I understand your concerns - it certainly wouldn't be right to discover say your cousin was illegitimate and to send an email round saying "Guess what I've just found out....." But secrets like that have an unfortunate habit of being uncovered without anyone being involved in their family history. In my family someone innocently let the cat out of the bag at a funeral and the two individuals who were illegitimate were present, previously ignorent of the fact and in their 60's at the time!
The further back in time you go, the less significant any "irregularities" are to the present generation, and of course, you (the researcher) always have the choice about what you publicise and how widely. Not everything has to go onto your public family tree.
I have had a great deal of pleasure from my delvings and having a very small living family, it has been interesting and enlightening to discover my historical one and also exciting to discover and meet cousins I never knew existed.
Red post. No I didn't listen, I read the symposium briefs. All those negatives can be turned round eg
~ low social class? look how well we've done with education and hard work
~destroys family myths? but what true tales of heroism can we find
~ causes rifts? yes, but builds bridges too
~ neglecting living relatives? we've also got golf widows, obsessed football fans, etc, etc that's not unique to family history
