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England (Counties as in 1851-1901) => England => Surrey => Topic started by: KathrynBryant1 on Saturday 11 May 13 14:09 BST (UK)
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Hello, I have posted this message on the Hampshire board but someone has informed me that it might belong to this Surrey Board.
Hi, not sure if anyone can help please? In 1965 I was sent to a home run by nuns in and (if my memory serves me well) it was in Churt, Hampshire. You know how you have flash backs, well I remember being treated abominably by the nuns there especially when giving birth. I had my child with me, a boy, for about six weeks when my mother came to pick me up and take me by taxi to Southwark, London, where my son was handed over to his adoptive parents. Am wondering if anyone can name this place where I had my son please? I had heard some years ago that the building was converted into flats. I remember it being down a long, narrow, leafy lane and the grounds were extensive. Any help would be much appreciated.
Kind regards
Kathryn
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Hi
Wonder if it was the 'Assisi Mother & Baby Home'( Catholic maternity home ), Hammer Lane, Grayshott (about 4 miles from Churt) , this is now converted to private housing.
claire
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Hi Claire, thank you so much. It was that Home. I have just googled Hammer Lane and recognise it just as I had described it as being a long narrow lane. Have tried to search if there are any pictures of the Home but can't find anything as yet. There appears to be some houses there now or possibly apartments.
Once again thank you for your time and help.
Kind regards
Kathryn
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These people proffess to hold info about the Assisi Home.
www.cabrini.org.uk/UserFiles/File/pdf/case_studies/...
And there is this too...
Assisi
In Hammer Lane – Now a private house split into separate dwellings, at one time it was used as a Catholic maternity home for unmarried mothers – We are often contacted by people who were born here and are trying to trace their mothers – a useful contact for them is the Catholic Children’s Society, 49 Russell Hill Road, Purley, Surrey CR8 2XB – Tel: 020 8668 2181 www.catholicchildrenssociety.org.uk.
Is this it? http://www.uk-property-listing.co.uk/property_photo/home_23139_53102.html
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Hiya, thank you for the information. I think that might be the house, am sure that is the back of the house as I recall a driveway kinda sweeping to the front door. The house is certainly large enough ie in the amount of bedrooms etc. I wonder if it is haunted with the screams of some of the young girls who were also treated abominably, I won't even begin to say how some of us were treated whilst giving birth. The actual surrounding area to the house was quite beautiful ie the land etc. There was also a small unit down a pathway, just away fromt he main house where some of the girls would sleep. This is bringing back some really good but more so bad memories of my time there but just wanted to see if the old place was still standing. I wonder if anyone will come forward who was at this place in 1965?
You have been so helpful and I thank you for your time also.
Kind regards
Kathryn
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Hi I was sent to Assisi mother and baby home in Hammer lane in 1967, I was 16 at the time and my parents were ashamed of what I had gotten myself into, and so was dispached there...I think I can honestly say it was the scariest time of my life, We were made to scrub floors and polish wooden flights of stairs on our hands and knees right up to going into labour...church every morning before breakfast...really early.the nuns took all our money and we were allowed ancouple of pounds to go to the village once a week for baby cream talc etc..it was so creepy and dark i spent so much time crying there....After my baby boy was born in March I had him christened there but then decided I would rather die than leave him there for some other family to have ....My Mum eventually gave in to my pleading and came and got me and my baby...so it was all for nothing really...It has left awful memories of Nuns creeping about in the dark...and felling totaly alone. so much for the catholic religon....So glad they close all those homes down ..They were getting money for our babies it was so corrupt..I cant think of anything nice to say except the other girls I met there were just nice girls who had made a mistake and were truly paying for it...Val McFerran Hope this helps
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Hi Val
I am writing a book (fictional) and wondered if you would be willing to contact me on my private email address? I can't see how to private message you direct (or maybe this isn't possible?).
Many thanks.
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That sounds very interesting you can email me on Woops I cant give you my address on here and tell me more about it
Regards
Val
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Val Rootschat does not allow you to post your private email address,but when both of you have made 3 postings,you will able to contact each other via the personal message system.
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Two posts for a PM might be sufficient. Click on the symbol (http://www.rootschat.com/forum/Themes/citiez_20a/images/im_on.gif) which you'll find below the username at the left hand side.
Or, if someone is offline : (http://www.rootschat.com/forum/Themes/citiez_20a/images/im_off.gif)
Kind regards,
Pels.
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S I have to make three post before I can message you, So maybe a bit more info about the home
It was 1967 when I was sent there my baby was born in March so I must have gone there aboutlate Jan as I remember you were supposed to be there 6 weeks before and then 6 weeks after so you could breast feed the babies before they were taken from you....how cruel was that?
I had to be confirmed while I was there as they wouldnt baptise my baby until I was..so I then had to have religeous instruction with the priest ,cannot remember his name. and then tell him all my sins the worst a mortal sin apparently sleeping with a man out of wedlock....
I remember one nice nun called Sister Assumption, she was very young, and not a bit cruel like the rest of them...the difference when it was visiting time on a Sunday was amazing they all turned into sweet things...Anyone there at the same time as me, I love to hear from you.
Val
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They really were unbelievable times weren't they? I have just read a book (a true story) written by a mother who had her baby in a similar sounding home, but am sad to hear this was true at the one you gave birth in too.
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I believe that it was called Assisi the home Nr. Haselmere. Hi I my mother was at Assisi in 1962 and from what she said it sounded awful although in all honesty she didn't want to talk about it much! I have written a novel which is fiction called Skin Deep which includes a place like this called St. Catherines. The book has four stories of women who all are connected with the adoption process but all their stories are very different. It particularly explores the mother daughter relationship and its aim is to help heal emotions from all sides. Interestingly enough there is a long leafy lane to the home, I did not know that! Anyway the child's emotions also draw on my own experiences of being an adopted child. I went to see Philomena a few days ago and thought thank goodness the truth about what it was like for those poor mothers is now out but I wanted to put over in the book that it was not just in Irelan also UK. Love to all who have suffered needless to say I am a very lapsed Catholic. I was adopted through the Catholic Children's Society who helped me trace my mother in the early nineties. I believe that it has merged with the Children's Society now. They were very helpful but the information I received shocked me at the time also being told a lot were forced to breast feed and they had no choice to keep their babies. Jennifer L
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Hi Jennifer
Philomena was a very good film wasn't it? As an adoptee I found it very moving, particularly in Philomena's case (I don't want to ruin the story for those who have not seen it yet). Interestingly there were several single women in the audience of a certain age and I did wonder if they were women who had possibly given birth and were still keeping the secret?
I would love to read your book but as I am in the middle of writing one myself, I don't want to be influenced in anyway. Maybe I will get yours when I've (finally!) finished mine.
Best wishes
Carrie
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I think now is the time for the truth! Writing it in fiction is a good idea. Let me know when you have finished and I will read it. Good luck Jennifer L
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My Mother gave birth to my Brother at Assisi , Hammer Lane, Grayshott in 1955. She never wished to speak of it so I know nothing from her. After her death I decided to search for my brother I only had a name to go on and a rough area 1 year later and we have just met for the first time !! Adoption records for this home are held at the St Francis' Childrens Society in Milton Keynes. The people there are very helpful and supportive. A lot of the children born there went on to the nursery based in Sheringham, Norfolk, from where they were adopted. I am now starting to do more research on both places but there seems to be little info anywhere. I even went to Sheringham and there is not even anything in the local library with regard to the Convent nursery . I hope this bit of info is of use. If anyone can give me any info about what it was like at either Assisi or Sheringham I would be grateful.
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Hi, I have no info on the home, but this may help Dee, in her search for the nursery
in Sheringham, google www.steamindex.com/olsj/annex/olsj/history.htm then scroll
to the very end, there are details for a book that may throw some light on the place.
I also noted that many children were adopted by U.S.A.F families, hope someone is
able to source a copy of the book, that is if you think it is relevant, Dave.
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Hi Dee - I can help you with some info on Assisi House. If we exchange a few messages I can then give you my private email address and send you some pictures. How lovely that you have met your brother. I would love to hear more of that story if you would be willing to share (privately). Best wishes
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Hi thanks
The book is called from allotment field to Heavens gate but is not available. However I have e-mailed the authors in the hope they can give me info.
Carrie not sure how you go on re private messaging. I have a couple of pics of Assisi in the information report from the adoption agency. It would be great to get more info though I especially would like to find out what it was like to be there.
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I wonder if we have the same photos.
Moderator Comment: Email address removed to prevent spam. Please use the Personal Messaging system to contact this RootsChatter.
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Hi Kathryn I hope you don't mind me emailing you as I have just joined this site I saw you email
on mother and baby home in churt surrey, I belive its the same home that I was in in 1962
I was only 16 years old
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Hi Carrie
Just recieved your message yes would like to tell you about my experience at the mother and baby home but
I dont know if I can remembrr much about it now because it was 52 years ago
julie
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Hi does anyone have any info on Assisi mother & baby home Grayshott run by the Catholic childrens society in the 60's if you stayed there I would very much like to hear from you
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Hi
Welcome to rootschat :)
There is a post about this home here
http://www.rootschat.com/forum/index.php?topic=646528.0
Rosie
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Hi I was born at Assisi in 1963 and would love some photos of the place.
If there is any mothers who were there in 63 please contact me , my mums name is Sarah Toal or Sally as she was known .Irish from Keady Armagh.
She remembers a few girls who kept their babies , one of whom visited her in Northampton later on but has forgotten their names .
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I stayed at Assisi in 1968. I was there from January until the end of March. I remember having such wonderful friends there. I remember Sister Asumpta She was very popular. It was heartbreaking for the girls who had to give up their babies. I was luckier. I was keeping my little boy. I remember the working hard. I would love to hear from anyone who was there at the same time.
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Dear Val,
Do you remember Sister Salvador. She was elderly and a bit senile, but she delivered my baby and she was really sweet.
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I think the previous person who said this mother and baby home was called Grayshott, Hindhead, Surrey, because I was there in August 30th 1965 the day my son Mark Anthony was born. My parents and my sister came for his Christening in the church attached. We then had to take Mark to Sheringham in Norfolk where he awaited adoption. But luckily for Mark and me, I was able to bring him home when he was 18months old when I got married and had two more sons.
I would be happy to communicate with any of the ladies who remember me Carmelina, I am maltese and I do remember several of the ladies but do not wish to name them in case they wish to remain anonymous.
I am glad to find this site and maybe I will connect with some of my friends who were there at the same time.
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Hi KathrynBryant, I was at Grayshott, Hindhead, Surrey, 1n 1965 August 30th when my son Mark was born and I am pleased to say that he was not adopted so after 18 months I got married and went up to Sheringham Norfolk to fetch him home and I had two more boys after that. I wish I could say that we all lived happily ever after..... but its a long story and I would be happy to share with the person on this site who is writing a book.
But Mark is a wonderful son as are the other two sons I had later
Moderator comment: edited for content
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Hello I'd like to ask - especially Val Farrer who posted on this thread - whether she remembers a young woman from Gibraltar called Laura Barea who I believe was at the Assisi home in 1967 and had a baby girl in April-May-June of that year. She was my late aunt (my late father's sister) and I am doing some family research into my ancestry. My Mum has told me that my aunt went through a terrible time at the home with all the polishing of floors and stairs while heavily pregnant. Her baby daughter died soon after birth (I have found baby's birth and death records and the location is in district of the Assisi home which is why I am almost certain Laura, my late aunt would have been there.) Can anyone shed any more light, anyone remember Laura? I've just joined this site so finding my way on these threads. Any information would be really appreciated. Thank you in advance. Helen
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Hello I'd like to ask - especially Val Farrer who posted on this thread - whether she remembers a young woman from Gibraltar called Laura Barea who I believe was at the Assisi home in 1967 and had a baby girl in April-May-June of that year. She was my late aunt (my late father's sister) and I am doing some family research into my ancestry. My Mum has told me that my aunt went through a terrible time at the home with all the polishing of floors and stairs while heavily pregnant. Her baby daughter died soon after birth (I have found baby's birth and death records and the location is in district of the Assisi home which is why I am almost certain Laura, my late aunt would have been there.) Can anyone shed any more light, anyone remember Laura? I've just joined this site so finding my way on these threads. Any information would be really appreciated. Thank you in advance. Helen
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My father was born in this home on the 20th August 1947, his first and middle name was Michael Joseph, which he ended up keeping as two middle names. He has sadly passed lately. I posted more info on another thread but am restricted replying to personal messages.
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Hi Searcher77
Your post count has reached the required number to allow you to use the personal message system.
Dawn
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Thanks very much. I have found this forum really interesting and very useful in my family history research.
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Dav63, I was born at Grayshott in 63 too. I have my mother's papers from the St Francis Adoption Society and your Mum Sally gets a mention. Sally told my mother that she had been in Grayshott and that is how she heard about the place. I actually went cold when I saw the name as while it has always been a reference to the papers, I never expected to be in contact with her child. I was later at Sheringham and then adopted by a couple in Bedfordshire.
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Hi all, I'm so pleased I started this topic. It has certainly stirred some memories for many people. One lady who added to the topic and PM'd me rememered a young girl in 1965 dancing ballet, Swan Lake. Low and behold that was me. How amazing is that. That was 50 years ago. I do hope this topic helps a lot more people.
Kind regards
Kathryn
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Hello, my names Sarah.
Reading some of the stories on here have been really so moving and have sparked an interest for me as a history student.
My grandmother aged 18 gave birth to my Mum in '63, luckily for her, my grandfather married her and she was able to keep my mother (and go on to have 3 more children). Her story was a fortunate one. I think my grandmother felt so strongly about getting married to keep her daughter because she was born out of wedlock (end of WW2) and raised with her mother as a sister by her grandparents.
I'm currently researching for my social history dissertation and would be really really grateful to hear from some of the ladies on here with first hand experience of homes like these ones. I'm happy to just listen in complete confidence, equally if people are happy for me to share and use their stories I would do so with the absolutely and upmost respect. I'd also like to hear from children who were born in these homes and anyone who has knowledge of them.
Thank you all in advance,
Sarah Robins, UEL, London.
UEL - University of East London
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Hi Sarah
Welcome to Rootschat ;D
If you are looking for more information from around the county, then you can use the search button at the top of the page with the search term "mother baby home" you will find pages of similar topics here.
It might also be better if people contact you off-forum.
We have a personal message system here but you need 3 posts to get access.
There's more help about that here
http://www.rootschat.com/help/pms.php
Good luck with your research
Dawn
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Thank you Dawn. A bit of an update on my grandmothers story that I missed. She didn't know until she was terminally ill who her biological mother was, and at 52, passed away insisting to be buried with her parents (biological grandparents). I think she struggled to understand why my gr. Grandma had not told her ever after their 'parents' had died. My gr. Grandma (90) is still alive today, and I have been able to partially trace the American side of our family back to Ohio but we hit a brick wall there as their was a fire which destroyed a lot of records. I know this a diversion from the stories people are sharing here, it's just a little information on myself. My grandfather also on my mothers side was also born out of wedlock to my gr. Grandma who was Sarah too. She was sent to a home in Belfast from Donegal after falling pregnant by a local married man. She died of TB shortly after giving birth and my Grandfather was sent to Scotland with other family. My Grandfather died a year after I was born, my mum has passed on this information. I just think it's sad that the stories of my grandparents can never be truly retold.
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This was in Ireland in the late 30s. The records of this I have been told there is little or no hope of obtaining.
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Dear Katheryn Bryant, Thanks so much for starting this thread, for so many years i have been searching for any links to Assisi, as i was born there in 1965, October and adopted and i tried at the age of 18 to search my mother but was told the place had burned down with all the paperwork and 10 years ago i tried through the council services and was told the paperwork was lost. And in-between i searched the internet and nothing until now!. So i contacted the Cabrini society and they said they do have my records but they have such a demand that the waiting time to meet to see the records is 8 months, so i have 7 months to go, if patience is a virtue, i might be a saint by then!. I don't want to get my hopes up to high, it so long ago and i am sure my birth mum has suffered all these years and i cannot mend that but if she knows i was in a loving family and had a good life she might be peaceful and it will be a treat to meet her. It seems very brave to adopt a child, a real sacrifice, i know she could have married my father but choose not to just because of circumstance, and that was brave as she must have known it would not have been a happy marriage. Anyway i will wait and see if i get to know more. Thanks so much and if you like i will keep you updated. Maybe you knew my mother. Best wishes. Hare Krsna
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Hi again Elisabeth, don't give up hope, just keep trucking and you will reach your goal. I know how frustrating it is to have to wait especially when you know that there is something waiting for you at the end of it no matter how large or small. As before, if you need any help then I am here for you or anyone else for that matter. Despite my having a child at Assisi who then found me, I too was adopted in 1950. It only took me just under six months to find my mother through hours of research on the Internet. I then had a meeting in Surrey, where I was given my birth file and within that file were many other clues to my birth family which I then researched again and found that I had two half siblings, one in America and one in Ireland who I am now in contact with. Life is full of surprises.
If anyone on this forum would like some help, I won't promise the earth but will give it a go then please private message me with as much detail as possible. I will then give you my home email address for further contact.
Don't give up hope, I didn't. I know the endings aren't always what we would hope for but if you don't try you'll never know.
By the way, I work full time in a Solicitors office so usually only check for messages first thing in the morning and then again in the evenings. Of course I have a little more time on my hands at the weekends.
Kindest regards
Kathryn
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Hello Kathryn & Val,
I would like to take this opportunity to join in the conversation about the Assisi Mother & Baby Home on Hammer Lane. I was born here in January 1965. My mother's name is Winifred. I don't know how old I was when I was separated from Winifred (and "given up" for adoption) but I have no memories of my mother. Despite years of searching I may never find her.
In addition, I am shocked and saddened to hear about the harsh and brutal way that in which you were treated by the nuns.
I hope that posting this message on Rootschat will mark the beginning of finding answers to myriad unanswered questions about the untold stories of the mothers and babies at 'Assisi' on Hammer Lane.
Thank you.
Shelley
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Hi Shelley. I've sent you a personal message.
Kindest regards
Kathryn
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Hi all, does anyone have any photos of the inside of the Home and/or the Nuns? I know some girls had cameras and took pictures of their babies. I was not allowed and the Nuns told all the girls not to let me take a photo of my child. Just one of the punishments some of us had to endure for having a child out of wedlock. Not sure about the rest of you but I was never taught sex education at school and my parents never spoke to me about the same. I think its horrendous that we were so punished for something that we didn't understand or ask for.
Anyhow, if anyone has any photos of the inside of the Home as it was and/or the Nuns and grounds then kindly private message me.
Kindest as ever
Kathryn
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Hello I have a photo of the inside of the nursery that was shared by another contact on this forum. I don't know how to attach to this message but happy to email it to you. I hope it helps. Best wishes, Helen
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Hi Helen, what a star you are. Thank you so much. I will PM you my email address. I remember the Nursery. When I was there in 1965 we (us girlies) held a kind of show and I danced part of Swan Lake. Thank you so much. Will PM you just now.
Kindest
Kathryn
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I've emailed you the photo. I hope it's useful. Helen x
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Hi Helen, its not come through yet but will look out for it and notify you once I've received it. Oh actually I haven't checked my spam box.
Talk soon.
Kindest
Kathryn
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Hi again Helen, thank you so much, it was in my spam box. Boy does that bring back memories. Have you any idea when that one was taken? If any more come to light I would be grateful to receive them please.
Kindest regards
Kathryn
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Just to let everyone know, you can't attach photos to look-up request boards so the best way is to exchange email address on the personal message system and then email them on from there.
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Which is exactly what I've done in my previous dawnsh.
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Dear Kathryn, I too was at Assisi in 1965, where I had my son. I remember having to clean the chapel and use a big floor polisher right up to the day I went into labour. I also had to move to a house in the grounds after lying in and spent the days keeping the boiler stoked up. There were few nuns and the girls did all the work. We were only allowed to see our babies, who were kept in a nursery, when we fed them.
Despite my family's wishes, I refused to give up my son and with two other girls rented a flat in London and we all went back to work and used the same babyminder. I did not find the nuns cruel, having been in a convent school as a boarder. They were unsentimental and just did their job. Being so shorthanded they had little time to be sympathetic or indulgent. I hope you managed to find your son again. Kind regards.
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Hi I would like to see any pics of the nursery. I was born at Assisi in November 1963. Just reading some of the posts about how life was there for the mums and babies is so sad. I am 52 now and have 2 lovely lads of my own. I am in touch with many of my birth family. It's a hard one to balance the thought of my birth mum giving me up but providing the much longed for child for my lovely adopted parents.
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I am making a further post to reach the quota of 3 so folk can pm me with any pics.
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I was there in 1959, will gladly give any information I can
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Hi, I've found this chat when researching the house we bought last year. It used to be Vale Lodge, Sheringham, and was used as a nursery by the local Catholic Church - I think it's probably the one referred to earlier in this stream. The previous owers gave me two books when we bought it last year - I think these are the ones referred to earlier in the post also. There's not much info in there about this place, but if you still are looking for it I can dig them out and get it over to you.
Lizzie
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Hi LizzieKleis
Welcome to Rootschat ;D
Some of the boards here are designed so that pictures cannot be posted, this is one of those.
If people are interested and want to take you up on your offer you'll need to send them by email after exchanging email addresses on the personal message (pm) system.
You need a post count of 3 to be able to use the pm system
http://www.rootschat.com/help/pms.php
Dawn
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Hello everyone
I know it's been some time since there has been some activity
I was born at the home in September of 63 after my mother was pregnant and had fallen out with my grandparents she spent 3 months there until her aunt or cousin came to get her
The nuns apparently wanted me adopted but fortunately my mother and family were against it and in that time my grandparents also had a change of heart and took my mother and myself home
I have been to the home since which had been two buildings , the larger of the two had already been turned into flats but the house was being worked on for a private family .
I spoke to the builder- foreman on site and he told me a couple of things
One thing I find does not sit right with me is so much info seems to have been lost in fire
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Hello David
Not another M&B home that had a fire? It's becoming a plot cliche and the Fire Service of the 1960s must have been very busy putting out all these fires, as this does seem to crop up rather often as a reason things were lost. Apologies if there really was one. So glad that your family decided it was right for you all to stay together and hope that your upbringing was happy. I am in touch with St Francis Childrens' Association and have had my file from them and am now going back to see them after 30 years to see the other side of the story to read the info on my adoptive parents.
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Hi Rosinamangan
Sorry I was referring to others looking for information that had been lost in fires and knowing how upsetting it must be to come to a dead end
I've had a good life thank you and I wish the same for everyone else
It's quite heartbreaking some of the stories about people looking for answers and biological family
My life has been complicated and to some part replicated by what happened to my mother and myself
I actually know who my real father is but have never tried to get in touch
My mother Iona is interested in this site and hopefully she can share some of her memories with people who were there at the same time
It may sound strange but I only live a few miles away from the home now so if anyone would like photos I will take some to send on
Also if anyone has photos of home at the time could you send to myself as I'm sure my mother would like to see
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Hi Dave, thanks for clearing up the bit about the fire. Glad that you still have your mum I would like to hear more about the home if your mother wants to share some of her memories. Activity has been slow on here and I have asked a couple of folk for interior pics but no reply to date. Like you, I knew who my birth father was but never really wanted to pursue this and then matters were taken out of my hands as he passed last year. I am in touch with one of his sons and have seen video footage of my b/father when he was Mayor of his village. Must be odd living so near to the Home. I have googled it and seen a couple of exteriors.
And yes, it is all heartbreaking, especially as time goes on, those mums will pass and there will never be the opportunity of reunion. Take care.
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Hi - fascinated reading this thread, and I hope I'm not too late weighing in! I was born in Assisi in 1961; my mother Angie, who was only 17, nearly died having me. About eight weeks after I was born, I was taken up to Southwark for adoption and for the next thirty years, that chapter of my life was lost. But I contacted the Catholic Children's Society in 1996 and they sent me a dossier (amusingly they insisted I go to St Francis' Hospice in Manchester to pick it up, so Sister Philomena could 'offer counselling if needed' - how things change!)
I managed to track down Angie and we had eight great years of knowing each other before she passed too young in 2004. She even met my adoptive parents, at my daughter's christening, and their long conversation deep into the night in a Sale hotel was a cherished memory for both my mums for the rest of their lives. I have two sisters, nieces and nephews and now a goddaughter I would never have had, if I hadn't taken the chance to track her down. I've also met, and still see, my natural father; I have, to be honest, been incredibly lucky.
I'd love to hear from anybody who was at Assisi at the same time as Angie; like a number of the mothers who have been courageous enough to post on this site, she was reluctant to talk about her time but it sounds like they were worked hard and treated, if not as badly as in the infamous Magdalene Laundries, then certainly with far less sympathy and understanding than they deserved. But Angie put the experience behind her to find, eventually, a wonderful husband and enjoy over 25 years together with him. I was with her at the end and she was, I think, really happy to have her family round her.
Mike
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Hi Mike
Welcome to Rootschat and thanks for sharing your story which I'm really pleased to see had a happier ending for you than some of the others here.
People who've posted here before should receive an email notification that you have posted and may come back again.
Dawn
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Hi,
Apologies for being late to this thread, but I just found out today that I have a half brother born at the Assisi home in 1955/56or57, I could probably find a closer date, but not sure about an exact date.
I have his mum and dad's name, but not his exact date of birth. I believe he was adopted. I really, really would like to find him, for me and his biological dad, who wanted to marry my half brother's mum, but it was not allowed.
Would anyone know how I can find records from the home, would I even be allowed access to those records?
Thanks, I look forward to hearing from you.
J
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Hi J
Welcome to Rootschat ;D
Because of the sensitive nature of adoptions, it is highly unlikely that you would be granted access to someone else's adoption file.
However, if you contact the St Francis Childrens Society they may be able to offer help
http://www.sfcs.org.uk/about-us/
You could try looking at possible births in the GRO birth index, the registration district I think for this is Alton, Churt is on the Hampshire borders, as you have the mothers surname and an idea of the date range.
Once you know his birth name, you could put his name on the GRO adoption contact register here
https://www.gov.uk/adoption-records/the-adoption-contact-register
or here
http://www.adoptionsearchreunion.org.uk/default.htm
or here
http://www.missing-you.net/categories/adoptions.php
in the hope that he has also registered to find his birth family.
Hope this helps.
Dawn
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Thanks Dawn, it looks like I need to find the baby's birth name then. If you don't mind my asking, do you know how I go about finding this out?
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I suggested in my last post that you look at the GRO birth index for the year of birth and look for babies whose surname and mothers maiden name are the same (this infers an illegitmate birth but will not discount those mothers who marry someone who has the same surname) and where the birthis registered in Alton.
You can search here
www.freebmd.org.uk
According to your earlier post you can discount all the girls.
Once you have the list it's going to be a case of buying all the birth certs to find out which child could be related to you.
You can order certificates from the GRO without using the index references (volume and page numbers) and then specify the mothers name and exact place of birth further into the application. If you do not know the date of birth, put in 01/01/1955 or 56 (or whatever) and the GRO will search one year either side.
It's a long winded process and could be financially prohibitive.
You could try and narrow down the list by trying to find later marriages or deaths, but the birth certificate, although it may be annotated to show and adoption, won't show the name after adoption which is where the contact registers come in.
Dawn
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Hello! ( 1st post )
For many years i have worked as a motorcycle courier delivering small items mostly around London area but also over the whole country.About 18 months ago i had a delivery to "Assissi" in Hammer Lane Hindhead surrey, it was for me a strange experience driving from London to deliver the letter as it is the place i was born back in 1954. I had a short conversation with the present owner of the property and i explained my story briefly to him,He confirmed that his house was once a maternity home run by nuns and that there is a statue of the virgin mary in his rear garden from that era..So that was quite a coincidence.. I found out about 40 years ago my mothers name and my original name around the time they changed the law concerning the exchange of information with adopted children and parent/s - I believe it was kept secret from children and parents under the Adoption of Infants act 1926 to protect people adopting children from them being Rescued by their original parents..
Anyway I would like to try and find my Mother or any information about her. She was 15 years old when i was born in 1954 so she would be about 76 now and would have been born in 1939 roughly..
Her name was Margaret and my name John and i was born on December 21st 1954. So if you happen to read this I'm still alive and i hope you are too. I am very approachable and hope you are able one day to read this.. Good luck to all the other folk in their journeys for information. The full address for "Assissi" is Assisi, Hammer Lane, Grayshott, Hindhead Surrey GU26 6JD
or just type the postcode GU26 6JD into google maps and you can see the house via street view or an aerial shot or click on following link
https://www.google.com/maps/place/Grayshott,+Hindhead+GU26+6JD,+UK/@51.1267993,-0.7840224,158a,48.4y,2.59t/data=!3m1!1e3!4m5!3m4!1s0x48743305106d0d27:0x5346924b738a8c47!8m2!3d51.1265359!4d-0.7835364 (https://www.google.com/maps/place/Grayshott,+Hindhead+GU26+6JD,+UK/@51.1267993,-0.7840224,158a,48.4y,2.59t/data=!3m1!1e3!4m5!3m4!1s0x48743305106d0d27:0x5346924b738a8c47!8m2!3d51.1265359!4d-0.7835364)
Take care ..
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Hi John
Welcome to Rootschat and thank you for posting ;D
We have a clearly defined 'no living people' policy here and if it comes to light that your birth mother ist still alive, then this topic will be edited to remove her name.
http://www.rootschat.com/help/posting_guide.php
Rootschat isn't a forum for finding missing family and friends but we may be able to offer help or information in general terms and by personal message if you can increase your post count
http://www.rootschat.com/help/pms.php
The birth & file details were not withheld as part of the official secrets act but the Adoption of Infants act 1926.
http://freepages.genealogy.rootsweb.ancestry.com/~framland/acts/adopt1926.htm
Have you accessed your file from the GRO at Southport?
What research have you done to find your birth mother? for example have you registered with the organisations shown in reply #6 on the previous page?
Have you checked the marriage index to see if she married after your birth?
http://www.freebmd.org.uk/cgi/search.pl
Dawn
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Hi dawnsh Thanks for your quick reply and apologies for the mistakes in my post
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I have just written to the GRO to try and get on the register so i am still in the early stages but about 40 years ago i did get some info about my mother and my original Birth certificate but i will have to re apply for them as i no longer have them Did check out the BDM marriage search site with mixed success just now I guess finding your site with info about Assissi rekindled my interest..There is a lot more information available nowadays compared with when i last tried to look years ago Thanks for your reply will try and use e-mail when i get enough posts..
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John
I have sent you a personal message.
Thanks for editing your post.
Dawn
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Hello. I was born in Assisi in January 1968. My mother's name was Elizabeth. Would be grateful for any information whatsoever - it sounds quite a scary place!
Thanks
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Hi myheartbelongstoharry
Welcome to Rootschat ;D
What sort of information are you looking for?
Dawn
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Hi Dawn,
Thanks for your message. I would love to see some photos and to understand what the atmosphere was like - the nuns seem to have been a bit brusque. I wonder how people typically ended up there? I am probably being very naive.... And of course would love to know if anyone remembers an Elizabeth from January 1968 thought that is a long shot!
Thanks
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Have you started reading this topic from the beginning?
There are themes running through the posts and someone has posted a link to a current photo, and another suggests where the records are kept now.
If people don't return here after they get a notification of a reply, then they won't get anymore so it seems some people post once or twice then go away again.
If any of the chatters has post count of 2 and above you could try sending them a personal message to see if you get a response that way.
If you haven't done so already, please take a moment to read our guidelines for posting as we have a 'no living people' policy here.
http://www.rootschat.com/help/posting_guide.php
Have you accessed your birth file from the General Register Office?
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I was there from Feb to April 1965. I had my son there. It was very snowy. I remember being in charge of the chapel before I gave birth. I had to wills a large floor polisher and move all the pews on my own. After lying. In for a few days during which we had to sluice all the mucky sheets from th labour ward,
I was moved out to a building in the grounds and maintained the boiler.
I kept my son and set up home in Stretham with two other gifts from the home. We took our babies to the same babyminder and slept in the same room and the three babies were together.
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I was there from Feb to April 1965. I had my son there in the middle of a snow storm. I remember being in charge of the chapel before I gave birth. I had to wield a large floor polisher and move all the pews on my own. After lying in for a few days, during which we had to sluice all the mucky sheets from the labour ward,
I was moved out to a building in the grounds and spent every day for five weeks stoking the boilers. We were not allowed to have our babies with us; they were in the nursery. We could only go to see them at feeding time. I found that heartbreaking. I only remember two nuns being there both of whom were midwives. The girls did all the work involved in running the home.
I do remember vividly the atmosphere the night before one of the mothers was to give up her baby. It was like the night before an execution. The girl involved was mad with grief and barely able to speak.
I kept my son and set up home in Streatham with two other girls from the home called Maria and Angela. We took our babies to the same babyminder and slept in the same room and the three babies were together.
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I was born there 1959.Would love to hear from anybody that was there at that time.I have been tracing my family history and managed to find out quite a few details .
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I've merged your post with another longer topic on the subject.
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Hi Kathryn,
I too was there in Feb to April 1965. The Home was called Assisi and was in Hanger Lane, Churt, Surrey. I kept my baby as did two other girls there and we got a flat together in Streatham and used the same babyminder and all went back to work.
There were only two nuns there as I recall who had all the admin and the deliveries to do.
I hope you are alright and had a good life since.
Regards
Anne
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Hi Kathryn,
I too was there in Feb to April 1965. The Home was called Assisi and was in Hammer Lane, Churt, Surrey. I kept my baby as did two other girls there and we got a flat together in Streatham and used the same babyminder and all went back to work.
There were only two nuns there as I recall who had all the admin and the deliveries to do.
I hope you are alright and had a good life since.
Regards
Anne
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Hi, can I ask again if anyone has any interior photos of the home? Thanks in advance.
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Hi Kathryn,
I have only just become acquainted with the site and seen your posts relating to the above. Albeit a couple of years earlier, I stayed at the Hammer Lane 'House of Horrors' in Grayshott, Hindhead, in 1963 (on two occasions, because they'd misread the special calendar for due dates, and once I was shown this calendar and pointed out the error, I was allowed to return to my parents for the intervening extra month). Memories having already been rather unpleasant, even I am most surprised that I had returned for a further dose. But, unlike you, I didn't give birth there, as the horrendous treatment prompted me to 'leg it' one night, on foot, heavily pregnant at 16, with a hurriedly-gathered portion of my belongings, brought along for the intended 3 months' duration. It was extremely dark out there, and the constant, miserably-cold winter's rainfall unforgiving that night in one of the otherwise most beautiful parts of Surrey countryside and surrounding Devil's Punchbowl. No street lamps along that narrow, leafy lane of hedgerows, shrubbery and a downhill ditch which to navigate, repeatedly jumping for the ditch to avoid oncoming cars - miles before eventually reaching the railway station, in what can now be regarded as a highly-comical condition, deeply bruised and dripping, cut & torn and extremely muddy, ugly holes gaping in the saturated thick black stockings I'd hoped would keep me warm. Never had a station's public phone box been a more welcome sight, and from where I was able to ring my boyfriend, who'd not been exactly welcomed by the nuns during Sunday visits.
Unfortunately, I have no pictures for you - mobiles/technology nor even postal codes having existed back then. I'm sorry that neither had I a camera along, but I would really love to see any shot(s) as it was way back then, if possible please. I have been unable to access the links previously provided on this site, as they seemingly have since been withdrawn.
I well remember the wooden floors and staircases we were required to scrub on our knees and diverse other physical errands as part of our duties, the rather strained mealtimes with the sisters at their separate bench, as well as the gravelled driveway with its separate smaller house, and the private on-site chapel where we attended Mass twice-daily during the time I was resident. In light of recent outrageous finds coming to light in the media, I can categorically validate that it was definitely not only nuns running Irish Mother & Baby Homes, who could be remotely described as "less than kind people". Almost 800 babies could not all merely have died coincidentally, especially when it is also known that those in charge did nothing to ensure hospitalisation of its tiny babies & children and/or the mothers who fell sick, at times for up to several weeks, yet were transferred to hospital only once it was already far too late; indeed a crime in itself. Yet their 'immunity' seemingly protects them from criminal investigation ... It was actually some years ago that two young boys out playing, stumbled across the remains of babies in a septic tank in the grounds of the same previous home in Tuam, Co. Galway, and which led to these further discoveries and more recent press releases regarding that particular site. In this connection, naturally I can't help but wonder whether the replacement apartments' grounds & gardens at Assisi themselves were ever fully-excavated during rebuilding (?)
Hoping to hear whatever, wherever possible please, and very kindest regards.
Juniper22
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Hi Juniper22
I read your account with interest and horror. It must have been frightening to run away like that and at only 16. Who knows what their grounds would yield and the optimist in me hopes that because this was the UK and not Ireland, that they played things legally, but who knows? There's a huge amount of detail in our account and it's crazy that you had to attend church twice a day - let alone do all the floors etc. Did you have your own rooms or dormitories? Roughly how many women were there at a time? You spoke about the nuns not being kind. What did they say or do that was unkind - as if running a place like that wasn't unkind in itself?
I was born at the home in November 1963. My mother was Teresa Mangan. Did you meet her? I think they put her to work in the kitchen?
I hope you have had a good life since and I am hoping that in running away, you kept your little one. hope to hear from you.
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Hi there Rosina, Pt I (as my reply exceeds sizing capacity, to be cont'd)
Many thanks for your response to my post, and I apologise for the delay in getting back to you. I sense and can fully understand your interest and thirst for any info relating to your mother's time at the Assisi home, and what Teresa was likely to have experienced there. My heart goes out to you, and to all others who are similarly left still wondering about the environment of their births and how Assisi was run. This is likely to be a lengthy reply, and I know would be better-suited to PM.
But not to keep you waiting any longer in relation to your mother, I'm truly sorry that I can't put a face to the name, but neither can I to anyone there specifically. Having stayed somewhat briefly on both occasions, I hadn't formed any bonds, but I certainly wish I had known your mother. The name Teresa does ring a bell from my time there, although I honestly can't remember whether it was attributable to one or more of my co-sharers, or to one of the sisters. Dependent upon the timing of your own due date of birth in November (i.e. based on the norm of 6 weeks' residence prior to giving birth until 6 weeks afterwards), it's more than probable that we would have met, and is possible that we may even have shared the same cramped bedroom in the Annex, as my son was also born in the November (at the very end). This was a tad ahead of my estimated due December date though, and by then, had already entered an alternative London M&B home roughly two weeks beforehand then 3 days in a nearby hospital. You might perhaps be unaware as to whether your own birth date was more or less to schedule or otherwise though? How my subsequent arrangements had been made in the short time available, escapes me too, as we didn't even have a telephone at home for some years' hence.
As far as sleeping arrangements were concerned, I was not aware of any girls occupying single rooms, or of there being any option to have one for sole occupancy, other than those of the Sisters. I couldn't describe the room I shared with two others as a dormitory, because the Annex in which we were quartered was a small room in a smallish cottage, 2 bedrooms upstairs with a bathroom between, all of which led off a narrow passageway to one side of the house. On the ground floor was a sitting room, where we few occupants sat of an evening, and a form of utility area (this probably also housed the boiler for maintenance as was referred to on site). At that stage, we were segregated in relation to prenatal & postnatal girls, and I suspect this divisive arrangement kept circulation of some stories to a minimum within our small community, to a certain extent. The only occasions on which I caught sight of any babies, were if a couple of the prams had been left on the driveway in front of the main house in dry, milder weather, more notably during my initial stay from end-September. I'm aware this sounds alarming in the present day climate of potential kidnappings and non-gated properties, and with optimism, assume the babes' safety was somehow closely-monitored from within at all times.
My failure in not having adequately absorbed conversations, names, numbers and arrangements back then, I attribute to my youth's lack of rationality (and frontal cortex - is it not at around one's mid-twenties they now know that the brain fully-develops ;D). By this stage, such details from Assisi are a blur, as well as the standard & type of food served, whereas today I'd automatically make a mental note of them, whilst some other aspects remain clear. I'm not sure that I even met all the girls though, because as I said, we were separated with regard to living quarters, went in different directions of a daytime to carry out the cheap labour we provided, and I think we ate on a 2-tier basis as long as I was there. Neither did twice-daily Mass seem to bring us all together at any one time, possibly due to the various duties carried out. Knowing hindsight to be a wonderful thing, had I only kept a diary of impressions as they were gleaned, those now-elusive details could have been so helpful to you. It's ironic how 54 years' later, one also tends to blame vagueness upon age - yet at polar opposites. But what is often perceived as reticence on behalf of many to share experiences of the home, could be partially due to their fading recollections of their very young Assisi days, even relatively shortly afterwards, coupled with an overwhelming wish to shut out unpleasant memories of what it held, although they definitely kept us in the dark about any events.
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JohnTOConnor1954 - Can I ask what the house was like when you went? Did you take any photos.? Are the occupiers receptive to people knocking on the door or are there specific procedures you have to follow?
I was born there in 1968 and was fortunate enough not to be put up for adoption. My mum hardly talks about her experience there.
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Hi Siobhain
Welcome to Rootschat ;D
Unfortunately John isn't receiving notifications for this topic just now as there have been posts since he was last online here.
But if you can increase your post count by replying to this topic, you should then be able to send him a personal message and see if he responds that way.
http://www.rootschat.com/help/pms.php
Hope this helps.
Dawn
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I am in the process of trying to find out some more information about the home. I have a friend who lives near by who I have asked to visit the house(s), take pictures and see if she can find out anything 'new'. Its a long shot but hopefully she will find something that will comfort somebody. Fingers crossed! :)
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Hi Siobhan,
I was in Assisi in Feb ,March ,April of 1968. Like your Mum i kept my baby. I am happy to share my contact details with you. Everybody's memories are personal.
Mine was of an establishment surviving on a shoestring ,minimal staff with a heavy workload and everyone who stayed there sharing the load.
M&B homes are sad places , most young mothers knowing they are going to part with their babies forever. Because of circumstances what should be the happiest occasion in their lives becomes the saddest , and often without the support of family or friends. It over shadows the rest of their lives . There is no escaping it.
Do you think your Mum finds it difficult to talk about that period in her life and would rather you did'nt either, she did'nt have you adopted so the years following Assisi could have been even more difficult for her.
I will be happy to help you and wish you well.
Susieb
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I was born in Assisi in 1961 and I'm looking to contact Mike Fletcher whose mother Angie was there at same time as my mother was .
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I was born in Assisi in 1961 and would like as much info as possible of the home during Dec 1960-May 1961. My mother was there at this time and I'm trying to piece it all together. I visited home that is a private residence now and would like more info please .
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Hi Angie
Welcome to Rootschat ;D
Looking at Mike's profile, he was online here after you posted, maybe he got an email notification.
However, unless he replies on this or any topic, you can't contact him as he doesn't have enough posts to be able to ue the personal message system.
Many people on this topic have posted once and not come back again.
Dawn
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Hi there Kathryn
I was so pleased to stumble upon this thread, although I'm not sure if it is still active. I was born in the Assisi mother and baby home Hammer Lane Grayshott in Jan 1964. My mothers name was Theresa she was 18 then I think but like so many others she doesn't really like to talk about her experiences. I would be most interested to hear from anyone who knew her or even just to find out more about the place or even see some old pictures. I am aware that it has been converted to flats but would love to hear about others experiences or see any original pictures of how it was when it was run by nuns. I finally made contact with my birth mother when I was 18 she lives in Ireland now but I have met her a couple of times and we keep in touch on FB I don't think her experience of that time was very pleasant and I feel so sorry for all those young girls and what they had to go through :(
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Hi Angie
I was born at Assisi also I think because it was our birth place but we didn't have typical births it leaves lots of questions. Like you I have asked for more info or pictures. If I receive anything I will let you know :)
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Hi Joolz82
Welcome to Rootschat ;D
The topic appears to be dormant but the moderating team do not remove them when they are.
Kathryn who started this, hasn't been online here since 2015.
The others seems to post once but don't return.
So people like yourself will continue to find the topic through internet search engines.
Maybe someone will come along in the future with more of a longer term interest in the stories here.
Dawn
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Hi Angie
I was born at Assisi also I think because it was our birth place but we didn't have typical births it leaves lots of questions. Like you I have asked for more info or pictures. If I receive anything I will let you know :)
x
Hi, my husband lived, as a boy, in a house called Cedar Cottage which was only a couple of hundred yards away from the Assisi home. He was a young boy in the the late 1940s early 1950s but remembers the girls going up and down Hammer Lane to Churt Village. He remembers the building as being a dark and secret place that wasn't talked about. He remembers going inside once, probably with his Mother, but can't really remember why. He says that the girls would often speak to him and his brother as they walked by and he remembers seeing them in the village and in a bakers shop that was just down the road from Assisi, it was called Youngs Bakers selling bread, sweets cigarettes etc.
When my husband and I were married in 1967 I remember seeing pregnant girls in the village shop. I didn't know about the home and fleetingly wondered why there were so many very pregnant girls!
I think that the position of the home, being situated out of the village, meant that what went on behind closed doors was kept secret. It is interesting to note that my husband was only a boy of about 8 years old but has memories of being afraid of the building and the nuns. Sadly he has no photos of the building that is now converted into apartments. I wonder if the people who have purchased them are aware of the horrors that went on behind closed doors.
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I was sent to the Assissi mother and baby home in Grayshott in 1968 at the age of 15 after being raped by two men. I was in that hell hole for 3 months. Eventually my mother agreed to my leaving and bringing baby home and she would pass him off to the neighbours as being fostered. I went to work and she looked after baby. The novelty wore off for her and being aged 55 I think she found hi'm too hard to care for.
I came home one day to see my son, now aged about 18months,being taken away by a social worker. I do not recall signing any forms for his adoption and can only think that my mother forged my signature. I took an overdose and died. I was bought back to life and told to carry on as if nothing had ever happened. I have spent the rest of my life on anti depressants and in and out of mental hospitals.
To cut a very long story short, I found my son in 1997 and told him of his conception and that my mother had had him adopted. He didn't believe me. He was mentally unwell, a heroin addict and for the next 8 years I tried to help him. In the process I lost my partner, my home and my job. Upon finding my son, in order to prove to him that I had not rejected him, I reported the initial rape and a special cold case police team found one of the rapists. He was put on the sex offenders register. I had been mentally unwell myself ever since my son was born and eventually in 2005, I had to tell my boy that I could no longer cope with him. He committed suicide. I will always blame my mother, The Catholic Childrens Society and Croydon Social services for all the heartache my son endured.
But mostly I blame the Assissi home and those wicked nuns for the heartache that 'Ive been through. No young vulnerable girls should have gone through what we did in that place.
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In reply to Ladyinthevan post #78 on 24/11/2016 from AnneOM. Hi Anne my name is Samantha Gilbey Nee: O`Gorman I was born 16/03/1965 at Grayshott. My mother was called Marie O`Gorman( Sadly Deceased) and I believe this maybe the Marie you referred to in your post. My mum told me that she set up home in Streatham with two other girls from Grayshott. My mum also told me my dad was of Italian decent and his name is Riccardo Coccia, I do not know if this is accurate as my mum refused to talk about those times as they were very painful memories for her. I would love to hear from you and discover any more information surrounding those days back in the 60`s.
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Sheofcwm,
I am very saddened by your story, I cannot begin to imagine what you, or your son went through, or indeed how you deal with this even now. My heart goes out to you.
Thank you for not mentioning any names in your post, it is appreciated.
We hope your story will give the courage to other people affected in a similar life to go forward and bring justice on those that caused the offences. Also, that somehow, that lessons can be learnt to stop these things happening in the future.
I hope that now you have people to talk to to help you along in your daily life, it cannot be easy I'm sure.
Trystan
RootsChat Co-founder
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To Samgil65
How lovely to get your message Sam. I was sorry to hear that Marie has died. She was good fun. You were born a little after my son Nic who was born on the 1st of March.I remember visiting her in her room when she was ‘lying in’ as they called it. We got a flat with Angela in Valley Road just off Streatham Common and all used the same Babyminder. I hope she was happy. I am now 72. I think your mum was a little older than me but not much. Yes I remember that both she and Angela had been in relationships with Italians. It would be nice if you could trace your Dad. Never too late! I will see if I can find any photos of those days. I left the flat quite soon and went to live with my son’s father and his family. Big mistake!
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Hi everyone,
I have previously put on this site that my husband now aged 76 drew up in a house next door to The Assisi home. I have outlined his memories, sketchy though they are, in my previous post. I know that the house was converted into apartments but I wonder if the estate agents who sold it might have photos of the inside of the house. It was converted some years ago now but I will make some enquiries from friends who live locally and see if they can remember who sold the property or if any one has any knowledge of the home. My husband only remembers it as a dark scary place that didn't encourage any sort of interaction with anyone.
The stories I haveread are heart rending and how these acts could have been carried out in the name of religion beggars belief.
Hopefully I will be able to help with some information.
Mary
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Does anybody remember what order the nuns at Assissi belonged to please.
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maybe contact the local Catholic church and St Josphs Convent in Grayshott
http://www.sacredheartbordon.co.uk/st-joseph/
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My son was born at Assisi on August 4th 1964 when I was 18. The shame we were made to feel by those cruel nuns has never left me. My son was taken for adoption but I was lucky and my parents let me have him back. He is now 53 and is a grandfather himself now.
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I was born at assisi hammer Lane in January 1954 then at 6weeks went to sheringham with my mother and then adopted a few months later.on my birth certificate it says my godmother was phillomena gibbons any one else born there around this time?
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I was born here Dec 1950 I have no date of birth for my mother so 40 year's of searching have been fruitless anyone who can help regarding records who be most appreciated
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Hi,
you should be able to apply for your adoption records and they would say your birth Mother's name. My friend applied for hers and, after some counselling, which apparently has to happen before they release the records, we were able to trace her Mother through a genealogical social media site
If you would like more advice as to where to search after you hVe been given her name, then I will talk to your further through this site, as to how we went about tracing her. :)
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I know my mother's name but not her date of birth Unfortunately I was not adopted but was long term fostered Without a date of birth it's impossible to go forward Was hopping this mother unit might have records with date of birth
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Hi,
I guess that you were privately fostered. This does make it difficult but maybe not impossible. Have you any idea where your Mother lived? I think it is possible that she was young, maybe 16 - 20 maybe, so an approximate date of birth And where she may have lived could find an answer.
My friend's search seemed completely impossible because after we found a person that matched what we thought we knew, she went off to America post war and disappeared. We kept trying and, without going into a long explanation at this point, we got lucky!
She was still alive, 93 and living in Florida! After a lot of soul searching, because she felt that it might upset the old lady too much, my friend decided that she had to try to make contact which she did and although her Mother died soon afterwards, they did speak and she was put touch with half brothers and sisters.
If you would like, you could message me the details you already know and I will see if I can get any further for you.
Sadly you won't be able to get any information from the Assissi Home because it was sold off many years ago and is now exclusive housing.
My husband grew up in the house next door to the home and remembers the girls going by on their way to the village. His Mother used to talk to them and give them cups of tea. He says that he was always frightened to go anywhere near it as a small child because the nuns were so severe, but did deliver prescriptions from the local Chemist there when he was older (imagine that happening now!). The property belonged to the Catholic Church so I think that they must have records somewhere. It might be worth writing to them although they haven't had a good reputation for releasing these records, you might be lucky if you persist. It is worth a try.
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thanks for your understanding and offer of help Without her date of birth its useless so will certainly take your advise to contact the catholic church
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Ok, I understand that you feel that it would be useless.
Have you tried using ancestry.com to find her?
Put the name, place where she lived after she was adopted, ( that is very often the area where she was born, especially if she was fostered) and an approximate birth year, you will be given up to a 10 year either way option. You will probably get several options come up. Next search each name in "other people's trees" and see if anything comes up, these trees are particularly useful. It takes time and there are lots of dead ends, but I have had success with several different people's trees. People on these Geneology sites are very helpful.
Good luck, I hope you are successful in the end. :)
Moderator comment: edited for content. Please do not suggest asking for look-ups from commercial sites. Most commercial sources have strict 'Terms of Use', which forbid publishing their data elsewhere, so asking for such look-ups is also asking people to ignore the 'Terms of Use'.
http://www.rootschat.com/help/posting_guide.php
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I was born in Assisi. I visited there some 20 odd years ago and actually, thanks to the lady who resides there I was shown around. Did not take pictures but visited earlier this month and took some (3) pictures. My mother died without knowing me so unable to ask questions. But the stories I am reading on this site are horrendous. What I remember in the garden was a statue of the Virgin Mary in an alcove cut out in the rock. I was born in 1944.
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My husband, lived as a child, in a cottage called Cedar Cottage very near to Assissi Home. He remembers the statue very well. He was frightened of the nuns. His Mother used to have some of the girls in for a cup of tea. It would be nice to think that your Mother was one of them. Sorry that you weren't able to meet up with your Mother but hope you had a happy childhood.
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Hi All - this is my story part 1
I have been reading this thread with some interest, as I was born in May 1963 at Assisi, Hammer Lane, Grayshott. My mothers name was Teresa, she was Irish, Catholic and 26yo when she had me, so if any one remembers her it would be great to hear from you and any memories you have of her. She entered the Home on 19th Feb 1963 and was discharged on 20th June 1963, there is no record on the official register of where I was sent on discharge, however I ended up in foster care immediately after discharge.
Assisi was one of the larger "so called" M&B homes in the UK at the time with places for 36 mothers and 20 babies. At the time it was in the county of Hampshire, which causes some confusion today, as due to boundary changes it is now in the county of Surrey. The order of Nuns running Assisi was the Franciscan Sisters of Divine Motherhood? they are known today as the Franciscan Missionary of Divine Motherhood. They have a website http://fmdminternational.co.uk/ not that it is of any help regarding past history.
I went along to Assisi, which was originally a large rambling convent building, when I was 20yo (1983) to try and find out some information about my BM, as back then all I knew was her name from my Birth Certificate and my place of birth (Assisi). However I was told the property had been sold a few years earlier to a developer and had by then been converted / divided up into 5 luxury homes. I was however signposted by a resident there to a Catholic church up the road called St Josephs. At St Josephs they said they could not assist me, but gave me the details of a local convent not far from Assisi and advised I try there. So I drove there and spoke to the Mother Superior regarding my quest. She informed me that “we often have people like yourself” approaching them for info and said all the records from Assisi were held by the Diocese of Guildford. I was told to call her the next day and was assured they would definitely be able to give me some information. However when I called I was told “we have no record of your existence”, and that was that, no further explanation or anything else was offered.
However 23 years later I tried again to find out some information, this was because I now had a son of 13yo who was asking me questions about our paternal and maternal family history, of which I knew next to nothing and still don’t. However I did at the time after some digging manage to get a photo copy of my Birth Record from the original register of Assisi from the Catholic Children’s Society, funny that, as I was told previously no records of me existed! I also found out through that record I was baptised by the Parish Priest of St Josephs on the day of discharge from Assisi which was 20th June 1963. Again I find it funny that they said back in 1983 they could not help as it was this church that had baptised me! One other nugget of information on that extract from the Birth Register was it had a name for my father, who was an Iraqi Army Officer, unfortunately this piece of information has never lead to any other leads in tracing him or anything else about him.
I do know that I was never formally adopted, and sense that I was given away to my so called foster parents. This may have been instigated by a Miss XXXXXX who appears to be some sort of private welfare officer who was involved with my maternal mothers confinement.
Unfortunately my foster mother (FM) would never give me any information on how she came about me, and also went to great lengths to avoid having to explain anything to Social Services on the very rare and I mean rare occasions that they visited the foster home and so eventually Social Services became very suspicious, but back in those days they do not appear to have had any powers to do anything about it..
I assume my FM has passed on now, as when I was placed with her in 1963 she was already 51 years old, she privately fostered other children, mainly for 2 or 3 years duration whilst the parents were in the UK training as Nurses or Midwives, they then in the main went back to their country of origin with their parents.
I had a very Dickensian and quite a brutal upbringing in the foster home and it came as a great relief to eventually go into the care of the local authority when I was 13yo. Despite a long list of social workers who were assigned my case, not one of them managed to find out my history, how I ended up in the foster home or anything about my BM. I managed to obtain my council care records in 2007 which bears this out.
My experience in the foster home was the main reason I chose after I was taken into care to have limited contact with my foster mother, my main reason for maintaining any contact was purely in the hope that she would one day give me the information on my birth mother and father and how I had ended up in her care, however that was not to be and I finally broke all contact with her after my own son was born in the early 90's.
To be continued as not enough space in text box
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My story part 2 - continuation of previous post
I find it strange that in this day and age that their is still so little known about these organisations that operated as M&B homes and think it is time (well overdue) that there is full disclosure by them, as I am sure they collected more information (records) than just the scant details entered on a register of births. For instance they were in many cases paid to provide this so called service and many operated the homes on a commercial basis so must have kept other records. For instance, in my case who is the Welfare worker Miss XXXXX mentioned on the register and what was her role, especially in my ending up as I did in the foster home and to which the authorities themselves had no knowledge?
I have all but given up now on finding out more information, as I am aware that my BM got married (not to my father) around 1969 and had other children, I even tracked down a marriage certificate for her, however I feel (if she is alive) that she does not want to be found and have put it down to her experience of having me in the circumstances she did.
What is sad about all this is I may have maternal relatives still alive that don't know I exist, as well as half brothers and sisters from my birth mothers subsequent marriage. If not for me it would be good to be able to have some information to pass onto my son, as a family unit it is just me and him on my side of the family, although he has an extended family and half brothers on his mums side.
I wish you all the best in your own personal searches and hope that you find what you are seeking,
Best Wishes
Damian
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Hi Damian
Welcome to Rootchat and thanks for posting.
Sadly, along with others in this topic, your story is not unusual.
The Assisi (Mother & Baby) Grayshott was previously known as St Josephs.
It was run and used by Portsmouth Catholic Social Service Council, Crusade of Rescue, and St Francis Childrens Society.
Surviving records are from 9 Jan 1952 - 7 Oct 1975 and should be held by Catholic Childrens Society, Arundel & Brighton, Portsmouth & Southwark.
Earlier records are believed to have been destroyed.
If you feel your birth mother, half siblings and other birth relatives may still be alive, it might be worth contacting your local Social Services dept and ask for help from their intermediary service to try and put you in touch with her and them. Television programmes such as Long Lost Family make it appear so easy to do but it is not something to attempt on your own.
At the time of your birth, it was the norm for there not to be any further contact but moralities and sensitivities to this situation have changed over the years.
I wish you good luck.
Dawn
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Hi Dawn
Many thanks for your post in response to mine...
The issue of getting access to records of what went on and the full motivation, reasons as to why it went on, has never been fully addressed here in the UK as well as in other countries around the world where this practice went on.
There appears to me to be a concerted effort by those organisations involved, or with the knowledge and the answers to these questions, in leading all of those affected a merry dance with as many twists and turns and smokescreens to cover up what they have done and know, thereby leading to many of those (Babies and Mothers) who are / were affected by their actions to give up.
The minimum that should happen is a full public inquiry and an apology for this practice that has exponentially affected many, many lives over the decades, and not just those of us who were born in those institutions and our mothers who gave birth to us, as it has had a much wider impact that still resonates today.
I thank you for the heads up on the organisations you mention and their possible possession of records. I will follow up as this is new information to me that I have not found on my own research, so thanks again. The issue is that these organisations are like chameleons and shut down / change their names, re-create themselves to put people off pursuing the "source of truth" of why they existed and what they were up to by creating obstacles as to accountability for their past actions.
I am in touch with Paul Redmond the author of The Adoption Machine, which is a work by Paul on the forced adoption and practices of the mother and baby homes in Ireland. Paul is a Chairperson of the Coalition of Mother and Baby Homes Survivors of Ireland and was himself born into a M&B in 1964. He has told me he is currently reading up on the UK system.
I think it is about time this whole sorry affair is bought into the open once and for all, to give those who have been through this practice answers to their questions and peace.
Once again, I sincerely thank you for your information and reply to my post, I am not getting any younger and my motivation now is to know why?
Best wishes
Damian
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Message for NannySmith....
so sorry I must have hit the wrong thing on my phone to your PM... So you would have got no reply from me to your query and I can't seem to go back.....! Please do contact me again so I can respond to your queries direct..
Best wishes
Damian
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Hi Damian,
We just a blank message from you with a "." We received this because you replied to your notification of a PM from NannySmith. To access your pm you just need to log in and click on "My Messages" and it will be there for you to reply to.
Regards
Sarah
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Thanks Sarah!
I am still finding my way around this site, so please excuse my clunkiness...
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One last post from me today, is that I have now after so long not thinking about things as to why I was in a foster home at the age of 6 weeks old, and for so many years afterwards before being taking into care (a children's Home), is something (a memory) that popped into my head last night!
So my foster mother mentioned once that I had not long been in her care.. still only weeks old, when she received a message to take me to an address on the Chiswick, High Road in SW London and hand me over there to staff...
So she went along and was confronted with a shop front, when she went in she was confronted by member of staff and an old fashioned shop counter. She was apparently supposed to just hand me over, but asked "where is he going"... to which the reply was "it doesn't matter to you", but my foster mother decided that as they would not answer her questions to walk out again with me in her arms... she told me that as she left she heard them saying "you don't know what you are doing, he is better off being left here."
That said, I don't think I ever had a better life in the care of my foster mother thereafter, just that she never handed me over to what was possibly an office / handover point for babies for adoption...
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Don't give up hope Damian,you already have lots of information regarding your birth Mother ie that she married etc. If she is still alive, You may be right and she may not want to have any contact, but she might. She may have buried you deep in her heart but I am sure that she has never forgotten you. Times were so different then, these evil places, and they were evil in lots of cases were able to exist with very little controls, purely under the flag of religion.
You almost certainly have half brothers, sisters and wider family who won't be bound by old prejudices and who I am sure would love to know about you.
Keep searching.
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Thank you MC....
You mention that your that your husband grew up in Cedar Cottage .... from my own research this was a property that was actually in the grounds of Assisi.. Zoopla the online estate agency data bank and other reference sources also has Cedar Cottage as part of the Assisi estate before it was sold. Apparently it was a self contained property for the gardener of Assisi within the grounds?
Therefore I assume your husbands family may have been employed by the nuns and lived in a property on the grounds of the convent..
If that is the case than maybe there are other avenues to explore re. what was going on there at the time it operated as a M&B home and even maybe previously to it being acquired by the nuns.. ??
Kind regards
Damian
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http://www.johnowensmith.co.uk/headley/Cath-Church%20PDF%20book.pdf
Hi all... the above link is to research on a book from the site I got the below extract from.. some people seem to have more info than others! John Owen Smith...!
"Rev. Fr. Mulvaney SJ, the Chaplain at Assisi in Hammer Lane stirring sermons and always on his bike (which went to Charles Cornish in Trunch!). There are at least 7 Baptismal Registers for Assisi at St. Josephs.
Lots of enquiries after the Franciscan Sisters of the Divine Motherhood closed it down from Mothers trying to trace their Children – my cousin Paul Wilkes amongst them. (Who did find my Aunt his Mother – extraordinary story of love and perseverance). We contributed for many years at the Franciscan Sisters home at Mount Alvernia at Bramshott, (Now Shannon Court). Mark and Paul Tantum serving on numerous occasions and Mark nearly always fainting in the heat of the Chapel.
Christ The King was a team effort always."
I draw your attention to the fact he says "We contributed for many years etc" and "There are at least 7 Baptismal Registers for Assisi at St. Josephs. "
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By the way - before any moderator decides to delete or edit my last post - I would like to point out that what I have posted is already out there in the public domain, which is how I found it... so by moderating or deleting you will be denying free speech.
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By the way - before any moderator decides to delete or edit my last post - I would like to point out that what I have posted is already out there in the public domain, which is how I found it... so by moderating or deleting you will be denying free speech.
Damian, your posts have never been edited or deleted so I have no idea why you have posted this ??? ???
Sarah
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Hi Damian,
I have just talked through houses and dates with my husband. I misnderstood about the proximity of Cedar Cottage to Assisi.
My husband's Father was not employed by the nuns. They moved as a family to a cedar Cottage in 1946/7 and left in 1953. Cedar Cottage belonged to a Mr and Mrs A Board who lived at Plaster Hill, Headley Road Churt. My husbands Father worked on Mr. Board's farm.
Cedar Cottage is situated 5 houses down towards Churt and when last we visited a few years ago, it still had the large Monkey Puzzle tree in the garden. Going up the road from Cedar Cottage towards Assisi, next was a pair of semi detached cottages one was occupied by a family named Gale and the other by someone called Marshall who later went to work for the Boards as their gardener. There were two more cottages and then the Assisi home.
My husband thinks that there may have been a house in the grounds of Assisi for a gardener or maybe they owned one of the 2 cottages immediately next to the home. Assisi definitely didn't own Cedar Cottage during those years.
It was a small community in Hammer Lane and Assisi was part of it but they didn't intigrate, my husband says he was frightened of the nuns. My Mothet in law used to talk to the girls and some came in for a cup,of tea, but it wasn't encouraged by the nuns.
I do hope you get some answers, I know how important it is to find out family history. I can be a very long process and the Catholic Church haVe an awful,lot to answer for.
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Dear MC
Many, many, thanks for your post.. and sincere apologies from me if I came across as curt or accusing in my previous post, it was not what I meant, I was trying to just put my own limited knowledge of what I believe I know of Assisi and the order of Nuns who ran it into perspective.
re. Cedar Cottage, it was based on a thread I have come across for another property in the grounds of Assisi, and that it was maybe the house that the priest or chaplain lived in... however I will need to go back and research that again as I did not bookmark it for some reason... But remember it is a piece of info I came across quite recently. Apologies again!
However, I intend to start looking at other databases and information regarding the property soon, such as the land registry. But until then I have kept my research broad to start with, so that I can then drill down in to the minutia and follow qualified leads. "Dig deep and deep wide is my motto"
As mentioned in a previous post of mine, I actually visited the property (in 1983) when it had, as far as I know, literally only just changed hands into private homes... although I never had the opportunity to explore it.
What is interesting to me now, among lots of other things, is the fact that the Franciscan Sisters of Divine Motherhood who were at Assisi, are now still going in another guise as the FMDM, I can qualify that fact as I emailed the FMDM a few years ago via an eform on their own website, and received a reply which I still have on file, which is irrefutable that they are the one and same organisation.
I find this extraordinary, that they are still running a business (charity, call it what you will!) out of other peoples misery. As of the end of 2016 they were worth over £90m GBP http://fmdminternational.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016-Signed-accounts-1.pdf
I take on board that my rants on here may seem self obsessed and not in the spirit of the original post of this forum, but to all who read this that have been affected by the events of this travesty, I am on your side in just trying to establish the source of truth, based on who, what, where, when, why and ultimately how this ever happened in the first place.
Assisi is the tip of the iceberg, M&B's existed all across the UK and the Catholic church in my mind were the architects of them, regardless of the faith and motivations of other organisations which also ran them, it was a Catholic concept and model. This is because government and the social care system of the time was woefully lacking, although some may say they were in collusion with the process, after all it was unregulated and an easy way for them to fulfil their own so called purposes.
We are none of us getting any younger, and we all still have lots of questions as to our beginnings and the families we don't know... my belief is that there is a lot of information out there that you and I do not have access to... so my own personal mission is to bring it into the light!
Best wishes to you all, however please feel free to contact me with any queries.
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Hi Damian,
Thank you for your reply. I didn't think you were curt at all, I know from my own research for a friend who was adopted (not through a M and B home thankfully) how difficult and frustrating it can be. I got lucky and it was Rootschat that gave me the answers in the end.
In Octiober we have some friends visiting. They are of similar age to my husband and grew up in Churt. They are/were staunch Catholics. They stopped all association with the church over the recent sex scandal that have come to light involving the church. They may be able to suggest avenues that you could take for information and/or people who you could contact. It is worth a try, I will contact you again after their visit if there is anything worth passing on.
Keep searching, there will be something out there that will be the break through for you. Because the scandals revolving around these faith organisations are coming out now, there will, at some point, be a full enquiry into all aspects of their actions and they won't be able to hide for ever.
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Dear MC
I hope you don't mind my informality in abbreviating your online name of choosing to MC... ? My friends call me Damo.. amongst other things, and you are welcome to use it. :) as a friend I feel I am getting to know.
I would like to thank you for your reply and post to my last rant as it is much appreciated. In as much as someone else is out there (i.e you) willing to take on board that something wrong has happened in our near past and this has never been fully addressed yet, if even acknowledged properly, which in my mind it hasn't.
I am aware that there is a public inquiry going on as we speak into the M&B (and Tuam) issue that happened in Ireland and that the findings there are due to be reported in February next year (2019).. Hopefully the practices that were pursued over there will lead to a more open dialogue as to what then also went on over here in the UK. I believe that many Irish mothers were shipped to the UK to have their babies, and think that this is what may have happened to my Mother.
So in my mind the Irish M&B and UK M&B issues are totally interlinked if not the same issue, and therefore the Catholic church has a lot more to answer for, then just the fact this was going on in Ireland. As we know Assisi existed and was a processing house for so called fallen women and their unborn children! I hate that whole part of it... why they treated these poor woman and new born as pariahs and not as humans.
I will continue doing my research into my background and trying to trace my family, If I don't succeed then nothing ventured nothing gained, my own son can if he wants to carry on pursing the truth and family we don't yet know.
With regards to any further info you may have on Assisi, either historic or new, I would be very interested in receiving any updates you come across.
Thanks for your time, correspondence and understanding.. I hope we speak soon
Best wishes
Damo
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Hi Damian (or Damo, my name is Mary by the way!)
I have great sympathy with your search and will certainly let you know if I am able to find any more I formation that may be useful. I think that often it is a small piece of the jigsaw that begins to make sense of it all.
As I have intimated, I have a very good friend who was adopted. She wasn't told until she was 20 and then they wouldn't tell her anything else. Her adoptive Mother died first. When her Father died she found a suitcase of papers including her adoption papers. It was 1943, wartime and she was privately adopted. The papers gave her birth Mother's name and my friend's given given name which was Megan. I have always had an interest in family history and so started to search for her. To cut a very long story short, I was able to glean some information but the search suddenly went dead. I put a post on Rootschat with all the information that I knew ( and was told off by a moderator because I had used names of people who could still be Alive!) Fair comment, I hadn't read the conditions properly. Several months later I received a post from someone who claimed to be related and living in America and then all the pieces fell into place - just like that!
I say all if this to Let you know that nothing is impossible and even when dealing with places that hide behind the wall of religion, they will eventually be defeated. The Catholic Church is being exposed as being an organisation full of corruption.
As I have already said, our friends from Churt were very involved in the Catholic Church in that area until the sex scandals that have been exposed in recent years. They might know someone who could help with information, I am hopeful that they will remember something that will assist.
In the meantime - good luck with your search, and I will Get back in touch whatever the outcome.
.
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Just a quick comment, having read your post again, I can confirm that my husband's brother, who is 3 years older does remember that a lot iof the girls were Irish and he thinks that you are absolutely right that many girls were "shipped" off to Assisi to have their babies.
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Thank you Mary...
Your correspondence and info. is very much appreciated...
It is such a shame that the people who know all about this sorry saga still decide to say nothing... Well one day the truth will out as they say..
That said I will carry on regardless in my quest for knowledge... It is just a matter of time. And if I don't work it out then maybe my son will...
Best wishes as always
Damian
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Hi all...
Just wanted to share some info on Assisi that some of your previous posts have asked for with regards the property itself and what it was like.. As I have mentioned in my previous posts, I was almost certain that there was a cottage in the grounds from older research I had undertaken back in the 1980's, and that Assisi was a large property, maybe even an estate with a big Edwardian house as well as other ancillary buildings, that then became the M&B home we all want to know more about run by the nuns! I know for a fact Assisi was a large Edwardian property as I have seen it for myself from the outside, what I don't know is how it came to be what it became.
This link https://www.primelocation.com/for-sale/details/46635387#hXyRqUYoPv9k1r0c.97 is details on a cottage in the grounds which is attributed to a gardeners cottage. I believe that there may have been another property in the grounds also which was for the priest. My next steps is to find out who built the house, why, and when the nuns got hold of it and turned it into a M&B.
On another note, I found many references to Assisi in this link below (although you have to scroll through the postings to find them)... that said I think the author is missing the point! And does not reflect what many of us know or believe, that said I will leave it to you to decide.
https://www.thetcj.org/child-care-history-policy/mother-and-baby-homes-by-jill-nicholson
Best wishes as always
Damo
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http://www.motherandbabyhomes.com/
The above link, and very comprehensive work on M&B's I totally attribute to Rose Bell the author and thank her for work and diligence on this matter....
That said, I would like to hear from anyone who has gone through life not being adopted after birth in an M&B, as there in lies another story yet to be told...
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https://media.onthemarket.com/properties/3943824/doc_0_0.pdf
"Built, we believe, around 1880 St Clares cottage sits in the grounds of the old
Assisi Convent set amongst woodland. St Clares is believed to have been
a Priests cottage up until the early 1980s when the convent and land was
sold to a local builder. The builder converted the large convent building into
four individual homes and as part of this work St Clares underwent complete
renovation as well. St Clares has an original stained glass feature that was
fully restored by the present owners."
Copyright attributed to Peter Leete and partners The Green, Headley Road, Grayshott,
Hindhead, Surrey GU26 6LG
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I was born at Assisi,Hammer Lane in 1960. I’m just starting out on the road to finding out details about my birth Mum. Fascinating insight into the stories of the Mothers who went there and the children born there and the history of these places. Thanks you to all the People who have posted here over the years. And thank you Damien Keady and Mullion Cove for all the recent info.
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I was adopted by an anazing family. I always say I won the adoption lottery. Great childhood. Fantastic life overall. My curiosity about my birth only surfaced after i had my own children. Any help gathering information is much appreciated.
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https://www.google.co.uk/maps/place/Hammer+Ln/@51.1269664,-0.785949,140a,35y,70.9h,47.04t/data=!3m1!1e3!4m5!3m4!1s0x4874331abae9502f:0xca0e29af7f7e79c7!8m2!3d51.1244889!4d-0.7832129
Google Sat Nav view of Assisi as is now... lots of land and property.. little cottage on RH side near road is the former priests house
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apologies for my quick replies and lack of detailed information. however I seem to keep losing my longer posts that i have written in a blink of an eye..... no conspiracy theories here, but just what is happening! oops
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I just wanted to make sure that all those searching on here are aware of a few things...
Surrey and Hampshire have had a few boundary changes in the past.
Churt, Headley, Hindhead, Grayshott and Alton are all relevant areas of previous addresses for Assisi... they are all the same address just changed over the years.
The postcode for those that need to see the place is GU26
Kiln Way ran at the back of the property GU26 6JF - but the priest house is at GU26 6JD and the same block of land as Assisi on hammer lane
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You just find out more and more if you look... what is a pump house anyone know... https://www.zoopla.co.uk/property-history/st-clares-cottage/hammer-lane/grayshott/hindhead/gu26-6jd/22418792
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Hi all... Just putting this out there as yet another example of major abuse by the Catholic Church... https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-45500072
It makes M&B Homes pale into some sort of insignificance maybe?... but actually in my mind they are all linked and disgusting... How can the rest of the world let the slow release of abuse by the church be not investigated and punished?
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Hi all...
any one out there any good at maths?
So take a M&B home that can accommodate 36 mums to be at any one time (that's a full house), that has a maternity ward to look after 20 babies at any one time., (Assisi) and confinement was 6 weeks prior to birth and six weeks with baby.. then out the door.
Based on 52 weeks a year and a rolling birth rate / overlap and new residents (based on occupancy above), how many babies were born in a year?
My own calculation / formula has at least 200 babies a year. I might be wrong.. So apologies for that..
However right or wrong I might have been, if you then take the base level and multiply again... for the time (years) this was occurring you are then into the thousands.
Just my thoughts
Damo
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Just bumping.... I had a really good chat this evening with others on this site (not this thread necessarily) who are amazing at finding out info.
Will not mention names, as not allowed methinks, however thanks to you all!
The search goes on though...
Best wishes
Damo
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Damian. When you say “6 weeks after birth then out”, did we babies stay at the home till they had adoptive parents to go to?
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Hi Newall60.
In answer to your question.
Mothers and babies stayed at the home for 6 weeks after DOB, the reason for this was so they could feed breast feed the babies for the first 6 weeks after birth. As far as I can tell expectant mothers only ever entered the home 6 weeks prior to the DOB. Hence the 12 weeks duration in total. As far as I can tell this was strictly adhered to.. there was no leeway in the process.
Those mothers who were returning home, trying to make a go of it on their own (extremely difficult for them to be allowed to do so, most babies were adopted) or were going to families who were supportive, took their babies with them when they left the home. Those whose babies were up for adoption, if an adoptive family had been found gave up their babies on the day of discharge or even before they left the home.
Those babies who were up for adoption but had no adoptive parents lined up went on to baby nurseries (factories) run by the Catholic church until they were eventually adopted, or were as in my case supposedly privately fostered, however I challenge that as I think babies were given away to so called foster parents as this was a way of keeping the wheels turning, as there was probably not enough potential adoptive parents for the amount of babies born. So to be clear, at 6 weeks old mother and baby were separated, as either mothers (sometimes forcibly) signed over their babies for adoption, or if they were not legally of age to do so, then a guardian or family member did it for them. All babies were by default baptised before they left the M&B home, in my case it was on the day of discharge
I have attached a template of what the register at Assisi and other institutions recorded during the mothers confinement and birth of baby. They are just the headings of what was inputted into a hand written register for each individual mother and baby in the home. I have a copy of mine which took me a long time to track down and get a copy of from the Catholic Children's Society... formerly the adoption society. I will elaborate more on what was recorded under each heading in another post. It was scant information but more than I had known before I got hold of a copy.
I am not sure if I have answered your question but hope this helps.
Best wishes
Damo
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Hi All..
This link below is so sad, but gives insight into M&B Homes in Ireland back in the day as they say.. I am not saying the same occurred here in the UK, but that M&B homes here in the UK (Catholic ones anyway) do trace back to there and follow a pattern.
Some of you may already be familiar with Tuam ... as it has been in the media a lot recently, as well as over the past few years. However please don't read this if you are not already familiar as it is very upsetting, even for me, but I find it very insightful of the times, even if we are only talking about decades since this practice of M&B Homes went on. That for me is the issue, it is a still living memory and will be for generations to come.
https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2017/10/28/world/europe/tuam-ireland-babies-children.html (https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2017/10/28/world/europe/tuam-ireland-babies-children.html)
D
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“If you don’t find something, you don’t leave it. You ask why it’s not there. You use ‘why’ a lot.”
Quote above from Catherine Corless - bless you Catherine..
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catherine_Corless
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Thanks for that reply Damien. I have a vaccination paper signed by my birth Mum 10 weeks after I was born at the home. I’m guessing now that it was pre signed and then dated when I was handed over to my adoptive Mum and Dad. Out of interest,and sorry if I seem nosey, did you ever meet your birth mum.
Ernie
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Hi Ernie
Hope you are well and apologies for my slow reply..
I can't say for a fact that babies were never in a M&B home for longer than 6 weeks after birth, as I honestly just don't know. Sorry..
All I can say is everything I have read up on M&B Homes, as much as I can find out so far, leads me to believe that it would have been extremely unusual for either Mother or Baby to still be in the home much after 6 weeks after DOB. But not impossible...
With regards to your 2nd question, yes I did meet my mother later on (twice very briefly)... I was in my teens, she instigated the contacts, then she went missing again almost immediately after and I have had no contact since, which is almost 40 years now.. My so called Foster Parents never told me anything about my background or birth parents, I eventually ended up in council care (first an Assessment Centre and then a children's Home) and am still trying to find out what I can now, as are many others.
Not sure how much this helps, but I do wish you all the best, and never give up looking.. one day you may find what it is you are looking for..
All the best
Damian
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Thank you Damian. All the best to you,
Ernie.
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Hi all...
Just keeping this thread open for all of us..
I am still seeking my own history and have been very busy lately and especially lucky to have someone who I can't name on here helping me.... I think that person knows who they are though....
Don't give up people... really don't give up..
I don't have a definitive history yet on my family background and it does seem quite complex, but I do feel I am making headway.. At least I know I am Irish now!!!!
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On my mothers side that is... Definitely Irish.. a Galway Girl.... I have now a long history of family in Galway
I have still a still a long way to go to get my father,,, but as always I am hopeful for the next piece of information that will give me more insight.
As mentioned, my journey is really about my son and his need to know... who, what where, when why and then eventually how.. although how doesn't really compute...
Take care all
Big love as always
Damo x
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The reason is, I need to know what happened to me for my own sanity.. and then to work out where I come from and who I am. So who my Mother, Father and wider family are or were. I am working on it.
Assisi was my place of birth, I know that much, it's what happened afterwards I am still trying to track down and piece together, for example why was my maternal mother there in the first place.. Who was my father etc
Although I know I ended up in a so called "private foster home" in Putney, SW London, I know nothing as to why I was placed there and who my real family are.. Also take "private foster home" with a pinch of salt, it was not a nice place to be!
Although I do know my Maternal mother was Irish and Catholic to boot.. When I do this family research I look also for my father, who is yet to be found. But I still think that there are closed records that would help us all if we had access to them.. the problem is they aren't open and we all need to jump through hoops and expend money to try and get anywhere.
I would like to say a big thanks though to [url]https://movementforanadoptionapology.org/]https://movementforanadoptionapology.org/][url]https://movementforanadoptionapology.org/ (http://[url=https://movementforanadoptionapology.org/)[/url]
But like I have said to them just recently, they are only dealing or looking at adopted children and not those of us that were not adopted, but maybe just given up / given away. Placed in Children's homes etc
My search for the source of truth goes on.. As soon as I have more I will post again..
Best wishes to you all
D
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Gidday Damo,
I’m not sure where to start but you seem very informed. I’m in NZ (born and bred) and found out that my mum who is now deceased, had another girl, 4 years before me in the Assisi Home on Grayshott, Alton. Now that the place is gone, how do you start looking for records?
PS I’ve enjoyed reading your very insightful posts.
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Hi Kirsten
Thanks for your message and sorry for my tardy reply to your post.. but thanks so much for getting in touch.. as that is the first thing to do. Especially with all the secrecy around M&B homes and especially Assisi
I can't give you any definitive answers in this post.. as there are certain policies to adhere to, such as this site is not for finding living relatives apparently, not sure why. . but happy to chat with you 1-2-1.
The info I have on Assisi is still more or less what I have already posted, so worth a read again even for me sometimes, and there are some clues as to where to look.
My best bet for you is to get all the info you have together, names and dates or near dates, etc and post to me a PM..
I will then try and give you a steer on the best organisations to approach.
I hope to hear from you soon.. all the very best
Damo
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Merry Christmas to all who have posted on this thread. I hope all your questions have been answered or you are getting closer to your answers.
Ernie.
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Hi Ernie
Thanks so much for your kind and thoughtful message..
I wish you a happy New Year and prosperous 2019.
All the best
DAMO
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Hi, I came across this post and felt I had to contribute. I was born at the Assisi Home in November 1958, then moved to the nursery in Sheringham, Norfolk where I remained with my birth mother for about 8 months. From there I was returned to the Crusade of Rescue in Ladbroke Grove and fostered from the age of 11 months and subsequently adopted at the age of 4. What I was shocked to learn from your posts was that the nursery in Sheringham was basically a waiting room for babies to be adopted! I had always assumed that the 'kind' nuns had found my mother a job to help her try and keep me. That clearly wasn't the case. To add a twist to the story, when I was 7 years of age, my (adoptive) sister at the age of 17, joined the Franciscan Missionaries of the Divine Motherhood (the same order of nuns that ran Assisi). She remained a num with that order until she died in 2009. Strange coincidence! The nun who signed my birth records was Sister Bernadine. By the time I was old enough to know anything about my beginnings, she had died. I recently read the Baby Laundry for Unmarried Mothers by Angela Patrick which has stirred everything up again. I met my birth mother in 1987, saw her three times and didn't really understand what she must have gone through. Now she has died and now that I am older, I wish I could have had more understanding of her situation. I am a family law solicitor and recently dealt with a complicated and contested adoption. My approach, I suspect, must be affected by my history!
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Hi Annie
Thanks so much for posting and sharing your personal experience on this topic. I think the more people that do post and share, helps many others who have been through the whole M&B Home system, as even the minimal amount of information on a forum like this can hopefully be a little bit of help to others.
For example this particular thread as of today, as I am writing this, has now been read 37,494 times, I think that in itself is indicative of how many people have been affected and are searching to find out more to enable them to put into perspective their beginnings in life, and/or what their birth mothers went through. As it is only now as we are all getting older and through our own shared endeavours, that we are staring to find out drip by drip the truth which has been covered up for so long. Although like you have said, there have now been a few books written about it.
I was sorry to hear your own story, and even though you were taken from your birth mother, I sincerely hope that you had a good experience as an adopted child.
I sometimes wish I had been adopted rather than gone through the childhood I had, but then again if I had been adopted and not experienced what I did, then I might probably not be as interested in my own story and the whole sorry practice of M&B Homes.
I wish you all the very best
DAMO
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Hi Annie
It's me again, sorry to bother you... I hope you are well though!
You mentioned you are a Family Law Solicitor..
Both you and I have something in common, we were both born at Assisi, the place our maternal mothers gave birth to us.. as babies...
Not asking for you to commit at this point in time to anything, but if you would like to explore further the M&B Homes scenario as to what went on and why we struggle to get answers today, I would be more than happy to assist you and also take a lead, in getting some answers or at least some perspective..
As mentioned, there are so many people that just need to know Why...You can PM me on here.
I think your qualification and life skills and my tenacity may get some answers, not just for me and you, but for all those those whose seek the answers to their own questions..
Best wishes for now..
Damo x
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Hi Damo
Thank you for your replies. I just wonder whether we would ever get answers. All the publicity has always surrounded the Catholic church in Ireland but it is frightening to know that the same things were happening in England and went on until well into the 1980s. Thank goodness we are more enlightened these days.
Best wishes to you.
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Hi Annie
I agree.. it is very hard to get anyone, whether organisations, individuals or otherwise to tell us any truth's.
That said we should never give up.. as I would be more than happy to tell my story to the media and take it from there.. with help from them to find out why we have had to endure this.
I have made some very small personal progress on my story, but all it tells me is my natural Irish family are now all dead, that's if I just follow the path I am led to believe.. That is so sad for me..!!
But I don't do just that, so even though I can see family graves in Ireland, and maybe they are all dead, I still want to know why.. and to connect with them as my family...
One day maybe?
Best
DAMO x
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Hello. I thought I’d return to share some news.I was born in The Asssisi home in 1960. I decided last year to try and trace my Birth Mum. Was pretty sure I’d traced her but wanted proof so did a DNA test. Confirmed my investigations. Haven’t seen my Adoption papers yet but have started the process.
Just like yours Damian, my Birth mum was a Galway girl as well!!! Something else we now have in common! Hope all who have posted here are fine.
Ernie
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Hi Ernie
It's so good to hear from you.. and I am so glad you are making headway with your journey of discovery.
Also I would like to thank you very much for staying in touch with this thread... and for posting your updates... thanks ever so much. Really mean that!!
So me and you now both know we are of Irish descent from our birth Mums side.... and we are both from Galway and from the same generation and were both born at Assisi..... It's a small world as the say.. You and I could be related, but it's not for us to explore that on this forum as they frown on it...
That said.. we are both now Galway boys... !!
That means a lot to me as I was never sure of my birth Mum's area of birth or family ties until I researched it last year... My Irish (mums) relatives were from the Barna, Furbo and the Moycullen area of Galway.. Like I said it means a lot to me, I now need to go and plant my feet in the ground over there and soak it all up...
Best wishes Ernie... Hope we speak again soon!
Damian
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Hello again Damien. I’ve been rereading your posts in this thread. So we have Galway roots in common. My roots are Rosmuc, just 30 odd miles away from Barna. More uncanny is that our Mums share the same Christian name. And,,,, they were the same age. Mine was born in 1936.As I was re-reading your posts,,, for a moment or two I thought,,,,!!! Then I re-read where in Galway your mum was from. That would have been wierd!
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Hi Ernie
It's so good to hear from you again and sorry for my tardy response..
However, I am now back on the work treadmill again after 27 months off..!!! Partly my choice to get a job again (I have actually started a business), after being made redundant back in Dec 2016 and deciding back then I wanted to taking some time out, after all if I hadn't, I would probably not have had the luxury to have done the family history research which I have done so far to date.
It's still a long way to go on this journey and it may never end, but at least I have taken the first step. As Confucius said.. "It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop."
You made me laugh with your presumptions... but who knows anything until it can be discounted.. although I agree it would be something of a stretch for me and you to share the same Mum..
We do though both now know we share Irish roots and specifically County Galway... and I am glad you are making progress with your own Ancestry research..
Take care Ernie... one day we may know what is missing from our lives / history.. But we can't turn back the clock.. For me it is all about just a need to know, whatever that may be, I just need to know it all.
Best wishes
Damo
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Hi everyone,
Just wanted to pick up on what Annielaw said about mothers being at Sheringham/being offered jobs by the nuns. I have correspondence between the nun at Assisi and Mother Lelia at Sheringham flagging up my mum as the 'girl she wanted to come and cook for her'. My mum didn't take up the offer. Have to say, I felt it was a pretty insensitive job offer given Mum had had to give me up and would be surrounded by lots of babies at Sheringham, but there you go.
I met with St Francis Childrens' Society social workers and as well as the adoption info I got years ago, managed to get a few more docs out of them. Also I saw a book about Sheringham 'Nursery' and took a pic of Mother Lelia on my phone. Please see attachment.
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Hello all. Just wanted to know if you got my direct message Damien. Can’t seem to find evidence in my messages saying it was sent!!
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Hi Ernie... Message received and have just sent you a reply.. My bad in slow response as have been working non stop recently.
and thanks to rosinamangan for her post on this thread and insight into the nuns, how insensitive of them!
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Thanks to Piers for sharing these photos of The Assisi Home in Hamme Lane.
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Assisi
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Delivery room at Assisi.
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Hi I'm looking for Patricia Mary born to Kathleen Hunt 22nd May 1962 Assisi mother and baby home, Hammer Lane, Greyshott, Surrey. I have information about her brother. Any help appreciated, thanks.
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Hello Everyone!
I am Michael McCarthy (my Birth Name) & was born at Assisi, Hammer Lane, in October 1964 to Patricia, she was an Irish girl who I was told came over from Ireland to have me here. If anyone was there who thinks they may know her please let me know. Every time I read this it stirs me so much that I am in floods of tears for a life lost with Mum... who I know desperately wanted to keep me. She was very young so I dearly hope she still lives.
Love to all of you on here.
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Hello. I am a volunteer researcher for an adoption agency who carries out searches on behalf of adopted adults trying to trace birth family. I have a particularly difficult search at thee moment on behalf of an adopted adult with some life-limiting health issues. Your posts from a few years ago show you had an interest in the mother and baby home in Churt. The place my adopted adult was born was called The Grange, which was in Hindhead and Churt, according to the birth certificate. This seems to be extremely close to the home you talked about in your posts. My question to you is whether the home you refer to could have gone under the name of The Grange, and whether they may be one and the same? I would appreciate any information you can offer. Many thanks. Gail B.
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I was born in Assisi hindhead may 1955 but not officially adopted till December, I have met my birthmither and all my siblings. I found I had been baptized in cork. Any ideas anyone why this would be? I went over to cork after 10 years of talking to the priest who said he saw my record in front of him.. but found no record???
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Rosinamangan hi its Dav63.
Just saw your post, long time since I e looked at site. Cant work out how to reply to you yet . Hope you see this.
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Rosinamangan hi I'm trying to access Personal Messages. Dav63 here, born in 63 at Assisi.
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Hi Dave, seen your message and trying to work out how to add an enclosure.
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Hi all,
Only just found this resource - having only found out that I was adopted (about 3 years ago, when the family of my then-recently deceased mother came searching), deeper investigation showed that I was born at Assisi in Hammer Lane in March 1967.
I have since had contact with that side of my family but would be interested in the conditions that were there at the time.
My current challenge is to try and find my father's side of the family. We have a name, a rough birthdate and the fact that he was Irish (and returned to Ireland before I was born) but not much else. If anyone has any tips on where to go from here - much appreciated.
Cheers
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Have you got your adoption file? If not, it might really help you to have it. Mine had where my BF came from. Sadly, it's worth checking deaths for that name, both in the UK and Ireland as people frequently moved between the two for work. If it's a common name, and also remember if you were known as John, your actual name might be Patrick but you were called that to differentiate in a family. Sorry if I am painting a bleak picture.
If you find out where he came from, a lot of villages pages on FB and they are brilliant for all the old pictures; football teams, social events.
Best of luck
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Hi all. I'm John. Born in Assisi Mother & Baby Home, March 2, 1967. Birth mother and father from Wexford, Ireland. From Assisi I went to Sheringham and was adopted from there by an American couple stationed in England. Adopted father was in the US Air Force. They took me to the US when I was about 2 years old. Bottom line, I've had a great life with an awesome adopted family and extended relatives. I met my birth mother and birth father in 2008. They married a couple of years after my birth and adoption. They had 3 daughters, who are all married with children. So know I have an entire second family in England, Ireland, and Scotland. It's been an amazing experience. My birth mother's time at Assisi must have been difficult and traumatic. She doesn't like to talk about it and I stopped asking because I don't want to upset her about this time of her life. I located my birth family using a woman based in the UK who does that kind of thing for a living. Her name is Celia Heritage and she found my birth mother very fast with minimal information I was able to provide. Hope this helps some of you.
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Rosina, I had never heard what you said "if you were known as John your actual name might be Patrick". Can you explain that a bit more? My birth mother gave me a name, which I know, but my adopted parents renamed me after adoption. But both names are very similar. Thanks, John
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What I meant by the naming thing. Because of large families with a lot of people with the same name, which was a hangover from the defined Irish naming structure is First son after paternal grandfather, first daughter after paternal grrandma, on a daily basis, names could be confusing. So while a person might be christened Patrick John, to differentiate from his dad having the same name, the son might be known as John or Sean. It makes tracing more interesting.
Interesting about Sheringham and the US Air force connection. Not sure where I read this, but because of the airbases in Norfolk, Sheringham sent a lot of kids to the US. Glad you had a good adoption and reunion.
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Hi there,
I've read through the posts. I just wanted to include myself here. I was born at Assisi in 1958. My mother only ever spoke of Assisi with a lot of love. She loved the nuns and she was treated well by them. She kept her baby (me) and that must have made a big difference to how she experienced her time there. I am named Frances after Assisi. I believe that for my mother at least this place was a refuge and a place of safety and tranquility.
best wishes
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Hi MC2919 and welcome to RootsChat, so pleased for you and your Mum and that it was a happy ending for you both, thanks for sharing.
Carol
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Hello. I am a volunteer researcher for an adoption agency who carries out searches on behalf of adopted adults trying to trace birth family. I have a particularly difficult search at thee moment on behalf of an adopted adult with some life-limiting health issues. Your posts from a few years ago show you had an interest in the mother and baby home in Churt. The place my adopted adult was born was called The Grange, which was in Hindhead and Churt, according to the birth certificate. This seems to be extremely close to the home you talked about in your posts. My question to you is whether the home you refer to could have gone under the name of The Grange, and whether they may be one and the same? I would appreciate any information you can offer. Many thanks. Gail B.
Hi Gail, sorry not able to answer your questions but also interested in the location. I was also born at The Grange (1947)and keep wondering the same. I have a postcard sent from there that I found online. Would be very interested to know if it is the same place.
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Does anyone with a history at Assisi remember a young Irish girl called Maureen Brosnan who was there and gave birth to a boy on the 7th of March 1967? Or another young Irish girl, Elizabeth Kelly, who gave birth to a baby boy on 2 March 1967, also at Assisi?
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Hello everyone,
I am writing an article about Mother and Baby homes and would love for people to share any stories I can include or information. It is for my university coursework and I am struggling to find as much research as I would have hoped. Please message me directly if possible :) best wishes x
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Hello to all,
I hope you are keeping well? I have been researching my family history and I was born in Assisi House in 1968. I have heard some horrific stories about the house. I know that my Mother was left for three days in labour until the Nuns finally intervened. My Great Aunt had a baby in 1939/1940 and was subjected to enormous cruelties there and we finally found out that her baby was shipped off to America and sold to a family there. I am trying to trace her at the moment. I have helped a few people trace their BMs.
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You might want to call it something as well as Assisi as along with the Saint, it's a place and just having a quick search, there's a lot of Assisi on FB.
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MC 2019, having checked RootsChat a number of times for Assisi Mother & Baby Homes, and having read some horrible reports, I was so happy to see that your mom had had a positive experience. I too was treated well at Assisi, and I don't recall anyone who was there with me at that time complaining.l was there in 1962, perhaps we had different nuns during my stay, but I certainly did no hard labor of any kind. One or two nuns may have been a little taciturn at times, but they had their hands full caring for us. We were able to look after our babies, and received valuable assistance in caring for them. I carried much of that knowledge into raising my later children. I had a difficult delivery, and had to be transferred to a hospital in Guilford. At the rear of the house there was a veranda outside the nursery, and we would wheel the babies cots outside for some fresh air. Occasionally prospective adoptive parents would be allowed to look at the babies. My son was not up for adoption how ever, and I left Assisi early, having had folks eyeing my son one too many times.
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Hello. I was born in the 1960's, in Alton, Hampshire, at a mother and baby home. Would this be the Assisi home? For some reason I recall my parents (adoptive) referencing St. Joseph's Children's hospital and Catholic Children’s Homes. Am I on the right feed? I would like to start tracing my biological family.
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Yep. I always thought it should be called St Francis rather than St Joseph because there's a St Francis of Assisi but the Home was St Joseph. Sorry for the brief reply.
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Thank you for your quick response. So St. Joseph was the name of the mother-baby home on the Assisi property in Alton/Churt on Hammer Road? Are the pictures shared in the previous posts of that home? Sorry but it’s fascinating to think I was born in that building. Does anyone have an exact address? Thank you again.
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One thing has happened to me recently that I want to share, in case it has wider implications. I was born at Assisi (Hammer Lane) in 1967. I only found out I was adopted a few years ago (by which time my adopted father had died and my mum had dementia). I'm not really complaining about anything as I had a great upbringing and we were all very close.
Very recently, however, it has unfolded that my birth records are incorrect and that the birth family with whom I met a few years ago and have bonded with, are not my actual birth family> DNA tests have revealed that I am related to a different family.
The conclusion is that I have the wrong birth record. Weirdly, it also means my birth date is wrong (which I find oddly unsettling). I have recently met my real birth family and they are great, thankfully.
Just wondered if anyone else has had a similar situation?
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Hi I'm looking to hear from anyone who was at Assisi in Churt or born there in and around February 1961. My mother was there and gave birth to Angela Joan on 27th Feb. She was adopted by an American couple and subsequently went to live in the USA. Angie found us in 2015 but sadly our mother had already passed away, taking her very sad secret to the grave with her. We are in particular keen to speak with Mike Fletcher, who's' mother Angela, we think, was there at the same time. We have a feeling that both mums became friends and that my sister was named after her? It's just a hunch and would like to know if anyone else could shed some light please .....
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The address is Hammer Lane, Churt, Hampshire. Found it with my sister, who was born there in 1961, about 3 years ago. Be careful though because there are 2 Hammer Lanes!! The correct one is a windy, dark, eerie place with few buildings. Assisi is on the right hand side as go down the hill. It's very easy to miss, but there is a small name sign on the ground. We met the people who live there and they are used to people knocking on their door. It was a very emotional experience and cannot imagine how the poor girls got to this place in those days .......
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Hello.Hope everyone is well.
Ive popped back to read posts that I’ve missed. With regards to the name St Joseph as opposed to St Francis, the local catholic parish church is St Josephs,so maybe it’s connected to that?
Also, on another now deleted thread on the home,someone posted that they were a cab driver and that he felt sorry for the heavily pregnant girls as he dropped them off at the entrance by the road as the nuns wouldn’t let him drive right up to the door.
Take care.
Ernie.
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Hi Dee and Carriex, I have recently learnt that my parents had a baby boy out of wedlock and that the baby was born in the Assisi home. I am just starting to search for my brother who born there in 1947. Leaving him was something my parents regretted for the rest of their lives. I only have his birth certificate before adoption, have form filled to request access to the records to try and find his adopted surname. Any tips on searching would be gratefully received, I am conscious that he is 77 (hopefully he is alive and happy/content with life); so I want to find him as soon as possible.
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I am looking for anyone that might have been at the Infant Home on Hammer Lane in 1961/1962/1963? I was born Dec. 31, 1961 at this home, my birth mother gave me up for adoption. My birth name was Bernadette Keogh or Keough. I was adopted from the home in 1963 by an USAF couple then soon after they took me back to the US, New York state, as that was where they were from. I have been searching fervently to find my birth mom, or dad, but have had no luck.
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I am sorry but for privacy reasons, we cannot discuss details of living people on RootsChat.
Trystan
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I am looking for anyone that might have been at the Infant Home on Hammer Lane in 1961/1962/1963? I was born Dec. 31, 1961 at this home, my birth mother gave me up for adoption. My birth name was Bernadette Keogh or Keough. I was adopted from the home in 1963 by an USAF couple then soon after they took me back to the US, New York state, as that was where they were from. I have been searching fervently to find my birth mom, or dad, but have had no luck.
Welcome to rootschat. :)
I know this thread has been running for a while, and I am sure this must have been suggested, but in cases such as yours whirlwindtu, I think taking a DNA test is sure to give you some matches which might be helpful in your search.
If you do decide to test, and need help interpreting your results, just ask on the rootschat DNA board. There are loads of knowledgeable people who will be happy to help you.
Best of luck with your search.
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I am not sure quite what is allowed on these posts as I am new to rootschat so hopefully this will be approved.
My husband was born at Assisi, Hammer Lane on 22nd April 1959. His mother was Wendy Anne, father's name unknown.
His original (pre-adoption) birth certificate named him as Brian Francis. He has never tried to find his birth mother but when I told him I had found this thread he asked me to go ahead and put his details here in case anyone is interested.
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Hi All,
I have been reading through this thread and I found some very similar stories to my own. I was born in Assisi House in July 1968, I was fostered out for a while but I was lucky and my Mum met someone else who she married late in 1969 and we moved to Scotland. I cannot being to imagine what my Mum went through, she came over from Cork with hardly any experience of life and whatever happened to her there she never ever forgot it. I see her physically shudder when I mention it and having read some of the posts, I have more of an understanding why. I would like to hear from anyone who was in the house around May/June/July 1968. Are there any photos from then? I never knew who my Father was and she won't talk about it but I have now gone down the DNA path, who knows what that will uncover. Hoping you are all well, in these very strange times.
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Good Morning All,
I am guessing that no one is reading this thread anymore? If anyone is, I am looking for anyone who was at the M&B home in May/June/July in 1968. Thank you.
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Hi padmo
I was in the mother and baby home Assisi in 1962 from February to July had my daughter in May
When I left I had to take her to the adoption society in Ladbroke Grove London
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Hi all, am so pleased that this thread is being added to. I started it back in 2013. Hope you are all well and keeping safe?
Kindest regards,
Kathryn
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Kathryn,
I was born at the Hammer Lane home, in December of 1961. My birth mom's name was Philomena. She was older compared to the others, about 30 years old at the time of my birth. Did you happen to know her? Thank you.
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Hello all -
My mum was adopted from the Assisi house at 317 Hammer Lane in 1950's to a M M from Australia. Her birth name was Josephine Margaret Monaghan. Might anyone have known her or have a connection to her? Thank you in advance!
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I am sorry but for privacy reasons, we cannot discuss details of living people on RootsChat.
Trystan
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Hi, Whirlwindtu. I wasn't at the Home until 1965 so unfortunately I can't help. I wish you well in your quest.
Kind regards,
Kathryn
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Hi there,
I am posting this for my mother who is not tech savvy at 86 but she gave birth to my sister at this mother and baby home in February 1968. My mum was out of the ordinary as she was in her 30's and a mature devout Catholic who found herself pregnant a long way from home as she was here studying in the UK at the time. She was at the home from the end of January to early February as she only was there at the end of her pregnancy to deliver and kept my sister but she did meet a couple of girls there that she has never forgotten and remembers their stories. To this day she goes on about hoping to meet them again and find out where they are now and how things turned out for them. One young lady in particular as my sister was named after her and she was to name her son a particular name in the event they might meet in the future as that young lady was due to give her baby up for adoption and return to Ireland but was still unsure. There was no guarantee she was having a boy of course it may have been her wish. I won't include too much detail as being younger than my mother she may very well still be alive. Another young lady of about 17 who was English would also have had her baby towards the end of January 1968 and was having to give it up under parental pressure. I believe the adoptive parents visited before the baby was even born so they had already met her and her parents in person so they knew who was having the baby in advance. My mother was a a trainee nurse with maternity experience so the nun's had her do obs on the other mother's during the time she was there taking temperatures, blood pressures etc. She remembers it well even at her age and felt very sorry for many of the girls who were clearly upset at having to give up babies and often terrified of the actual birth process being there young and alone if coming from Ireland or not having relatives who could visit or supportive parents to see them through it. Everyone had a job to do from cleaning to peeling potatoes. My mum was lucky enough to have some experience of nursing and working in midwifery so at least knew what to expect. If anyone was born there between the middle to end of January 1968 and the first week of February 1968 and might know anyone. It would be great for my mum to reconnect with the girls/women she met as she has never forgotten them and we have heard their stories for years and wonder ourselves how life turned out for them.
I hope this post hasn't breached any rules. My mother is happy for me to post this and I have left out names and specific identifying information.
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Hi! Does your mother know of a Margaret Monaghan? She had a baby there in March of 1957 (she has now passed). Thank you!
Hi there,
I've read through the posts. I just wanted to include myself here. I was born at Assisi in 1958. My mother only ever spoke of Assisi with a lot of love. She loved the nuns and she was treated well by them. She kept her baby (me) and that must have made a big difference to how she experienced her time there. I am named Frances after Assisi. I believe that for my mother at least this place was a refuge and a place of safety and tranquility.
best wishes
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https://www.facebook.com/groups/389547376213878
New Private Group to share information/photos/resources
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I have a birth certificate of a child born in 1956, St Francis of Assisi Hammer Lane Grayshot. The father of the child has been left blank. The child was eventually adopted and grew up in Ireland. I am eager to discover the father's name for two reasons. One, he is probably a cousin of mine, according to DNA and the child would like to know the name of her biological father.
I there anyway in which we could discover who he is. He fought hard to resist the adoption process.....
Here's hoping for a reply......many thanks, Steve
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https://www.rte.ie/news/investigations-unit/2021/0302/1200520-who-am-i-the-story-of-irelands-illegal-adoptions/
The link above is to what I have always suspected.. and never mind adoptions legal or otherwise.. this is what I have been challenging the MAA on here in the UK as to why they have never taken up investigating this strand of M&B home babies.. and where we all ended up..
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MY ENQUIRY TO THE MAA Latest Update - Sent THIS EVENING
Hi There..
I am pleased that your campaign has been moving forward and I congratulate you and your team for your diligence, purpose and resilience on this matter.
However I have written to you before on mine and others of my generation, who though not forced adopted, were to all intents and purposes just given away. This is an even more dark side to the whole M&B homes system that is not even being looked at here in the UK.. as it is not even recorded in the same way a baby was adopted.. or even of those mothers and babies that may have died in childbirth in M&B homes.. eg. Tuam in Ireland.
I did at the age of 13yo end up in council care as I was taken away from the foster home I had been dumped in. Whatever you think, don’t take foster home as what they are now in this more enlightened age, I had a brutal Dickensian upbringing, I was just 6 weeks old when I was placed into the “so called foster Home” and it took social services 13 years to knock on the door and ask who is he, where did you get him from, who are his mother and father... They never got any answers BTW.. I was beaten every day and used as a slave in my mind to do what ever my so called “foster mother” tasked me with.
I sort of take on board your campaign is around adoptions, but now that you have traction I think this whole sorry affair of children, sorry, innocent babies just being used as some sort of commodity needs to be widened further, to include all those of us that are not on the radar of those that were adopted and therefore are not documented. I understand each single case is unique as to who, what, were, when and why.... but my concern is “How” did it happen that there is another layer of us un-adopted children that is not even being discussed?
I have done my own research but come up against brick walls as to my own history, once being told there was no record of my existence.. and the sad truth is that is probably true to some extent, but I know from my own efforts my mother was Irish, Catholic to boot, and that her/ my family came from Galway, but not much more really.. other than they are now dead and never knew me.
As I said, I wrote to you some years ago, and I support what you are doing, but you never took on my concerns then, so I doubt you will now, but I feel this enquiry needs to be widened to take on all those un-adopted babies who ended up, well where did they end up??, they are the lost children of which I am one of many.
My only wish now as an old man with a grown up son and a very new baby granddaughter, is to know who we really are.... I know my life story so far has affected all my relationships with those I should love and care for, which is why I am probably single and have lived alone most of my life, even now I am alone.
I do believe though some records however scant must exist somewhere, so I want those records to be made accessible to all those like myself who have been forgotten by the authorities and your campaign, to then have access and support to them , in finding out our back story.. The Catholic Church is one place to look, they have accurate records, including the cover ups they have orchestrated over millennium.
Anyway, as I sit here and write this short note to you, because that is what it is really a “short note”, as I have more to say but don’t want to hijack your project.
If you would like to chat more then let me know...
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I was there in 1967/68 all is true and more my daughter was born in St Luke’s hospital thank god but there was no mercy being there I often wonder about the girls I got to know and where they are now many a day did I walk the length of Hammer Lane just to escape for a while
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#217 Reply
I believe it was thanks to your mother that my daughter was born in hospital as she identified that I was very ill I will always be grateful to her
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Hello. I was born in the 1960's, in Alton, Hampshire, at a mother and baby home. Would this be the Assisi home? For some reason I recall my parents (adoptive) referencing St. Joseph's Children's hospital and Catholic Children’s Homes. Am I on the right feed? I would like to start tracing my biological family.
Hi. I was born in March 1960 at the Assisi Mother and Baby Home, Grayshott. Were you born there at the same time?
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Morning, as you will see I was the lady who started this post. I too was adopted, not born at Assisi though. I managed to find my biological parents although sadly my father had passed in 1961. I had two years with my mother and was with her when she passed away in the University College Hospital in London in 2011. I was at Assisi in 1965, from early August until the end of September. I gave birth to a son who was then adopted. If you would like any help in trying to trace your biological family then private message me. I spent a lot of time researching but my search was fruitful. My family tree that I've built on Ancestry goes back to the 1600's. As above, if you'd like any help with researching then private message me. I am no longer working so have quite a bit of time on my hands.
Kindest,
Kathryn
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Morning, as you will see I was the lady who started this post. I too was adopted, not born at Assisi though. I managed to find my biological parents although sadly my father had passed in 1961. I had two years with my mother and was with her when she passed away in the University College Hospital in London in 2011. I was at Assisi in 1965, from early August until the end of September. I gave birth to a son who was then adopted. If you would like any help in trying to trace your biological family then private message me. I spent a lot of time researching but my search was fruitful. My family tree that I've built on Ancestry goes back to the 1600's. As above, if you'd like any help with researching then private message me. I am no longer working so have quite a bit of time on my hands.
Kindest,
Kathryn
Hi. I have found out who my mother was. She passed away four years ago - too late to have met her unfortunately. I was wondering if any of the mothers who were there in March 1960 knew her or talked to her, so I can find out what she was like and going through at that time.
Regards
Yvonne
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Hi Yvonne, I do hope that someone contacts you that may have known your Mother. This thread seems to be added to from time to time. I am amazed at the amount of people that have contributed over the years.
Take care,
Kindest regards,
Kathryn
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Thank you
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Good afternoon one and all. I hope that you are all well and have been keeping safe?
Does anyone know what the age range was for the Mothers who had babies at Assissi please? I was 15 and had my son when I just turned 16. Not sure what the earliest age of a mother was or what kind of age unmarried mothers could have their babies at Assissi?
I was so young but I do remember most of the girls were older than me.
Kindest,
Kathryn
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I was taken from my birth mother, Bridget T, imediately after I was born on 1940's and taken to Assisi House in Surrey. I was christened Francis Adrian apparently at the request of my future adopted parents and handed to them by the court when twelve weeks old. The Catholic Rescue Society wrote to my parents that the full adoption would not be legal until my first birthday in case my mother changed her mind 'but we knwo she won't'. I was born in Chiswick in what may have been a safe Catholic house but my mother had been moved to Arrarat Rd in west London by the following January. She disappears from all records after that. My 'brother' in my adopted family remembers going to Portsmouth to collect me and being told that my actual mother had come all the way from Ireland to give them her baby. The whole proceedure seems to have been some sort of early mail order/designer baby - date of birth, boy, named Francis Adrian etc.
I would love to find my birth mother's origins and family but all records of adoption prior to 1952 seem to have been destroyed. How do I proceed?
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Good Morning All,
I am guessing that no one is reading this thread anymore? If anyone is, I am looking for anyone who was at the M&B home in May/June/July in 1968. Thank you.
My Mum would have been there in June/July 1968. If you’d like to email I could share more info that we have.
I was fortunate not to be adopted but my mum remembers the door where the ‘respectable’ couple(s) came to “collect” a child.
I’ll talk to her over the next few days and share any other information she can remember.
I’ve interacted with this site before but it was a few years back and have found revisiting so insightful. Thank you everybody.
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I was taken from my birth mother, Bridget T, imediately after I was born on 1940's and taken to Assisi House in Surrey. I was christened Francis Adrian apparently at the request of my future adopted parents and handed to them by the court when twelve weeks old. The Catholic Rescue Society wrote to my parents that the full adoption would not be legal until my first birthday in case my mother changed her mind 'but we knwo she won't'. I was born in Chiswick in what may have been a safe Catholic house but my mother had been moved to Arrarat Rd in west London by the following January. She disappears from all records after that. My 'brother' in my adopted family remembers going to Portsmouth to collect me and being told that my actual mother had come all the way from Ireland to give them her baby. The whole proceedure seems to have been some sort of early mail order/designer baby - date of birth, boy, named Francis Adrian etc.
I would love to find my birth mother's origins and family but all records of adoption prior to 1952 seem to have been destroyed. How do I proceed?
Welcome to rootschat Francis. I can’t help with your specific request, but I suggest you seriously consider taking a DNA test. Any matches you get might lead you to discover more about your birth parents.
You are guaranteed to get a lot of matches, though usefulness of matches can vary, and there are no guarantees of course. :)
Still, you have nothing to lose.
I wish you the best of luck in your search. :)
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Just in case anyone doesn't know about this.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/389547376213878
New Private Group to share information/photos/resources
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Hi
I was there 1968 from January to March, I worked while I was there as a skivvy at the Pythingdean Country Club, did anyone else work there. I particularly remember a girl called Agnetta, she was African and so much fun, she helped to keep us all sane,,, I had a car which was unusual, the nuns would send me to do their errands, I gave up my son but made sure I knew where he was. I refused to sign the paperwork and took him back after 6 weeks with the prospective adoptive parents. I left that place not wanting to remember any of it, most of the girls were heartbroken, it was an awful experience which never leaves you,,,,
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Mike, I would really love to talk to you. My mother was at Assisi. She gave birth to a girl in February 1961, who she named Angela. This is not a family name, so I wondered if perhaps they had met and formed a bond?
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I knew Agneta I was there in 1968 we may have known each other I would like to talk to you
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For Alison and Outthere
Please use the personal message system to chat away from the forum.
https://www.rootschat.com/help/pms.php
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Kathryn,
I was born at the Hammer Lane home, in December of 1961. My birth mom's name was Philomena. She was older compared to the others, about 30 years old at the time of my birth. Did you happen to know her? Thank you.
Hi Whirlwindtu
There was a previous mention of a nun called Philomena - could this be your mum? She was apparently very kind to the young girls, unlike most of the other nuns …… I wish you luck in your search
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Hi all I am trying to reply to Outthere, how can I do this please,,,, we were in this awful place together,
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Hi all...
I trust each and everyone who has posted and followed this thread are well .
It's been a while since I checked up myself.. but it has never left my consciousness to come back and touch base. Hence why I am here now.
I still don't know much about my beginning in life.. but do know a very tiny little bit more about my Irish roots.. which just spurs me on to know more..
So off to Galway soon.. when my granddaughters can appreciate it as well.. maybe next year..
Furbogh, Ballynahown, Shanafreough, Moycullen, Barna, Rahoon, St Joseph's etc etc.. I am on my way..
See you soo soon
DAMO
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Hi , I dont know if this is the way to send a reply to a post but i hope so. Over 7 years ago i saw this post after searching for 50 years for my birth mother with no luck until this one thread appeared. I did find her from the catholic society, diorama, and we did meet which was very wonderful. So thank you for posting this, not one social services employe could help me find these documents all these years. Thank you so much. Hare Krsna. xx
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Hi, I found my birth mother from this forum and this chat thread, so very much appreciate this. I met my birth mum 2 times which was a wonder but she choose not to continue meeting as she found the memory of the time she had to give me up very distressing and also she had not told any of her friends or family of my existence and as she is 78 now then it seemed to much for her. ( she was at Hindhead in October 1965 for 6 weeks or so) I totally understand and it was a miracle to ever meet her at all, but would like to be able to pop in and visit her for a cuppa sometime. I have a friend who is adopted and his mother is also stuck emotionally in that past time. I have not written this this thank you message until now as i had forgotten the website name and just yesterday i was checking for the word "run" in google and this page with that word was still in the search memory " Mother and Baby Home run by Nuns in Churt" !. I couldnt believe it. Best wishes.
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Hi Elisabeth...
Thanks so much for posting... and it's so refreshing to hear your positivity.
Non of us can change the past, I for one know that, all we are asking for is information, nothing more.
I am so glad you managed to touch base with your mother.. and to post on here, as it gives encouragement to others who are also searching.. we are all running out of time as we get older, but to know a little about our start in life and our maternal and paternal backgrounds is all most of us need to know..
I wish you peace and happiness..
Best wishes
DAMO
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Hi Kathryn Bryant,
Thanks to you starting this thread back in 2013 regarding ASSISI, I found my BIRTH MOTHER!
Words cannot express how I feel to have found my mum (Winifred) after decades of searching for her.
Kathryn, my gratitude to you knows no bounds. You sent me a photograph of Assisi, and this picture gave me hope when I was in despair.
If you are reading this post and still searching for your birth mum, please respond and let me help you.
I was born in Assisi in the 1960's
My heartfelt thanks and much love to all of you.
Shelley
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I was born at Assisi Home 1960's. My mother was Lina Mangion (her official name was Mary Carmen) from Malta. I wonder if anyone remembers her.
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Hi Shelley. Your message to me is so touching it nearly made me cry. I am so pleased that I was able to help in some way, shape or form. I trust that you have made contact with your Mum and that all is well?
I did find my Mother but sadly she passed in February 2011. I had the great pleasure in meeting her and I was with her when she passed, very, very sad but at least I had comfort and hopefully she did also in us having met. I also found my Father. Mum and Dad weren't married, he being a real womaniser and Mum did like a chap or two. I did not have the pleasure of meeting my Father as he had died in 1961. I traced him from Ireland to London then London to Brighton where he lived for the last few years of his life until he passed. I managed to find his burial place, also in Brighton, visited and I've tended the grave ever since. Do keep me updated with your news as and when you have time. Kindest regards to you Kathryn xx
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Hi,
I am looking to trace my grandparents or find more information regarding my mothers adoption.
Birth name Catherine Geoghegan. born march 1964, Alton, Hampshire.
Adoption administrate work show she was at Mother and Baby home in Hindhead?
Not sure if I am on the right line here but if anyone has any information it would be immensely appreciated.
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Just lost a few hours researching this place, Im helping my friend with genealogy she was born in May 1965 at a MBU Hindhead, Greyshott Surrey, and her birth registration was Alton Hampshire, she was raised by her birth mother who would have been 25 when she gave birth, now her mum has passed away so she felt it was time to search for her father, we done the DNA and found her to be of Maltese/Italian heritage from her paternal side. (She was told he was Italian from her mother) She was told by her mother she went to a MBU to give birth and she returned to work not long after giving birth and the baby stayed at the unit and she visited regularly and financially supported the baby, when the baby (my friend) was 2 her mum told her family about her and her mother and sister travelled to Surrey and took her and the child home. Now how true all this was we will never know, reading everyone else’s stories on here, the pattern seems to be, you give birth and 6 weeks later your out either with or without your baby, maybe my friends mum gave her to foster parents while she worked. So does anyone know where the baptism records for the baby would be held, or even if any records exist of babies born within the MBU. @KathrynBryant1 who started this thread Im wondering if her mum was there when you were.
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Hi there, not sure if this thread is still active, but I am very interested in finding out more about the Assisi home in Hammer Lane, Grayshott. My adopted brother was born to a young unmarried mother in 1961. All I know is that he was born in Grayshott, and then given up for adoption immediately afterwards, to something called the Southwark Catholic Children's Rescue Society (?). It only a guess that he was born at the Assisi home, but having stumbled across this thread recently I think it's likely! Sadly my brother died a few weeks ago. He was only 62.
Kathryn Bryant, are you still working on a history of the home? I would love to hear from you if so.
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Morning all. Does anyone know where copies of the Baptismal Records are kept for babies born at Assisi please? I did see a post somewhere where am sure the person got a copy from a Church nearby but am not 100% sure on this. I might be having a senior moment!!
Kathy
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Yes, Kathy, it was probably me (Clare) who you remember telling you about the baptismal records! They are indeed held at the nearby church, and that's where I found confirmation that my brother Chris was born at Assisi. However, the church is Catholic, and exempt from the usual "freedom of information" rules that C of E churches have. So there's no automatic "right" to access their records. If you'd like details I will send you an email. x
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JohnTOConnor1954 - Can I ask what the house was like when you went? Did you take any photos.? Are the occupiers receptive to people knocking on the door or are there specific procedures you have to follow?
I was born there in 1968 and was fortunate enough not to be put up for adoption. My mum hardly talks about her experience there.
Hi Here are a couple of links that you may have already seen regarding Assissi.
https://m.facebook.com/haslemereherald/posts/2908706085848866/
https://media.onthemarket.com/properties/3259680/doc_0_0.pdf
Enjoy the sunny weather Hope these links are of some use
Sorry i didn't answer your question, The owner was friendly and offered to show me the grounds but i didn't want to impose really.As their home was for sale i assume they no longer live there and it was about 10 years ago now..Good luck x
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Hi Claire, thank you so much. It was that Home. I have just googled Hammer Lane and recognise it just as I had described it as being a long narrow lane. Have tried to search if there are any pictures of the Home but can't find anything as yet. There appears to be some houses there now or possibly apartments.
Once again thank you for your time and help.
Kind regards
Kathryn
Hi Here are a couple of links that you may have already seen/ or not- regarding Assissi.
https://m.facebook.com/haslemereherald/posts/2908706085848866/
https://media.onthemarket.com/properties/3259680/doc_0_0.pdf
good luck
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Hi Clare. Boy it's hot today. Thanks for responding. I would be grateful if you could email me the details please. Out of interest what details does the record give in relation to the mother?
Look forward to hearing from you.
I take it that you still have my email address?
Kindest regards to you and your family.
Kathy x
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OK Kathy, will email you in a minute!
Regards,
Clare
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Thank you Clare. No rush, when you have time. K x
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Done!
X