RootsChat.Com
General => The Common Room => The Lighter Side => Topic started by: ms_canuck on Wednesday 15 July 20 16:11 BST (UK)
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Hi...
I recently received a message asking if I was willing to chat about a shared ancestor. The requester has the same surname as the ancestor, so I said yes that would be fine. There was an open family tree with the surname, so I clicked to see what the person already had so as not to repeat information. He had only 8 people, going back from the person he was asking about, and no birth/death dates for the actual person or their spouse. I have considerably more than that in my tree.
The next day, he replied asking me to provide him with my information as "he couldn't see my tree" which is odd because it's not private. But he had now changed his tree to Private.
Am I being taken for a mug here? I feel like he is just wanting to pick my brains without having to do anything himself. I thought he would have more info, as this ancestor emigrated to Australia and the person asking me lives in Melbourne!
I'm thinking that I may just give him some 'bare bones' info, and see what he comes back with in return.
Would appreciate hearing your thoughts / opinions on this type of request.
Thanks all
Ms_C
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Maybe he has more info but wants to confirm it before putting it on :-\
If your tree is open then direct him to it so he can see what you have without the need to have any personal discussion with you.
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I think you are wise to be cautious.
If you collaborated, you would both end up with all the same information, but it would be nice if the other party contributed as well.
I would ask why their tree became private and would give nothing until it was open.
It could be that they are very new to this and don't know the protocols. Then you are going to have to tell them. They won't get far by being greedy.
Good luck
Regards
Chas
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I would just offer to answer any specific questions he has. Obviously you have a lot on your tree and it wouldn’t be feasible to give him all that info.
That way the emphasis is on him to take the time to think about what he wants/needs to know that he cannot find himself.
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I would just offer to answer any specific questions he has. Obviously you have a lot on your tree and it wouldn’t be feasible to give him all that info.
That way the emphasis is on him to take the time to think about what he wants/needs to know that he cannot find himself.
Exactly ;D
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Thanks to all for your responses. Here are the messages we exchanged. At first he is responding to 'something I published' and then 'I am unable to see any information'.
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AB Hi there, i was looking into my family tree and came across some information that was published by you. I was wondering if you would be open to a chat ?
Hi AB
Yes, definitely. Information is a bit sketchy on the B*m family in Australia. Would appreciate your input.
thanks
Ms_C
AB
I am unable to see what information you have so far. If you fill me in a little on what you currently have ill be more than happy to share any further information i have with you :) Elizabeth P*g and Joseph H*h seem to be be common in information i have been finding.
So I will proceed with caution... ???
Cheers All...
Ms_C
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I am not a paid up member of ancestry and I can't see any trees except my own.
I do have others taking copies of my photos which I don't mind, but I do mind that nobody (except for one person) leaves a message to say how they are connected to my tree.
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I am not a paid up member of ancestry and I can't see any trees except my own.
I do have others taking copies of my photos which I don't mind, but I do mind that nobody (except for one person) leaves a message to say how they are connected to my tree.
That's a good point, Rena! I don't think anyone has ever left a comment on my tree either. In fact, I messaged one person asking why they borrowed a photo, and how we are related and got no response (the photo was of my father, so that was probably a close cousin).
However, I have also been guilty of doing the same - so no leg to stand on! :) In future, I will try to be more mindful.
Cheers
Ms_C
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I am not a paid up member of ancestry and I can't see any trees except my own.
I do have others taking copies of my photos which I don't mind, but I do mind that nobody (except for one person) leaves a message to say how they are connected to my tree.
That's a good point, Rena! I don't think anyone has ever left a comment on my tree either. In fact, I messaged one person asking why they borrowed a photo, and how we are related and got no response (the photo was of my father, so that was probably a close cousin).
However, I have also been guilty of doing the same - so no leg to stand on! :) In future, I will try to be more mindful.
Cheers
Ms_C
I forgot to mention that if I want to send a message to any of the people who took my photos I have to become a paid up member.
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Could it be, as suggested, that he doesn't actually subscribe to Ancestry but started his tree during a free trial? It seems very odd that he can't see your tree if it is public. I'm afraid it does sound to me as if it will be a one way thing and once he has what he wants, you won't hear from him again. Maybe reply asking him what he already knows about your mutual connections as you don't just want to repeat things. Drip feed things in rather than giving him a lot all at once.
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Thanks to everyone who gave me their honest opinion. I just wanted to come back and let you know what happened next...
I messaged him back asking him to explain what he saw that prompted him to contact me, why he can't see my tree and why his tree is now private.
He responded that he is new to the site, and that he had seen a picture I had published and that prompted his message. He changed his tree to private because, as I mentioned, it only had 8 people and is nowhere near complete.
His profile says he's been a member since 2017, but I've been a member since 2007 (non-paying) and only started my tree 3 years ago. He's also pretty young (under 30), so I cut him some slack and said let's try this again and gave him some basic information on our ancestor, and told him the name of my tree (which of course, is public).
So let's see what happens from here.
Again, all responses were very helpful and much appreciated.
Ms_C
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In the decades I have researched I have always been happy to help others either basics like how to research or which records to look at, I have travelled miles to take hotos for some or get copies of records that are not even for my 'family' and was thrilled when connecting to 'family' however I have been 'burned' by some over the years who just take and give nothing at all back not even a thank you.... but I was not expecting the nastiness of one and it did really upset me and make me very warying https://www.rootschat.com/forum/index.php?topic=800891.0