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Messages - AndyH81

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19
Ancestral Family Tree DNA Testing / Re: DNA ethnicity logic check / Unexpected result
« on: Wednesday 29 December 21 18:25 GMT (UK)  »
In her words: "Hey, life happens. And if the affair hadn't occurred, I wouldn't be here. So I don't bear any ill will against my mother". As you can see, my relative always put a positive slant on matters.

Obviously I am disappointed that my mother did this and the implications it has for certain people, but, yes, this is essentially where I am with it: things happen which can't be undone and had such events not occurred, I wouldn't be here... so it seems a bit weird wishing myself away.

20
Ancestral Family Tree DNA Testing / Re: DNA ethnicity logic check / Unexpected result
« on: Wednesday 29 December 21 17:45 GMT (UK)  »
I've absolutely no intention of cutting my dad out in any way - he's my dad. I'm surprised that's even entertained as an idea! I can't imagine many people in this position do that, but maybe I'm wrong.

Only one sister is aware of the situation. She was the one who we thought was a full sibling, and she is no longer interested in doing a DNA test in any circumstances. My other sister was a half sibling, but I see no reason to involve her as she has a different father so it would be a moot point anyway. Both are younger.

I haven't seen any of my cousins in decades. But, again, I'm not sure what benefit getting all of them tested would be in looking for my own father?

I strongly suspect this DNA test is going to confirm that we're not biologically related, but I am honestly not sure what to think. A few people who I have spoken to working in this area seem to think that 'mass market' tests are inaccurate, mixed up, or misinterpreted frequently enough that they think it's always worth getting a second opinion. Which is worrying, I guess... but there you have it.

21
Ancestral Family Tree DNA Testing / Re: DNA ethnicity logic check / Unexpected result
« on: Wednesday 29 December 21 01:26 GMT (UK)  »

I think my father is a bit embarrassed by the whole thing - he doesn't seem to want anyone else to know.

Perfectly understandable; "a bit embarrassed" may be an understatement. If I were in his shoes, I wouldn't want anyone outside the immediate family knowing.

Well, it's hardly his fault if my mother cheated. It's certainly tainted my opinion of her - but if it is confirmed he isn't my bio-father (which I am almost certain he won't be at this point) - I suppose I can't be too angry at her because I'd be wishing myself away.

I think he probably just doesn't want a big fuss over the whole thing. I've not told anyone yet anyhow, save for a few friends, and only one of my sisters knows. Not because I don't want people to know... but just because it doesn't make a huge amount of difference to our relationship.

I'd like to know how the culprit is, as it were, but not so we can have a relationship - I just want to complete as many of the pieces of the puzzle as I can.

I suppose both of us are also a little concerned of tainting everyone else's view of her too; her siblings, and nieces and nephews etc.

22
Ancestral Family Tree DNA Testing / Re: DNA ethnicity logic check / Unexpected result
« on: Tuesday 28 December 21 19:22 GMT (UK)  »
I think your sister should do a test.  Letís face it there was a sperm diner (biological father) and a real father who bought you up.  Also imagine his relief if it proves she is his biological daughter.

My sister is no longer interested in doing a test. She doesn't want to find out anything that would cause her to question what she already knows. It's obviously affected her quite deeply.

I think my father is a bit embarrassed by the whole thing - he doesn't seem to want anyone else to know. Which I suppose I am kind of fine with, but I suspect my second cousin who was the catalyst for this whole thing has already figured it out. She's not stupid.

23
Ancestral Family Tree DNA Testing / Re: DNA ethnicity logic check / Unexpected result
« on: Tuesday 28 December 21 19:19 GMT (UK)  »
It's entirely possible the bio-father was adopted, I know of at least 1 person in that family who was adopted as an infant and doesn't know who his biological parents are. Although I think he might be dead now.

My father and I will know for sure, hopefully by new year's day, whether or not we are related or if there has been a mistake as we both did a legal paternity test the other day which is now being processed. :/

24
Ancestral Family Tree DNA Testing / Re: DNA ethnicity logic check / Unexpected result
« on: Tuesday 14 December 21 20:18 GMT (UK)  »
Andy

It's good that you are not upset finding out what you've found so far. I'm sure that not everyone in your circumstances is so well-balanced.

I am no expert on DNA analysis but as an amateur genealogist since 2004 I've felt that it is the detective work that comprises much of the fun for me and I've found so many things about my own ancestors that I never imagined when I first started.

DNA tests are only half the picture. To be any use you also need to do the family tree legwork and in this case it means assembling trees for people who are matched to you or to examine any trees they have already prepared (and of course to check them). You need to try to find out who your common ancestors are and work downwards to see who was likely to be in the right place and of the right age to be your likely genetic father. Basic things like remembering that if your match is clearly a 1st cousin, you share grandparents with them, so who are the grandparents? If you are likely to be second cousins you share great grandparents etc.

But you probably know all that. Even so, my basic message is that you have to do the "legwork" to couple it to your DNA matches.

Good luck with it all.

Well, my mother's side seems all good. Oddly enough, I have DNA matches to people who would be on my father's side but I cannot find links to via my mother. But when both sides of your family come from a relatively small area, then there's a multitude of reasons that could be. Especially if my biological father has family in the same areas too.

If I toss out everything that I thought I knew about my father's side, then I can build a reasonable amount of my closest match's family tree based on the conversations we have had and information I can find online. I can also build very partial parts of the family tree of the people in Ireland, I just cannot find the person who connects the two.

And, obviously, I'm also not 100% certain of the nature of my relationship to this person.

I have the details of the closes matches in a spreadsheet now, including notes on who they are related to - or how I suspect people might be related. I tried the Leeds method as suggested but there is either not enough data to make it work, or I am not fully understanding how it is meant to work.

25
Ancestral Family Tree DNA Testing / Re: DNA ethnicity logic check / Unexpected result
« on: Monday 13 December 21 22:03 GMT (UK)  »
Hello Tony, thank you for the reply.

I'm actually probably not as bothered as I should be. Over the years, for more than one reason, I'd had a few thoughts that I might not be. I don't really look like my dad at all - and yet I do look a LOT like one of my uncles and my grandfather, so go figure.

We're doing a legal paternity test to confirm it either way. I figured another more formal opinion couldn't hurt. I'm honestly not sure what to believe when it comes to that because when I spoke to someone in the lab (because I had a techy question the 'sales' person couldn't answer), they seemed to be of the opinion that mistakes or cross-contamination happens relatively frequently when done via genealogy sites but didn't offer any statistics or insight. I got the sense his opinion was that they just didn't take much care of what they were doing and didn't interpret the results correctly! *shrugs* I found that quite worrying. But I guess that's just one person's opinion, I'm sure he must have had his rationale for thinking that.

The mother of the closest match is doing a DNA test for Christmas, so I am hoping that will offer more insight into the nature of all our relationships as, depending on what her test reveals, that should narrow down other potential fathers significantly.

My sister was going to do a DNA test too; however, I think she is feeling so bad for my father that she doesn't want to upset him more. I'm honestly not sure what his reaction would be if he found out we both (god-forbid!) weren't his. Although I think she is probably quite safe there as she does look like him. So I'm not sure that will happen.

I'd be curious to find out whether or not I have an older half-sibling too (as per the other thread)... although no idea how the hell to find that out!!

26
Ancestral Family Tree DNA Testing / Re: DNA ethnicity logic check / Unexpected result
« on: Thursday 09 December 21 18:50 GMT (UK)  »
Hi Andy,

There is a DNA tool called "What Are The Odds?" I don't know if you've tried it...

You can use it to create a tree with various branches & input shared DNA cM values.
It then generates hypotheses as to where your most likely position in the tree is.

https://dnapainter.com/tools/probability

Thank you - I'll go and have a look.

27
Ancestral Family Tree DNA Testing / Re: DNA ethnicity logic check / Unexpected result
« on: Thursday 09 December 21 18:49 GMT (UK)  »
So, it looks as though you can rule out your match's maternal grandfather, and (as the most likely contenders) you are left with either her uncle, or one of her great uncles? Or at a pinch, since I don't know the ages of these people, a son of one of the great uncles.

Against which, you would want to consider who was most likely to have visited your town, since it was the grandfather who had connections there, and not his wife's family.

(Of course, I don't know where you live, and whether is somewhere that anyone from Ireland might pop over to on a visit, or a place which makes it much less likely that that would be the case.)

I'm from Cheltenham originally, which has always had a relatively high Irish population and gets a huge amount of Irish tourism each year for the races. Not quite sure why that's the case - but it's true.

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