General Request

[softly softly]

Hi, I hope established folk who help with requests do not find my post critical. I read through most area and country posts and sometimes feel that some responses come across as critical, belittling and demeaning. Not all who ask for help I appreciate put down all know facts or are very unsure as to how to proceed. As a forum we need to sometimes swallow our feelings and show patience and offer as much help and understanding as possible. If you want to respond unhelpful comments then it may be best not to respond at all.

John

[mazi]

On the other hand you have established members who ask the same question several times and don't seem to look at their replies, but I agree, sometimes and especially with people who are newish to the forum, some replies can seem abrupt and less than tactfull.

If you are new to rootschat you have no way of knowing even if the site is genuine, so I can understand why first few posts err on the side of caution, but equally you can waste huge amounts of time in duplicating effort, if you have spent an hour or more searching only to be told "I knew that"
it can be vey irritating, and maybe this annoyance carries over to your next replies.

Mike

[mike175]

If everyone always did everything 'right' it would be a much nicer and more boring World 

But, unlike much of the internet, RootsChat is populated with some very nice and helpful people . . . and not a single bore to be found 

[Guy Etchells]

Hi, I hope established folk who help with requests do not find my post critical. I read through most area and country posts and sometimes feel that some responses come across as critical, belittling and demeaning. Not all who ask for help I appreciate put down all know facts or are very unsure as to how to proceed. As a forum we need to sometimes swallow our feelings and show patience and offer as much help and understanding as possible. If you want to respond unhelpful comments then it may be best not to respond at all.

John

One of the problems stems from the use of written word rather than the spoken word.
When we speak to each other the nuances in our tone of voice and other little signals such as body language help people understand what is being said and in what manner.
Such signals and nuances are missing from the written word.

Some forum members have very thin skins and take offence quickly whilst at the same time others see a post as patronising.

Forum users are all different and what might seem as critical, belittling and demeaning  will appear to others as common sense and good advice as to how to get the best from the forum.

There are even cases where a forum user has asked a question which is almost impossible to answer because of lack of information supplied, then becomes miffed because nobody has replied.

Showing that sometimes the unhelpful reply is in reality a very helpful reply as it gives the poster the information required to re-phrase their original post.

Cheers
Guy

[dobfarm]

I understand what Guy means, slightly off topic, but is good example, I was stood first at the stand at the older type outdoor bus station where they are in rows, my stand was at the end of the row, one bus had missed, with a long queue forming, a late arrival to the stand in the row just outside, was an old lady with difficulty walking had a stick stood just outside the bus row at the top of the queue, I said there are some vacant seats further down if you want to sit, and in a sharp angry voice she said mind my own business-go away. When the bus came, (it all became clear of her intentions) it emptied passengers, then the lady waving her stick, shouting get out of the way pushing her way to be first on the bus and I got a right old side whack from her stick as I got her body language alright, and hence the reason she did not want to sit on a seat in the bus station row.

Therefore can be a two way affair of maybe judgment or misunderstanding on both sides of interpretation of info's

Moral is- things are not always what they seem too be.

What I hate is when limited info is given on a first post in a thread, one finds some info after a long search based from that limited given first post only to be told they have that info and only then start reveling what information they really have.

[bitzar]

johnhood

Thanks for posting.  I also watch a lot of threads from a distance.  Recently I witnessed a DISGRACE of an online conversation between a newby to rootschat and a long timer user.  The way that newby was questioned and the tone of the questioning was just terrible! 

I believe some longterm rootschatter's think that this is 'their' territory.

As always, thanks for everyone's continued support.  I do and always will appreciate your efforts.  Your time on rootschat is time away from your loved ones.

bitzar.

EDIT: and it's not just England.

[PaulineJ]

I don't know which particular newby-longtimer thread is being referred to, but IF you feel that it's out of order, then why didn't you PM the longtimer and say so.

At the risk of straying into a repeat of "The Darker Side" thread , chill.

Pauline

[groom]

I don't know which particular newby-longtimer thread is being referred to, but IF you feel that it's out of order, then why didn't you PM the longtimer and say so.

At the risk of straying into a repeat of "The Darker Side" thread , chill.

Pauline

Or raise your concern with a Moderator? I think in a lot of cases it is frustration, people are trying their best to help, but it's like getting blood out of a stone sometimes.

[*Sandra*]

I don't know which particular newby-longtimer thread is being referred to, but IF you feel that it's out of order, then why didn't you PM the longtimer and say so.

At the risk of straying into a repeat of "The Darker Side" thread , chill.

Pauline

Or raise your concern with a Moderator? I think in a lot of cases it is frustration, people are trying their best to help, but it's like getting blood out of a stone sometimes.

I can agree with that one Groom - there is one on the Canada board at the moment -

http://www.rootschat.com/forum/index.php?topic=772229.0

Sandra