RootsChat.Com
General => Ancestral Family Tree DNA Testing => Topic started by: Dominic1 on Wednesday 09 May 18 13:10 BST (UK)
-
Hi
So I have done the Ancestry DNA test but I am struggling to get anyone to respond to me. I'm not sure if it's because of the way I am writing my message to them or if it's because they just aren't bothered.
Since I did it in April last year I have only had one person respond to me and even then it was a response to say they would love to find out our DNA link but then they never got back to me when I followed it up with a message. I obviously understand that people have lives and probably aren't quite as interested in finding out about their ancestry as me but is it normal to not have anyone reply to you?. I've reached out to around 25 people, all being 2nd, 3rd and 4th Cousins but I am not having much joy.
Am I alone in my struggle? does anyone have any suggestions?
-
I had someone contact me so I replied back to them and I have yet to hear anything back, such a shame but not a lot that I can do.
Regards
Panda
-
Hey,don't feel bad,I have had the very same experience.Have reached out to many and have had only 2 people get back to me and then they were silent.
I guess these folks are all in their own little world, its too bad as many of us have a lot to share.
I have been researching for about 40 years. Oh Well !!
-
Hello Dominic1
It is not just Ancestry users - I have the same issue with fTDNA.
There is a recent long thread with many people raising similar issues. I particularly liked the response #137 which included the comment:
" you need to bear in mind that many people submit a test purely to see if they really are Irish/Finnish/Pixie".
I live in hope that one day someone will get in touch/ respond to help me with one of my many mysteries.
-
I haven't done a DNA test myself but I have this theory that many people are given DNA tests as trendy presents and aren't particularly interested. They are being heavily pushed as Mother's Day and Father's Day presents. I know two of my siblings would not be interested if anyone contacted them whereas I would be very interested.
Martin
-
Yes, I am having the same problem. The most frustrating bit about it is when you have a large group of shared matches, one of whom has a huge tree but you cannot find any links, even when they do respond. The rest have no trees and refuse to respond - I only need one name I recognise and all sorts of things might fall into place!
-
There was another thread on RC very recently on the same subject (rry but I'm not sure how to provide a link - I'm sure someone will be along to do so) - it seems the Ancestry messaging service is not very efficient and messages often don't get through. It's worth retrying from time to time.
-
My parents did the test- he does his side and I do my mother's side. He's commented on the fact that for some reason I get more replies than he does.
One of the matches that I wanted to contact most turned out to be an elderly lady who hadn't been online for a couple of years- I ended up speaking to her daughter after looking up her tree online and finding the daughter also had an account. Another one with a private tree didn't respond to my original message a couple of years ago but did reply recently when I sent a second one.
-
Some people manage trees for others or have several .so you have to make sure you include the name of tree referred to
And dates of people referred to .I'm getting more replies now. I tend to offer some information as well as request .the American side of family respond more cos more of them on Ancestry .lovely second cuz doesn't go on much and subs stopped. Worth sending messages some don't realise they can answer if not members ...did you know if someone dies you can take over their country if hAve correct papers
-
I try and give a bit of info without going into information overload to see what they'd want to know, if anything. For me they fall into 2 categories, if the person hasn't logged on for a while I figure they're not interested in genealogy. However if they've logged in every day or at least regularly since I sent the message (20mon for some) then I feel quite offended that they haven't replied. I've had a couple of rude replies which stopped me messaging for a long time, I started messaging people again last week and so far, as predicted no replies (I even deliberately didn't message anyone who'd not logged in for over 2mon).
-
if the person hasn't logged on for a while I figure they're not interested in genealogy.
The trouble is, Pharma, that the log-in information they give is the last time you went through a log-in screen, not the last time you were on the site. Mine currently shows I logged in two days ago, but that's only because the site insisted on taking me to a dot com page, when I was already logged in to the uk site. I'm on every day - but often don't log in afresh for several months!
-
Have to say I was tempted not to reply to this 'request' from a 'moderate confidence' 5th-8th cousin who just gave me a name of an ancestor which does not appear on my tree, although the surname does'
'Please could you either unlock your tree for me or allow me to be a visitor so that I can see where we match. Happy to answer any questions for you but can't assist unless I can see your tree.'
As I wrote back, I am afraid I will not unlock my tree, following previous negative experiences, without a bit more information. I did give a list of the people on my tree who share the relevant surname.
-
Same here. I don't understand the point of taking the test if people aren't willing to talk with each other about their results. Try not to take it personally (I tell myself that too), it's not how you're wording it I'm sure. People are flaky.
-
Things like DNA tests, jigsaws of the map of your surrounding area and aerial photographs of your house are all currently very trendy presents. I haven't yet found an unused DNA test in a charity shop, but I love those jigsaws and they're £30 each new and you can usually get them for 50p. I'm sure a lot of people just do the test so they can tell the present giver and then never give it another thought.
Martin
-
Interesting conversation,
My partner and I did ours together (me an aussie and her a Latin American) .... more out of curiousity and to find if there was thread of truth to respective grandmother's stories.
I have emailed a couple of people listed as cousins (of whatever removal) and have some reply, some not. The ones who have, have been fantastic to talk to and have broadened my family or filled in some gaps.
Those who haven't, is it my loss or theirs ?? not sure but out of my control. Overall absolutely no regrets doing it, even tho rest of family sceptical.
Anyway, my "two bobs worth"
David
-
A few thoughts here.
When I got my Ancestry results a year ago I immediately sent a message to my top match, Margaret. I never had a reply. Encouraged by a discussion on this topic elsewhere, I sent a slightly different message three weeks ago. Yesterday I got a reply! Margaret replied to my initial message but it got lost in the ether somewhere. She apologised for taking three weeks to reply to my second because she’s 87 and hadn’t been well. Turns out she’s my Dad’s second cousin, was estranged from her family and is very excited at me being able to share information.
I’ve also read a recent blog post (can’t remember where, sadly - I read so many) that provided two tips for improving your chances. First was adding a photo to your avatar, so you look like a ‘real’ person. Second, make sure your username is something like a real name - ‘John Smith 92’ sounds much better than ‘pixie-features’ ...
-
That advice about using a realistic email address is very good. I still remember 15 years ago receiving a CV for a position I was recruiting for, and it was sent from big boy Steve at something or other. It went straight in the recycling bin full stop
There are many reasons why people wouldn't reply. I'm sure people get these tests as presents, probably unwanted, and only did the mouth swab to placate the present-giver. I can also imagine there are men in their 40s 50s and 60s who might have been a little bit indelicate in their activities in their youth and are worried about what they might find. There are also probably people with family secrets that are still too recent to be uncovered full stop
There are plenty of resources on the internet telling you about what to do and what not to do when contacting prospective matches. I would reply to most, but if they were semi literate I would probably delete them. It would be a good idea to get your potential emails looked over by a friend or family member. What might seem right to you might seem a little bit indelicate, pushy or possibly bullying, or insensitive to others. Once again do look for the resources on the internet. Just search for contacting potential matches.
Martin
-
I sent about 20 messages to 4th cousins this morning and have had about 5 replies already
I would say at I have had a response to about 50% of the messages I have sent - which isn't a bad response rate going by what some people get on here!
-
That advice about using a realistic email address is very good. I still remember 15 years ago receiving a CV for a position I was recruiting for, and it was sent from big boy Steve at something or other. It went straight in the recycling bin full stop
There are many reasons why people wouldn't reply. I'm sure people get these tests as presents, probably unwanted, and only did the mouth swab to placate the present-giver. I can also imagine there are men in their 40s 50s and 60s who might have been a little bit indelicate in their activities in their youth and are worried about what they might find. There are also probably people with family secrets that are still too recent to be uncovered full stop
There are plenty of resources on the internet telling you about what to do and what not to do when contacting prospective matches. I would reply to most, but if they were semi literate I would probably delete them. It would be a good idea to get your potential emails looked over by a friend or family member. What might seem right to you might seem a little bit indelicate, pushy or possibly bullying, or insensitive to others. Once again do look for the resources on the internet. Just search for contacting potential matches.
Martin
This has got me worried, about the level of offence I have caused with my messages as I have never had them proof read. That and my English teacher at school told me I was the worst writer she had ever seen and that makes me worry about how I come across in written communication. It horrifies me to think that messages I have sent come across as really offensive and worse, bullying in nature. Perhaps people in here could check what I write as I tend to follow a standard format:
Hi my name is.....a test you adminster on Ancestry.............shows a match of....cM suggesting a relationship at the level of....cousins
Then if they have a tree visible and there is a probable area for MRCA I'll put:
I see you have a tree with..... in it, my ..xgrt grandparents were.... They were from...and married in.... I am descended from their son/daughter..... who married..... I was wondering if this sounded familiar and if we could work together to confirm if this is where our trees are linked.
Or if there is no decent clue:
My main geographical areas of research are..... and my main surnames are......... I was wondering if any of these sound familiar. I was hoping we could work togther to work out where the connection is.
If there are shared matches I may add:
We have a shared match.... I know they are connected to me via the...family of.... myxx grt grandparents were.....
Then sign off with thank you and my name.
Just to clarify in the actual messages where I have put ….. I have actual info
-
I sent about 20 messages to 4th cousins this morning and have had about 5 replies already
I would say at I have had a response to about 50% of the messages I have sent - which isn't a bad response rate going by what some people get on here!
That's a wonderful response, I really must be going drastically wrong and causing great offence. I am definitely never going to risk messaging anyone ever again. I only wish there was a way to make it up to those I have offended already :(.
-
I am a genealogical genius ……… British Isles and all British Colonies excluding the American thirteen.
Plus America after Independence.
Sadly I lack computer skills. I am on Ancestry's Matches. Struggle to answer. Need a five year old tutor.
-
PharmaT, I very much doubt that you have offended anyone. I think you should apply the same strategy in a letter to an unknown relative as you would in a letter accompanying a job application. As they say, you only get one chance to make a good first impression.
You do hear of people who write wacky job applications who get the job just because it was right for the moment, but I don't think you can be too polite or too well presented, but a lot depends on who the relative turns out to be. If I got one full of spelling mistakes and smiley faces, I'd guess that they wouldn't be someone I'd have much in common with, but everyone is different, or at least 1% of their genes are!
It is challenging to write a letter to someone, not knowing whether they are a distant great aunt, or someone the age of grown up grandchildren, although the DNA data can give a clue.
Martin
-
PharmaT, I very much doubt that you have offended anyone. I think you should apply the same strategy in a letter to an unknown relative as you would in a letter accompanying a job application. As they say, you only get one chance to make a good first impression.
You do hear of people who write wacky job applications who get the job just because it was right for the moment, but I don't think you can be too polite or too well presented, but a lot depends on who the relative turns out to be. If I got one full of spelling mistakes and smiley faces, I'd guess that they wouldn't be someone I'd have much in common with, but everyone is different, or at least 1% of their genes are!
It is challenging to write a letter to someone, not knowing whether they are a distant great aunt, or someone the age of grown up grandchildren, although the DNA data can give a clue.
Martin
I'm sorry Martin but you'll need to be more specific. What is it about my responses that is impolite? What is it about my responses that is wacky? I've not used smilies in my response on Ancestry, although I have used them occasionally in here. You need to remember you're advising someone who was her English teacher's worst ever student.
-
PharmaT, I very much doubt that you have offended anyone. I think you should apply the same strategy in a letter to an unknown relative as you would in a letter accompanying a job application. As they say, you only get one chance to make a good first impression.
You do hear of people who write wacky job applications who get the job just because it was right for the moment, but I don't think you can be too polite or too well presented, but a lot depends on who the relative turns out to be. If I got one full of spelling mistakes and smiley faces, I'd guess that they wouldn't be someone I'd have much in common with, but everyone is different, or at least 1% of their genes are!
It is challenging to write a letter to someone, not knowing whether they are a distant great aunt, or someone the age of grown up grandchildren, although the DNA data can give a clue.
Martin
I'm sorry Martin but you'll need to be more specific. What is it about my responses that is impolite? What is it about my responses that is wacky? I've not used smilies in my response on Ancestry, although I have used them occasionally in here. You need to remember you're advising someone who was her English teacher's worst ever student.
Pharma, you make it sound as if Martin was referring specifically to you, which he clearly wasn't.
-
PharmaT, I was being hypothetical, I wasn't talking about your emails at all. I should have said "one's replies" rather than "your replies".
I was just expressing my thoughts that if someone wrote to me in a less than formal manner, then they would be unlikely to be taken seriously by me. I was just advocating the importance of a communication catching the attention of the recipient, and in a good way. I think it should make me think that I couldn't possibly not reply.
Rootschat people would certainly be happy to help, I am sure.
martin
-
I really can’t understand why people get so upset about others not responding to their emails. We don’t know what is going on in their lives or why they took the DNA test or have a tree. It is their choice whether they respond or not, no one can force them. I do sometimes think that we forget that perhaps not everyone is as interested in genealogy as we are.
I certainly don’t think that anyone would take offence if they received an email, if they are interested they will respond, if not they will ignore it.
-
I assumed Martin meant me as he had quoted my post in which I had specifically asked or advice on how I was wording my messages and gave an example of how I worded messages I send.
I'm not so much offended by people not replying but when they don't reply I really worry that I have caused offence. I'm basing this on 2 replies I did get. One said "I could not be possibly related to someone like you" and the other that said "the fact you've sent any message shows you have no idea how Ancestry works, you're on your own, I'm having nothing to do with you"
-
PharmaT, they really are unpleasant replies, and I am quite surprised to read them. I don't think you should take much notice of them, and keep trying, most people are nice. I am about to do a test and I hope I am related to you! You will get a nice reply from me. (Unless you are my old school teacher!)
Martin
-
In those cases I think you should use the 'report abuse' button available on Ancestry as nobody would be happy to receive replies like that Pharma T. If what you have drafted is typical of what you are sending then you are not being offensive, insensitive, a bully or anything else at all so just continue to email in the manner that you currently do.
And also grow a thicker skin and don't take everything to heart so. You are doing nothing different to anyone else and you are not being ignored more than anyone else.
Pheno
-
PharmaT, they really are unpleasant replies, and I am quite surprised to read them. I don't think you should take much notice of them, and keep trying, most people are nice. I am about to do a test and I hope I am related to you! You will get a nice reply from me. (Unless you are my old school teacher!)
Martin
I have never been a teacher so you're safe there.
-
I'm not so much offended by people not replying but when they don't reply I really worry that I have caused offence. I'm basing this on 2 replies I did get. One said "I could not be possibly related to someone like you" and the other that said "the fact you've sent any message shows you have no idea how Ancestry works, you're on your own, I'm having nothing to do with you"
If anything, you need to be the one offended by their replies - by the way they have worded them they are the ones who need to apologise, not you. Stop worrying about what other people think, as Pheno said, if you sent messages as you have quoted there is absolutely nothing wrong with them.
-
Have the same problem. I have cousin matches that are in Scotland that I would love to hear from (I'm in the USA) but have not gotten any answers back. As of yet I haven't had a single person reach out to me. Very disappointing.
-
To play devil's advocate for a moment.
Why should anyone reply when they are contacted on Ancestry or elsewhere? People have their own reasons for doing these tests and a lot just want the test results and nothing else.
Some people do reply, I have spent much of the last week trying to establish a link to someone. I have not managed to establish the link yet but I did send the person a seven page note of my findings yesterday which should clarify his tree a bit.
People do reply when they want to and have the time to spare. I reply to any message I get but then perhaps that is easy to say when you come from a possible long line of illiterates ;) ;D - how else would you account for so few contacts
-
David and others, I agree with all here, but if people want 'test results' they should be aware that ethnicity estimates are vague, if not little more than something to laugh about. The real results are the lists of possible relatives.
However, interpreting the results doesn't seem to be straight forward. I expect mine next month, but I have the advantage of a lot of time, as well as maths and computer experience.
Only 27 more sleeps until my results arrive!!
Martin
-
I am one of the people who've been disappointed by not getting as much help from DNA contacts as I'd hoped.
It seems my closest relation connections seem either to have a) very very small family trees or b) no family trees at all or c) where I can see where we must be connected, they don't reply.
I've decided that this isn't worth worrying about.
However, with a combination of a DNA contact with a very very small tree with just one name I recognised (and who hadn't replied to my message), this sent me back on a research trip to Ancestry, and also to looking back on mails I'd sent to a family member back in 2006 (!)quoting some reminiscences of my father's.
And in combination with the 1939 Register conveniently available on Ancestry, and these clues (including some really good ones from my Dad which I'd completely forgotten), I've pinned down the background to the family and added in a new section, including finding a link by marriage to another person who married into the other half of the family, which my Dad had vaguely referred to.
So I wrote back again to the contact, saying that I had used her tree, taken the clues, and found out about the person I'd been looking for, thanking her for her tree's help in this and saying that I completely understood she might be totally uninterested in family history research, but I very much valued her help, and wishing her and her family all the best (she's my second cousin once removed).
And that got a reply with further details from her.
She asked me if I knew anything about her maternal great grandmother (completely unconnected to me) who I'd said had the same first name as her daughter, and I've probably now put her off completely, as in true Family History nerd form I then looked up this woman through the censuses and summarised what I could see, for her interest.
She's probably concluded now that I am completely mad/have too much time on my hands/have made it all up in an attempt to get all her personal details and steal her identity.
But I'm glad anyway because I was so pleased to sort it all out for myself. ;D
-
It can be very frustrating when you get your results, and not too many people want to reply to you! I have had some success, finding a 4th cousin, who lives in the same area as me, and who is related thru my gx3 grand father. She is related to one of the oldest children, I am related to a younger son, but she did not appear to be aware of any of the other children, so knew nothing about the whole maze of people descended from the younger children. And funnily enough, she is also related to me through marriage - her cousin is married to my closest cousin on my father's side!
However, frustratingly, I have found 2 connections at 3rd cousin level (and at the extremely high confidence level), to a branch of my dad's side, that we have very little information about. This is because the family name (Burke) is the most common name where they come from (near Clifden, Connemara, County Galway), and my great grandmother, Margaret Burke, was the only one to come to Scotland. All the other family I know of, 2 elder sisters, and a younger brother, went to America, and we know very little about what happened after that - though the younger boy died without children we believe. My Grandmother has been dead for > 60 years, so can't really ask questions, and my dad and his younger sister, are the only grand children still alive, and Dad is 92!. Any way, to be third cousins, these 2 connections (who I think are sisters), they must be pretty directly connected to my great grandmother's family ( - i presume to one of her siblings, or perhaps siblings of her parents). However, looking at their family tree, although they have all the right surnames etc, I just cant see exactly where the connection would be!! I only messaged one of these 'sisters' - but as yet I have had no reply. It is infuriating, but what can you do!! These 2 ladies live in the US, probably east coast, as their father died in Pennsylvania.
Like someone else said earlier, they may not have logged in recently, they may only be interested in the ethnicity results...Agh! I will contact the other one, who's tree is managed by someone else, so I suspect theses two ladies are probably pretty old ( ie older than me, I'm nearly 62!) and it is probably their children who are the active researchers!
-
My brother and I have had a unique situation with matched cousins not responding to messages. On 23andMe and Ancestry, we have both contacted cousin matches who stated on their profiles that their grandparents were from the same town as our maternal grandfather. We wrote to several people and initially got enthusiastic responses. When we would write back to them and provide our grandfather's name and date of birth, they all "disappeared"! LOL. If it happened once, we would say it's a coincidence. But it happened to both my brother and me several times. Very strange that as soon as our grandfather's name is mentioned, they don't respond. So now, of course, we're even more curious wondering if our grandfather did something that upset his family. He was born in the Philippines in 1895 and passed away in 1955.
-
To be honest, I was very sceptical about using DNA to trace family connections, but one day I saw an offer and thought I'd give it a try anyway. I only really hoped to find out if I had any blood lines outside UK & Europe.
Like many of you I've been sent links, but the trees themselves seemed poorly managed or the person didn't reply.
However, I have had 2 results that have delighted and surprised me. The first one was from someone who told me which line I was related to him by, which gave me the clue I needed to find my Great Grandfather's family. He had been a brick wall for years, but it turns out he'd changed his surname, however all the other information about him matched exactly what I already had.
Also, a second cousin in the US contacted me. We had met as teenagers, but as it was our mothers who kept in touch, when they died we lost contact. We have since kept in touch, and have so much in common we plan to meet up one day.
So I guess the message is don't give up on it. Someone might contact you in time who is worth following up.
-
Thank you so much for sharing your story! I won't give up hope! 😊
-
Top match for my 3rd cousin came out as 1st cousin & the tree was managed by his son who also managed 2 people from the next generation ( his daughters ) the top match cannot use computers and son was busy and lives aboard .corresponded once .
On their tree the mother is listed as Gertrude JONES but that is her maiden name .it took a long time to sort out exact relationship ,+ who they were in the tree
-
Every time I check on Ancestry for new matches, I also now check for new messages, because I definitely am not getting email notifications from Ancestry for every new message. I get some notifications but not all of them and there doesn't seem to be a common factor in what are missed.
Maybe that's a general problem with the Ancestry messaging system.
-
Having not had much success with DNA matches - ie not being able to find out exactly where the shared ancestor is, given that many people do not have detailed trees - I now focus on progressing my own tree by widening it as much as possible via my known ancestors' siblings and their families.
And if any of these people appear on other trees, as shown within HINTS, I click on the tree owner's name to see if there is a DNA link. I've had limited success with this, but at least it seems a sensible way of progressing.....
And yes, before you say it, I do appreciate that HINTS is only as good as you can document the claims.
-
My brother and I have had a unique situation with matched cousins not responding to messages. On 23andMe and Ancestry, we have both contacted cousin matches who stated on their profiles that their grandparents were from the same town as our maternal grandfather. We wrote to several people and initially got enthusiastic responses. When we would write back to them and provide our grandfather's name and date of birth, they all "disappeared"! LOL. If it happened once, we would say it's a coincidence. But it happened to both my brother and me several times. Very strange that as soon as our grandfather's name is mentioned, they don't respond. So now, of course, we're even more curious wondering if our grandfather did something that upset his family. He was born in the Philippines in 1895 and passed away in 1955.
Welcome to Rootschat.
You do seem to have odd situation there. Have you checked newspapers to see if there was any situation between family members which might have been reported.
I had a great uncle who stole from his family and there was a newspaper report, but they didn't want to press charges.
-
Ancestry are far from the market leader when it comes to DNA usability and site features beyond having the biggest database and possibly parent assignment (though that desperately needs updating to include new results on a regular basis. Quantity does not equal quality.
Only four of my top 50 matches have trees and are marked as being active in the last 12 months. Each has been messaged, one has replied, two have read messages and failed to reply, one hasn't read the message at all. I can group some of those 50 together but there is no real benefit to knowing that. The fact I can now message groups and be ignored en masse rather than just on a one to one basis is not a 'feature' but Ancestry gave their marketing dept the task of making it sound like the answer to all things 'collaborative'.
-
My brother and I have had a uniq
ue situation with matched cousins not responding to messages. On 23andMe and Ancestry, we have both contacted cousin matches who stated on their profiles that their grandparents were from the same town as our maternal grandfather. We wrote to several people and initially got enthusiastic responses. When we would write back to them and provide our grandfather's name and date of birth, they all "disappeared"! LOL. If it happened once, we would say it's a coincidence. But it happened to both my brother and me several times. Very strange that as soon as our grandfather's name is mentioned, they don't respond. So now, of course, we're even more curious wondering if our grandfather did something that upset his family. He was born in the Philippines in 1895 and passed away in 1955.
Welcome to Rootschat.
You do seem to have odd situation there. Have you checked newspapers to see if there was any situation between family members which might have been reported.
I had a great uncle who stole from his family and there was a newspaper report, but they didn't want to press charges.
Hi Lizzie,
Thank you for your reply! Unfortunately, my grandfather was born in the Philippines in 1895, so I don't have any access to newspaper reports. It is truly a mystery. I wish just one cousin match would tell me what their family told them about my grandfather, instead of "disappearing" the minute they read his name! LOL
-
Welcome to RootsChat from me, too.
Hi Lizzie,
…Unfortunately, my grandfather was born in the Philippines in 1895, so I don't have any access to newspaper reports…
Did he remain in the Philippines? If not, have you checked newspapers either where he lived during his life, or where the matches’ grandparents lived?
Can you contact the match with whom you feel might be the most likely to reply, mentioning that once your family details were given to all of the matches, contact stopped on their ends (writing the statement as politely as possible, of course). If you truly believe you will be able to accept any honest reply or upsetting events about your grandfather, perhaps also convey that in the message. If your grandfather did “do something”, perhaps the matches are concerned about your reaction (might you feel differently about your grandfather).
Are all of the matches closely related and if so, were messages sent in a relatively short time frame? Again, if so, perhaps a family issue came up and the matches are concerned about an event(s) in their lives and have put genealogy on hold.
Hoping you get resolution, Lisa
-
Thank you Lisa in California! This has occurred over the past two years. The only connection between the cousin matches is that their ancestors (grandparents in most cases) were born in the same place as my grandfather (Pampanga in the Philippines), and they were cousin matches with me and with each other. I recently tried getting back in touch with one of the "disappearing cousins", who I had last been in touch with almost two years ago. She replied with a quick "I'll ask" and disappeared again. My brother and I are wondering if perhaps these "disappearing cousins matches" are being told by their grandparents or even great grandparents not to communicate with us. This combined with the fact that there is absolutely no trace of our grandfather until he came to the United States after World War I is peculiar. And none of the cousin matches have our grandfather's supposed last name. A real Sherlock Holmes mystery. We need Henry Louis Gates' help! 😁
-
I suppose there could be any number of reasons for the things you just mentioned.
Here are just three that I’ve run across:
My ancestor gave up a child for adoption (prior to her eventual marriage to my ancestor). This baby’s descendant and I found each other though a DNA match, subsequent research, and her brief family information. We both were thrilled to find each other. However, a couple of my distant relatives want to keep this “secret” from their relatives, which I highly respect.
While researching for someone (“John”), I found a despicable, presumed crime for which his ancestor was accused. The ancestor was jailed, eventually the verdict was reversed, and he was released from jail. I continue to research for John and periodically wonder if his ancestor was falsely accused, or did he commit the crime and shouldn’t have been released.
While researching for an elderly friend, I found out his ancestors were from Greece (and another country; I now don’t remember which one). He was devastated as he was always told by his family that their ancestors were German. He never accepted my findings; to this day I wish I had made clear that findings can be upsetting.
So, your cousins could have their own stories, or it could be something as simple as they just aren’t interested in genealogy.
Added: do the matches have any online photographs of their ancestors? If so, do you see any resemblances.
-
Lisa in California, thank you for sharing your interesting stories and perspective! I completely forgot to mention...... Once my grandfather came to the United States in 1919, he never ever returned to the Philippines even to visit his family. This further adds to my "theory" that he did something (committed a crime perhaps) in the Philippines. I totally agree with you that sometimes cousin matches are not really interested in communicating, but what stands out is that there were several tjst initially expressed interest to me and/or my brother, but as soon as we gave the information of our grandfather's name and date of birth, and that he was born in Pampanga, they would disappear, and even read our messages but not reply after that. There was one that was even interested enough to give me her cell number, and we had progressed to texting each other. She had said she was going to talk to her grandparents, but she too disappeared after I gave her Grandpa's information.
-
Since you unfortunately cannot view newspapers from pre-WWI, maybe you can try additional research for your grandfather. Do you have any other close matches for him?
Another story (sorry) ;D
A few years ago, I found out a friend’s grandfather was actually not his birth grandfather. While I now know the “family” involved, I have yet to find out which son in the family “met up” with my friend’s grandmother.
Maybe if you check any and all matches for your grandfather, you can determine his “correct” surname? Results could suggest that the surname issue is more likely to be from a nefarious (crime rather than family) reason?
-
Lisa from California, good suggestions! Unfortunately, the cousin matches have several different names, so I can't really narrow it down. I even found a website that had lawsuits from the early 1900s in the Philippines, but I couldn't find anything.
-
Lisa from California, good suggestions! Unfortunately, the cousin matches have several different names, so I can't really narrow it down. I even found a website that had lawsuits from the early 1900s in the Philippines, but I couldn't find anything.
Can you search Anc*try, using all of his details but omitting his surname? Would additional DNA (unrelated to the cousins) matches pop up, I wonder?
Feel free to use just Lisa in replies. :)
I’m Canadian but live in California. I only added California to my name in case others are looking for California help and notice my residence place. (Hope that makes sense.)
-
Thank you Lisa! I actually did try what you suggested a few days ago on Ancestry, and unfortunately I only found what I already had on my grandfather. No one else came up with his date of birth.
-
Thank you Lisa! I actually did try what you suggested a few days ago on Ancestry, and unfortunately I only found what I already had on my grandfather. No one else came up with his date of birth.
If he was hiding something, he could have intentionally changed his birth information.
If you are comfortable doing so, feel free to send me a private message with his details and I will have a look around. If you would prefer not to share information, I understand. :). I will be back later tonight; we need to get supper ready.
-
Thank you Lisa! I sent you a private message.
-
Message received, thank you; I will have a look around now. :)
-
I was having the same problem as you, I'd send several messages and get no response. It's very disheartening sometimes as you're so excited and keen to get going.
Whilst looking through my matches I noticed a familiar name from a previous tree I'd looked at so I messaged them and actually got a reply, the other person was her sister and they are both elderly.
It turned out that she had no idea her grandfather, my 2ND Great Grandfather, had been married in the U.K. before emigrating to America in 1906. We're trying to find a marriage for her grandparents but it's proving very hard. I can't find a divorce for his first marriage either so I doubt he did get divorced as way back then it was very difficult for the common people. As it cost too much, and would be hard for anyone to prove,he wasn't divorced, in another country. It says on the 1910 census that they had been married a year but we've exhausted all the records we can find to no avail, I very much doubt they were ever married. We are in regular contact now which is amazing.
I would suggest you look for people with similar names in your match lists and message them all, someone will reply eventually. I've had a few who have replied just the once and a lot that don't reply at all too, it can be frustrating but keep going x Angela
-
Thank you for your encouraging message Angela! 😊