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General => The Common Room => Topic started by: raa on Saturday 17 October 20 15:35 BST (UK)

Title: adoption
Post by: raa on Saturday 17 October 20 15:35 BST (UK)
im helping someone who was adopted any tips on how how to proceed ive found what i think is girls mother on ancestry
Title: Re: adoption
Post by: Little Nell on Saturday 17 October 20 18:14 BST (UK)
Any adopted person who wishes to connect with their birth parents should seek the advice and contact is usually made via an intermediary agency.  Have a look at the GRO page here:

https://www.gov.uk/adoption-records/the-adoption-contact-register

Nell
Title: Re: adoption
Post by: AntonyMMM on Sunday 18 October 20 11:31 BST (UK)
Don't get involved in tracing birth parents unless you really understand the ethical, legal and confidentiality issues you will be dealing with.

Don't assume that any contact will be welcome. Contrary to what you may see on some TV programmes, these things don't always have a happy outcome.

Whatever you do, don't try and make contact with possible relatives you find through social media - the mother may not have told anyone in the family about the adoption and you can blow a family apart very easily.

Before doing anything -  make sure they have gone through the process to get access to their original birth record and any adoption papers and had the required counselling.  Then use a proper intermediary to take things further.
Title: Re: adoption
Post by: Gillg on Sunday 18 October 20 17:17 BST (UK)
My daughter, adopted as a tiny baby, decided to take a DNA test, basically to check out her health prospects.  (It scared her silly, threatening Diabetes type 2 -  she's wand slim and super fit - and other nasty things.)  Through whatever DNA site she used she was contacted by a niece of her birth father.  This relative wanted to put all the family in touch together and urged my daughter to respond.  This was over a year ago and my daughter "hasn't got round" to doing anything about it.  As far as she is concerned, we are her parents, though she has always known that she was adopted.

What AntonyMMM has written is very important.  Sometimes adopted children want to know and sometimes they don't, but the repercussions can be disastrous.   
Title: Re: adoption
Post by: brigidmac on Sunday 18 October 20 17:31 BST (UK)
I was only looking to see where my father's cousins emigrated to
Found quite a high match using a married name I didn't know and a match who is probably her granddaughter we worked out link thru mutual matches accidentally but if this lady does not want her relatives to know that she had a baby adopted I would hope her anonymity can be protected.
The grandaughter now knows her origins and a half cousin  has given her some family medical history so she feels more comfortable about starting a family of her own

her adoptee father hasn't expressed an interest in knowing so all-in all I think it's worked out for the best