Private Thanks - No Thanks!

[River Tyne Lass]

This topic is relating to an issue which I want to get off my chest.

It is true that I love researching and like many other RootsChatters I like to help out others when I am able to do so.  However, can I just say that it is nice to receive feedback and acknowledgement for research given.  Most people do this.   

There are a small minority, however, who although posting their requests for help on the public forum who will seemingly 'take the goods and run' once they have received the help they are after.  Some other people seem to think it is perfectly okay to send a small thank you in a private message and leave it at that - even though their post for help was made on the public forum. 

(Also, bear in mind that although only one person may find you the answer that you are after this often only comes about through the ground work of several others all working in their separate places, who are also reading the same threads and responding with cues and directions, which ultimately lead to the final person being able to find just that right answer.)   

In my opinion, this situation is just not acceptable.  Why should saying thank you for help given on a public post be done secretively?  I just don't understand this.

RootsChatters like myself, who help others, are human beings.  We are not a search engine.  Feedback motivates and public help needs to be acknowledged publicly.  If this is then followed up by a private thank you then great - but I do think public acknowledgement should come first.

Authors and TV programmes are expected to give open acknowledgement for help given - they do not just send individual letters in the post quietly.

I will not name names as others can speak for themselves if they wished to - but I happen to know that I am not the only RootsChatter on here with these views.

RootsChatters often help others by allocating their own time, resources and incur travel expenses, etc to help people find the answers they are seeking.  And don't forget that if the same help was received from a professional genealogist this would not be cheap.  For instance, one of my local libraries and a local archives charge £30 for a look up.

I know there are exceptions.  Someone might ask for help and receive an answer and a problem may crop up before they are able to make a proper acknowledgement.  They may become ill or have a technical failure, for instance. 

However, when you notice that someone is still using RootsChat; has taken the 'goods and ran' or whether they want to say thank you secretively - - this is just not the best way of doing things. 

So, in my opinion - PRIVATE THANKS - NO THANKS.   

[JenB]

So, in my opinion - PRIVATE THANKS - NO THANKS.

I do agree with you. On the occasions I've been sent thanks by Personal Message I've replied by saying I'm grateful for the message, but asked the person concerned to please repeat the thanks on the relevant thread. In this way everyone viewing the thread can see that its been properly acknowledged. 

[River Tyne Lass]

Thank you, Jen for your post.  I am glad that you agree.

Getting public feedback on 'answer' posts can be also be helpful to others both now and in the future too.  It is useful to hear if the information has been completely accurate, for instance.   

I feel so strongly, about what I have written above that from today before I help anyone I am going to look at their track record.  If I find that they have not acknowledged help on public posts hitherto - then I am not going to waste my time helping that person.  It would only annoy me to feel unappreciated if I went to a lot of trouble to help someone who 'takes the goods and runs'.

If any one knows of why it is (seemingly) shameful to say thank you in response to answers on a public post (but to only acknowledge quietly and privately) - I would really appreciate being enlightened on this.

[kiwihalfpint]

I feel so strongly, about what I have written above that from today before I help anyone I am going to look at their track record.  If I find that they have not acknowledged help on public posts hitherto - then I am not going to waste my time helping that person. 

There have been numerous discussions about this in the past, the no thank you (not secretly thanks) and I think you will find that there are Rootchatter's who have made their lists in not helping certain people.

Cheers
KHP

[River Tyne Lass]

Hi kiwihalfpint,

Thanks for your post - so I am not the first to start such a discussion.  I am not surprised.

However, most people are appreciative of the help RootsChatters give - which is great.  A man I tired to help last week is a good example.  He said thank you to me and someone else who had helped him on his main board post.  He then followed this up later by reporting, again publicly, that he had since had a successful outcome in being able to find his ancestors grave.  It is wonderful when you hear that your help is appreciated and that has been helpful.

I have chased after a few people (on-line) here who I have felt to have been ungrateful.  Even though I have felt both embarrassed and demeaned in having to do so. 

I once made a twenty mile round trip to an archives to find a marriage record for someone on here.  I didn't expect a medal or a brass band but I thought they would have responded with an acknowledgement before I had to prompt them.  Even then I got a blasé response along the lines of - what is the big deal you were going to the archives anyway.  I wasn't.  I went specifically for them.  Sadly, this person is now on my no more help list of 1.  This may be extended soon to 2 - I am waiting to see.

I don't know - maybe it is a British thing in being embarrassed about seeking thanks for help.  Even though we do hope that others will do the right thing and do this of their own accord.  I do know of RootsChatters who feel let down and disappointed in situations like this.

At least I have got things off my chest today.   

[myluck!]

Some private expressions of thank you that I have received have also included additional information that maybe they would not like on line or refer to the living.  I would always ask anyone who doesn't update the topic to do so and if I note that they don't do so myself but I am always grateful for a "Thank you" as there are so many people who just never do so.

I have my "with a grain of salt list" of those who never say thank you; and those who give only half the information and are then ungrateful when you update them with what they already know!

It's nice to be nice.

[Pheno]

'RootsChatters often help others by allocating their own time, resources and incur travel expenses, etc to help people find the answers they are seeking.'

I don't disagree with your sentiments RTL but I think the quote from your OP above is at the essence of this - you do it because you want to not because you have to.  Whether that is from pure generosity or whether you like the thrill of the chase (any chase) it is not an obligation and unfortunately neither is the requirement for a public thank you.

Its just down to old fashioned manners really and these days I think lots of people don't have them.

If it gets you so worked up it might not be worth doing - what pleasure are you gaining?

Pheno  (who always thanks people publicly)

[heywood]

I have sometimes received thanks as a pm and then realised that all the other posters did too (after someone posted on the main thread).
Often this is from a fairly new Rootschatter and perhaps the Personal Message option is confusing 
I just think that a public thank you is a good way to close a thread for the time being and wherever possible this should include any new information gleaned as a result of the hard work put in by the helpers. I don’t mean that found information is reiterated but the OP might have found further information thanks to the work put in.
It is not only good manners but could help future researchers.

Heywood

[River Tyne Lass]

Thank you myluck! Pheno and Heywood for your posts - much appreciated. 

The pleasure I get is from knowing that what I have found has been helpful and of interest to the person I have found this for.  Most RootsChatters are courteous, and are grateful and do have good manners.  So in response to your question, Pheno, yes I do get a lot of pleasure from helping people.  I therefore plan to continue to help when I can.  It goes without saying that we do this because we choose to and not because we have to.

I just think it is important that manners are shown.  I agree that not everyone will be found to have manners and that they will think that this is their prerogative.  However, I will not help such people twice.  Once bitten once shy, as they say.  Thankfully most RootsChatters are lovely and make all our efforts worthwhile.