A family tree shocker for a friend

[7igerby7he7ail]

Helping a friend to compile his family tree, we went to visit a great aunt, who on the phone said she ‘couldn’t tell us much’, but had some old photos and papers we would be welcome to look at.
So off we went to Aylesbury and after making us a cup of tea his aunt got out all the papers and photos, a huge pile in a trunk. Birth, marriage and death certificates, baptism records, rent books, army pay books, and ration books etc etc. a goldmine.
While I was busy photographing all this, my friend was chatting with his great aunt about the people in the photos and came a cross a photo of 3 children. He asked his aunt who they were. ‘They are from your father’s first marriage’ she replied………………………………[stunned silence]………..
My friend had been born in 1960 and both his parents were now deceased. But all through his life, no mention was ever made of this, from anyone in the family either before or after his parent’s demise.

His great aunt had the relevant certificates in her possession. His Father’s first marriage certificate and the children’s birth certs. They were married in 1950 and the children born in 1952, 1953 and 1955. They live in Wellington NZ with their mother.

Don’t know what ‘went on’ and don’t want to know.
They have an uncommon surname and were not to hard to find, my friend has contacted the eldest half sibling, only yesterday. My friend has a sister who lives in Christchurch NZ who was just as ‘gobsmacked’ to hear the news.

Goes to show, those who know everything, know a lot, those who know nothing know more.

[Nick29]

This can be very frustrating 

I've spent years quizzing my sister and my cousins about what they know, but when I find something new I still often get "Oh yes, I knew that". 

Your friend must have had a lot of patience, to stop the steam coming out if his ears !   

[bevbee]

 

Not as shocking as that, but my mother remembers her father saying that his brother had died when he came home from school one day, but no-one else in the family seemed to know anything about it and the person who should know always looked at my mother as if she had made it up when she asked about it; so much so, that my mother was beginning to think she had imagined it.

Anyway, now that we have seen the 1911 census entry for the family it says that 11 children were born alive and there were 9 left . My mother showed this to the person who had always denied it and she said "Oh yes, I knew that"

So frustrating, knowing someone was sitting on the info all the time. 

[netgrrl79]

This can be very frustrating 

I've spent years quizzing my sister and my cousins about what they know, but when I find something new I still often get "Oh yes, I knew that". 

Your friend must have had a lot of patience, to stop the steam coming out if his ears !   

Oh yes! I was told that one of my paternal grandmother's sisters had been married to a man who was killed in WW2 before she married my Gt Uncle Tommy, but all i was told was his name and the fact that they had only been married 6 months when he died. After a few weeks of work I eventually found him on the CWGC site, and told my gran to tell my gt aunt that I had found his burial site - only to be told that they knew where he was buried and even had a photo of him!

Aaargh!

Katie

[7igerby7he7ail]

As an addendum to the above, the parties in New Zealand knew nothing of their half siblings in the UK.

[Trillium62]

I've found a whole bunch of first marriages I didn't know about.  My family is no longer alive to be able to say "I knew that", but my father once made the cryptic comment that I came from a long line of second marriages.  No wonder I'm only in my 40s and all my great-grandparents were born between 1830 and 1855. 

[Shellspacebabe]

what shocks me is how common this is! I also am baffled at these lost families and how contact gets lost, to have children and then not see them anymore and not even mention them to their future half siblings.  Maybe these skeletons in the closet will become a thing of the past, less interesting for those on family research but maybe less painful too! 

[LizzieW]

Goes to show, those who know everything, know a lot, those who know nothing know more.

I think my aunt knows much more about her grandfather (my brickwall) than she will tell me.  She's 93 so unless there's something in her papers that might come to light after she dies, and that could be years yet, I'm still searching for a needle in a haystack.  Unfortunately, her only daughter, who has no children is as secretive as her mum, so even if something turns up I doubt she'll tell me.

The broken families amongst my relatives seem to have kept in touch with each other, even if they are not exactly friendly towards each other, however, although illegitimacy etc. is no longer a skeleton in the cupboard, there are many crimes that are.  A few months ago, a very close relative became a skeleton in the cupboard and will remain so, unless my children decide to tell their children the reason in the far distant future, i.e. when they are adults. 

Lizzie

ps.  Having mentioned close relative and my children, I should reassure people that I was not talking about my husband, who is as out of the cupboard as he's ever been and just as lovely

[nameless]

I contacted someone through the internet because we shared some ancestors.  We talked about her direct ancestor who was the sister of one of my ancestors.  I said how sad it was that her ancestor's first husband died very young with a very young daughter.  Apparently her family had always treated the daughter with suspicion as they had thought she was illegitimate.  I was pleased to restore the lady's good name many years after she died, but how sad that no-one had told the family the truth.
I also contacted someone else who is a distant cousin of mine.  When I mentioned his grandfather's first marriage, he knew nothing about it.  It turned out that his grandparents had never married and this was the first he'd heard of it.  Not such a good result on my part.
I have several ancestors who are hiding, I'd like to know anything about them, even hidden secrets.