Author Topic: Dilemma  (Read 792 times)

Offline zetlander

  • RootsChat Senior
  • ****
  • Posts: 477
  • Census information Crown Copyright, from
    • View Profile
« on: Saturday 24 November 12 22:45 GMT (UK) »
Knowing my interest in family history a friend has been asking me for some time to find more details about her paternal grandfather who she knows nothing about. 
Done some searching and find he was imprisoned in 1904 - his crime - obtaining money by deception. He persuaded a rich widow to hand over her money to him and promised marriage, - unfortunately he was already married at the time and had a young son, - my friends father.
After his imprisonment I don't know where he went.
My dilemma is should I tell my friend about her wayward grandfather
- not sure how she may react. 

Offline Sharon01

  • RootsChat Aristocrat
  • ******
  • Posts: 2,224
  • Census information Crown Copyright, from
    • View Profile
Re: Dilemma
« Reply #1 on: Saturday 24 November 12 22:51 GMT (UK) »

That is a difficult dilemma I know, I had the same with info I found on my father's side concerning criminal records. I told him though & he took it with a pinch of salt, my mother is still laughing & makes a lot of comments, but joking aside that is only my story.

As you say, it is a friend so you should know a bit about her character & maybe how you think she would react. If you have any doubts then my advice would be to leave well alone. I think most people are just glad to get some kind of feedback and info concerning relatives, both good and bad.


Offline GrahamSimons

  • RootsChat Aristocrat
  • ******
  • Posts: 2,698
    • View Profile
Re: Dilemma
« Reply #2 on: Saturday 24 November 12 23:14 GMT (UK) »
As in the disclaimer on financial advertisements, "the value of your investment can go down as well as up," if you go researching you stand a fair chance of finding the following:

1. A family member with an exciting and positive tale to tell
2. A family member with something disreputable
3. A family member with nothing you can discover beyond BMD and census information
4. A family member about whom you can discover next to nothing.

If your friend has seen any fragments of Who Do You Think You Are or Find My Past on TV, she will appreciate at least points 1 and 2 (the programmes tend to gloss over 3 and 4), so I would think she's be prepared for any news of whatever type. And her grandfather getting something wrong in 1904 is hardly her fault, after all!

In my view: tell her....

Simons Barrett Jaffray Waugh Langdale Heugh Meade Garnsey Evans Vazie Mountcure Glascodine Parish Peard Smart Dobbie Sinclair....
in Stirlingshire, Roxburghshire; Bucks; Devon; Somerset; Northumberland; Carmarthenshire; Glamorgan

Offline andycand

  • RootsChat Marquessate
  • *******
  • Posts: 4,384
  • Census information Crown Copyright, from
    • View Profile
Re: Dilemma
« Reply #3 on: Saturday 24 November 12 23:25 GMT (UK) »

I think that as you were asked to find some details I would tell her. Perhaps initially you could limit the information to see what her reaction is and if she wants all the information then tell her.

One thing that is important is that you tell noboby else at all, if your friend wants to tell others then that is up to her.


Offline jess5athome

  • RootsChat Marquessate
  • *******
  • Posts: 3,405
  • Dad,20/10/1934 - 27/07/2016
    • View Profile
Re: Dilemma
« Reply #4 on: Saturday 24 November 12 23:26 GMT (UK) »
Hi, as it has been said, this is a tricky one, However your friend has been asking you to look for information for some time so in my opinion she asks the question, you should give her the answer. Best of luck with your decision,
Ramsey Ridsdale Ridgway Kempen Knight Harrison Denby Sisson Graney Spilsbury Wain Hebden Abbott Skinn ........ Yorkshire (Doncaster Goole Snaith Thorne area)Lincolnshire Nottinghamshire The Netherlands

Offline 7igerby7he7ail

  • RootsChat Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 175
  • Where are they?
    • View Profile
Re: Dilemma
« Reply #5 on: Sunday 25 November 12 21:47 GMT (UK) »
I had a tricky decision a while back, researching a local lady's tree. It turned out the man she considered to be her uncle [her mum's brother] was in fact her brother, mum had the child out of wedlock, then married another man, divorced, then actually married the father of them both. Her brother was 20 years older then her.
I found out the information. Then I asked was she prepared for 'skeletons in the cupboard'. She said she was. So I told her. She said it came as no surprise as she had always suspected the fact that something was amiss as her gran was supposed to have had her 'uncle' at the age of 55. She said that both her brother and her both knew something was 'wrong', Nevertheless it came as a nice surprise rather than a shock.
GAUNT N Staffordshire,GAUNT Manchester.GUY,Shropshire, BARTLEY,Salford, Lancs, NEVILLE,Salford. PHILLIPS,Staffs, MAYER,Staffs,COSSAR,Berwick, E and Mid Lothian and Argyll. HIGGINS,Glasgowand Dunoon,Argyll.GALLAGHER,Argyll,IRISH,Herts.