RootsChat.Com
General => The Stay Safe Board => Topic started by: John915 on Thursday 21 May 20 21:43 BST (UK)
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Good evening,
Until this week we have not left our house and garden. So all the humourus bits are a great stress reliever, like this one.
July 21st 2053 was a very special day for Peter, He had just opened the last pack of loo roll his parents purchased in 2020.
John915
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Could be true !!
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Those are great John --- thank you for sharing them.
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That did make me smile thanks :)
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Well there's Boris in the second row, left, and an older Nicola Sturgeon with glasses, second row,
left. right.
;D
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Well there's Boris in the second row, left, and an older Nicola Sturgeon with glasses, second row, left.
;D
Thanks for sharing John..... ;D ;D ;D Well our resident Robin doesn't care for this Social Distancing rule, but it didn't drink much of OH's Peroni ::) ;D ;D
Carol
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I bet that Robin is wondering who to attack1
I meant Nicola in second row right. I'm looking forward to getting back to school to learn my tables.
;D ;D ;D
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Oh Carol --- I love the picture of your resident robin. The Peroni isn't bad --- but the robin -- just WOW!
I apologise to people who will have seen the following 'joke' circulating -- but I found it SO funny that I wanted to share it with those of you who may not have received it;
A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.
"In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA, and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, and Utah, which she does not fancy).
Our new Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of '-ize.'
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, counsellors, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter or Guinness will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is NOT played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God Save the Queen!
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Fantasy Island as the UK & the Downing Street Panto heads for the cliff! Where's Dominic? ;D
Skoosh.
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Pennines that is really funny and well thought out ;D thanks for sharing, I'll take that :)
The robin is so tame, it also perched on the bottle and the back of my chair and last week when he was gardening it perched on the spade handle and my OH was throwing worms to it :D
Carol
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It has belatedly occurred to me that Rootschatters from the USA may find it offensive -- and if so I do apologise most sincerely -- I would never deliberately offend anyone. I just thought it was SO funny and I really don't know how people think these things up!
So here is another one which gave me a laugh;
Paraprosdokian
Here is the definition: "Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation."
"Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with his experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8 Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
19. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
20. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
21. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
22. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
23. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon and a shot of tequila.
24. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
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Good evening,
There are two ways of argueing with a woman,
Neither one works. 😁😁😁
John915
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Trust me, we're used to it. My mother used to always say, "British is best!" I became inured to it. I did always wonder, though, why English people are so insistent on toadying to the French in their spelling.
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I did always wonder, though, why English people are so insistent on toadying to the French in their spelling.
Old habits die hard !
After 1066 norman-french became the language of the ruling classes, and the rest carried on using english (anglo-saxon), but - toadying to the rulers ? /accepted life as it was ? - incorporated many french words and spellings into normal 'english' usage.
My favourite example here, is the difference between animals (on the hoof) and meat (on the table):
the anglo-saxon farmers used their words for the the animals: cows, sheep, pigs, etc., which ended up on the dining-tables of the (norman-french) ruling classes as meat: beef, mutton, pork, etc.(from bœuf, mouton, porque, ...)
I think the 'ou' where 'o' would do is also part of the "fall-out" from 1066 !
Bob
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Good evening,
There are two ways of argueing with a woman,
Neither one works. 😁😁😁
John915
When your wife/partner says “It’s fine” be afraid, be very afraid !
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With regard to Her Majesty's message, I would change two things;
1. Do not change to metric measurements, but let UK revert to Imperial, so that we no longer fill our
fuel tanks with litres, but measure our fuel consumption in miles per gallon
2. Refer to Baseball by it's correct title, "Rounders."
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With regard to Her Majesty's message, I would change two things;
1. Do not change to metric measurements, but let UK revert to Imperial, so that we no longer fill our
fuel tanks with litres, but measure our fuel consumption in miles per gallon
2. Refer to Baseball by it's correct title, "Rounders."
1a Use the British pints of 20 fluid ounces when measuring 8 pints to the Gallon
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Oh dear -- I posted those just because I thought they were funny!
Maybe this will make one or two of you smile then.
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Since it will soon be summer and there’s another heatwave coming
should we look out our shorts or just cut the legs off our pyjamas ? ;D
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I have a printed out version of the U.S. piece that was circulating in 2000! :D. I have another from about the same time which will not offend anyone. The premise is that Sony decided to put a human, Japanese face on the rather brusque computer error messages and use the haiku form. One or two of them still spring to mind occasionally!
I will add one set, and if that is OK, I will put some more. They are in picture form as I have photographed the original sheet.
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Since it will soon be summer and there’s another heatwave coming
should we look out our shorts or just cut the legs off our pyjamas ? ;D
Since there’s a good chance that last summers shorts won’t fit, because we all know how chocolate shrinks your clothes; just lop the legs off the jim jams, it’ll be quicker and far less stressful ;D ;D >:(
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I couldn't resist adding this ;D
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Sorry it came out too large
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Brilliant a-l! Thank you.
How do these people think such things up. Very witty.
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Brilliant a-l! Thank you.
How do these people think such things up. Very witty.
;D I have a few but daren't post incase they come out as large as that one.
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I have that problem also - in that I never really know how large an attachment will appear.
I have discovered that you can reduce the size - I have a 'resize' option under the 'Edit' heading. Having said that, I am technically inept - and if I were to use that (although I have occasionally) -- I always imagine the attachment will appear as the size of a postage stamp.
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When you resize, go for a picture that's about 500 to 600 pixels wide; a bit more if detail is important. [For reference, my avatar is 150 pixels wide].
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Thank you for that Erato, I appreciate your help. -- I have made a note of it for future reference.
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Thank you very much erato
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Saw this:
I'm not adding 2020 to my age. I didn't use it.
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23. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon and a shot of tequila.
You would be quite at home in Texas! ;D
https://www.flickr.com/photos/124304610@N07/36204709336/in/album-72157677799291754/
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Good evening,
There are two ways of argueing with a woman,
Neither one works. 😁😁😁
John915
Women have many faults - men have only 2 .......EVERTHING THEY SAY AND EVERYTHING THEY DO!!
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I resemble that remark :P :P :'( :'( :'(
OH reminds me regularly. :o
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There is also this saying - She who must be obeyed. He who would like to be obeyed by very rarely is.
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23. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon and a shot of tequila.
You would be quite at home in Texas! ;D
https://www.flickr.com/photos/124304610@N07/36204709336/in/album-72157677799291754/
TropiConsul -- your illustration of that point was amazing. Had I known you had that skill - you could have had a go at illustrating them all!!
Thank You for bringing 'point 23' to life.
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There are three unwritten rules for a happy life:
1,
2,
3,
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There is also this saying - She who must be obeyed. He who would like to be obeyed by very rarely is.
Don't I know it :D :D ::) ::) :P :P
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A remark on "The Westminster Hour" that a certain political leader (no, not that one), should take care that he doesn't create the impression that he's boring, reminded me of the wisdom of Nora Batty. ("Last of the Summer Wine")
"Nowt wrong wi' boring. There's a lot to be said for being boring. It's taken me near on forty years to train my Wally to be boring."
Nora perfected her social distancing technique, especially from Compo, her downstairs neighbour, keeping him the length of a broom-handle away by deploying bristles of the broom in his direction. She would have been happy to remain 2 yards apart from him (NB no foreign metrics), preferably the width of 2 backyards away.
Pearl, another formidable character would have embraced lockdown with enthusiasm, as an ideal method of keeping tabs on errant husband, Howard.
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And here is a dog trying to social distance!
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And here is a dog trying to social distance!
Not the only one.
I was looking at a recent video on my church website. Children have been sending in pictures. They are stuck on the backs of pews. There is now a row of pictures on every pew. They give the impression of the church being less empty. As the camera panned around the church it revealed a dog sitting at the front, on the floor, near the altar.
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Oh Maiden Stone - that made me burst out laughing! I could just picture the scene.
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So who has been sticking up the pictures ? Aren't ALL churches supposed to be locked ?
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So who has been sticking up the pictures ? Aren't ALL churches supposed to be locked ?
I thought the vicar was obliged to take a service every day. Isn’t he or she supposed to say prayers in the church even if there is no congregation :-\
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Was tempted to put this on another thred but not sure if it would go down so well ;)
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What a revolting picture.
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I am not sure if I can do this - but I'll try.
On a similar topic to the T-Shirt I received this today;
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktjb3hVCL7s&fbclid=IwAR0YenOGUSIwMkdxtafQ9Y_J_PFR2XbtRb9pqvBVmiN-kSd0cAxg2H2osnA
I just don't know how people manage to do such things so quickly!
ADDED -- just so you know what it is -- Dominic Cummings Parody by Andy Quirk - a song.
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Good evening,
Loved this one when I saw it.
John915
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Love it....it really made me laugh, a pleasant change from all the negativity right now. Thanks for posting John :D
Carol
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So who has been sticking up the pictures ? Aren't ALL churches supposed to be locked ?
I thought the vicar was obliged to take a service every day. Isn’t he or she supposed to say prayers in the church even if there is no congregation :-\
I suppose clergy stick the pictures up. It's like a paper congregation.
There's a reminder via Facebook when a service is due to be screened.
John - remote baptism ;D
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I am not sure if I can do this - but I'll try.
On a similar topic to the T-Shirt I received this today;
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktjb3hVCL7s&fbclid=IwAR0YenOGUSIwMkdxtafQ9Y_J_PFR2XbtRb9pqvBVmiN-kSd0cAxg2H2osnA
I just don't know how people manage to do such things so quickly!
ADDED -- just so you know what it is -- Dominic Cummings Parody by Andy Quirk - a song.
Got the ear worm ;D. I’m going to be singing brumdiddy, brumdiddy, la la la all blooming day now...
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I don't think the vicar needs to be in church to say a service. Ours (along with most others) is posting services on-line, including the full communion service celebrated with due reverence in his home.
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Suey -- yes I know what you mean -- I was singing the 'But I would walk 500 miles ....' the original Proclaimers version yesterday --- AND I've just started again now!
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Good morning,
The Dawn French fan club is a good source.
John915
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Or this one,
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Keep them coming John.... ;D ;D ;D ;D
Carol
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John -- do you have personal experience of earrings still fitting please? We need to know!
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I must refrain from collecting empty bottles ;D ;D if there was a refund on empties like there used to be...this wouldn't happen ;D ;D ;D
Carol
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And another but not DF this time.
John915
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Good afternoon,
What have you done with the rest of them Carol? Still in the kitchen? 😂🤣😁😁
John915
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John -- do you have personal experience of earrings still fitting please? We need to know!
Not since dressing up days as a kid, mums clip ons. 😁😁
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And again,
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Good afternoon,
What have you done with the rest of them Carol? Still in the kitchen? 😂🤣😁😁
John915
Have you been peeping over the fence John :o ;D ;D ;D
Carol
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One found on Find a Grave during lockdown.
ev
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Love it - did she retaliate though? :-X
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Out of interest I have just looked up the death of Katherine Spanks (as there was a year of death shown).
The gravestone is on Find a Grave and is from a Baptist Cemetery in Nova Scotia. So it's definitely real.
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One found on Find a Grave during lockdown.
ev
Aw that had me in stitches....Love it ;D
Carol
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One found on Find a Grave during lockdown.
Did Arthur make use of the "Woman's Weekly"? ;D
The Victoria Wood song came into my head instantly I read the inscription. Just as well it wasn't me who found it in the graveyard - I might have burst into song and scandalised anyone in earshot.
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Do you know - I never noticed that Ev had said it was on Find a Grave!! I just read it as found during lockdown.
Now my eyesight is failing as well as my brain (and heaven knows what else).
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Good evening,
A couple more from the Dawn French fanclub.
John915
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Number two,
Should have appeared with the last one.
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Last one for tonight,
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Barnard Castle Eye Test beer (this is a real new brew)
https://www.brewdog.com/uk/barnard-castle-eye-test
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This blue plaque in Barnard Castle was on the local news last night.
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This was posted on a local community website yesterday, accompanied by photo.
"If anyone was out for a drive to test their eyesight - you've left your glasses at the petrol station."
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I thought the vicar was obliged to take a service every day. Isn’t he or she supposed to say prayers in the church even if there is no congregation :-\
There's a reminder via Facebook when a service is due to be screened.
This is not my church. Mine is dull in comparison.
https://twitter.com/kiwiEV/status/1242267839236583427
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Looking ahead to reopening hair salons? Unsure if your hairdresser has proper protection. Fear not.
Thread on how to reopen safely. Posts by Jane and Izzy 24th May.
https://twitter.com/RoryStewartUK/status/1264652179228569602
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I thought the vicar was obliged to take a service every day. Isn’t he or she supposed to say prayers in the church even if there is no congregation :-\
There's a reminder via Facebook when a service is due to be screened.
This is not my church. Mine is dull in comparison.
https://twitter.com/kiwiEV/status/1242267839236583427
😀 That livened up the service, I rather liked the hat and dark glasses mafioso look.
We are in a
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The Church has been in the extortion business long before the Mafia was ever thought of! ;D
Skoosh.
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Good afternoon,
Just spent the morning at work, no, half the morning at work. The boss is not very good at the social distance thingy. So spend half the morning trying to keep away from him.
I have to admit though that it is difficult because we are putting up a fence, I can't hold it up and fasten the ends so he has to do the holding. Not all the bits are 2mtrs long.
On the way home my eyesight didn't seem too good so perhaps I should have gone for a test drive first to check it. When I got in OH asked what I had been doing as my glasses were filthy. That explained the fuzziness of my eyes.
Then I found this which in my opinion is the best yet.
John915
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Well done, John915 - BUT
I received an e-mail this morning, from a papercraft supplier, to say that I could pre-book delivery of Christmas die-cutting equipment :) :-X
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Good evening,
Well done, John915 - BUT
I received an e-mail this morning, from a papercraft supplier, to say that I could pre-book delivery of Christmas die-cutting equipment :) :-X
Well you may soon be able to go down to the van and sit in the sun doing them.
John915
Ignore that, I was thinking of someone else. Dohhhhhh. 🤔🤔
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Re my reply 75. Need to click "more replies" because it's halfway down the page.
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John915 - it almost fits - we do have a motorhome, and would usually be away in France at this time ;D ;D
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Good evening,
This will fit as well then BumbleB.
John915
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John915 - it almost fits - we do have a motorhome, and would usually be away in France at this time ;D ;D
Same here but in the caravan, it's even got its own 😷 Or that's what our four year old neighbour thought the protective front cover was ;D
Carol
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Good morning
Just found this one.
https://www.facebook.com/mothersbestchild/videos/566927820633454/?sfnsn=scwspmo&extid=ljcsEdKGqTPzrH0j&d=n&vh=e
John915
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I like this one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVetNcRKTF0
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I like those...very amusing ;D thanks for sharing John and Erato...another one!
Carol
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OK Jen, will let you away with the bird-table! ;D
Skoosh.
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After lockdown
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Just reading a novel by Elizabeth George (This Body of Death) - there is a character named Dominic Cheeters!
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I like this one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVetNcRKTF0
;D Resemblance is uncanny. There's another one of Baby Donny in his cot.
Diana ;D
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The resemblance is uncanny because it's a very well constructed fake. The real baby was a little girl who was denying to her mother that she had messed with the food in the dog's bowl. You can easily find the original video online. The funny thing is that in the original, since you know they're talking about dog food, she's actually fairly intelligible.
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Good evening,
Some of you may have seen this one already. But for those who havn't, enjoy.
https://www.facebook.com/mothersbestchild/videos/566927820633454/
John915
Added, stupid boy, iv'e already done this one. 🤔🤐🤐
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I witnessed totally disgusting behavior on the beach today. A man and woman arguing in front of a load of kids then she smacked him one on the head and it all kicked off between them, the police turned up and the policeman ended up using his baton on the bloke but the man actually managed to get the baton off the copper and started hitting the copper and the woman with it.
Then a crocodile turned up and stole all the sausages....
(Shamelessly copied, plenty of slightly different versions available)
Regards Margaret
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Message deleted - accidentally posted before it was completed!!
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OK -- this is VERY long and many of you may have seen it - or some of it, before. However -- does it matter!!
It will take up a couple of minutes of your day AND some of it may be new to you. It concerns the origins of sayings;
1;There is an old hotel/pub in Marble Arch, London, which used to have some gallows adjacent to it. Prisoners were taken to the gallows (after a fair trial of course!) - to be hanged.
The horse drawn dray, carting the prisoner, was accompanied by an armed guard, who would stop the dray outside the pub and ask the prisoner if he would like ONE LAST DRINK.
I can see where this is going. "One for the road" and "On the wagon". Unfortunately it's not true though.
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I thought I had cancelled that message - it was sent accidentally before I finished it!! I will delete it now.
I think I must have been very naughty - everything is going wrong today - I spent several minutes trying to get into the wrong car this morning -- then, when just about to start my lunch I managed to squirt some tomato sauce in my eye!!
Trouble is -- I don't know what I have done to deserve all these mishaps - so may do it again -- and be punished once more!
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Oh poor you Pennines! I hope your eye is okay. Must admit I did have a little laugh at the thought of you trying to get in the wrong car. I assume you weren't arrested. ;) :D
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Oh Roobarb, I am so mortified -- initially I assumed the battery had gone in my key fob -- but the key has the facility to extract a manual one from it and unlock the door via the lock.
I detached the manual key - only to discover that the car I was trying to open -- didn't have a lock! At that point I went to look at the number plate --- not my car!! Naturally I looked around to see if anyone was laughing uproariously at this event (after all we are all glad of a laugh at the moment!!)
No doubt it was caught on CCTV, as I was on a Supermarket car park. I can confirm that the car was the same colour as mine -- so that's my only excuse. (Apart from being a bit thick.)
As for the tomato sauce - I really don't know how I managed that - the bottle was pointing downwards and my face was NOT on the table! I think I was struggling to squeeze sauce from the bottle - hence may have moved it to see if there was a blockage - the bottle clearly saw it's chance and gave me a dollop in the eye.
Luckily I had eye wash in my 'medical drawer' in the kitchen, so very quickly applied some, which seemed to clear it. I was just thankful no-one came to the door whilst I had an eye patch of tomato sauce.
Then I tried to post something on here - decided not to bother and thought I had deleted it!! I hadn't.
Not my most efficient day to say the least.
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Don't worry Pennines, we all do daft things at times. I just forget entirely where in the car park I've parked my car. Glad to hear your eye is okay, it sounds like your mind has been on other things. I'm sure you'll have a better day tomorrow. :)
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Thank You Roobarb - that's very kind of you.
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Live sport in lockdown. Several matches.
https://twitter.com/Number10cat/status/1262369597057052675
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https://twitter.com/Tim_R_Dawson/status/1266774596851773442
Hands up. Who else was praying for the same thing?
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Live sport in lockdown. Several matches.
https://twitter.com/Number10cat/status/1262369597057052675
https://twitter.com/Tim_R_Dawson/status/1266774596851773442
Hands up. Who else was praying for the same thing?
Ha ha
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Pennines that really made me laugh ;D
However, I do hope your days have improved since then.
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Thank you a-l --- I have achieved my purpose in life!!
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Oh Roobarb, I am so mortified -- initially I assumed the battery had gone in my key fob -- but the key has the facility to extract a manual one from it and unlock the door via the lock.
I detached the manual key - only to discover that the car I was trying to open -- didn't have a lock! At that point I went to look at the number plate --- not my car!! Naturally I looked around to see if anyone was laughing uproariously at this event (after all we are all glad of a laugh at the moment!!)
No doubt it was caught on CCTV, as I was on a Supermarket car park. I can confirm that the car was the same colour as mine -- so that's my only excuse. (Apart from being a bit thick.)
That reminded me of an incident many years ago when I was about 9 or 10. I was out shopping with my parents. Dad had got bored with going round children clothes shops and said he would go back to the car and wait for Mum and me. We returned to the car some time later to find a strange woman with a very red face climbing out of the passenger seat of our car and Dad in fits of laughter. Two cars in front of ours was a car of exactly the same colour and model (black Ford Zodiac) with a very baffled looking man in the driving seat, presumably wondering why his wife had climbed into a stranger's car.
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Good afternoon,
Couldn't resist these,
https://wakeupyourmind.net/life/someone-took-horse/
John915
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https://twitter.com/nickmurftweets/status/1266844131579637768?s=20
This made me laugh
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Oh IgorStrav -- that was hilarious - such a brilliant commentary. Thank You.
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Oh IgorStrav -- that was hilarious - such a brilliant commentary. Thank You.
"the stealth of a sofa....." ;D :D :D :D :D :D
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Oh IgorStrav -- that was hilarious - such a brilliant commentary. Thank You.
"the stealth of a sofa....." ;D :D :D :D :D :D
;D ;D ;D :D :D :D ;D ;D ;D
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Now getting to see the grandchildren , and it would seem they are learning to tell jokes.......
What did the mummy Dalek say to her son ?
"What do you mean you want to be a Doctor ?"
ev
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Andrew Cotter has made several of these little films, well worth searching out. 😄
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Good afternoon,
Back with a couple more,
John915
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https://twitter.com/nickmurftweets/status/1266844131579637768?s=20
This made me laugh
These two by the same chap will make you laugh even more
Game of Bones https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2BZNowCXws
The Walk of Shame https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26FIEX6muAo
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These two by the same chap will make you laugh even more
Game of Bones https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2BZNowCXws
The Walk of Shame https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26FIEX6muAo
I enjoyed their Zoom company meeting.
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JenB -- they were hilarious -- what brilliant commentary - he does it SO well. (The dogs are lovely also!)
I honestly don't know how he does it so seriously. Very clever indeed.
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It was the best of times , it was the worst of times
Margaret , age 8 , to her little brother this morning.
ev
Added-
it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way – in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.
The grandkids are back :)
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It was the best of times , it was the worst of times
Margaret , age 8 , to her little brother this morning.
There were two local newspapers - They were the Bicester Times and the Worcester Times.
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https://twitter.com/nickmurftweets/status/1266844131579637768?s=20
This made me laugh
These two by the same chap will make you laugh even more
Game of Bones https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2BZNowCXws
The Walk of Shame https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26FIEX6muAo
He was interviewed on "Saturday Live" this morning, Radio 4.
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Good evening,
Just found this one,
John915
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I am not sure if this has been shown before -- apologies if it has -- but it made me laugh.
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That made me laugh pennines ;D
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Oh thank you a-l -- I thought I had just managed to shut every one up!
How on earth did anyone get that shot you have just posted? What's holding him up?
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Oh thank you a-l -- I thought I had just managed to shut every one up!
How on earth did anyone get that shot you have just posted? What's holding him up?
t's a sky diver photographed through the window of a plane flying next to him.....
re the cat, goodness knows what's holding him up or how he got into that position....
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Archive footage of Olive and Mabel ;D
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHUu4w4VHPE
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Oh JenB -- that was fantastic -- thank you so much for posting the link.
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I hate the idea of having to wear a face mask, but I am going to need to catch a bus into town very soon as I think my sister in law is tiring of picking up my presctiption for me once a month.
So - and this is the funny bit - I ordered a couple of colourful face masks off the internet. I thought, if I'm going to look like a complete turnip, I may as well look like a colourful turnip!! I'd seen the website recommended in my Sunday newspaper.
So, they arrived. One pink, one blue and quite pretty material. I tried putting them on - and couldn't for the life of me (and it could come to that!) figure out how the damn things were supposed to go on. I admit I'm not the most practical person on this earth, but I expected two loops to go around two ears - preferably one on either side of the head which is the usual arrangement!
Instead, they have two bigger, elasticated loops which, it would appear (but I'm still not sure!) both go around your whole head, at different levels. I suppose one level could skim the tops of my ears!
Honestly, I'm now studying everyone who comes on the tv wearing a face mask and they ALL have loops over their ears. I can't see any with the 'whole head' set up! I have spent the time trying them on either doubled up with laughter or tutting to myself because they don't half mess up your hair!!!
I'm hoping someone on here might have the code for wearing these things and then I'll feel even more of a turnip!! Otherwise, I'll just fish my old tartan scarf out of the cupboard and wrap that round my head when boarding the bus, at which point the driver will probably think he's being mugged by an ancient *Bay City Roller fan!! Plus, it'll probably be a day when its 90 degrees in the shade and I'll pass out from heat exhaustion!!
Plus, however you wear these face mask thingies, are you supposed to be able to actually breathe in them? They're terribly claustrophobic!
Sorry - had to share.... ;D ;D ;D ::)
* I'd like to make it perfectly clear that never, at any time, was I a Bay City Roller fan!!
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Do they reproduce the pairs of 'strings' that many facemarks have instead of ear loops?
One pair of 'strings' tie high up at the back of your head (where a pony tail would sit) and the other lower down towards your nape.
Added: when you first wear a face mask it does feel very claustrophobic, however I can assert that once you get used to it, it's very much easier. Spoken as someone who had to visit two health establishments this week and had masks (as with shopping excursions) at both, together with extensive hand sanitising.
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Some funnies for you all
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A few more
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Thanks for the laugh! ;D ;D ;D
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Thanks for the laugh! ;D ;D ;D
You're welcome frosty ;D
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Last ones for now . Keep cheerful !
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;D ;D ;D
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a-l reply #132 That purple crinoline will be all the rage for the new style socially distanced weddings. I heard that fathers won't be allowed to walk their daughters down the aisle. Father wouldn't be able to get near the bride in that frock.
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a-l reply #132 That purple crinoline will be all the rage for the new style socially distanced weddings. I heard that fathers won't be allowed to walk their daughters down the aisle. Father wouldn't be able to get near the bride in that frock.
I must admit that I didn't give weddings a thought. Will be interesting to see what happens in the future.
Can you imagine if all the ladies wore them on public transport ? ;D
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a-l reply #132 That purple crinoline will be all the rage for the new style socially distanced weddings. I heard that fathers won't be allowed to walk their daughters down the aisle. Father wouldn't be able to get near the bride in that frock.
I must admit that I didn't give weddings a thought. Will be interesting to see what happens in the future.
Can you imagine if all the ladies wore them on public transport ? ;D
No need - it's really a semi-deflated hot air balloon. Instead of a gas burner, the deluxe models have a personal jet pack hidden inside.
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Arthur thank you for the image ;D ;D ;D
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a-l reply #132 That purple crinoline will be all the rage for the new style socially distanced weddings. I heard that fathers won't be allowed to walk their daughters down the aisle. Father wouldn't be able to get near the bride in that frock.
I must admit that I didn't give weddings a thought. Will be interesting to see what happens in the future.
Can you imagine if all the ladies wore them on public transport ? ;D
I've decided, on reflection, not to wear mine to go shopping. Aisles are too narrow. I might get stuck, causing a trolley-jam.
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Good evening,
A trolley jam, in that dress. How would you reach the trolley to push it. Loading into it would be interesting as well as long as you don't throw bottles and jars in. 🤔🤔😏😁👍
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Good afternoon,
A brief conversation between demolition gang members no 1 and 3, both autistic with very high IQs.
Linus: since you went second last time shall I go first this time?
Asa: yeah OK!
John915
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Back again,
Another conversation, this time daughter and demolition gang members no 2 and 3,
Asa: COLDEN MY WOOD!!!
Me: you what?
Asa: shiver me timbers! basically means make my wood cold.
Me and Gabriel: uhhh
I have no idea where he gets his info from but I doubt it's mr google.
John915
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A couple of creative shop names;
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Good evening,
A trolley jam, in that dress. How would you reach the trolley to push it. Loading into it would be interesting as well as long as you don't throw bottles and jars in. 🤔🤔😏😁👍
Sorted! I've been doing arm-stretching exercises during the 3 month confinement.
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“The three of us will now sing you an Irish duet!
And if you haven’t heard it before well, this will be the first time.“
With apologies to Barney McKenna of The Dubliners.
I have been watching them on my iPad.
Viktoria.