RootsChat.Com
General => The Common Room => The Lighter Side => Topic started by: booger on Thursday 28 October 04 20:08 BST (UK)
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Has anyone tried mailing a stranger who shares a family name with one of your ancestors?
I've done it a couple of times. Worked once - got a reply.
I have tried searching for not-so-common names, on Google, in an area that my family are from.
They probably think that I'm a freaky and morbid individual - I'd much rather spend an afternoon walking around old disused cemeteries than watch football like all of those normal people.
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Yes Kris, I did. Wrote to a building firm with the same name as one that my G Grandfather & GG Grandfather used to run, asking if they were connected with the family in any way...answer I got was 0 nothing nada zilch, still, it only cost me a stamp, and it could have paid dividends. Guess thats the way it goes. :'( Lindy
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Yes.....I've emailed and written to a company who I believe took over from my family....they say they were founded in 1867....but do not seem to know anything about the company history!
I have also sent about eight letters (rnc. S E A) to people with the same name in a village where I knew an elderly aunt lived until her death to try to contact any of her children.......zulch!
You would think that they would at least send the envelope back with a note saying - sorry not us!
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Every now and then i go "On a mission" and search through all the Surname Sites. I send between 10 and 20 emails and probably get 5 back saying " sorry not us" and mebbe 1 if i,m lucky that ties up with mine. I save all my sent emails in folders so i know who i've emailed, so i don't email them twice.
Just recently i've been emailing a lady in Canada regarding my Baxendales. I have a "Unrelated Folder" and a lot of information in there is relevent to her family.
So, for me it's worth going that extra mile to help someone, i,m a great believer in what goes around comes around.
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I take the view that if you don't try you will never know.
I have only done it once, and it has paid dividends. I have found a researcher who is following one of my branches, and he has been lovely, really helpful.
Kazza. ;)
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I usually just call, can't wait to hear via mail. Sometimes I email. Usually Do get email answers and have been lucky, made family connections. By phone I have been Real lucky, many people, even if Not related are willing to do look-ups in their area and I have also found family that way. Once on vacation I went thu phone book and actually went to people's house's who had same family name and found a distant cousin who I am now great friends with. Even if the person can't help they wish me good luck. Never been turned away or told off. Just lucky I guess. You have to be thick-skined tho and ready to be yelled at, after all you are a stranger butting into their family business.
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I sent a letter to a family i knew was connected to mine, all be it 170 years ago, in the hope that i might get through a brick wall.
I not only got a reply but also a book detailing the generations around the link between our families AND a tree listing all the more recent births and marriages of the other family.
Apparently we are third cousins twice removed. Also included in the reply - big parcel, not the sae that was enclosed - was a name and address for a closer relative who had also been researching our tree.
The letter to them is in the post so fingers crossed!!
Bean
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When ever I travel in an area where I might have distant rellys I get (Take, Steal?) a phone book while I am in the area. I then look for names that seem as if they might fit into my family. Once I found a man w/exact name of one of my distant grandfathers, first, middle and last name. I called him and, Yes, he was related. I am decended from a dau. and he from a son. He was very happy and helpful. All they can do is say they are not related or that they are but aren't interested. As I said in another post, if u do this gene. stuff u must have a thick skin and not be upset if u get turned away at times. I have had more Positive replys than negative. I have even had people Not related but w/same last name actually do look-ups in their area and/or put me in contact w/others in their area. Older people seem to be the nicest and most willing to help. Even if they can't they usually wish me good luck.
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Nothing ventured, nothing gained..... ;D
Hubbies Great Great Grandma had three husbands !
He is a decendant of Hubby No1 - I mailed someone whom I thought might have a common ancestor, she did'nt but was able to put me in touch with the G G Grandaughters from each of the other two husbands !!
I also mailed someone from a County Surname board and her Great Grandma and my G Grandpa were brother and sister so we've been sharing info ever since :D
Give it a go you have nothing to lose..
Mind you I've also had several 'sorry can't help' and lots of unanswered mails too :'(
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In January this year my husband & his brothers had a letter from Canada (sent to all people with our surname). To cut a long story short we have found a missing link in the family and a new set of "cousins" Galena & I exchanged information and she told me of this web site. ;D ;D and we still keep in touch.
Matty
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I recently contacted someone on an English message board who I thought might have info on one of my ancestors & she emailed me back with details & it turned out that she has the same ggg grandfather as me & lives here in Oz - down the road & round the corner a bit from me. :D Talk about a small world...
Minn
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Yes indeed.
I did it twice with great results and hundreds of times with results that don't stick in my mind!
One name I am researching is Weasenham, a rare name and one person of that name was found in the telephone directories of the early 1980's. She replied and turned out to be a very elderly lady with a fantastic memory and she filled in lots of info for me.
The other one that sticks out was in about 1980 I found a record in a Manor Court Book for 1909 giving an address in Hull as the home of a relation who inherited land in Norfolk. I wrote to "The Occupier, or the local Vicar or local Library" on the envelope hoping to get a reply. Who replied but the daughter of the man in question, she had been born in the house in 1904 (I think) and had lived there ever since. (This lady went to live in France when she was about 85, the first time she had ever moved house!)
TeddyBear
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Hi
A couple of months ago I got the urge to find out more information on a great uncle. Wrote a letter, put in a sae and an outline of what i knew and what i would like to know and did not get a response. The person I wrote to is very likely who i am looking for as the initials in the phone book are correct and the area this person is in is right. My mother and one of my sisters have both confirmed that the person i wrote to was in the right area. He must not have been interested.
Oh well his loss. :(
Jaki
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One day when visiting a village in Yorkshire - to try to find the house my gggrandmother had lived in, I got myself completely lost - yes! tiny village - two streets - handful of houses - I must have turned round twice !
I stopped to talk to an elderly man walking a little dog and asked for directions.....which he helped me with.....then I fussed the dog and asked him if he lived in the village.........he said 'I've lived here all my life - my father & his father .....my great grandfather was the village blacksmith.....
Oh!.........Matthew Dixon ? He was my ggggrandfather !
YES! I know it is a small village - but the chances of me meeting a relative like that was amazing ! He gave me lots and lots of info. I promised to visit him again when I was next in the area - sadly, I haven't managed to do that yet - maybe I should !
Moral of the story - talk to strangers ?
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I have tried. And I have now made it a mandatory personal rule that I WON'T do it again. My skin is not that thick!
On the Internet,especially ROOTSCHAT, and especially ENGLAND and SCOTLAND I have found people tend to want to help and chat more, and seem to get less huffy about digging up the past. Since I joined this site I have the luxury of knowing for CERTAIN that if I need help----I can get it. This is the only way I will contact anyone again.
Renee :)
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I have written a letter to my mums cousin (admittedly they only exchange christmas cards) to ask about his mother and father and get birth/marriage/death dates etc. This was a couple of months ago now, and have heard nothing!I enclosed a SAE and I offered to give him a copy of the family tree once I had finished it.
As Jaki said, its his loss, but its still very annoying!
I have also (within the last few days) come across a possible cousin of my grandmothers (she didn't know who her parents were and was brought up by who she believed to be her Aunt and Grandparents).
I purchased a book on the village where she grew up, and was surprised to see a photo of my grandmothers 'Grandparents', one that she had treasured all her life, and that I now have in my family history album! I also found out that another 'Aunt' had married the villiage blacksmith, Arthur Davis.
I e-mailed the author of the book, just on the off chance that she might remember who gave her the photo. She e-mailed me back last weekend to say that she didn't remember who gave her the photo, but she knew that Arthur Davis' son and grandson still lived in the village!
All I have to do now is pluck up the courage and drop them a line!
Rebecca
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Oh! Do it Rebecca :) You've got nothing to lose and seeing as they gave their permission for the photo to be used in the book i,m sure they would be happy to hear from you.
We'll all look forward to hearing how you got on....Go for it!!
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Oh Dear Renee - it sounds as though you have had a bad experience or two ?
Just keep telling yourself 'it's their loss', - it is upsetting and annoying though when you feel that someone may just hold a vital piece of information or may just have a clue to send you in the right direction..
At least you've now found Rootschat - it has to be 'the best' site of it's kind on the web :)
Suey
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Fitty,
I finally plucked up the courage to write the letter to Arthur Davis's son at the beginning of January ....... and am still waiting for a reply. :'( :'(
I think I've got to accept that he's not interested :( maybe he isn't one for digging up the past. :-\
Oh well, I'll find out myself oneday - I hope!
Rebecca
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Out of about 50 leters sent through the post I have received two replies.
One of these led to a connection with one of my lines.
However, I have received a reply from just about every e-mail i have ever sent in the quest for family history.
This is regardless of a connection or not.
This method has also led to a constant criss cross of communicating with rellies I never knew I had.
Cheers
Geoff
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I recieved an email a couple of weeks ago from a lady in Wakefield asking to see my Tree. We swapped a few names and then realised we shared the same G Grandfather. Her Grandad and mine were brothers. We spoke on the phone and then decided to meet up......now normally you'd meet up with a stranger somewhere public ......but not me.....We met in Pocklington Grave Yard and hit it off straight away. I can't get over how much like my mother she is...more like her than i am! thats scarey!
We've met and talked on the phone lots of times over the past couple of weeks and we're meeting up tomorrow to visit her G Aunt who remembers my parents and G parents. I,m going armed to the teeth photos and certificates and a box of tissues, cos i know there'll be tears! <g>
My new cousin is a couple of years older than me and we have met when we were small but neither of us can remember......(that might be a blessing, cos i was a orrible kid! and probably pulled her hair or worse).
Uncle Alf ( my mums brother) has been grilled many a time by me for new info on the family and he never mentioned anything about his Uncle untill i mentioned it to him " Oh Aye! ....Uncle Charlie was the black sheep of the family".........sheeesh!
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Fitty ...... thats great news ;D I'm really pleased for you!
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IM ALWAYS CONTACTING PEOPLE I DONT KNOW IV HAD GREAT RESPONSE FROM THIS SITE AND GENS AS IM ADOPTED I HAVE TO BE VERY CAREFULL AS SOME PEOPLE IN MY BIRTH FAMILY MIGHT NOT KNOW ABOUT ME THINK IN A SKELENTON IN THE COUBOARD AS THEY SAY IV MADE CONTACT WITH 1 COUISIN AND 2 AUNTIES AND THEY HAVE BEEN GREAT STILL GOT LONG WAY TO GO AS DONT KNOW MUCH ABOUT MY BIRTH MOTHERS SIDE OF THE FAMILY JUST LEAVE LITTLE DESCREAT MESSAGES ON THE BOARDS
GOOD LUCK TO ALL YOU RESEARCHERS ::)
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My Australian friend was bumbling around a Swiss village looking for connexions to her ancestors who had gone from there to a distant part of Europe centuries earlier before finally coming here to Ozl No, no, no was the constant and consistent reply. Until at one house, just as they were leaving having failed yet again, the lady of the house had second thoughts and called after them that a chap who was up a ladder fixing the electiricity wires out in the street had been around quite a while - yes, you can guess the outcome ...
Keep trying - and trying - and trying,
Judy
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Hi all
I always wonder what I should say in the first few sentences in a letter to sort of break the ice. Anyone got any ideas?
I presume Wotcha Cousin is a bit informal :)
Mick
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Mick,
I usually start off with 'I hope you don't mind me contacting you like this' and then I go on to say that i am reseaching my family tree and then give them a bit of background about why I think they may be able to help me.
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I've contacted lots of distant rellies through www.GenesReunited.co.uk and most of them have been really helpful! Dug up a cousin of my mothers she didn't even know existed - given up for adoption!! Also contacted a third cousin of my partners through the same site who was really shocked to hear of him as he was linked via an affair a resulting illegitimacy!!
Most disappointing was contact with a third cousin of mine who swore to get back in touch with me and clearly had info I really needed but never got back to me. Not sure people understand until they get 'the treeing bug' how important these tiny pieces of info are to us!!
Also sent some letters to potential relatives but disappointingly got no response at all - even a 'get knotted' would have been nice.
Possum_pie
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I would just like to say in response to my previous posts that I have now had a response from my mums cousin!!!! ;D and he's being quite helpful!
In fact I've just written him another letter asking for some more info, hoping he'll be able to help me with my brick walls!!
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Hi all.
Im new to rootschat but i have emailed quite a few strangers and so far they have all replied back. Most of them with a "sorry but we are not related" but at least they bothered to email back which they didnt have to do.
If someone emails me i always email back, 1 out of curiosity, 2 just to let them know if we may or may not be related and 3 just out of commom courtesy.
Cookie
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Like many of you, I didn't take this up as a serious hobby until I had access to the internet. The funny thing is one of my initial motivations was to find out about my Nan's family as they had such an interesting surname: Assender. I was also very proud of this Welsh heritage, my Dad having been born in the Assender family home in Abertillery.
Well practically the first thing I did was google 'Assender', came up with a New Zealand family historysite and sent an email to someone researching the same name. It turned out he was in Wales! He had originally gone through the phonebook and written to people with the same name and found someone straightaway who had already researched the family right back to 1600s ;D
This chap and I are descended from two brothers in the mid 19th century so not that distantly related. He sent me a copy of the tree and while very grateful for all the hard work saved, I was gutted :'(
The family had wandered over to Wales from Birmingham via Herefordshire in the fairly recent past
So all my 'Welsh blood' gone out the window from one email!! Oh well..
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Hi all,
l sent an email to someone on the Chesire Society site who was searching the surname Graham from Birkenhead but have not heard back. When 192.com had a free week l found what l thought was my married cousin they had no phone number but gave the neighbours so l phoned and the chap said he would pass on the message. Well he did and this woman phoned me from England(l live in Australia) unfortunately wrong lady. l went back to 192.com to get another number but offer was closed >:( so missed the boat there. l
think some people just don't care about the past as we addicted :D people do, l don't really know if l would have the guts to do it again.
tarnee
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I have to say i dont mind contacting people , i go on the got northing to loose but loads to gain theory.
Most experiences have been positive , i recently found a distant cousin (we share the same great great grandparents) via a website that she had put a notice asking for info re my family, the names she had given were obviously my rellies only she did not leave her email address. I felt really frustrated but contacted the owners of the site and they managed to put a notice on there asking for her to get in touch and she did. Now we email almost every week, she is in Canada and i am in Scotland. We have shared loads of info and we go on the assumption two heads are better than one.
Also recently got in touch with a distant cousin on my mothers side who was really helpful.
My nan died in February and i have discovered she kept in touch with a cousin whom she had never met so i am going to have a bash at contacting her for info. She must be in her 80s but hopefully she will be helpful and wont mind me contacting her.
I did have one bad experience, i contacted a few rellies by getting there details from a phone book and they were prepared to see me. My aunt found out and was very upset claiming they were not nice people, she still maintains this. I decided that i did not want to upset anybody close to me so did not persue this but it did make me wonder what she was hiding.
Michelle
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I have tried and thought I had a good contact. We had agreed to send a ged.com file of our family trees, guess what I sent mine and they never sent theirs. In the end I got fed up of asking for it by email.
It appears they were not interested in supplying me with any information on their line. Apart from telling me they were a 3rd cousin twice removed, and
added that the family line I am following was their baby. The sting in the tail was last week when they emailed me saying they were planning a family reunion and were going to use my ged.com file. Still in a quandry about how to respond.
Don't get me wrong I am quite prepared to share/assist and help other family researchers (infact helped one on this site yesterday by doing a look up for them) but do not intend to be used like that again. I am sure this person is a minority but it has made me very wary about contacting people who say they are researching the same family names as me.
Lindy Lou
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I have been more lucky than poor Lindy Lou.
I have managed to get in touch with 2 peolpe researching the same family. We email back and forward and i feel as though i have made 2 new friends too.
Glad to say we have been sharing information and assisting each other in our research.
What a shame Lindy Lou has been let down. I would be furious about it too!
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I've had some really good contacts when I have emailed people on genes reuntied and various other websites in general but I have to say last week I emailed a lady who had her email for a surname I am interested in, on the Sussex surname interest site and I have had no response.
I know I need to be patient but what is the point of having a site to register surname interests if people are not going to reply when people send emails.
It was everso polite too!!!!!!! I have had several emails from other people from various websites and even when I know I cannot help I always reply - must have been my upbringing!!!!!
kerryb
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While I have had tremendous luck on one of my lines, I have others that have stayed very stubbornly silent.
My one successful contact online via Rootsweb (sorry but I've been there for the last 4 years), found one of my Scottish lines that had been a very frustrating brick wall.
My second Scottish line, and my Burrow line from Devon are both proving to be huge brickwalls.
I've left all my Burrow rellies at lostcousins, and I've had not one single response.
I'm sort of tired of doing this on my own, but it seems that none of my Burrow relatives in Devon have any interest in Genealogy at all. I so desperately would like to contact them, but have no names more recent than the 1901 census. I wouldnt know how to "connect the dots....". So I bravely soldier on.
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I've just finished putting a book together on my paternal line. Its not only names and dates, but info about the towns, and living conditions at the time, with a list of queries I'd like to have answered. As an appendix, I attached all the relevant census information, info from the NBI, Parish records etc. and finally the family tree.
I have a fair few names of people of my parents generation, mostly cousins of my dads, but all strangers to me and my dad.
I printed off the particular branch where their name crops up, wrote a letter introducing myself, what I'd done and asking them to have a look through the file. In an envelope and in the post.
Altogether I sent off 8 packages.
Within a week I'd had a phone call from all but one (and that one is excused, as he's dads uncle, nearly 90 and lives in Oz)
Since then I have been sent back the files I distributed, with corrections and amendments and have been inundated with photos, church orders of service, copies of certificates, but also with phone calls from other cousins wanting to get in on the action.
So all in all it has been very worthwhile. The responses have been excellent and I've doubled my Xmas card list.
D
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Hi Kerryb
I know that in this game we want answers now, but be patient i am sure she will reply soon, maybe she is on holiday somewhere.
Hope she replys soon.
Michelle
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Michelle
Of course you are totally right, and I am trying to be patient, I'm just champing at the bit with this family line!
kerryb
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I have no problem contacting people, recently I contacted a man in the States that was researching my husband's line, it turned out that he was also married into the family and that his wife was my husbands second cousin, it's a small world. We have share an awful lot of information and it was defiantly worth getting in contact.
I too have found that patience is a necessity when contacting people as some take a long time to respond and others never do. I often think that some genealogy emails go straight into the junk mail boxes (well that's what I'm going to keep telling myself ;D )
Sharon