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Messages - dflaucho

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The Common Room / Re: Father and sons named after wrong father and family
« on: Saturday 07 July 18 01:49 BST (UK)  »
Quote from: Ruskie on Friday 06 July 18 08:46 BST (UK)
How sure are you that the man found via DNA is the "natural" father?

Who took the DNA test? You, or your father?

Which DNA test did you/he take?

Keep in mind that errors can be made - it is not foolproof. Have you tested any of your father's siblings to see if any of them are also illegitimate?

Regarding changing your surname, are you asking for our opinions? I think that would be too difficult - and it is only a surname. Changing that won't change who you are.

Whenever you require ID you you may need proof of change of surname, so your given surname may not be wiped from your family history. Do you know the circumstances of the illegitimacy? I know of a case where the potential father left when he found out the woman was pregnant. In a scenario like abandonment, the child may not wish to take the surname of a man of that kind of character?

PS. Welcome to rootschat.

Thanks for your response. Yes, changing name is drastic. I'm just overwhelmed and confused, I guess.  Lots of processing to do. Bottom line: its more of a existential issue. 

The family seems to have a lot of integrity and accomplishments.  My grandmother, apparently, was a bit of a "free spirit" and enjoyed parties and dancing.  From what I have gathered from nieces and nephews, the men that are most likely my dad's bio father, were cultured and educated.

I hope I didn't upset that family. Its been a roller coaster of the unexpected. This DNA business is opening up lots of closets. Its not all fun and games!

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The Common Room / Re: Father and sons named after wrong father and family
« on: Friday 06 July 18 15:36 BST (UK)  »
Quote from: PaulineJ on Friday 06 July 18 07:49 BST (UK)
You and thousands of others will has mis-attributed paternity in the family line.
I feel you are over-reacting..


Thanks to everyone for responding. Yes, I guess it is overreacting. Its been really a rather overwhelming turn of events - learning all of this.   Particularly because of context of our experience growing up. Our father resented his seven children (as, most likely, his father had). This revelation is healing in that it gives us some kind of explanation for his disdain, cruelty and actions, and the resulting psychological train wreck of a family. This discovery allows a tiny opening or pretext toward forgiveness.  His father, who "raised" him and who I was named after, barely acknowledged us.  Nevertheless I latched on to his ethnicity and culture, only to find we aren't even related.

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The Common Room / Father and sons named after wrong father and family
« on: Friday 06 July 18 07:42 BST (UK)  »
Via DNA we just learned that my father, born in 1930, was illegitimately conceived out of wedlock. It explains his grandfather's disinterest and disdain. My father and his seven children were named after the wrong person. I have found the correct family of his biological father. They are total strangers and as shocked as we are. We've been living with and passing the name on to our children. We have had the wrong name and the wrong associated ethnicity all our lives. I don't know what to with this. Changing my family name and our children's last name seems drastic but I am seriously considering it. Grandmother was married to an Arab but had my dad with a Jewish man. Arab father either didn't know or didn't acknowledge that my dad wasn't his son.

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