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Messages - amon000

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Thanks Billyblue 😄

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Thank you trish1120 😄

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Thank you Dorrie 😄

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Hello all,

Just a quick update to say all is well and that one of my half siblings and I have now met. A DNA test was done to confirm our suspicions (based on my knowledge of events) and it was as I suspected. Consequently, he and my fatherís side of the family have been very welcoming and, for those I havenít yet met, have been kind enough to make contact with me, make available many photographs and offer to fill in any blanks as regards questions I may have. I will soon meet another of my half siblings and am very much looking forward to that. It is all early days but I feel very positive and (oddly) complete now that I know more about the wider family. I only say oddly because I have only met one of them at this stage; we are taking things slowly, understandably after this revelation!

Anyway, all told so far, I think that this experience has turned out successfully so I just wanted to let you all know.

Many thanks for all your help and your input in getting this far!

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Hello again Martin,

You are right, I have certainly kept this at the forefront of my mind - I recall another post to this thread saying a similar thing before I made contact. It is such a sensitive subject but one which many of us are faced with, it seems. I suppose as more people do the test, so more incidences of this will come to light (though not with you ;)).

Many thanks. 

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Hi davidft, thank you for your response.

From what I can see on the thread, seen in the round, UKWoman would be safe in her assumptions, given that the autosomal DNA results show a familial relationship thus allowing her to fill in the blanks using other methods (looking at family tree/records, etc.). Of course, to be absolutely certain, a paternity test would be necessary, however, the father would need to be living, so not much use to UKWoman (or to me, for that matter) as it could not be practically applied in this case. Also, there are other ways to establish a relationship, otherwise how did we do it before DNA testing? 

Just for clarity, please be assured, it is not ire, just incredulity. 

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Welcome to Rootschat UKWoman.

If I were in your position I would initially send an email to your sisters without disclosing the relationship. Something along the lines of Ancestry DNA has shown a match and see if you get a reply and you can then take it slowly from there.

Just wanted to add: this is roughly the approach I took when messaging my (probable) half-sibling; I did mention the DNA match but did also say that we may be half siblings. It wasn't a long message but contained the salient points.

As I said, it did take me a couple of weeks to feel the time was right to make contact (gut feeling!).

Best of luck UKWoman!

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Hello folks,

Let's steer back to the OP. I was going to give an update.

But first - UKWoman I am sorry that your first foray into RootsChat has been negative, but I am glad to hear that you will be staying around - research of this nature is really sensitive and emotive and I have found it a supportive and encouraging forum for discussion and advice, so don't be put off.

I made contact with my DNA match as planned with quite a full account of how we may be related (as I thought I had one shot at this) and she came back to me after a few days; she responded positively and said to leave it with her.  It is such an important and (probably) contentious matter and after a while I started to worry as she hadn't come back to me. After a couple of weeks of turning things over in my mind, I made the decision to make contact with the man who I believe is my half-brother (pm over social media). His response was, actually, calm and measured - shocked - but friendly and positive.  It is very early days and I have no real expectations (if that makes sense? If not, well... there it is), but I wanted to make the connection with him. I am waiting for him to come back to me - it has only been 2 days since I made contact so am not without hope yet.  It is a lot to take in, for both of us actually, although I appreciate that I knew this might come one day and he didn't.

UKWoman, as to your situation, I have the same concerns as I have no wish to upset the mother of the sons (my half-siblings) in all this; none of this is her fault, or theirs for that matter - or mine! I decided to contact the eldest son because I felt that was the best way to contain things - I felt it best to leave any dissemination of this information at his discretion.  On the other hand, my feelings are valid and just and I have a need to make contact.  Having carried the weight of such a burden for so long I do feel justified in doing so.

I hope this makes sense; I am waiting for news and will update when I have anything to report.  Good luck UKWoman with your enquiries, do let us know how you get on.

Amanda

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Hello all, I have now sent an email, while trying to put myself in my DNA match's shoes.  It is a really difficult thing to write but as I was typing it up I thought that it could be my only shot, so got it all down.

Dorrie - reading your post echoes what a friend of mine said to me this evening: that life is too short to hang about wondering 'what if?'... I am so sorry about what happened in your case.  It sounds as though you made quite a sacrifice in taking a step back - I certainly am not banking on becoming a part of their family or anything, but then our circumstances are different as you say.  It sounds as though it can get very complicated indeed though, regardless.

So I am at the fingers crossed stage now, but thank you for all your good wishes for a positive outcome.  I'll be in touch with an update soon I hope.

Many thanks again.

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