Author Topic: Oh Dear, a dark secret discovered in a friend's tree  (Read 19332 times)

Offline 7igerby7he7ail

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Oh Dear, a dark secret discovered in a friend's tree
« on: Saturday 24 September 11 10:31 BST (UK) »
While searching in a friend's tree, I discovered a dark secret which I cannot in all honesty reveal to her. [She doesn't have a computer and is not internet savvy so is unlikeley to read this]

I always thought it curious that her grandmother's youngest child was born when she was 52. I searched the certs etc and found out that my friend's mum had him out of wedlock. He was therefore her half-brother who she always believed to be her uncle. Father's name on cert is not the same as her father.
Scenario, her grandparents must have adopted him as far as everyone must have known, he was the youngest child.

I cannot bring myself to reveal this secret, as they say ignorance is bliss. Although her tree wont exactly be 'correct'. I will leave that for others to find out.
She has paid for research [certs etc]

Am I right in doing this?
Tree
GAUNT N Staffordshire,GAUNT Manchester.GUY,Shropshire, BARTLEY,Salford, Lancs, NEVILLE,Salford. PHILLIPS,Staffs, MAYER,Staffs,COSSAR,Berwick, E and Mid Lothian and Argyll. HIGGINS,Glasgowand Dunoon,Argyll.GALLAGHER,Argyll,IRISH,Herts.

Offline Ray T

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Re: Oh Dear, a dark secret discovered in a friend's tree
« Reply #1 on: Saturday 24 September 11 10:39 BST (UK) »
This will come back to haunt you if she ever finds out and finds out that you knew and didn't tell her. Only you can decide whether its better that she doesn't know or she does.

I found a similar problem last year - that my mother's brother was only her half brother.  ...and before anyone asks, no, I didn't tell her!

Offline Wiggy

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Re: Oh Dear, a dark secret discovered in a friend's tree
« Reply #2 on: Saturday 24 September 11 10:48 BST (UK) »
If she asked you to research her tree, haven't you an obligation to tell her what you've found? - and isn't that half the fun of tree research? - finding the 'dark secrets'?   

It isn't her fault and it certainly brings no shame to her so . . .??    Why not  :-\ :-\

Quote
She has paid for research [certs etc]

Isn't this what she's paid for??

Wiggy  - possessor of dark secrets in the family!   ;) ;)  part of the fun!
Gaunt, Ransom, McNally, Stanfield, Kimberley. (Tasmania)
Brown, Johnstone, Eskdale, Brand  (Dumfriesshire,  Scotland)
Booth, Bruerton, Deakin, Wilkes, Kimberley
(Warwicks, Staffords)
Gaunt (Yorks)
Percy, Dunning, Hyne, Grigg, Farley (Devon, UK)
Duncan (Fife, Devon), Hugh, Blee (Cornwall)
Green, Mansfield, (Herts)
Cavenaugh, Ransom (Middlesex)
 

 Census information Crown Copyright, from www.nationalarchives.gov.

Online alpinecottage

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Re: Oh Dear, a dark secret discovered in a friend's tree
« Reply #3 on: Saturday 24 September 11 10:53 BST (UK) »
It is well nigh impossible to have a child naturally at 52 - I think the oldest confirmed British mother was 53.  Hasn't she wondered about this?

I would explore with her how she feels about skeletons and black sheep (without being specific), because you don't know what else she/you will find.  Also if anyone else looks at your research, they will probably question this birth and discover the truth and that will cast doubt in their minds on the rest of your research.  You could tell your friend that he was adopted without saying who his birth parents were and say "the records are closed for 100 years" or "adoptions weren't formalised at that time" or something similar.
Perrins - Manchester and Staffs
Honan - Manchester and Ireland
Hogg - Manchester 19 cent
Anderson - Newcastle mid 19 cent
Boullen - London then Carlisle then Manchester
Comer - Manchester and Galway


Offline Spidermonkey

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Re: Oh Dear, a dark secret discovered in a friend's tree
« Reply #4 on: Saturday 24 September 11 11:17 BST (UK) »
Only you can decide, but personally I would tell your friend the truth.

Turn it on its head - if the situations were reversed, how would you feel if a friend didn't reveal something to you?

You never know, she might already know or suspect.........

Offline Deb D

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Re: Oh Dear, a dark secret discovered in a friend's tree
« Reply #5 on: Saturday 24 September 11 11:22 BST (UK) »
I would probably take a leaf out of the medium Lisa Williams' book, ... and ask your friend "Do you want to know everything?"
I live in Sydney, Australia, and I'm researching: Powell, Tatham, Dunbar, Dixon, Mackwood, Kinnear, Mitchell, Morgan, Delves, & Anderson

Offline tina morana

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Re: Oh Dear, a dark secret discovered in a friend's tree
« Reply #6 on: Saturday 24 September 11 11:39 BST (UK) »
How many times in the old days, their sister was their mother, and they thought Grannie was their Mum.
My twin cousins bn 1944, found out when their Mum died, my Auntie Mary, that they were adopted.
Mary's sister had the twins with a G.I, left them with Mary at 3 months old, went to the shop for ciggies and never came back.
The babies were never rego'd, so Mary & my Uncle Davie did that.
Imagine the shock for the girls?
No trace ever of their natural mother.

Tinam
Cornthwaite, Morana, Pearce, Gaffney, Hazlehurst, Milburn
This information Crown Copyright, from www.nationalarchives.gov.uk"
or  "All UK census information Crown Copyright, from www.nationalarchives.gov.uk"

Offline groom

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Re: Oh Dear, a dark secret discovered in a friend's tree
« Reply #7 on: Saturday 24 September 11 11:44 BST (UK) »
Just a thought. If she has paid for the research including certificates, are you going to hand these over to her when you have finished? If she then looks at them, she will discover it for herself and will probably ask why you hadn't told her.

Jan
Census information Crown Copyright, from www.nationalarchives.gov.uk

Offline Plummiegirl

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Re: Oh Dear, a dark secret discovered in a friend's tree
« Reply #8 on: Saturday 24 September 11 11:54 BST (UK) »
What if she had used a 'professional' to do her tree.  They would have in all probability told her that they had found out something odd and does she want to know.

Seriously, I used a professional a few months ago as I had a brick wall which was nigh on impossible to sort out from London, so contacted a lovely lady (university degrees etc. a Dr. no less!!!) and told her what I knew, which was very little.  She came back to me a few days later and said I have found him (my g.grandfather) but the story of his family is not pleasant reading, do you want to know.

Well I was so excited, I truly did not care about the facts of the 'murder' and on receiving all the information I was just pleased to finally find out the truth and from this have found a large & thriving new family in Liverpool.

I know in your circumstances it is a little closer to home being her mother, but as said before, it is highly likely that there had been murmurings in the family when she was younger and she probably has an inkling anyway.

Just ask her if she wants a warts and all research, and explain that it is often the case that some not to happy things can be found.

Good luck
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