Author Topic: Advice please.  (Read 1822 times)

Offline zetlander

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Advice please.
« on: Monday 30 May 11 11:30 BST (UK) »
Researching a friends family history I found that he had two older brothers born in the 1940's who died in infancy - cause of death of both-syphillis.
His mother was unmarried when they were born.
The mother was completely ostracized by her family and my friend has always wondered why - having two illegitimate children who were syphillitic may well be the reason.
She married in 1950 and went on to have my friend in 1952.
Should I tell him about all this?

Offline Just Kia

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Re: Advice please.
« Reply #1 on: Monday 30 May 11 13:09 BST (UK) »
Tough question.
I personally think that if someone asks you to help research then you should be prepared to tell them the whole truth about your findings - it's probably worth warning them before you begin that they may not like everything you discover.
I would try and tell your friend gently about your discovery.
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Offline Deb D

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Re: Advice please.
« Reply #2 on: Monday 30 May 11 13:29 BST (UK) »
Although I find myself - more often than not - little more than amused by the shenanigans of my ancestors, ... I suspect there are many people who just don't consider the possibilities of finding out things that might be less than amusing.

So what I'd probably do is say, "To quote the medium, Lisa Williams, ... 'Do you want to know everything?'" ... and then follow up by suggesting he doesn't "shoot the messenger", please.
I live in Sydney, Australia, and I'm researching: Powell, Tatham, Dunbar, Dixon, Mackwood, Kinnear, Mitchell, Morgan, Delves, & Anderson


Offline suttontrust

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Re: Advice please.
« Reply #3 on: Monday 30 May 11 13:30 BST (UK) »
Agreed.  In my experience people are less touchy about these things than you expect, but there are always those who feel the less salubrious details should be hidden.  I would tell your friend what you've found and ask if he wants the cause of death included in the written form of the research.
Godden in East Sussex, mainly Hastings area.
Richards in Lea, Gloucestershire, then London.
Williamson in Leith, Vickers in Nottingham.
Webb in Bildeston and Colchester.
Wesbroom in Kirby le Soken.
Ellington in Harwich.
Park, Palmer, Segar and Peartree in Kersey.

Offline millymcb

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Re: Advice please.
« Reply #4 on: Monday 30 May 11 13:53 BST (UK) »
And double triple quadruple check you are absolutely sure of your facts first :o :o

Milly
McBride (Monaghan, Manchester), Derbyshire (Bollington,Cheshire), Knight (Newcastle,Staffs), Smith (Chorley, Lancs & Ireland), Tipladay (Manchester & Yorkshire) ,Steadman (Madeley,Shropshire), Steele (Manchester,Glasgow), Parkinson (Wigan, Lancashire), Lovatt, Cornes & Turner (Staffs) Stott (Oldham, Lancs). All ended up Ardwick, Manchester
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Offline Deb D

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Re: Advice please.
« Reply #5 on: Monday 30 May 11 13:54 BST (UK) »
Very good point, Milly!
I live in Sydney, Australia, and I'm researching: Powell, Tatham, Dunbar, Dixon, Mackwood, Kinnear, Mitchell, Morgan, Delves, & Anderson

Offline myluck!

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Re: Advice please.
« Reply #6 on: Monday 30 May 11 14:19 BST (UK) »
I agree with all

Remember if he undertook the research for himself, he would have found the same information. The main difference would be you knowing about it.

You could therefore give him the page and volumen numbers for the records you have found and suggest he order them for himself and let him share the results if he wishes.

Otherwise:
Double check the facts
Have certificates and evidence to hand and
Deliver the message in as gentle a manner as possible

Kearney & Bourke/ Johns & Fox/ Mannion & Finan/ Donohoe & Curley
Byrne [Carthy], Keeffe/ Germaine, Butler/ McDermott, Giblin/ Lally, Dolan
Toole, Doran; Dowling, Grogan/ Reilly, Burke; Warren, Kidd [Lawless]/ Smith, Scally; Mangan, Rodgers/ Fahy, Calday; Staunton, Miller
Further generations:
Brophy Coleman Eathorn(e) Fahy Fitzpatrick Geraghty Haverty Keane Keogh Nowlan Rowe Walder

Offline ambers

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Re: Advice please.
« Reply #7 on: Monday 30 May 11 14:43 BST (UK) »
I feel for you, because this is a friends mother :-\   , you didn't say if she was still alive.

I have found that people into Family Re-search are not that shockable, but when it comes to your own mother, possibly would be! The further back the generations go, people are more accepting of what we find, but one or two generations away, denial can surface.
I assume you have the death certificates, and so are sure of your facts.

Some good tips have been given. Warn them that, sometimes we don't like what we find, that life was different in those days, also that medical knowledge wasn't the same in those days and that it was quite common for that to happen....at least I think it was.
To find out you had two siblings might be a shock if you are unaware of them, never mind what they died of.

Soften the blow what ever way you can, as it's this persons mother.

Ambers



 

GLAMORGAN: Evans. Davies. Eddy. Bradnum.
GLAM to USA:Walter H Davies 1886.Thomas J 1852
PEMBROKE: Bradnum.Summers
CARMARTHENSHIRE:Davies. Jones
NORFOLK/SUFFOLK: Bradnum.Cork.Helsdon 3 in Australia, Whiskins. Fairhead.Catchpole.
DEVON:Mallett. Acford, Kidston.Short.Lover.Edwards,Telford.Sparrow
SOMERSET: Masey
CORNWALL:Eddy.Thomas Maddern.Harvey. Noy.Reynolds,Batten,Curtis.
Cornwall to USA: Thomas, Semmens. Oats
Warwickshire: Mountney

Offline suttontrust

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Re: Advice please.
« Reply #8 on: Monday 30 May 11 15:47 BST (UK) »
And I reiterate that there's a difference between making someone aware of unpleasant facts and putting those facts in the written record.  A friend of mine for whom I was researching the English side of his family showed me a record from the Swedish side (which had been done in Sweden).  In 1911 my friend's uncle murdered his wife then killed himself.  My friend had no qualms about including this in the written record, but his wife was adamant that it shouldn't be.
Godden in East Sussex, mainly Hastings area.
Richards in Lea, Gloucestershire, then London.
Williamson in Leith, Vickers in Nottingham.
Webb in Bildeston and Colchester.
Wesbroom in Kirby le Soken.
Ellington in Harwich.
Park, Palmer, Segar and Peartree in Kersey.