Author Topic: Death clean  (Read 1623 times)

Offline panda40

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Death clean
« on: Thursday 25 January 18 08:46 GMT (UK) »
Just read this interesting article in today’s Daily Mail http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-5308427/Why-mothers-duty-clutter-home.html
I wondered what others thought? It might explain why all those treasured photos get thrown away before someone else goes looking for them.
Personally I have emptied my grandparents and parents houses following their deaths. It is not a plea sent task but at least we could decide as a family what to keep and what to throw away.

Regards panda
Chapman. Kent/Liverpool 1900+
Linnett.Kent/liverpool 1900+
Button. Kent
Sawyer. Kent
Swain. Kent
Austin/en. Kent
Ellen. Kent
Harman. Kent/ norfolk

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Online Nanna52

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Re: Death clean
« Reply #1 on: Thursday 25 January 18 09:46 GMT (UK) »
I would say it is a very hard task.  I decided that I could no longer stay in my large house so am in the process of decluttering and getting rid of stuff.  I am now being more forceful with disposing of stuff that belonged to my parents, still hard.  Son came and helped me in the end, he doesn't have the emotional attachment I do.
James -Victoria, Australia originally from Keynsham, Somerset.
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Vincent - Illogan/Redruth, Cornwall.  Moved to Sculcoates, Yorkshire; Grass Valley, California; Timaru, New Zealand and Victoria, Australia.
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Offline myluck!

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Re: Death clean
« Reply #2 on: Thursday 25 January 18 10:11 GMT (UK) »
I have had to empty two houses of relatives after deaths and it is a difficult task but made more difficult by not knowing
- who is in the photographs that were kept
- why some things are kept, wrapped and secure and obviously treasured
- where some items came from
Also some things disintegrated when I opened them because of how they were kept.

It made me consider what I have kept myself and ask, if I died suddenly would anyone know what this is and why I kept it!

I have started writing little descriptions and placing with some things and disposing of other items.
Kearney & Bourke/ Johns & Fox/ Mannion & Finan/ Donohoe & Curley
Byrne [Carthy], Keeffe/ Germaine, Butler/ McDermott, Giblin/ Lally, Dolan
Toole, Doran; Dowling, Grogan/ Reilly, Burke; Warren, Kidd [Lawless]/ Smith, Scally; Mangan, Rodgers/ Fahy, Calday; Staunton, Miller
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Online Mart 'n' Al

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Re: Death clean
« Reply #3 on: Thursday 25 January 18 10:15 GMT (UK) »
I am fortunate not to have experienced this yet but I would imagine many family members find a great deal of comfort in going through the Left Behind treasures of deceased relatives.

And one man's junk is another man's treasure.

Martin
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Online dowdstree

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Re: Death clean
« Reply #4 on: Thursday 25 January 18 10:21 GMT (UK) »
The article sounds ruthless. How much decluttering can you do before you are sitting in an empty house aged around 100  ;D

There are various reasons for having to get rid of stuff over the period of a lifetime. Like Nanna52 says if you are having to move to a smaller house.

To clinically go through your treasured possessions just to save the kids/grandkids the job is definitely not something I would ever consider doing. It would be like clearing my brain of all its memories.

It is a heartbreaking task to have to do after a loved one dies but it can also help you to deal with your grief.

I have had to do it on a couple of occassions myself.

Dorrie
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Offline mike175

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Re: Death clean
« Reply #5 on: Thursday 25 January 18 10:27 GMT (UK) »
While not anticipating my early demise, I'm determined to get the whole house de-cluttered over the next few years so my children don't have so much to do when the time comes. My big job this year is to 'sort out' 40 years' worth of junk in the loft. I thought I'd done it about 15 years ago, but most of the things I kept then have never seen the light of day since, so they are hardly 'treasured' . . . and someone has been putting more stuff up there since that time that should really have been thrown away  ::) :-[

It all started when I decided to upgrade the loft insulation, but the sorting and clearing is going to take ten times longer than the insulating  :(

I won't be throwing out any family heirlooms or anything of historic interest  :)
Baskervill - Devon, Foss - Hants, Gentry - Essex, Metherell - Devon, Partridge - Essex/London, Press - Norfolk/London, Stone - Surrey/Sussex, Stuttle - Essex/London, Wheate - Middlesex/Essex/Coventry/Oxfordshire/Staffs, Gibson - Essex, Wyatt - Essex/Kent

Offline Guy Etchells

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Re: Death clean
« Reply #6 on: Thursday 25 January 18 10:31 GMT (UK) »
Just read this interesting article in today’s Daily Mail http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-5308427/Why-mothers-duty-clutter-home.html
I wondered what others thought? It might explain why all those treasured photos get thrown away before someone else goes looking for them.
Personally I have emptied my grandparents and parents houses following their deaths. It is not a plea sent task but at least we could decide as a family what to keep and what to throw away.

Regards panda

Reading those stories in the newspaper link made me feel so sad for those disconnected families, it seems they really had no understand of their parents and ancestors.

Yes I agree with the basic thrust of the story about getting rid of the amassed detritus of everyday life but the accounts seem to show a disconnect between the parents and children and a lack of understanding why an object was kept in the family.

Yes get rid of the rubbish of everyday life but surely family life should mean involving your children with your life. Sharing why something brings memories and sharing those memories (good or bad).
For example I have a riding crop with a lash attached and a whip both owned by my mother when she was younger and both have deep meaning for me.
The crop has a horn handle and lash allowing the rider to open gates while on horseback, but I spent many hours using it as a bull-whip and making it crack etc.
My memory of the whip was different but even more important to me.
The whip is a light, thin leather whip with a spring steel core; it was gently used when out riding to encourage the horse.
However on one occasion it was used on me.
I and my siblings were brought up by my mother after my dad left us when I was about 5 and as the I grew up like all adolescent boys I explored the boundaries of behaviour. On one occasion I really overstepped the mark and was chastised by being hit three times on the back of my legs with that whip. I knew I deserved it and never repeated the behaviour, but I also realised that my mum used that whip not to hurt me or in anger but because she loved me.
This may sound strange to some but is true all the same; if she had not used such drastic action my life could, and possibly would have taken a very different route.

So, yes get rid of the rubbish but talk to your children (and their spouses) about your memories and the story behind the various objects handed down and what they actually mean to the family history.
The rubbish may not really be rubbish.

Cheers
Guy
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Offline isobelw

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Re: Death clean
« Reply #7 on: Thursday 25 January 18 10:37 GMT (UK) »
My mum, who is 90 this year, has been doing this gradually over the last few years. She always checks with us before she disposes of anything that she thinks one or other of us might want and she and I have been working through old photos together, putting names on the back of them ( though sadly even she doesn't know who all the people are).She feels happy knowing that she is not going to leave us with an enormous and difficult task and it has kept her active. i have to admit that I have taken some things which I will eventually dispose of as I could see she was struggling to make a decision on them herself. Her house is by no means empty, but she is now surrounded by the things that mean something to her and the family and that makes her happy.
Isobel
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Offline panda40

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Re: Death clean
« Reply #8 on: Thursday 25 January 18 10:56 GMT (UK) »
I am the member of the family that has the original photos, letters and other family documents some going back to early 1800’s. Sadly there does not appear to be anyone in the next generation who has any interest in taking on this responsibility and preserving the originals. Hopefully I am not going to meet my maker soon but would like to know where they are going to. I would like to pass these on to someone who will keep the family history going. My sister has the ornamental dressing table sets from the great grandmothers on display in her house. These will pass down to her eldest daughter on her death as has been the case for many generations. I hope they will then go to my great niece and the tradition can be kept up.
Regards panda
Chapman. Kent/Liverpool 1900+
Linnett.Kent/liverpool 1900+
Button. Kent
Sawyer. Kent
Swain. Kent
Austin/en. Kent
Ellen. Kent
Harman. Kent/ norfolk