the cemetery, she kept watch (in a sort of pantomine fashion) while I dug a small hole under the rose and buried the ashes. :D
Rocky would have loved it, he had a wicked sense of humour!
You go for it Caz, put them wherever you want to. ;D You need to feel content that you have done everything you can for somebody that you have lost.
All the best, Elin
-
They say it's illegal (but it's not) yet they can do it for £150. ???
jobsworths >:(
I agree with Windsor, and everyone else.
-
Hi Caz
sorry for you and your family's loss. Go ahead and scatter and them where she wanted to be scattered - It would take one very hard hearted person to stop you ( and what grounds can they stop you for?) .
If it were me, I would go ahead with the person's wishes, and b*gger what anyone else has to say about the legalities of it. I doubt very much the gaols are full of people scattering ashes of family members over graves.
Kind regards
They could probably do you for 101 violations from littering to polluting the water supply and everything in between.
I would suggest it is one of those rules designed to stop the practice becoming common to the extent of becoming a hazard.
There are a couple of points though.
When a body is cremated not all of it is consumed by the fire, often bones etc. still remain in the ashes. Some crematoria grind the ashes to pulverize these bones and teeth.
Second if you do decide to scatter the ashes try to do so before a shower of rain, the rain will quickly wash the ashes into the grass & soil. ;)
Cheers
Guy
-
When my Mum's brother died, my cousin visited his second wife and she asked if my cousin would like some of his ashes.
My cousin said yes, because she wanted to scatter them over her mother's (his first wife's) grave.
She was given half his ashes in a Tesco bag ;D She did wonder which half of him she got :D
She also rang up the Crem and asked if she could scatter them. They said there would be a charge, so she thought blow that (or words to that effect) and she and a friend went along one winter's evening.
The friend kept watch while my cousin tried to dig a hole in the hard frosty soil of the grave. She eventually managed a small hole and tipped the ashes in. That night it chucked it down with rain, so she went back the next day to check it out. There was a pile of mud and ashes on top of the grave, so she said she had to start digging with her hand to cover it up again.
She said her Mum and Dad would be in fits of laughter if they were watching her ;D
I think this charging is just a big rip off.
When we wanted to bury my Dad's ashes in the Crem gardens they said it would be a Lease costing £650 for so many years. Once the time was up if the Lease lapsed then they would dig up the ashes and scatter them over a rose garden. We were appalled.
We buried Dad's ashes in the grave of his Mum and Dad where he would want to be anyway (don't know why we didn't think of it first) and it cost us nothing.
If I want to scatter the ashes of a loved one in the future, I shall just do it one evening when nobody is around.
Su
-
Dad and I sprinkled Mum's ashes exactly where she wanted. To be honest, I never ever thought about asking permission. We just went and did it. Admittedly, the spot was somewhat isolated but I assume the same red tape would apply. Just go and do it Caz.
-
When my dad died his ashes were scattered at the local crem, a year or so later both his dogs had died.
My mum had them cremated and asked if she could have the dogs ashes scattered where my dad was, the answer was 'no, you cannot mix human and animal ashes'
bearing in mind my mum is one the most law abiding people lol and aged in her 70's, she then took a 'walk' in the crem scattering ashes as she went!
She had left it late on in the day to do this and found herself locked in the crem, luckily it has a 3 foot wall around it, picturing a 70 yr old climbing the wall breaking OUT of the crem makes me laugh everytime
Even she thought it a ludicrus rule for people to stick to lol
-
Good for her ;D
-
I love these stories proving that there is humour even in death. That last one made me think of the prisoner of war film where they were trying to dispose of the earth from the tunnel and had a bag iinside their trousers releasing a bit at a time as they walked around.
I had a friend who took a relatives ashes up to the top of Goodwood ( a local hilly spot near us) they said a few fitting words and started sprinkling the ashes when a huge gust of wind blew up and they ended up with it in their hair eyes and mouths.
-
When my dad died his ashes were scattered at the local crem, a year or so later both his dogs had died.
My mum had them cremated and asked if she could have the dogs ashes scattered where my dad was, the answer was 'no, you cannot mix human and animal ashes'
bearing in mind my mum is one the most law abiding people lol and aged in her 70's, she then took a 'walk' in the crem scattering ashes as she went!
She had left it late on in the day to do this and found herself locked in the crem, luckily it has a 3 foot wall around it, picturing a 70 yr old climbing the wall breaking OUT of the crem makes me laugh everytime
Even she thought it a ludicrus rule for people to stick to lol
;D ;D ;D Good for her! Certainly brought a smile to my face - might have given a few passers-by a bit of a funny turn if it had been dark! :o
As for not mixing human and animal remains - what a load of old twaddle!
-
I agree Stoney, and it wasn't even remains. It was ashes. jobsworths
-
Oh - just do it. The old maxim, don't ask - it just gives them a chance to refuse comes into play here. If the ashes are to be placed in a cemetery then it's merely a case of doing some routine 'tidying up' around the grave isn't it? A few ashes incorporated into the soil isn't going to make a jot of difference to anyone - and is far better than the ghastly plastic gnomes or other paraphernalia which seem to clutter some cemeteries.
When my Father was cremated we were given a choice, did we want his ashes returned to us, buried, placed on the ground in the Garden of Remembrance (they have a cross marked out on the ground where ashes are placed on the surface - bizarrely) or 'scattered to the winds'. Since my father hated being in one place for long, we chose the latter and, subsequently the same thing happened with Mum's ashes.
I prefer to remember my parents as the people they were so, from a purely personal view, ashes were just that - ashes, thus I chose not to attend this scattering to the winds .. but there will forever remain a small part of me that has visions of a man licking his finger and holding it up to determine the wind direction before throwing handfuls of ash into the air!
-
Hi everyone,
thank you so much for all your replies, and some amusing stories, My Mother in law was a bit of a card, and liked a laugh and like most of you she would be encouraging us to do what most of you have done, my husband takes after her, and you can imagine his comments **** ****
We have yet to find his Grandfather's grave, I have the plot number and I have a plan of the cemetery, but have not found it yet, that was the reason I rang them just to find the plot. I suspect we will look like two grave robbers roaming around the cemetery, but if the ones up there can see us it could be fun
Caz
-
There is always a lighter side. My father-in-law spent 30 years working as a bus driver for the then, London Transport. His funeral began 10 minutes late since the hearse carrying his body got stuck behind .... a bus! He would have loved that and how many times, I wonder, in his childhood had his Mother uttered those words, '... ******, come on - you'll be late for your own funeral' ;D
-
I'm afraid in the UK these days you can't do anything, because it's either a Health & Safety or a National Security problem ::)
-
Hi all.....What an intersting thread and I had no idea that apparently it is legal to bury a human body in yer back garden..
Here is a snippet from one of the links..
What action will people seeking to carry out home burials need to take?
People who wish to bury a body at home should consult both with us and with the local council’s Environmental Health Department.
When preparing the grave, the person responsible should ensure that:
The plot has at least one metre of subsoil below its base, with at least one metre of soil to cover to the coffin.
The grave does not contain any standing water when it is first dug, and is not dug in very sandy soil.
The plot is deep enough to prevent foraging animals from disturbing the body.
Jane..
-
Hi all.....What an intersting thread and I had no idea that apparently it is legal to bury a human body in yer back garden..
Here is a snippet from one of the links..
What action will people seeking to carry out home burials need to take?
People who wish to bury a body at home should consult both with us and with the local council’s Environmental Health Department.
When preparing the grave, the person responsible should ensure that:
The plot has at least one metre of subsoil below its base, with at least one metre of soil to cover to the coffin.
The grave does not contain any standing water when it is first dug, and is not dug in very sandy soil.
The plot is deep enough to prevent foraging animals from disturbing the body.
Jane..
Hmmm..... but will it enhance the resale value of your property ? ;D
This reminds me of when we were house-hunting a few years ago...... the house owner was showing us around, and she kept going on about how happy she had been living in the house. She eventually came up with "I'll be so sorry to leave this house, I have six dogs buried in the garden".
With that, both my wife and I lost interest in the property. Can't think why ! ::)
-
When my dearly loved dog died and was cremated he was interred at the Pet cemetary in Rossendale.
http://www.rosspetcrem.co.uk/
For humans, you are supposed to inter the pot of ashes into an existing grave or so I was led to believe. There is a danger from mercury poisoning from teeth fillings and other metal joints etc.,so this is the safety aspect.
-
After dad had died I paid for a tree to be planted with the National Trust, up in the Dales, as he loved it there.
Everyone thought it was a good idea until we got the certificate, the wood it had been planted in was called 'Deadmans Folly' !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-
A lady round the corner from me lost her son 18 months ago. He was in his 30s and had
been in a lot of trouble and ended up killing himself. He was cremated and she then had his urn
buried in the back garden. There was only her and her son as they came from Poland. I often
think what will happen when she dies and someone else moves there. what if his remains were
ever found. Spooky. To scatter ashes would have been more sensible as what you dont know
cant hurt you. Go ahead and scatter them :)
Sue
-
From what I've read somewhere, if you have a burial in your garden, it is entered into the house deeds that it is there
-
There was to be a big fee for headstone removal to add father in law's name to mother in law. Friday evening, trailer and brother, headstone away. replace on sunday with updated inscription. No fee and one puzzled jobsworth --- no proof!!!!!
The best time to do this sort of thing is between 5pm friday and 8am monday --- most of the jobsworths are off for the weekend.
Barry
-
My sister, step father and I scattered my mothers ashes off a cliff in Devon where she used to walk. You were supposed to get permission but as it wasn`t hurting anyone what is the problem. The army do training up there and after we had scattered the ashes they all ran past!
Go and do it it is what your mother in law would have wanted.
Sarah
-
When my father died in 1996 my mother told me that he wanted his ashes to be scattered at Howth, north of Dublin, on the beach. When I asked why, she said that when he was a small child he went out in a boat with his father and some other friends. They all 'had drink taken' and in short, the boat capsized. Someone died and the others got ashore. My father was missing. He was washed up on Howth beach, found and then recovered. He always said that was where he should have died, and therefore wanted his ashes spread there.
My 2 daughters and I went to Dublin and took the ashes to Howth as per instructions.
Before my mother died she said she wanted her ashes to be scattered where my father's were. We went back to Dublin, but when we got to Howth it was a high tide and we could not reach the same bit of beach. It was very windy and we found a place which we thought was the nearest. Unfortunately my mother's ashes turned into a vortex and blew everywhere except where they were supposed to go :o!
Nobody questioned us. We did not ask permission. The only thing we had to do was carry a letter from the funeral director stating what was in the urns we were taking on the 'plane as hand luggage!
Just do it!
Kooky
-
When my mum passed away I asked for her ashes to be kept in an urn in a niche in the wall or to have a tree planted with her ashes buried beneath and was told that was fine.
After the cremation I was then told there was no where available and I would have to buy a grave because I didn't want her ashes scattered. It cost me a small fortune to buy a grave and a headstone and we had to plan another day for the internment of the ashes with the funeral staff there as well. If only I had known then that I could have taken her ashes home.
Her death was very sudden and I just didn't have time to think properly about it until after the shock had worn off, by then it was too late.
-
That's really awful, but I think gravestones are as much for the living as they are for the departed. When my parents died, they wanted to be cremated, and they didn't want a gravestone or their ashes scattered. So there is nothing to mark their resting place. When my wife visits her mother, she will invariably visit her father's grave and lay some flowers on it. I can't do that. It does trouble me sometimes, but my mum and dad are never very far from me, no matter where I am in the world. Unfortunately the downside of gravestones is that after two generations they are abandoned and uncared for. Look at the state of many of our Victorian cemetaries.
-
Hi, a very interesting thread.
I have a funny story to do with my grandmother the day of her funeral. This alll started arter the service. We had our eats then grandmother was put in the hurst in order to go to the cemetery.
It was a white hurst. Grandmother insisted in only going in a black hurst, so as we were all about to leave the hurst would not start. The funeral director tried all he might to strat it but no go.
In the end he arranged for a black hurst to come to the funeral home to have grandmother transfered.
Guess what!!!
Aftre grandmother was transfered to the black hurst the white one started.
It wasn't funny at the time but we all got a laugh out of it later even the church minister had a lugh as well.
Goes to show anything can happen.
I also remember after my father died he wanted his ashes scattered at sea. Mum thought differently.
So when we went to the funeral home and picked them up we went down to the cemetery and scattered them around the roses. ( the roses are no longer there). Later we found out the the cemetery staff had already scattered half his ashes in the roses. The other half was meant to be scattered at sea.
Well it nevered happened. Funny how things happen sometimes..
Newbe
New Zealand
-
People say odd things at funerals too. Probably due to the shock and the grief.
We were in the hearse, returning from the crematorium when my dad died. My father was a fireman in the London Fire Brigade from 1922 until 1944, and he served right through the London Blitz. Half way back from the crematorium, and my mother suddenly broke her silence and said "Well, that's the last fire your father will go to". My sister and I were both totally shocked at the time, and we just sat there dumbfounded, but after 25 years I can look back on it and smile. My mother always had a knack for saying things at the wrong time, but this was her finest hour :)
-
Interesing thread
I have had my share of jobsworths when it comes to funerals and disposals.
My stepfather a long serving merchant navy man, said that he wanted his ashes scattered in the English Channel. So first we went the 'legal' route contacting various maritime orgs, ferry cos. etc. They all said the same, 'cant do, health and safety, euro legislation, enviroment, blah,blah,blah'.
So we decided to go ahead anyhow and booked a trip across the Channel.
We were about half way across when we decided that was the spot.
We scattered the old fellas ashes over the side.
Unfortunately we were on the windward side of the boat and it was a bit gustyand the ashes blew back and were evenly distributed over our fellow passengers.
Yhe old b****r must have been laughing at this display as he did have a wicked sense of humour.
I would like to think that our fellow passegers also took a bit of him home with them. He always loved to travel!
-
If they see you splash the ash just deny it. Without other witnesses how are they going to prove it was yours? What will they make you do, pick it up and take it away?
-
We took my uncle's ashes to Shrewsbury where he wanted them scattered, did not get permission as 'supposed to' but no one said anything. We did however laugh as my nan managed to drop the urn on the floor in the process which was ironic as she accidentally dropped HIM on the floor as a baby. Talk about going out as you came in.
Anyway, my nan passed away Sept 06, and my wonderful mother in Feb just gone. We still have both of their ashes and will be making another trip to Shrewsbury where they can join my uncle, where they wanted to be scattered.
My advice is to scatter them whatever you've been told you can/can't do.
-
I agree with Nick29, my own personal view is that headstones are for the living although I realise that visiting a final resting place is something from which a large number of people derive comfort. For me, I prefer to remember those I've lost as happy, healthy, vibrant people (not, as in my parents' case elderly and severly disabled) and I'm glad my parents made the choice they did for what happened to their ashes. I recall my Gran losing my Grandad after 62 years of truly happy marriage and, on being asked if she would like to be taken to visit the grave, saying 'Why? He's not there ..' before pointing to her heart and saying '.. but he is here.'
And since this is The Lighter Side - I am leaving instructions that when I finally shuffle off my mortal coil, I insist my daughters have 'AT LAST' spelt out in flowers - purely because when the question 'Don't you mean At Rest?' is asked, they can turn round and say 'No, she took so bloomin long to snuff it - we know what we mean' ;D
-
My grandmother's second husband had been born with a "cowl" (a membrane that covered his face). The midwife had removed the cowl and told his mother that if he kept it with him all the time then he would never drown. The years went by, he was in the navy and then was a marine engineer and always lived by the sea. He always had the cowl in his wallet. Well, he left instructions that when he died he wanted to be buried at sea. Of course, it's practically impossible to do that and so we decided to have him cremated. Mum then went off to his favourite place on the coast with a view to scattering his ashes on the sea (all sneaky and without anyone knowing but us). It was a beautiful still sunny day, the tide was in so in theory all she had to do was tip the ashes over the edge of the cliff. But no, just as she did the deed, the wind got up and yes, she was covered in ashes! Years later, I wondered what had happened to that cowl and whether he had still had it with him when he went to the crem........
-
When my dad died we scattered his ashes on Mum's grave. We didn't ask anyone, just went to the cemetery and dug a few small holes in the soil (there's quite a lot of ash!) and put them in, then sprinkled the rest around.
My dad died in York and I was living in Northampton at that time so his ashes came via parcel post! Our vicar had prepared me for this, but the delivery man looked a bit shocked when I said 'Oh, it's my dad's ashes!'
BTW it's my understanding that usually ashes to be scattered are put in an urn, and ashes to be interred are put in a sealed casket
-
I say go for it. When my uncle died, the plan was to scattered his ashes at the beach where he was a lifeguard in the 40s and 50s on the Jersey Shore. So as not to raise suspicions, my 8 cousins and my mother (his only sibling) went to the beach alone. As they pulled up to park, there were police cars sitting there, so they had to park farther down the beach and walk. The entrance they ended up going through had a new plaque out front in honor of one of my uncle's best friends, who helped bring surfing to the East Coast. They walked to the spot where they wanted to release the ashes, let them go in the surf and as they turned to leave, a large wave splashed them all -- my uncle having his last laugh. ;D
-
Hi everyone,
thanks for all your messages and amusing stories.
THE DEED IS DONE....
We went to the cemetery on Sunday afternoon, thankfully no one about, my husband dug the hole, I was the lookout, the soil was wonderful, he manged to dig a deep hole, trying to avoid the millions of ants. tipped his Mum's ashes into the hole, covered them over with soil and then put the grass sod back on. it only had a concrete flower type pot, so we put that back and it looked very good. took a few pics for the family history book, so future generations will know where it is, if they are even interested that is. I hope she could see us, I am so sure she would have said 'dont bother just chuck them on the garden' but when you are told 'you cannot do that..................
Caz
-
Well Done U!! :D
Elin
-
Good job.
Kath
-
I have been reading this thread with intrest as we are also going for a stroll round a church very soon, to carry out my Father in law's wishes.
Some years ago we moved, and in an old coal bunker my husband found an urn still filled with someones ashes. He had died five year's before. We did not have a forwarding address nor the neighbors, so I took them to our local council and they assured me they would dispose them appropriately. Fancy putting someones ashes there and forgetting! how sad
-
I have been reading this thread with intrest as we are also going for a stroll round a church very soon, to carry out my Father in law's wishes.
Some years ago we moved, and in an old coal bunker my husband found an urn still filled with someones ashes. He had died five year's before. We did not have a forwarding address nor the neighbors, so I took them to our local council and they assured me they would dispose them appropriately. Fancy putting someones ashes there and forgetting! how sad
I have a family friend whose family was not particularly close to their paternal grandmother, as she was a mean old cow. She died, was cremated, and the oldest grandchild was called and told the ashes were coming in the mail. They arrived in a box and his wife made him put them in the garage, as she really didn't want them in her house. I think they finally sprinkled them off a ship, when they were on a cruise (Sshhh ::)). They had no clue what else to do with them.
-
My late grandparents are buried, and when my aunt (their daughter) died last year, her sister wanted her ashes to be in the same grave - not scattered
The Local authority wanted nearly £700 to open the grave - just to put an urn full of ashes in!!
As the top of the grave is soil - I think you can guess what we did?
-
Perhaps folk might be interested in the fee set by Parliament for interring cremated remains in churchyards: it is £110, which I always think sounds very dear, but then where else can the church get an income from to keep the churchyard looking presentable, if there are no more full interments?
Where churchyards are still 'open' the fee for a full burial (& the service leading to it) is only £220, & that can convey a grave almost in perpetuity.
Sometimes, when families don't have a lot of money I have been known to ask for a donation instead for the burial of ashes (technically 'strewing' -opening up the soil/turf & putting the remains just below the surface). But generally your local vicar will give you better value than the Council; & there again I wouldn't totally blame anyone for doing their own thing if they were faced with unreasonable charges.
Geoffrey White
Rector of Norton, Sheffield
-
On a similar thought - can anyone tell me what I should do with my grandfather's war souvenir? He was wounded in France in 1915 and they gave him the shattered pieces of bone that they removed from his arm when they operated on his wound - and it is still in a box in the cabinet ::) I don't know what I should do with it - all the family have been cremated so I can't just quietly bury it somewhere ???
Carole
-
That is tricky one Carole, maybe a little hole in your local cemetery, or perhaps one of his parent's grave's if they was not cremated. Sorry not much help ???
-
Perhaps folk might be interested in the fee set by Parliament for interring cremated remains in churchyards: it is £110, which I always think sounds very dear, but then where else can the church get an income from to keep the churchyard looking presentable, if there are no more full interments?
Where churchyards are still 'open' the fee for a full burial (& the service leading to it) is only £220, & that can convey a grave almost in perpetuity.
Sometimes, when families don't have a lot of money I have been known to ask for a donation instead for the burial of ashes (technically 'strewing' -opening up the soil/turf & putting the remains just below the surface). But generally your local vicar will give you better value than the Council; & there again I wouldn't totally blame anyone for doing their own thing if they were faced with unreasonable charges.
Geoffrey White
Rector of Norton, Sheffield
Much of this thread had made me smile. :D
It was interesting to hear the views of a vicar. I've visited several chuchyards/cemeteries this weekend. Most were very well kept so I really appreciate the hard work that goes into maintaining them year after year. At one churchyard the graves near the chuch were well maintained but those further away were allowed to return to nature and were under 6 feet of brambles. I was very grateful that the grave I was looking for was close to the church.
-
I'm glad you scattered the ashes Caz.
I work for a funeral directors, which I am fairly new to, and was quite taken aback by all the red tape and different rules on burials and cremation.
I was also very pleasantly surprised by all the ways to scatter or dispose of the ashes.
You can have jewellery and glass made. I have seen some beautiful vases made from ashes. The one I loved the most is sending your loved one to the stars. You can actually have fireworks made with the ashes. I just love the thought of my family sending me off in a rocket when my time is up.
What a way to be remembered in a firework display. ;D
-
One of my friends scattered a little of her dad's ashes on his local football ground. I don't know how they got in, sweet-talked the groundsman maybe, but they said it was one of his favourite places...
-
Hi
Can anyone tell me why it is illegal to scatter ashes on someones grave.
I rang the local cemetery to find the number of a grave, 91 yr old Mother in law has just passed and wanted to be scattered
on her Father's grave in the local cemetery, I was told very bluntly it is illegal and they would do it for £150. I shall be sneaking down with ashes in a bag and doing it when no one is around.
Caz
I recently reached a service where you can scatter your loved ones in the ocean. oceans are peaceful yet full of happiness behind it. you should try to check out https://bigblueseaservices.com/get-started/, they really put up a great service when scattering your loved ones with respect.
-
When my mum in law died, enquiries were made of various places to scatter her ashes. All wanted to charge.
Her children eventually scattered her ashes in her garden. Her husband passed away a few weeks later and the house was sold.
They can't really now ever go and sit in the garden to remember their mum. It's someone else's house now.
-
We bought our current bungalow in 2002 and had some correspondence after we moved in with the previous owner's son. We told him that we liked the bungalow and the garden and were enjoying our time here. There was a tenuous link between his dad and my parents which we discovered through this correspondence. He also told us that his mum had been very fond of her garden and it was her wish that her ashes were scattered there.
Strange as it seems, from our very first visit to view the property there was a warm and friendly feeling about the place.
-
My husband lived with his uncle, great aunt and great grandmother when he was younger.
His great aunt died and was buried with her mother in a local churchyard.
The great aunts dog died and was buried in the back garden. My husband said to his uncle "We should have buried the dog with Molly (His great aunt). " good idea" said his uncle and went to the garden to exhume the dog.
At dark of night the pair of them stole into the churchyard with deceased dog, and buried her in the grave. Like Burke and Hare, except they were putting one in rather than taking out.
Fast forward a few years, another great aunt had died, and her ashes were to be interred in that same grave.
I am struggling to contain myself at the graveside, expecting doggy bones to be excavated at any moment.
"Shut up, this is a serious occasion!" hissed hubby. On hearing me say "the dogs going to come up in a minute" he assured me that they had buried the dog a good way down.
-
We bought our current bungalow in 2002 and had some correspondence after we moved in with the previous owner's son. We told him that we liked the bungalow and the garden and were enjoying our time here. There was a tenuous link between his dad and my parents which we discovered through this correspondence. He also told us that his mum had been very fond of her garden and it was her wish that her ashes were scattered there.
Strange as it seems, from our very first visit to view the property there was a warm and friendly feeling about the place.
My father left specific instructions that his ashes should be mixed with my mum's (she had died a few years earlier) and scattered in the garden of their house, where they had lived for 50 years and were very proud/fond of.
He knew very well that the house would be sold - it was, and converted into three flats (London, you know) - but that he wanted to stay with my mum there.
We (my children and I) followed his wishes.
You're never anywhere permanently, even your grave. Things change, don't they.
-
I'm still laughing at Lisa's post about the dog in the grave!
After my husband died, I had his ashes in my wardrobe for over a year, and occasionally my daughter and I would put him in the car and take him for a drive, since we thought he might be getting a bit bored in there ;D
When we finally did manage to get all the family together at the same time, we met at Glastonbury, had a wonderful family meal to celebrate his life, and then the next morning, early, we climbed the Tor. When we got up to the top we scattered his ashes. Unfortunately though, the wind was so strong that - according to my son-in-law - he probably ended up in Cornwall. It would have amused him hugely.
-
Love all these stories.
My father wanted his ashes to be sprinkled around the apple tree but I could not do it. My daughter now has him in a pot in her conservatory.
Aunt died and she
is now around the apple tree.
And I shall go there too I expect .
There are seldom any apples on it though lovely blossom.
-
Lisa and GS....your stories really made me laugh out loud ;D
Carol
-
Just found this thread and wanted to add my experience with my mother-in-law's ashes. A week or so after her cremation we met with the local vicar at the church and were taken to a little plot surrounded with roses. There the vicar produced a hideous cheap plastic urn, presumably supplied by the crem, unscrewed the lid and took out a clear plastic bag containing the ashes. She tipped them out of the bag into a hole that had been dug, said a little prayer and then looked at us expectantly. We really didn't know what was expected of us, so I picked up a bit of earth, dropped it into the hole and said, "Good-bye, old friend". The others sheepishly followed suit. The vicar went off with the empty bag and urn (for recycling?) and we all went home, feeling rather stunned at the business-like way the "ceremony" had been conducted.
My mother and father's ashes are both buried in the same tiny plot at a crematorium, although my mother died 20 years after my father. Helpful crem staff enabled this. The plot situation is measured in footsteps. The burial ground is on a hill and my instructions are 13 steps up and 1 1/2 steps across. There are no plaques displayed, so it's a bit random. :) Mother's second husband, however, is elsewhere, though at the same crematorium (his children's wishes).
-
When my mother in law died she wanted her ashes to be sprinkled on her parents grave no problem we thought but yes a hefty sum of money would be charged. Husband thought it would be easier to sneak in and do it ourselves. Picture it a middle aged couple, giggling, one in a thick coat I it was July but the container had to be hidden, we were looking furtive searching the graveyard for the correct grave. Having found it I was on lookout and husband getting the job done. We haven't had much to do with ashes but the container of the ashes was an old fashioned big sweet jar and it was full, no little puff of ashes which could be dispersed in the grass easily it was pretty difficult to cover up. We'd like to think mother in law was watching us laughing her head off.
Linda
-
The easiest way we have found to scatter ashes is to put them in a carrier bag. Make a small hole in the corner of the bag and wander randomly around the chosen spot, letting the ashes trickle out. It ensures a nice even distribution and is unobtrusive. It also avoids having a large quantity blown in the wrong direction should the wind get up.
-
Sloe gin, You remind me of those scenes in World War II prisoner of war films where they walk around dropping soil through the holes in their trouser pockets to get rid of the spoil from the escape tunnel.
Martin
-
The easiest way we have found to scatter ashes is to put them in a carrier bag. Make a small hole in the corner of the bag and wander randomly around the chosen spot, letting the ashes trickle out. It ensures a nice even distribution and is unobtrusive. It also avoids having a large quantity blown in the wrong direction should the wind get up.
We were advised that cardboard tubes are the easiest for scattering ashes. So, where could we find a number of cardboard tubes which could be sealed, relatively cheaply and at short notice? And then in the supermarket we came across a display of Pr*ngles tubes. Thus, when we set off up Glastonbury Tor on that windy October day, my husband's ashes were safely stored in half a dozen tubes which,mappropriately, had 'Barbecue style' displayed prominently on their labels...
-
My parents in law are buried in the local churchyard. Right beside the church wall. Dad always referred to it as pets corner, as there are dozens of very small stones!
-
Deer & cattle will eat ashes given the chance, maybe better to dig a wee hole! ;D
Skoosh.
-
When my husband was alive he used to tease anybody who was cheeky to him 'If you don't behave I'll take you to my favourite spot on the moors and leave you there'. After he died my son said that we should take his ashes up there and leave him there. It is a very wind swept, but beautiful spot and I'm sure by now he is scattered far and wide. I have told my family that I want to join him there, but I have warned them they may hear me shouting 'Where are you' as I wander around looking for him, just like Cathy did for Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights.