Ancestry matches don't reply to me....

[pharmaT]

I try and give a bit of info without going into information overload to see what they'd want to know, if anything.  For me they fall into 2 categories, if the person hasn't logged on for a while I figure they're not interested in genealogy.  However if they've logged in every day or at least regularly since I sent the message (20mon for some) then I feel quite offended that they haven't replied.  I've had a couple of rude replies which stopped me messaging for a long time, I started messaging people again last week and so far, as predicted no replies (I even deliberately didn't message anyone who'd not logged in for over 2mon).

[PrawnCocktail]

if the person hasn't logged on for a while I figure they're not interested in genealogy. 

The trouble is, Pharma, that the log-in information they give is the last time you went through a log-in screen, not the last time you were on the site. Mine currently shows I logged in two days ago, but that's only because the site insisted on taking me to a dot com page, when I was already logged in to the uk site. I'm on every day - but often don't log in afresh for several months!

[ggrocott]

Have to say I was tempted not to reply to this 'request' from a 'moderate confidence' 5th-8th cousin who just gave me a name of an ancestor which does not appear on my tree, although the surname does'

'Please could you either unlock your tree for me or allow me to be a visitor so that I can see where we match. Happy to answer any questions for you but can't assist unless I can see your tree.'

As I wrote back, I am afraid I will not unlock my tree, following previous negative experiences, without a bit more information. I did give a list of the people on my tree who share the relevant surname.

[Shiela]

Same here.  I don't understand the point of taking the test if people aren't willing to talk with each other about their results.  Try not to take it personally (I tell myself that too), it's not how you're wording it I'm sure.  People are flaky.

[Mart 'n' Al]

Things like DNA tests, jigsaws of the map of your surrounding area and aerial photographs of your house are all currently very trendy presents. I haven't yet found an unused DNA test in a charity shop, but I love those jigsaws and they're £30 each new and you can usually get them for 50p. I'm sure a lot of people just do the test so they can tell the present giver and then never give it another thought.

Martin

[david54]

Interesting conversation,

My partner and I did ours together (me an aussie and her a Latin American) .... more out of curiousity and to find if there was thread of truth to respective grandmother's stories.

I have emailed a couple of people listed as cousins (of whatever removal) and have some reply, some not. The ones who have, have been fantastic to talk to and have broadened my family or filled in some gaps.

Those who haven't, is it my loss or theirs ??  not sure but out of my control. Overall absolutely no regrets doing it, even tho rest of family sceptical.

Anyway, my "two bobs worth"

David

[JaneyH_104]

A few thoughts here.

When I got my Ancestry results a year ago I immediately sent a message to my top match, Margaret. I never had a reply.  Encouraged by a discussion on this topic elsewhere, I sent a slightly different message three weeks ago. Yesterday I got a reply! Margaret replied to my initial message but it got lost in the ether somewhere. She apologised for taking three weeks to reply to my second because she’s 87 and hadn’t been well. Turns out she’s my Dad’s second cousin, was estranged from her family and is very excited at me being able to share information.

I’ve also read a recent blog post (can’t remember where, sadly - I read so many) that provided two tips for improving your chances. First was adding a photo to your avatar, so you look like a ‘real’ person. Second, make sure your username is something like a real name - ‘John Smith 92’ sounds much better than ‘pixie-features’ ...

[Mart 'n' Al]

That advice about using a realistic email address is very good. I still remember 15 years ago receiving a CV for a position I was recruiting for, and it was sent from big boy Steve at something or other. It went straight in the recycling bin full stop

There are many reasons why people wouldn't reply. I'm sure people get these tests as presents, probably unwanted, and only did the mouth swab to placate the present-giver. I can also imagine there are men in their 40s 50s and 60s who might have been a little bit indelicate in their activities in their youth and are worried about what they might find. There are also probably people with family secrets that are still too recent to be uncovered full stop

There are plenty of resources on the internet telling you about what to do and what not to do when contacting prospective matches. I would reply to most, but if they were semi literate I would probably delete them. It would be a good idea to get your potential emails looked over by a friend or family member. What might seem right to you might seem a little bit indelicate, pushy or possibly bullying, or insensitive to others. Once again do look for the resources on the internet. Just search for contacting potential matches.

Martin

[Cwellan CoDown]

I sent about 20 messages to 4th cousins this morning and have had about 5 replies already

I would say at I have had a response to about 50% of the messages I have sent - which isn't a bad response rate going by what some people get on here!