10
The Common Room / What would you do?
« on: Sunday 15 December 19 14:37 GMT (UK) »
Dear all,
Apologies in advance if the nature of this query flouts any of the forum rules, but I have a bit of a predicament and I'm hoping to get some opinions.
I started researching my family history about ten years ago. Not long after commencing my research I found that my father, who I had always thought was one of nine, actually had another sibling. She was born in the 1960s with disabilities and as my grandparents already had seven children at the time of her birth, she was placed in an institution. The family would visit occasionally but in the 1960s the visits stopped for some reason and no one mentioned the sister ever again. My grandparents died 20+ years ago now and there's been no mention of her since, though all of the other siblings are aware of her existence, and several of them presume her to be deceased by now.
Through researching the family history, I have ascertained (through Electoral Rolls) that she is still alive and have located her current address. She is being supported by a care organisation, who I contacted and they confirmed she was receiving their support and that she had given them permission to release this information to me.
As the 'researcher' in the family I'm now in a position where I need to do something about this knowledge. The two eldest siblings have apparently been emphatic in the past about not tracing her/talking about her, and some other siblings I have approached over the years have said they were crippled by indecision. Another sibling, I'm told, would really like to trace her but doesn't know how. My own father is undecided and doesn't want to commit one way or the other by himself.
The questions is, what do I do? The care team have said I could write a letter and my Aunt would decide based on the letter to proceed with any contact, or not.
I am leaning towards writing a letter containing all the facts of the matter to all nine siblings on the same day, and letting them decide what they would like to do.
What would you do? Have you ever broached a difficult topic with family before? Any help or advice would be gratefully received in what is a very complex situation.
Thanks for reading.
Matt
Apologies in advance if the nature of this query flouts any of the forum rules, but I have a bit of a predicament and I'm hoping to get some opinions.
I started researching my family history about ten years ago. Not long after commencing my research I found that my father, who I had always thought was one of nine, actually had another sibling. She was born in the 1960s with disabilities and as my grandparents already had seven children at the time of her birth, she was placed in an institution. The family would visit occasionally but in the 1960s the visits stopped for some reason and no one mentioned the sister ever again. My grandparents died 20+ years ago now and there's been no mention of her since, though all of the other siblings are aware of her existence, and several of them presume her to be deceased by now.
Through researching the family history, I have ascertained (through Electoral Rolls) that she is still alive and have located her current address. She is being supported by a care organisation, who I contacted and they confirmed she was receiving their support and that she had given them permission to release this information to me.
As the 'researcher' in the family I'm now in a position where I need to do something about this knowledge. The two eldest siblings have apparently been emphatic in the past about not tracing her/talking about her, and some other siblings I have approached over the years have said they were crippled by indecision. Another sibling, I'm told, would really like to trace her but doesn't know how. My own father is undecided and doesn't want to commit one way or the other by himself.
The questions is, what do I do? The care team have said I could write a letter and my Aunt would decide based on the letter to proceed with any contact, or not.
I am leaning towards writing a letter containing all the facts of the matter to all nine siblings on the same day, and letting them decide what they would like to do.
What would you do? Have you ever broached a difficult topic with family before? Any help or advice would be gratefully received in what is a very complex situation.
Thanks for reading.
Matt