Unpleasant family truths .......

[Gadget]

The conditions underground were always appalling, Meliora    Even after the many regulations that were brought in.

At least two of my direct ancestors were killed in coal mines and my Dad was badly injured. I was always fascinated by the blue marks all over his body - from cuts that had had coal dust in them.

He refused to arrange for my sister and I to visit the local colliery when it was possible in the 60s. he said that he didn't want us to see the conditions in which he worked.

Gadget

[Gadget]

Incidentally, I meant to put this up a while ago.

This is one of my unpleasants:

http://www.rootschat.com/forum/index.php/topic,176043.msg841817.html#msg841817

Gadget

[mahees]

Hi Gadget,
 I read the other thread but I couldn't  work out what it was exactly that you objected to; is it the fact they had a child out of wedlock, or that he wasn't there to bring up the daughter?
It doesn't sound all that bad to me, but I suppose I am looking at it from today's standards. 

My dodgy-sounding relative would have to be my Great-Grandmother; my Great Grandad died in 1923 and his wife never remarried, but my Mum recently told me that my Grandma had said that when she was growing up, my Great-Grandma would often 'put up men that had nowhere else to go' and had a cigarette machine in the living room, although I don't know what kind. She went from being very poor to relatively well-off after 1923, although this was put down to war-widow's pension.

I don't wish to cast aspersions on my Great-Grandma, but this does sound quite suspect to me. Mum won't hear anything negative about her Grandmother, but I can't understand why she would put men up with 2 young daughters in the house.

I apologise to my Great-Grandma if my concerns are unfounded, but does anyone else think it sounds a bit odd?

Erin 

[MrsLizzy]

I agree with Dennford - I'm not keen on care homes for the elderly.  When I visited my late grandma, whom I loved dearly, back in the 80s and 90s after she had to go into a care home due to ill health, I witnessed the matron shouting in the face of a lady in her 80s.  And that matron had seemed so lovely as well.  I never saw her shout at my grandmother, or heard that my grandmother was mistreated, but it really shook my faith in her.  She was shouting at the old lady because she'd put something down on the floor, and the matron was right in her face, wagging her finger at her and shouting "You know you're not allowed to put things on the floor!"  Added to that, what I've seen on television about elderly people actually being hit, perhaps not being fed properly and attended to - well I would be loathe to entrust anyone I cared about to a care home.  I would never feel really sure they weren't being abused and I'd be always wanting to check up on them.  My partner's mother was talking a few months ago about the possibility of one day having to go into a home, and I piped up and said to her "Tell them from me if they don't treat you right I'll come round and break their legs."

If anyone "of mine" needed that sort of care I'd rather keep them at home and pay for a nurse to help care for them.

[lindylou2_2002]

I agree with mrs Lizzy. regarding care homes.
I worked in a care home as a fully qualified care assistant, back when you didn't need any qualification. Most of the other members had very strong accents, which made it very difficult for the hard of hearing to understand.

The days were filled with getting them clients up washed dressed, fed, toileted bathed, morning tea, toileted lunch toileted, afternoon tea, toilet dinner, toilet, supper, toilet wash dressed for bed. maybe a bit of telly watching a visit from a hairdresser or some thing. No time to actually spend time with the clients.

It was enough to put me off of any of my family ending in a place like that.
I remember one account of an elderly lady who had been sent to hospital due to internal bleeding from the nether regions. She was a bit of a witch generally moaning and complaining about everything, Just like a regular old lady stuck in a care home i guess.
 but that day she was very subdued and wanted to hold my hand, she didn't want me to leave her. But the Home told me to get her signed in and get back asap. I wished i had followed my heart instead. The lady died before she was even put on to A ward. Probably before i even got back to the Home.  All alone on a hospital Gurney in a cubicle.

When my grandfather started to suffer with his health as he got older. He gave my dad the devils own time, I help him out getting him up in the morning before work and putting him to bed at night, until the council finally gave us help.
 I would have helped out indefinitely if it meant not putting him in a home. I was 22 when my granddad died, He thought I was my grandmother, i called him Bert and managed to put aside the fact he was my granddad, so didn't give me any trouble.
 I would do it for any member of my family or friends.

[MrsLizzy]

My ex husband had an elderly aunt who lived to be 97.  She lived in sheltered accommodation until her health deteriorated at the age of 97 and they put her in a hospital. This was in Birmingham. She was a strong minded lady called Doris and although she had become frail, her mind remained as sharp as ever right up until she died.   The hospital had only geriatric patients and from what we heard from Doris the way they treated the patients was - well, not nice.  Doris was shouted at by a 19 year old nurse who wagged her finger in her face.  Want to know why?  Doris kept ringing her bell because she desperately needed the toilet and had to be taken.  They were too busy to take her and this little sl*t, who not so long ago had had to be taken to the toilet herself (!), was ticking off a 97 year old lady for asking to be taken to the loo.  Doris told her "Well if someone doesn't take me to the toilet soon, there'll be an accident, and it won't be my fault."

Eventually she got so desperate for the loo that she tried to get there by herself, fell and hit her head.  Shortly afterwards she died. 

We saw the comments book in the reception area, where some poor deluded relatives had written remarks like "The angels aren't all in heaven."  We were so disgusted with the way those nurses - who were anything but angels, I can assure you - treated the patients there we were going to make a complaint to the hospital and to local councillors. 

But she wasn't my aunt and I don't know if my ex husband's family ever took it any further.  We certainly thought those nurses contributed to Doris's death, or at any rate made her last days difficult, uncomfortable and unhappy.   

[Welsh Jules]

I like many of the roots web users have ancestors who, in the main, were agricultural labourors and miners . However, I also have a few weathly land owners who turned their backs on daughters just for marrying outside of their "class" etc. But the question I had initially was how would people feel if they found out their ancestor was someone who had been involved in something quite atrocious by today's standards? We could be thinking slavery, as per the 18th century Welsh industialists , or 20th century Nazis, how would we feel about discovering these sort of unpleasant family truths? Would would stand up and talk about them with the honestly most of us give to the rest of our family history?

[lindylou2_2002]

My mums name was Doris, I miss my mum. Sorry totally off topic
Anyway We had a similar problem with a hospital local to where we live in Kent they left a lady in my Nan's ward on the toilet for ages until we called them to come and take her off. I remember it clearly I was only 18 at the time. I dint think it is always the young that make the problems, having been  a young carer my self.
Sometimes It is the frustration of not understanding what people are saying to you, I work with a lot of African people who had very strong accents, While most of them were OK. You did get a few that were really short with the elderly because they couldn't make them selves understood.

Most of the elderly at the time had a low tolerance for people that didn't speak English well. They were of a bygone age. Not quite Alf garnet but some of the ones in my home had similar beliefs not all of them off course as that would be a sweeping generalization.

It was those nurses not the young ones that were working on my Nan's ward. Any time they got together they would revert to a dialect that English people didn't understand, this was back in the late 80s so maybe this has changed I do hope so.

[lindylou2_2002]

I like many of the roots web users have ancestors who, in the main, were agricultural labourors and miners . However, I also have a few wealthy land owners who turned their backs on daughters just for marrying outside of their "class" etc. But the question I had initially was how would people feel if they found out their ancestor was someone who had been involved in something quite atrocious by today's standards? We could be thinking slavery, as per the 18th century Welsh industialists , or 20th century Nazis, how would we feel about discovering these sort of unpleasant family truths? Who would stand up and talk about them with the honestly most of us give to the rest of our family history?

I would be really interested in finding out about any aspects of my history, it is not something I can change how ever bad it was. It is in the past. I would try to find out more that the basics if they were Nazis for example i would want to try to find out there family life to see if it was a brainwashing thing or something that was born in to them. I would find out and educate people.
I don't think you can just pick the nice bits of your history, as it all goes to making you the person you are today.