Curt? Rude? Or is it just me?

[crystalight]

  Too kind I think Stovepipe,

I too have suffered most - and more of what you mention (except redundancy - thank God) but I would like to think I have always remained courteous. I do agree that messages can sometimes be misconstrued, because of that I try to be careful how I word them.

Just an opinion
Crystal   

[Roobarb]

I also think you're too accommodating Stovepipe. I have also suffered all of the things you mention but have always been polite in my communications. If they were too busy to give a proper reply then they should have indicated that and perhaps agreed to write later. My query wasn't just to establish what their connection was but to prompt an exchange of information.
Interesting to note that you assume it's a man though Stovepipe!


I am actually on the winning side as far as the information is concerned as I can now trace what they have through the tree on Ancestry. He/she does not have the benefit of my information and I already know there are numerous siblings missing. I already have information on the Prouds and I will see if there is anything there that I don't have and happily filch it! I have another contact through the Prouds who is much friendlier and very helpful, I will probably contact her and ask if she has come accross this person and if so, what response she got.

Unless people are professional researchers they are doing family history research as a hobby, so why not been nice about it?   

[madpants]

Sorry Stovepipe but even with all those problems there is still no excuse for rudeness, a couple of seconds is all it takes to say,

Sorry to be brief, through the Prouds, I'll explain in more detail at a better time
regards
****

Courtesy costs nothing   

[Tony Payne]

I think it might not be intended to be rude, but some people just don't know how to communicate effectively, and keep their answers short (if not sweet).

Might I suggest you have been on RC for so long that you have got used to the nicer and more communicative type of person that is drawn here...  maybe you expect too much from people who aren't good enough for RC

[Roobarb]

You're right Tony, I've probably been spoilt by Rootschat but I'm sure anyone doing family history research must have had to communicate with people a lot during that research. I must admit I wouldn't be inclined to be very welcoming to anyone who sent me an email that baldly said something like 'What's your connection to the Prouds?' without any of the niceties.  I suspect that they may be just a name gatherer, the tree is huge. Can't say I'm 'Proud' of having such a person as a rellie though, albeit a distant one. Their loss.   

[Tony Payne]

I agree.  It doesn't promote any futher questions, or any desire to make friends with this person. 

I worked with someone like that, it was very difficult.  He saw no point in making friends with people you worked with when you travelled to a client (which in our case was usually South America) because after 2 weeks you wouldn't see them again.  Me on the other hand realised you would still be dealing with these people afterwards, but in any case it was much more fun to make friends...

It doesn't cost to be nice does it!

[Dancing Master]

Could be a person who doesn't waste words, and states the obvious.   May not realise you would take it as rudeness.

I have been in the past inundated by requests of "give me all you all you have on such and such a surname they maybe or even may not be related to me. but I still want everything you've got".  including copies of all your certificates.

You can get rather Tee'd off  by requests like that. especially when you have worked for a very long time doing research and paying out a lot of money for certificates to verify everything you have. 

[rancegal]

I wonder if these people are 'name collectors', and just gather people to add to their trees without knowing anything about them!

   
 All this talk about rudeness reminds me of an ex-colleague of my husbands (when he was teaching,- I did supply work at the same school).
         All the other members of the department got on really well, and they tried very hard to get on with her. At Christmas we all used to go for a meal together, and I asked her if she would be coming. 'If I'm paying that much for a meal, I'm going to choose who I eat it with' she graciously replied.
    You just can't win with some people!

[ancient]

I was contacted by a relative that I did not know existed about 18 months ago, after confirming that we were related I put together a package of photo's certificates, you name it, it came to quite a packet. I sent it by post with a note asking for any information that they thought could be of interest to me!  Still waiting! Never again.
 Ken.