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General => The Common Room => Topic started by: MiniCooperS on Friday 05 April 19 23:01 BST (UK)
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Good evening. This is my first post. Does anyone experience a lack of replies from messages on Ancestry? I can see when a person has logged in since I have sent a message but I don’t get replies. I really don’t know what to do. I have messaged a few times in one instance but nothing. Thank you.
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Welcome to Rootschat.
I am afraid this often happens, a lot of people are not interested in responding to messages. I think of all the people I have messaged over the years, no more than a quarter have replied.
If you look at the profile of the person you wish today contact, some have not been active for a long time, it is rarely worth trying to message them. Also, if they have thousands of names on their tree, they are usually name collectors and not serious researchers.
I suggest you just sit tight and wait, occasionally some people respond many months later.
Good luck.
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Welcome to the real world of Genie research and welcome to roots chat.
Most people on this forum are helpful and courteous if you give them plenty of info to work with.
Back to getting replies on ANY forum. It does no harm to ask but don't sit and wait for the reply. Any reply is a bonus and occassionally you hit the mark. Perseverance is the key. Best of luck in your Genie journey. It is fun and frustrating.
cheers
Jack Gee
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Hi
I have contact several people on Ancestry and would say I get about a 75% reply rate.
I also reply to all the messages I get even though I have over 20,000 names on my tree. Most of the enquires are for non direct relatives but I will look at the family and see if I can help which does expand my tree and it as also given me new areas of research.
John
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People have different reasons for joining Ancestry and different approaches to their research so you cannot expect everyone to want to be interested in communication. Take it as positive if you get a response. If they do not respond move on and don’t worry about it. They may prefer not to communicate or they may have other things going on in their lives that take precedence. Sometimes patience is rewarded. I got a reply last month to a message I sent in 2015.
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It is useful to keep in mind that sometimes DNA kits are bought as a surprise gift for another and the recipient may have little or no interest in family history. Ancestry promote their tests as offering an insight into a person's ethnicity (even if this insight is generally of dubious value). I suspect many of these result in disappointment when the test discovers that they are English, Irish, Scandinavian and Western-European.
As others have said, do continue to reach out and be pleased if you achieve a one-in-four response rate. I have found many interesting connections from those kind enough to reply.
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Welcome to Rootschat!
I agree with diplodicus that it seems many people on Ancestry have joined because of DNA, and are not family history researchers, thus making it much less likely for them to respond to messaging.
If it helps at all, I have contacted people who have done very limited research, if any, and though I can see there is a DNA connection somewhere, they are not very interested in finding out where it is. I've sometimes done quite a bit of research on their behalf, and STILL not been able to find out. :o :(
So as others have suggested, you should be patient and carry on with your own research in other ways, and sometimes a long time after you've forgotten you ever asked, someone will get back to you in their own time.
In the meantime, perhaps you should enjoy yourself here on Rootschat - there are lots of people who WILL reply to help in any queries or questions, and you can just 'lurk' about the boards here to see how Rootschatters enjoy the detective work. The experts here will often come up with angles you've not thought of (I speak from experience here.)
Added:
I also think that some people who've done DNA tests are surprised to be contacted by others, as they'd thought of the tests as 'private'. Innate suspicion of even the most friendly approach from someone unknown on the internet can make people reluctant to respond.
And also, some families do really like to keep family things 'private'.
So not necessarily a personal thing.
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I think people reply when they know they can help, some seem to specialise in certain subjects, myself I only assist in helping if I think I can, obviously if I can't them I don't log onto that thread.
In general I find Rootschatters very friendly and helpful , so whatever it is you want, give us a try
Also it is most helpful if you show what information you have, it wastes time if the person comes back and says " I already have that info" and they have spent hours researching
Happy Hunting
Louisa Maud
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Just this week I was using google to search for family information after getting hundreds of church records for my relatives and came across an old Ancestry thread of mine. There was a reply there from 4 years ago that I'd never seen (no notification apparently). I have now posted a reply to the person (3rd cousin) and will have to wait. That was their only post on Ancestry and they've probably given up hearing back from me but not all lack of responses are deliberate.
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This comes up on a lot of different forums and people are disappointed with the lack of response. You have to remember that Ancestry has a lot of free weekends, so people may have used that to build a tree and then never looked at it again. Also, trees stay on there when your subscription lapses, so unless there is evidence of recent log in, some of those people may even have died.
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I don't bother messaging any more. I find even those who show up as signing in daily don't reply so a waste of time.
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well I cant see the point of joining something like ancs and then , when someone says they think you might have a link somewhere,or whatever. dont bother to reply.
Suppose it could be worse... heard about someone who found a living rellie, sent a nice letter with proofs.. got a reply saying "Please do not contact us again. we cannot possibly be related, our social spheres are vastly different"
I'd have replied once saying.. does this mean we're not exchanging Christmas cards then?
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Thank you so much for the replies. I feel better now! I get really excited when I find connections but I guess not everyone feels the same. Shame really. One I have messaged a couple of times has my late father in their tree. Still shows no interest despite I see they have logged in. Thank you for welcoming me to the forum.
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I have a match "1st - 2nd cousin" I knew who it was by the first name although I did not recognize her married name and she was in Aus,she is a lot younger than me :)
I waited to see if she would contact me,when she did not I contacted her.
The reply came straight away "g,,,g.. I thought you would be dead by now" ;D ;D
Not sure why she made that assumption as her mother,my aunt,lived to be 100!!
Her daughter bought her the kit as a Christmas gift,She has no tree and currently has no time to pursue things further.
Kim
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well I cant see the point of joining something like ancs
We need to bear in mind that a lot of people take the test who aren't members and are unlikely to be (including both my offspring and one first cousin!!!).
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On a nicer note, tomorrow I am meeting my 5th cousin for the first time for lunch. She is very excited as I am her only known family member outside her immediate family here, having emigrated from England.
I wrote to someone a year ago in response to a comment made on Ancestry. They DNA tested following this and now we exchange regular correspondence and gifts.
Makes up for some of the disappointment.
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Have a brilliant time, Nova67 ;D
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Thank you. Shall do.
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I've got a couple of messages to respond to, I will when I have time. Sorry if you're one of them. Time is finite.
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I've got a couple of messages to respond to, I will when I have time. Sorry if you're one of them. Time is finite.
Well I'm talking about no replies I'm talking about years, not weeks or months.
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I think you should think of a family history email to a total stranger as being like a cover letter with a job application. It needs to be very well thought-out, it needs to be the right length, neither trivially short nor boringly long, interesting and showing that you have something to offer rather than just wanting something back.
And keep trying. Perhaps somebody is very busy now but in a month's time they might have more time.
Finally, ask a friend to read your email. I am more likely to reply to a well structured letter, with good spelling, and without masses of cartoon pictures. However somebody else might like just the opposite.
Martin
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I think you should think of a family history email to a total stranger as being like a cover letter with a job application. It needs to be very well thought-out, it needs to be the right length, neither trivially short nor boringly long, interesting and showing that you have something to offer rather than just wanting something back.
You should also consider that many people (assuming they actually get online) may see it as unsolicited mail - and we all know what often happens to that - or perhaps don't even notice that a message has arrived. Sometimes if you look to see when someone last logged-in, it may have been last year, so a reply may take a while. And in the worst scenario, as many of us are 'getting on' there may never be a reply .... :'(
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I think you should think of a family history email to a total stranger as being like a cover letter with a job application. It needs to be very well thought-out, it needs to be the right length, neither trivially short nor boringly long, interesting and showing that you have something to offer rather than just wanting something back.
And keep trying. Perhaps somebody is very busy now but in a month's time they might have more time.
Finally, ask a friend to read your email. I am more likely to reply to a well structured letter, with good spelling, and without masses of cartoon pictures. However somebody else might like just the opposite.
Martin
I do think them out very carefully. I try and us proper grammar and spelling etc. Information wise I try to get a balance between having enough information to show I know about the family and am serious while not going to the level of information overload.
Well I used to after all the no replies (after logging in daily) and a few rude replies I figured my efforts were in vain and I was offending people so I stopped.
I have one message I haven't replied to. It is just 4 surnames. The entire message is just those 4 words.
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PharmaT, I'd be interested to know what somebody says in a rude reply. Could I see an example?
Martin
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PharmaT, I'd be interested to know what somebody says in a rude reply. Could I see an example?
Martin
I have had "Don't you know how ancestry works? You're supposed to do it all yourself", also "I can't possibly be related to someone like you" and last but not least "you're delusional! you have fabricated the documents for your Dad's death as you can't bear the idea he has another family and abandoned you".
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Pharma, I am sorry you were subjected to such rude remarks, be thankful they may not be related to you
Most people aren't rude, I think they are in the minority, so continue you good work
Louisa Maud
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I have had "Don't you know how ancestry works? You're supposed to do it all yourself", also "I can't possibly be related to someone like you" and last but not least "you're delusional! you have fabricated the documents for your Dad's death as you can't bear the idea he has another family and abandoned you".
I know exactly what you are talking about.
Last year I received this message - "CHECK YOUR SOURCES!!!!!! MRS FIRSTNAME LASTNAME IS NOT DEAD!!!!!!"
I replied - "Well, seeing as she had a massive heart attack at the Bowls Club Luncheon in front of 60 people; and seeing as my wife gave her CPR until the ambulance arrived; and seeing as she was declared Dead On Arrival at West Suffolk Hospital; and seeing as my wife had to register the death as her husband was in no condition to do so; and seeing as I have her Death Certificate in front of me as I type; and seeing as I attended her funeral; and seeing as the husband visits us every week and is still grieving 20 years later; I can tell you this - My tree is right and your tree is wrong."
She replied - "DON'T BE SO NAIVE AND STUPID. DON'T YOU KNOW THAT DEATH CERTIFICATES CAN BE ALTERED AND FORGED?"
I replied "I will tell that to her husband and let you know what he says."
Needless to say, I did not tell him. Last I checked, her tree was the same.
Regards
Chas
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I reply to all my messages, either with information, or if I have nothing to add then I let them know also. My son had a DNA test for Christmas 2017 from his GF, and has no interest. I have just worked out how to get management of this so it can be part of my tree.
He has had one message - he gave me the log in - I did reply, weirdly they never responded. so guess it works both ways!
It might depend what you are asking? Someone messaged me years back on Genes Reunited and got quite rude to me as some of my tree was private, I responded, but never bothered when he was so rude. Have you tried a surname search on here? you never know someone may be linked and on here.
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If you meet 100 people in your day and just one of them is obnoxious, which of the hundred stays in your head?
Keep saying “ninety-nine were great, great,great,great...” until the pulse returns to normal and move on.
Some of my biggest breakthroughs are the result of the kindness of strangers who have become acquaintances
Remember... Ninety-nine percent!
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I think we just have to accept that some people really aren't interested in the accuracy of their trees as long as they have names on them. The fact they deny births and deaths when faced with the proof in the form of certificates or even in the case described by Kiltpin says an awful lot about them. Rather than just admit that they have made a mistake, they make themselves look silly- why would anyone want to forge a death certificate for a tree?
If people choose not to respond to requests that is up to them. As long as I'm as sure as I can be that my tree is accurate, why should I worry? The chances are if they can't be bothered to respond they won't be of much help anyway. Those who are really interested in genealogy will help others as is shown on here.
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I think we just have to accept that some people really aren't interested in the accuracy of their trees as long as they have names on them. The fact they deny births and deaths when faced with the proof in the form of certificates or even in the case described by Kiltpin says an awful lot about them. Rather than just admit that they have made a mistake, they make themselves look silly- why would anyone want to forge a death certificate for a tree?
If people choose not to respond to requests that is up to them. As long as I'm as sure as I can be that my tree is accurate, why should I worry? The chances are if they can't be bothered to respond they won't be of much help anyway. Those who are really interested in genealogy will help others as is shown on here.
The guy who told me I was deluded had contacted me. My Dad had a very common first name and last name but his 2 middle names are, although not completely obscure an unusual combination and my grandfather has an unusual middle name. My Dad died in 1999, this guy contacted me to say he had in fact my Dad had immigrated to New York in 1998 an had fathered twins in 2005. I replied thanking him for his message "but I think there may have been some confusion between 2 people <first name><last name>. I happened to be planning a visit to SP centre that week so offered to have look for him to find the correct <first name><last name>. He replied saying he was confident in his research, I should go for some lessons etc. My final reply, before I gave up was : Again thank you for your message. I can however be 100% confident that my father is dead. I was present when he died, attended his funeral and have the bill for the funeral. I also have my original birth certificate stating his full name, his original birth certificate, marriage certificate and death certificate. In addition I have his original forces discharge papers stating all info. The reference for his death certificate is...…...should you wish to order it yourself"
In interests of due diligence, when I did go to the SP centre did some searches. In the Scottish BDMs there are only 2 people with my Dad's exact name, the other being my grt grandfather who died in 1939. I also checked the English indexes and couldn't find anyone of the exact name at all. Same for my Grandfather's full name; only 2 people with exact name including middle name. This time it was my grt grt grandfather who died in 1882.
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I don't usually use the word 'gobsmacked', but I am gobsmacked. Those replies are shocking.
I was amazed to find one tree listing my great grandmother as d1948, when she lived with my parents in my youth, 15 years later. I didn't even get a reply when I politely pointed this, and I was surprised I didn't even get a reply.
Martin
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Thanks again for the replies. I’m going to just see what happens. Nova67 I hope you had a lovely lunch. I have found second cousins through GenesReunited and have met with them in the last couple of years. Made me so happy.
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She replied - "DON'T BE SO NAIVE AND STUPID. DON'T YOU KNOW THAT DEATH CERTIFICATES CAN BE ALTERED AND FORGED?"
It's hard for sane people like us on here 8) to believe that there are others so different that we can only categorise them as aggressive ignorant morons. At one time when I was a research chemist I had a colleague (recently from Oxbridge) whose approach seemed to be to write a paper on some topic, and then do experiments to prove the results he wanted. The stubborn tree-builders we despise have a similar turn of mind.
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She replied - "DON'T BE SO NAIVE AND STUPID. DON'T YOU KNOW THAT DEATH CERTIFICATES CAN BE ALTERED AND FORGED?"
It's hard for sane people like us on here 8) to believe that there are others so different that we can only categorise them as aggressive ignorant morons. At one time when I was a research chemist I had a colleague (recently from Oxbridge) whose approach seemed to be to write a paper on some topic, and then do experiments to prove the results he wanted. The stubborn tree-builders we despise have a similar turn of mind.
In the most part I try and disprove my theories. I ask myself what evidence do I have FOR my theory? what are the possible alternatives, what evidence is there for the alternatives. I know this is more history than science but it's the way I was taught. But then what do I know, I only went to plate glass universities? My first instinct if someone tells me I'm wrong or has a different answer is to think "oh no! what have I done" and I double check. Some parts of my tree I've lost count of the number of times I've double checked them.
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I just can't understand why anyone would not want to have an error pointed out.
Martin
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This thread is moving from "Lack of Replies" to "Rude replies".
I've never had an outright rude one (I just get ignored) but GR has or had an option to reply wiith just the brief "Sorry, not my relative". I got one of these in reply once, and thought it was a bit brusque - after all there was only the one MacDonald Green on England & Wales birth records.
It turns out that there are two MacDonald Greens on the 1939, one in Barnet who is obviously the one registered there 1901, and mine in Warwickshire born 1900 who married my relative and has appeared out of nowhere.
So as well I wasn't tempted to fire off a rude reply.
(unless he was a bigamist??)
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"Please do not contact us again. we cannot possibly be related, our social spheres are vastly different"
I think this shows a sense of insecurity on this writer's part. Amongst my dozens of contacts there is just one who is genuinely posh (this is the lady who is related to Mrs Jacob Rees-Mogg). I've always found her helpful and friendly. I asked her how she felt having one common-as-muck relative (the one she shares with me, obviously) amongst all the high-born ones, and she didn't mind in the slightest.
There's a skeleton in every family cupboard.
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There's a skeleton in every family cupboard.
Not entirely true. I don't have anyone 'high born' in my tree. ;)
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I just can't understand why anyone would not want to have an error pointed out.
A lot of people hate being made to look careless or foolish, even privately. Anyway why should someone else know more about their family than they do?
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What an interesting thread!
I've messaged people on "Ancestry" a few times, hopefully, as Mart'n'Al suggests, clearly written, making names/dates/connections concisely, and explaining what I'd like to clarify, or "correct", and usually have had replies, even if the person cannot help / is not linked with the "one I want"/ does not wish to discuss it.
All - so far - have been courteous, if not all very elegantly written - does it matter as long as good communication takes place?
I've always replied to messages I get, either confirming a link, or accepting a correction, and seeking help, or guidance and explaining, or at times explaining why it isn't the same person they think it is.
From time to time I've had to explain, as Kiltpin did, exactly why person A in their tree is not person B in mine - and usually seem to have managed to get the message over, although not everyone bothers to "do their corrections" , probably because it'd lead to a lot more untangling of errors!
I really do like Andrew Tarr's lovely description of coming up with a theory and then seeking only the facts that support it - and here I fear many people are far too swift to act on "hints" as if they are "facts" without checking it all out, certainly not seeking out original sources.
But that will always happen. If they are happy with that, then there's nothing more that can be done.
The very few who then follow up an initial communication with what really amounted to "So, just do the entire job for me, unto the fifth generation, supply all dates, censuses, birth marriage and death dates and locations... because I can't really be bothered ...." will get a courteous reply suggesting where they can further their research.
(And the same happens on here, doesn't it, someone puts a query up, loads of people kindly use their own resources, getting heaps of information, putting it on here, and then there's the wait for the person who put the original query up to confirm, or thank the people who have magically done weeks of work almost overnight - that is, if they get back in touch.)
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I just can't understand why anyone would not want to have an error pointed out.
A lot of people hate being made to look careless or foolish, even privately. Anyway why should someone else know more about their family than they do?
An upside of having an error pointed out is that you then have a whole new line to research and discover :D
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Exactly! Some of us see that as a challenge and an opportunity, but those with the "I'm bound to be right" blinkers on, simply miss out!
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Welcome to Rootschat.
I am afraid this often happens, a lot of people are not interested in responding to messages. I think of all the people I have messaged over the years, no more than a quarter have replied.
If you look at the profile of the person you wish today contact, some have not been active for a long time, it is rarely worth trying to message them. Also, if they have thousands of names on their tree, they are usually name collectors and not serious researchers.
I suggest you just sit tight and wait, occasionally some people respond many months later.
Good luck.
Why do some people simply 'name collect' - always wondered that!
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Why do some people simply 'name collect' - always wondered that!
I thought of referring you to the long thread https://www.rootschat.com/forum/index.php?topic=698504.0 but having skimmed it I think you'd be none the wiser. Much annoyance that people do this, and counterarguments but not much theory as to motive.
I hesitate to trivialise the hobbies of those who collect stamps, or train numbers. or (bird) twitchers but amongst the latter there is much opprobrium directed against those who claim to have seen a rare bird on flimsy evidence. Same for those with badly researched trees?
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I seem to remember that from the 2 ways of sending messages you are more likely to receive and get replys when using the persons hint matches than their profile ...if their tree is ma aged by someone else you have to .essave the manager of it and specify person daye a d name of tree you are referring to .
For example i manage my sisters tree but dont get .access to messages. I have months when i forget to check with her if a y have come thru .
One man who manages lots of trees kindly explai ed that he had no idea who i was asking about unless i told him the tree name because he had so many .
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hesitate to trivialise the hobbies of those who collect stamps, or train numbers. or (bird) twitchers but amongst the latter there is much opprobrium directed against those who claim to have seen a rare bird on flimsy evidence
I went on a trip down into the southern ocean to the NZ sub Antarctic Islands and MacQuarie island which is Australian. On board were quite a few Bird watchers including some Australians. THere were many many birds to see. For a great deal of the trip we were in NZ waters. Then it was announced we were in Australian waters and suddenly there was a great flurry of activity, turns out that you can’t “tick off” a bird if you haven’t seen it in Australia, so although we had been seeing say, Sooty Albatrosses for days, they didn’t count!
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I've just found another reason for the lack of replies to messages on Ancestry - the people I contacted weren't related to the family I had hints to. Turns out they were employed by an heir hunting firm! The long number after the surname for their tree should have alerted me :-)
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I've just had a lovely reply from a message, I haven't got an online tree so I sent some correct information and the lady was so pleased. (I shall send her some more later, visitors due to arrive soon!)
rayard.