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Beginners => Family History Beginners Board => Topic started by: traceyjanesykes on Sunday 17 March 19 23:53 GMT (UK)
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Hi all,
I am on a mission to find my father. Except I really have no information about him to help me on my search. I have tried to be in touch with family members that would have known of him but they have either passed or haven't replied. I want your help as I don't know where to begin or whether a DNA test on Ancestry or anything like that would help. He also is not on my birth certificate, only my mother, and she gave me her last name. This is the information I have relating to him:
- I was born in 1964 in Surrey, England, and I was told that he was in his 40s or 50s when I was born.
- He worked on boats and my mother, Sandra Helena Sykes, who was 20, joined him
- He left again while I was born to go back out to sea and my mother got in contact with the Salvation Army to get in contact with him and bring him back when I was born
- He decided he couldn't stay and left again
- He may have been Jewish (I've been told different things)
I am aware he most likely has passed, but I'm interested in knowing who he was or at least having a picture, it's a big part of my identity that I've never known. I also am intrigued as to whether I have any half siblings. I'm not sure where to start looking or if it's possible that I may find anything from any archives or tests you are aware of.
As always, any help is greatfully received.
Cheers, Tracey.
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Welcome to Rootschat
Without a name/birthyear or birthplace it would be impossible to find him. The only person who has that info is your mother and I am assuming she is now deceased.
DNA may help but only if others of the same line are on the DNA database.
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Have you approached the Salvation Army to see if they have records of your Mother’s request
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Did your mother marry in 1966? Is your stepfather alive as she may have given him information about your father
If I have the right marriage in 1966 I cannot see a death for either your mother or stepfather up to 2007 or on the incomplete register from 2008
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I have approached the Salvation Army's Tracing Services to see if they have any records or even share them. Hopefully they do. Thank you so much for that idea.
Carole, thank you for your help. Yes my mother remarried in 1966 and my Stepfather is alive but no response back as of yet, I first reached out to him around Christmas. My mother is not around but you definitely have the correct marriage. My half sisters are also unaware that he is not my real father. It was a big secret, my mother had told no one except my step father. So my uncle and aunties on my mother side are also unaware of his name.
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Let's hope the SA still have the records as you will at least get his name and possibly some other information.
Is your mother now deceased? If so, there doesn't seem to be any logical reason for your stepfather to withhold info from you.
Although your half siblings are unaware of your parentage - perhaps you could consider telling them which may help with info from your stepfather.
As they are in their 50's they must know when you were born and when their parents married so it may not come as any surprise if you tell them.
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I see your birth was re-registered after your mum married and your surname changed to that of your stepfather. Did he legally adopt you?
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Yes he adopted me, therefore I only found out he wasn't my real father when I was around 19. Around then my stepfather and my mum divorced and my sisters and I never saw my mum again, she left. She told me he wasn't my real father before she left though.
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I wonder if there is any info about your father on your adoption papers? It's a slim possibility
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I wonder if there is any info about your father on your adoption papers? It's a slim possibility
Yes I would try the adoption papers first - but there is a different protocol to this which results in the social services being involved - not that you are not entitled to see your records - but see if you are ready and able to cope with finding out who your father may be - your mother may have said little in regard to him - but that little may well go a long way - especially if your father is of foreign descent - you need to go back to whichever social services dealt with the adoption - even if this has since moved the files are usually in the nearest local office to the original adoption - I would recommend this first to see if it gives you any information to give to the Salvation Army - who would have also keep records of your mothers request - nothing in this line of work is quick - it takes a long time to find old files - but hopefully will give you what you need - but remember this gentleman has failed you once - he may well fail you again even in death - hence why social services are at hand to help you through this - but only on the grounds you wish it - all the best with this . . .
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Thank you both Carole & Indiana. I will look into trying the adoption papers. I'm worried that he won't be on it though seeing he is not even on my original birth certificate. Is a father still required to be on adoption papers if he isn't listed as the father on my birth certificate?
Thanks again for both of your help it's really appreciated.
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Thank you both Carole & Indiana. I will look into trying the adoption papers. I'm worried that he won't be on it though seeing he is not even on my original birth certificate. Is a father still required to be on adoption papers if he isn't listed as the father on my birth certificate?
Thanks again for both of your help it's really appreciated.
No - but information may be found on the adoption papers you wouldn't elsewhere find - eg: the reason for adoption - father failed to give child support and has since disappeared - last seen 19?? - sailor - origin - ?????? - the name may have just been given - as you may have effectively become a half cast of two nations - origin could be seen as important if nothing else - but believe nothing until you know the truth as your mother may have said anything to divert to who this man really was - never do you mention her death - that she just left - a recheck on where your mother may have gone might not go amiss - maybe she is able to cope with it now better if she is still alive or left any info with a friend should you later one day show up asking - hope so . . . ; )
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Hi TJS, welcome to RC! ;)
I don't envy your task but I really feel for you!
To follow on from the others, did your mother have any siblings who may know something or passed any info. down 'on the quiet' to your cousins?
This may also be worth a try?
Good luck with SA papers!
Annie
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I think your mother was born in Lancashire 1942 and had twin siblings born 1952 plus 2 others born 1944 and 1950.
Are you aware of these siblings?
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Reply 4, surely?
'So my uncle and aunties on my mother side are also unaware of his name.'
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Missed that one :(
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Hi everyone
Thank you for all your help.
I have had a reply from SA, unfortunately they don't keep those tracing records if it's before 1988. But I found my uncles business in the UK, (my mothers brother) and have called and left a message. Hopefully he may know something and i hear back soon.
Would a DNA test on Ancestry, or MyHeritage be better?
Thanks for all your help.
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Would a DNA test on Ancestry, or MyHeritage be better?
Go for whichever is the cheapest - results will be the same
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Apparently Ancestry have more "users" so you may find more matches.
If you test with Ancestry you can upload your raw data to other sites including "My Heritage" (though it has recently changed - it used to be free to view all aspects of results, now you need to pay to access full results though cost is minimal).
You would need to check for yourself but I think FTDNA's Autosomal test is the cheapest. However you cannot upload your raw data to Ancestry. (though you can do so the other way around). There are often good special offers at FTDNA too (I don't know about the other companies).
It is generally a good idea to get someone from your mother's family to test as well, so any matches you do not have in common can be assumed to be from your father's side.
Good luck.
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I see your birth was re-registered after your mum married and your surname changed to that of your stepfather. Did he legally adopt you?
An adoption never creates a re-registration, but this is important information.
What appears to have happened is the birth was re-registered after the marriage (under the Legitimacy Act) which would require them to have claimed that the step-father was the father of the child. So there would not have been an adoption.
Surnames for the child are not shown on birth registers (in E/W) until 1969 so it isn't a case of changing a surname to that of the father - but as the birth is now to a married couple, then it is indexed just under the "father's" surname and not the mother's.
But, as always, getting a certificate from that 1966 entry to see exactly what it says is essential.
If there had been an adoption, then any certificate issued after that from the 1964 entry would be annotated in the margin as "adopted".