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« on: Monday 23 February 09 23:42 GMT (UK) »
I was pregnant at 15 and my father too wanted me out of the house, didn't want the shame of his neighbours or workmates knowing. My mum wasn't a strong enough person to stand against him even though she would have liked me to have kept my child.
My older brother and his wife took me in, they lived in London and we lived in Sussex so it was far enough away to suit my dad. My parents never paid anything towards my keep and signed me over to my brother as my guardian.
I gave birth to a little girl a month afer my 16th birthday. My brother had arranged a private adoption with a couple whose sister he knew. He told me that my daughter would have a lovely life as they were comfortably off and had another daughter of 11 who was really excited to be getting a sister.
I returned home and the subject was not spoken about so I had no outlet for my grief and guilt. My mum had to deal with her own guilt so it was easier for her not to talk about it.
I married only a year later, not to the father of my child, and had two sons. Many years later when my daughter was 20 we made contact and initially things went well. I tried to explain how things were but I still feel she resented the fact I didn't fight harder to keep her. Her adoptive parents split up when she was 4 and she didn't have a great life after that so I suppose she thought I didn't do so well by her.
Sadly I am no longer in contact with her as things didn't work out between us.
My daughter in law is adopted and has no wish to find her parents as the circumstances of her adoption was neglect. When she married my son he adopted her twin sons so as a family we have viewed adoption from all sides.