My mother did her DNA on Ancestry a while ago and we ended up with a 3-4th cousin who we couldn't link with the family. She is no longer online but her daughter, who also did DNA later on, has been in communication with me. She's given me no indication that she knows the link either.
With several other DNA matches, I knew that she had to be connected to a particular couple in my tree. While I knew that an illegitimacy or NPE was probable, I expected it to be further back so was admittedly a little flippant about it.
It isn't. With a new DNA match we realised where the link is. The original match's grandmother must have had an affair with her sister's husband- her own mother was not fathered by the man she has on her tree as her grandfather.
Having already sent a message asking her if she'd had any contact with the new DNA match, who had not contacted me at that time, I decided to wait and see if I got a response before trying to tactfully say that we had found a skeleton in the closet and giving her the option of me telling her what it was, or of satisfying ourselves that the link was found and being otherwise in ignorance of it. After all, the man who "fathered" her was the one who shaped her life, not brother in law. I knew that if I was right, the new match would come up as a 2nd cousin and probably let the cat out of the bag. The daughter did come online, may well have read my message, but did not reply, making me wonder if the penny did drop.
The new match did eventually contact me and she had messaged the mother, not the daughter, so won't get a reply. She confirmed to me her ancestry and that the mother is a second cousin- she also theorised that the only brother of her ancestor was the link but as far as I'm aware has not worked out what happened with him. If she sees the daughter's tree, which is public, she also might realise.
Her subscription ran out today so I don't think she had time to message the daughter. If she says "Are you related to Uncle X?" that would be a dead giveaway.
Basically, I'm wondering if I should tactfully say anything or not. With two DNA cousins aware of what happened, a third not far off, and with others in the future potentially following what is now an increasingly obvious link, I suddenly feel like I should at least give her some warning before someone walks into it.
Any advice?
Ayashi