Funeral - No mourning or flowers.

[Jebber]

An informative website, in particular the Direct Cremation section.

 
naturaldeath.org

[Pennines]

Thank you Jebber -- I will take a look.

[IgorStrav]

Ideally I don't want an actual funeral service, flowers, people dressed in black or any other colour. I just want to be carted off (not necessarily in a cart) -- to the local Crem - with no fuss at all.

I'm not sure if 'no funeral service' is allowed though.

You don't have to have a 'funeral service' at the crematorium if you don't want to.

For a recent sad bereavement where the family knew that a gathering in an unfamiliar building with a formal service wouldn't 'suit' the person who'd died, we arranged a 'private cremation' attended only by the funeral director.

We then had a 'celebration' of the life led by our very much loved family member, attended by lots of friends, colleagues and relatives, in a local pub/restaurant, where all the family shared short memories of him, attendees spoke of how they had known him, we were surrounded by pictures of him through the years, as well as some videos, and we had a sad but ultimately very celebratory evening, which reflected the person he was.

I hope he would have enjoyed himself, he always was a generous and thoughtful host.

[Pennines]

IgorStrav -- what a lovely message --- everyone clearly thought an awful lot of the gentleman who sadly died.

Thank you so much.

[IgorStrav]

Thank you, Pennines.

[Sloe Gin]

Here's the full OED definition for 'mourning' in this context:

6.a. The dress or customary clothes (in Western society usually black) worn by mourners. Also: the black draperies placed on furniture, the walls of buildings, etc., on occasions of mourning.

Lots of examples quoted from c1450 onwards, here are the last 3:

1900   L. F. Baum Wonderful Wizard of Oz xxiii. 254   Aunt Em will surely think something dreadful has happened to me, and that will make her put on mourning.
1978   V. Cronin Catherine xiii. 145   Catherine hurriedly put on a black dress, for in order to associate herself in people's minds with the late Empress she still wore mourning.
2000  Guardian 22 May 20/2   When Bertie was killed in the trenches in 1917, they could not afford to buy mourning.

[dowdstree]

My daughter's mother in law died 2 weeks ago. It had all been pre arranged with the family and undertaker that there would be no funeral.

This is how it worked. She passed away suddenly but peacefully at home on the Friday. The undertaker took her to their funeral parlour within a few hours. On Monday there she was taken to the local crematorium. The undertaker told my daughter, son in law and his 89 year old aunt (sister to the deceased) the time of the cremation. The three of them stood just outside the crematorium and as the hearse drew up it stopped and the driver took of his cap in acknowledgement. No mourning or flowers in the accepted sense.

Later that afternoon we had a small family gathering at my daughter's home with eats, including Strawberry Tarts which were her favourite. My son in law proposed a toast to his late mum. The conversation was all about our memories of her and I think it helped our 2 grandsons aged 15 and 12 to talk about their Nana and remember the happy times. It was very emotional and moving.

It really did take the pressure of the immediate family. We are now all in the process of arranging something similar for when our time comes.

Dorrie

[Pennines]

Dorrie -- that sounds perfect. I hate the thought of the family having all the pressure associated with arranging a funeral etc.,

Thank you so very much for sharing this story.

[Kiltpin]

You know, a funeral is part of the grieving process and has been for all of recorded history. People need a chance to say goodbye. Whether to bless them, or curse them, it helps those left behind move on in their grieving.

Everyone must make their own decisions about their lives and hopefully about their deaths. For me, I want a funeral. But the weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth in the outer darknesses will be optional.

Regards

Chas