RootsChat.Com
Beginners => Family History Beginners Board => Topic started by: SAFENDIAZ4 on Thursday 10 March 16 21:11 GMT (UK)
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Hello. First time on here. I really would like some help in locating a 1/2 brother i just found out we have. :o Its my fathers son. He has not seen him since he was a baby. I dont have much information. I have his name, last name (possibly moms last name), he's 20 years old, and of course the city. Or if you can please assist in telling me where to start looking. ???
Thanks in advance. Greatly appreciated!! :D
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Hi
Welcome to Rootschat!
Advice #1 = Post a couple more times and the PM/pm (Personal Message system opens up to you. Rootschatters can talk to you "offline".
Just post again saying "thanks" (twice) :-)
You are not allowed to publish details of living persons on Rootschat.
Details WILL be deleted.
You can post geography.
I would suggest that you type up a precis of all that you know about this brother.
You can then keep it updated and paste it into a message to any interested Rootschatter.
I believe that you can also post it into your facebook page/ww.Missing-you.net/www.yourownwebpages/other/ and point us to it.
Cheers!
Ray
ps
There are other advice postings, on Rootschat, regarding Living Relatives.
It would be helpful if they could be summarised by "the powers" under a visible/common/prominent board.
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Since you know his probable name, looking for him on Facebook might be a good idea if you haven't already. You might have to send queries to several people of the same name though. It's not impossible for the mother to be on Facebook too so it might be worth looking for her. If he might still be living in the same area that you know he was in, you could always write to a local newspaper- even if he doesn't see it, someone who knows him might point it out.
Good luck :)
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Welcome from me too
http://www.rootschat.com/forum/index.php?topic=261434.0
Link "Tracing Living Relatives" :)
http://www.rootschat.com/forum/index.php/topic,142443.0.html
Link "Searching for Living Relatives"
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another good site to rearch on is "Genes Reunited"
Dolly x
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It would be helpful if they could be summarised by "the powers" under a visible/common/prominent . . . . .
::)
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Welcome to Rootschat
You don't say where in the World you are, different resources are available depending where you live. As he's only 20, I'd try social network sites first eg Facebook or whatever younger people are using now.
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You could try some creative searching on Google ...
"his first name and surname" in inverted commas
any nicknames which he may use eg Michael/Mike plus surname in inverted commas
If you don't get the results you want add an area or specific city.
To the search you can also add his mother's first name with or without her surname. If he was registered under his mother's surname, he may have kept her surname. If he knows your father's surname he may use that (even if not officially registered with that surname). If his mother went on to marry and changed her surname, your half brother may also use this surname.
So you have a few options to try ....
When you can use the PM system we may be able to look for a possible marriage for her which might give you another surname to search. :)
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There is a Facebook group called Reconnect. Free.They have a lot of success finding living people.
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I wish you well in your search, but a word of caution / advice if I may. Aged 17 my son was in the position of your 'newly discovered' half-sibling and was contacted out of the blue on social media. Whilst he's generally pleased it happened, it has also caused him a lot of emotional pain.
Having felt happy & secure in his world he suddenly found himself experiencing feelings of loss & abandonment by the father he'd never known. Four years later he still suffers feelings of anxiety and insecurity that were never there before, and questions why his 'father' wanted his other children but not him. He is currently on anti-depressants & struggling with feelings of low self-worth, for which he's receiving counselling / therapy.
20 is still very young, and whilst I understand your excitement please remember that real people are involved here - real people with real lives & real emotions - so don't go bursting in like a bulldozer. As well as the feelings it brought out in my son, the sudden re-emergence of my ex brought painful memories to the surface for me too - I was shaking and crying for days afterwards. My husband was devastated too - he'd brought my son up from being a baby and had always been 'dad' - what if my son suddenly stopped loving him?
I had never kept the truth from my son but some mothers do, so remember that too. Perhaps this young man has only ever heard bad things about your father - if your version of him is all 'good' then what will that do to his relationship with his mother, the woman he's presumably lived with all his life? How will you feel if you hear your father being bad-mouthed?
You sound so excited & are clearly are longing to meet him & bring him 'in' to your family - and that's just wonderful - but please, put yourself in his shoes too and don't let your enthusiasm take over your senses.
But to end on a positive note, despite the pain & anxiety my son is happy he met his half-siblings & still keeps in touch. Their different upbringings means they are not particularly close, but when the chips are down they know they are 'family' and can count on each other, and that means a lot to them all, and to me.
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Very good points Jomot.
As the OP has just discovered the half brother it does make you wonder if neither of them knew of the other's existence, so the issues you raise are very relevant.
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I helped a friend trace a relative and I'd also sound a note of caution on this. It can stir up all sorts of emotion and there can be totally unrealistic expectations of what contact will achieve. The relative is a stranger and they may or may not share any interests with you. It can be helpful to learn more of your medical history but please think hard about why you are doing this.
A good place to start is here http://www.salvationarmy.org.uk/reuniting-families
If you dont want to use that service or to pay we set up free family trees on Genes Reunited, ancestry and find my past. When the relative learnt they had been adopted they came looking for my friend. Contact was actually made because my friend had a tree that included grandparents and great-grandparents and a distant cousin made contact first. I helped because they were both mature adults and my friend already had emotional issues related to their parent's departure that might be helped by tracing the parent. Personally I don't think anyone under 21 should be contacted as despite legally being adults in Britain at 18 they aren't mature enough to cope.