My friend in the North says that today's news finally vindicates him of this vile charge that he was seen kissing Mummy. It was clearly David Blunkett.
He says that he is relieved that this ordeal and the continuous newspaper coverage of his activities may soon come to an end and he is looking forward to a good rest after his Yuletide duties. He also refused to say whether faulty braking caused Rudolf to get a brown nose.
STOP PRESS
Mr Claus, possessing some white whiskers, has been appointed Home Secretary [or perhaps it is some other stout bloke].
