Author Topic: Bad Timing OR Bad Manners  (Read 1714 times)

Offline c w

  • RootsChat Senior
  • ****
  • Posts: 321
    • View Profile
Bad Timing OR Bad Manners
« on: Saturday 12 November 05 23:01 GMT (UK) »
Recently a tragedy occurred in my family, where three family members lost their lives.

If this were not distressing enough a few days later I received an email from someone researching our family name telling me how eager he was to research this branch of the family.

Perhaps, I was just too sensitive - but I found this to be most offensive and an invasion on a most personal and private time. Members of my family had already been hounded by reporters and a further intrusion made me feel quite angry.

Am I being too sensitive? 

I have found everyone on Rootschat to be both polite and helpful, it is such a shame that some people seem so enthusiastic that thy forget everyday etiquette and manners.

Sorry if I am being a grouch.

Caroline :-\
Chidgey (west Somerset)
Morgan(Radnorshire & Tredegar, Mon.)
Griffiths (Tredegar, Mon.)
Morgan (Monmouthshire)
Census information is Crown Copyright, from www.nationalarchives.gov.uk

Offline tabitha

  • I am sorry but my email address is not working
  • RootsChat Senior
  • ****
  • Posts: 445
    • View Profile
Re: Bad Timing OR Bad Manners
« Reply #1 on: Sunday 13 November 05 00:11 GMT (UK) »
Hi Caroline,

I'm really sorry to hear about your family's loss.

With regard to the enthusiastic researcher that contacted you were they aware of the family tragedy when they contacted you? If they were then I think you were right to be offended and I think in your shoes I might have been less than polite in replying to them.

Last year I contacted a possible cousin on GenesReunited to compare family notes. My email was enthusiastic (but polite). Unfortunately the day I emailed her father died. She sent me a very brief email to tell me that this had happened. My immediate response was to reply and apologise if I had caused her any distress and passing on my sympathies to her and her family.  No mention of family trees.

We are now great friends and as well as exchanging emails we meet up every now and then like old friends.

I wouldn't worry about being too sensitive or angry, everyone has their own way of dealing with difficult situations and you have to do what feels right for you.

Tabitha

 
Bevan, Hill, Tustin, Watkins, Teague (Herefordshire, Radnorshire). Rockett, Lillycrap, Govett, Gready, Saunders (Somerset). Sussex, Smale (Devon). Oliver, Kennedy, Cummings, Wright (Co. Durham). Farish (Cumberland, Scotland). Cox (London, Middlessex, Buckinghamshire).

Offline c w

  • RootsChat Senior
  • ****
  • Posts: 321
    • View Profile
Re: Bad Timing OR Bad Manners
« Reply #2 on: Sunday 13 November 05 08:33 GMT (UK) »
Hi Tabitha,

Thanks for the kind words.
The person who contacted me was aware of what had happened, he even mentioned them by name. I suppose he did not know I was a member of the family, on the other hand having an unusual name and living in the same area, most people would think a connection likely.

Perhaps I am just a little too sensitive at the moment.

Caroline :)
Chidgey (west Somerset)
Morgan(Radnorshire & Tredegar, Mon.)
Griffiths (Tredegar, Mon.)
Morgan (Monmouthshire)
Census information is Crown Copyright, from www.nationalarchives.gov.uk

Offline suttontrust

  • RootsChat Marquessate
  • *******
  • Posts: 3,842
    • View Profile
Re: Bad Timing OR Bad Manners
« Reply #3 on: Sunday 13 November 05 08:59 GMT (UK) »
I don't think you're being too sensitive.  If this person came across your name only because of publicity about your family's tragedy, s/he was being incredibly boorish to contact you.  It's a lesson in how not to get carried away by this pursuit.
Godden in East Sussex, mainly Hastings area.
Richards in Lea, Gloucestershire, then London.
Williamson in Leith, Vickers in Nottingham.
Webb in Bildeston and Colchester.
Wesbroom in Kirby le Soken.
Ellington in Harwich.
Park, Palmer, Segar and Peartree in Kersey.


Offline Hackstaple

  • RootsChat Marquessate
  • *******
  • Posts: 3,871
  • Family researcher
    • View Profile
Re: Bad Timing OR Bad Manners
« Reply #4 on: Sunday 13 November 05 09:05 GMT (UK) »
You are right to be upset CW. This was the act of a ghoul and it was hideously insensitive. :o
Southern or Southan [Hereford , Monmouthshire & Glos], Jenkins, Meredith and Morgan [Monmouthshire and Glos.], Murrill, Damary, Damry, Ray, Lawrence [all Middx. & London], Nethway from Kenn or Yatton. Also Riley and Lyons in South Africa and Riley from St. Helena.
Any census information included in this post is Crown Copyright, from www.nationalarchives.gov.uk

Offline MarieC

  • RootsChat Marquessate
  • *******
  • Posts: 3,575
  • In Queensland, Oz
    • View Profile
Re: Bad Timing OR Bad Manners
« Reply #5 on: Sunday 13 November 05 09:16 GMT (UK) »
I am so sorry for your loss, Caroline.  Please accept my sympathy.  I agree with the others.  You have every right to be upset and angry at this person's actions.

MarieC
Census information is Crown copyright from www.nationalarchives.gov.uk
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Martins in London and Wales, Lockwoods in Yorkshire, Hartleys in London, Lichfield and Brighton, Hubands and Smiths in Ireland, Bentleys in London and Yorkshire, Denhams in Somerset, Scoles in London, Meyers in London, Cooks in Northumberland

Offline c w

  • RootsChat Senior
  • ****
  • Posts: 321
    • View Profile
Re: Bad Timing OR Bad Manners
« Reply #6 on: Sunday 13 November 05 09:39 GMT (UK) »
I had been previously been warned of this man's over enthusiastic approach to genealogy - so I suppose I only have myself to blame as I had emailed him some months ago, with regards to the family name.
However, to contact any member of my family at this time I thought a little more than enthusiastic.

Thank you for your kind words - I feel a little better about it knowing I was not being over sensitive.  It has been a difficult few weeks and it is sometimes hard to tell if I was venting my anger on this person without any justification.

I think I will just ignore him - it may be best all round.
Chidgey (west Somerset)
Morgan(Radnorshire & Tredegar, Mon.)
Griffiths (Tredegar, Mon.)
Morgan (Monmouthshire)
Census information is Crown Copyright, from www.nationalarchives.gov.uk

Offline loo

  • RootsChat Aristocrat
  • ******
  • Posts: 1,345
    • View Profile
Re: Bad Timing OR Bad Manners
« Reply #7 on: Sunday 13 November 05 19:52 GMT (UK) »
My condolences on these dreadful losses, Caroline.

My advice, for what it's worth, is don't be chastizing yourself at a time like this, and let go of the need to analyze it to death.  Focus on what's important to you, and don't worry about this new pest in your life.  Since he's the "overenthusiastic" type, you can be fairly sure he'll still be there when and if you're ready to deal with him.

Take care of the people and things that really matter.
ARMSTRONG - Castleton Scot; NB; Westminstr Twp
BARFIELD - Nailsea
BRAKE - Nailsea
BURIATTE
CANDY - M'sex, Deptford
CLIFFORD - Maidstone
DURE(E) - France, Devon, Canada
HALLS - Chigwell
KREIN, Peter/Adam - Germany
LEOPOLD - Hanover, London
LATTIMER, MAXWELL - Ldn lightermen
MEYER - Lauenstein
MURRAY - Scot borders
STEWART - Chelsea; Reach
SWANICK - Mayo & Roscommon; Ontario
WEST - Rochester & Maidstone
WILLIS - Wilts, Berks, Hants, London
WOODHOUSE - Bristol tobacconist, London
WW1 internees