Author Topic: My Cousin told his friend We're Related ''Sort Of''  (Read 5504 times)

Offline Maiden Stone

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Re: My Cousin told his friend We're Related ''Sort Of''
« Reply #9 on: Friday 09 March 18 14:55 GMT (UK) »
Maybe it's the "once removed" part of the relationship which confuses him, as it does a lot of people.  ???  I once explained it to a 1st cousin of mine. I agree with jim1 in Reply #1, if you're friends as well then why not simplify social occasions by introducing each other as "my cousin". If people want and are interested enough in how you're related, then you could explain it very briefly, without boring the listener(s). Some people don't understand rules of a sport or maths or engineering or music. Some may not be able to visualise a family tree. Your cousin's brain may be differently wired to yours. Just be glad you get on and you've made a new friend. After all we can't choose our relatives. Your cousin may rate your friendship more highly than the details of your relationship. It sounds as if he appreciates you for yourself, not just for your genetic connection. Turning this on its' head, have you considered that, in these social occasions he's providing you with a conversational opportunity on a topic about which you know more than him?

If you'd lived in olden days you could have called each other "coz" without explaining to everyone how you were related. It may be time to resurrect the term!  ;D
Cowban

Offline ThrelfallYorky

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Re: My Cousin told his friend We're Related ''Sort Of''
« Reply #10 on: Friday 09 March 18 17:32 GMT (UK) »
I use the same term, "cousin" in everyday day speech both for my "real" cousins, and for the ones who are actually my late mother's cousins, but actually I know them far better. Their mothers were both younger sisters of my mother's mother.
And they're good, valued,  close friends, as well! Bonus.
Threlfall (Southport), Isherwood (lancs & Canada), Newbould + Topliss(Derby), Keating & Cummins (Ireland + lancs), Fisher, Strong& Casson (all Cumberland) & Downie & Bowie, Linlithgow area Scotland . Also interested in Leigh& Burrows,(Lancashire) Griffiths (Shropshire & lancs), Leaver (Lancs/Yorks) & Anderson(Cumberland and very elusive)

Offline BumbleB

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Re: My Cousin told his friend We're Related ''Sort Of''
« Reply #11 on: Friday 09 March 18 17:36 GMT (UK) »
It would actually be nice for me to have cousins  :)  I'm an only child, of only-child parents  :'( :'(

I have discovered second-cousins though, thanks to family history research  ;D

Transcriptions and NBI are merely finding aids.  They are NOT a substitute for original record entries.
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Offline Intevel

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Re: My Cousin told his friend We're Related ''Sort Of''
« Reply #12 on: Friday 09 March 18 17:49 GMT (UK) »
Hi and welcome to the forum Intevel,

You have a cousin that's also a buddy? That sounds lovely! As jim1 says, don't get too hung up on a clumsy phrase and risk spoiling a new friendship.
Perhaps you could do a drawing of your family tree and how you are connected for your cousin, then you can laugh over the 'sort-of' thing together.

I once went to a wedding where a branch of the groom's family showed up unexpectedly (a family member had two relationships and two sets of children, not all of whom knew about each other). This could have been awkward, but the groom had the wit to draw a little family tree diagram with names, pinned it to the dining room door next to the eating-seating plan, and it actually worked (he also wrote something like 'meet our lovely family here' or something like that, so people knew to stay happy and not get worried/grumpy/offended etc). Instead of hovering round being unsure, people were going up to their 'new' relatives and introducing themselves quite happily. A picture paints a thousand words! It's actually true  :)

Hope you have many more happy get togethers with your cousin
 :) Barbara


Barbara you sound nice. What is the best way I can kindly let him know my feelings?


Offline Rena

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Re: My Cousin told his friend We're Related ''Sort Of''
« Reply #13 on: Friday 09 March 18 18:22 GMT (UK) »
My advice is the same as everyone else's in that you should try not to let it irritate you. 

I recognise the phrase you quoted;  as that's the phrase used by my father on a couple of occasions when I asked him who he'd been speaking to and all I got was "Some sort of relative of your mother's". 

From this distance we don't know if your relative is wanting attention from his pals and/or finding pleasure in giving the impression he has a mystery in the family.  We're all different but my response would be to laugh it off and say we share the same common ancestor.
Aberdeen: Findlay-Shirras,McCarthy: MidLothian: Mason,Telford,Darling,Cruikshanks,Bennett,Sime, Bell: Lanarks:Crum, Brown, MacKenzie,Cameron, Glen, Millar; Ross: Urray:Mackenzie:  Moray: Findlay; Marshall/Marischell: Perthshire: Brown Ferguson: Wales: McCarthy, Thomas: England: Almond, Askin, Dodson, Well(es). Harrison, Maw, McCarthy, Munford, Pye, Shearing, Smith, Smythe, Speight, Strike, Wallis/Wallace, Ward, Wells;Germany: Flamme,Ehlers, Bielstein, Germer, Mohlm, Reupke

Offline Intevel

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Re: My Cousin told his friend We're Related ''Sort Of''
« Reply #14 on: Friday 09 March 18 18:27 GMT (UK) »
we don't know if your relative is wanting attention from his pals and/or finding pleasure in giving the impression he has a mystery in the family.  We're all different but my response would be to laugh it off and say we share the same common ancestor.

Yes he does want attention. He always says ''Guess what folks...... Can you believe that me and him are actually related?'' But when he says ''well sort of'' that is when I feel he is putting me down.

Offline Rena

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Re: My Cousin told his friend We're Related ''Sort Of''
« Reply #15 on: Friday 09 March 18 18:58 GMT (UK) »
we don't know if your relative is wanting attention from his pals and/or finding pleasure in giving the impression he has a mystery in the family.  We're all different but my response would be to laugh it off and say we share the same common ancestor.

Yes he does want attention. He always says ''Guess what folks...... Can you believe that me and him are actually related?'' But when he says ''well sort of'' that is when I feel he is putting me down.

I don't see it that way.  To me, it seems he doesn't have the words to express/explain the relationship.   I'm from a seaport and here's my take.  We have to accept that amongst our friends and family there are some who have their hand on the tiller and have charge of the boat and others who allow the current to take them wherever it wanders.   If you value the friendship - I wouldn't rock the boat.
Aberdeen: Findlay-Shirras,McCarthy: MidLothian: Mason,Telford,Darling,Cruikshanks,Bennett,Sime, Bell: Lanarks:Crum, Brown, MacKenzie,Cameron, Glen, Millar; Ross: Urray:Mackenzie:  Moray: Findlay; Marshall/Marischell: Perthshire: Brown Ferguson: Wales: McCarthy, Thomas: England: Almond, Askin, Dodson, Well(es). Harrison, Maw, McCarthy, Munford, Pye, Shearing, Smith, Smythe, Speight, Strike, Wallis/Wallace, Ward, Wells;Germany: Flamme,Ehlers, Bielstein, Germer, Mohlm, Reupke

Offline groom

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Re: My Cousin told his friend We're Related ''Sort Of''
« Reply #16 on: Friday 09 March 18 19:01 GMT (UK) »

Yes he does want attention. He always says ''Guess what folks...... Can you believe that me and him are actually related?'' But when he says ''well sort of'' that is when I feel he is putting me down.

Frankly Intevel, I can't see why you are letting it bother you enough to start several threads about the same thing. If he doesn't want to acknowledge you as a relation that's his loss. Next time he says, "Well, sort of" challenge him and ask him what he means, you are either related or you aren't. Perhaps make a joke and ask him if he is ashamed to be related to your family. Take control of the situation if it worries you that much.
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Offline heywood

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Re: My Cousin told his friend We're Related ''Sort Of''
« Reply #17 on: Friday 09 March 18 19:01 GMT (UK) »
Or don’t choose him as a friend.
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