Author Topic: Gee, thanks, Mum  (Read 1453 times)

Offline Bee

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Re: Gee, thanks, Mum
« Reply #18 on: Sunday 05 May 19 09:58 BST (UK) »
That newspaper article says "she was not good looking enough for him"

To my mind that doesn't mean she was ugly but maybe not a raving beauty that her mother thought that the suitor would have married.
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Offline River Tyne Lass

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Re: Gee, thanks, Mum
« Reply #19 on: Sunday 05 May 19 13:24 BST (UK) »
I do feel sorry for that poor girl who would have heard her Mother's surely, hurtful comment.  I think such a comment must have caused a gasp from the court at the time. 

Perhaps if this was the Mother's  general attitude then this is what might have contributed to the daughter falling for an abusive man.  Daughter might have felt low self esteem and unworthy of anything better.

Perhaps it might have been better if the Mother had said in court that she had felt that the man was shallow in his values and might not appreciate her daughter as those who truly loved her did.  She could have added that she had raised her concerns with him about this prior to the marriage.

I know though this fall into the category of 'could have/would have/should have'.

It also might have been that the Mother may have been on the autism spectrum.  Some people with an autism condition can be brutally honest in voicing what they think with little awareness about the impact that certain comments may have.



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Offline pharmaT

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Re: Gee, thanks, Mum
« Reply #20 on: Sunday 05 May 19 13:30 BST (UK) »
I do feel sorry for that poor girl who would have heard her Mother's surely, hurtful comment.  I think such a comment must have caused a gasp from the court at the time. 

Perhaps if this was the Mother's  general attitude then this is what might have contributed to the daughter falling for an abusive man.  Daughter might have felt low self esteem and unworthy of anything better.

Perhaps it might have been better if the Mother had said in court that she had felt that the man was shallow in his values and might not appreciate her daughter as those who truly loved her did.  She could have added that she had raised her concerns with him about this prior to the marriage.

I know though this fall into the category of 'could have/would have/should have'.

It also might have been that the Mother may have been on the autism spectrum.  Some people with an autism condition can be brutally honest in voicing what they think with little awareness about the impact that certain comments may have.

I agree with you lass and I fear an abusive man would have repeated back to her what her mum had said to isolate her from her mum and to put her down.
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Re: Gee, thanks, Mum
« Reply #21 on: Sunday 05 May 19 13:41 BST (UK) »
'Mothers'

what do we learn from them ??

to teach our own in a totally different way in my case?

however


what ever we say always always - they find their own way - and Peer / marital pressure will out.


xin


Online Viktoria

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Re: Gee, thanks, Mum
« Reply #22 on: Sunday 05 May 19 14:02 BST (UK) »
Yes, isolating people from those who truly have their best interests at heart
is a classic strategy used by those who try to control other people.
Next move is it is all the victimís own fault and they believe it.
Then they deserve to be punished,humiliated and demeaned.
The victim really starts to believe it to the extent they start to feel neglected if they have not been verbally or physically abused for some time.
Those with autism can not be false,they speak the truth as they do not really understand subterfuge and lies,even  to saying  thank you for a gift they do not like,they canít do it.
But what honest ,fair people,
Stirling characters.We have one such in our family ,born before Autism or in their case Aspergerís Syndrome was invented!
Still not formally diagnosed  but all the signs are there.
The plus side outweighs the negative.
To get back on topic,we do not know it all ,but on the face of it the mother was brutal,but in her defence she obviously had the measure of her son  in law.
Poor daughter,looking at the best of this ,it is possible her daughter was not the type the s in l liked,mother could see  what the outcome would be.
She spoke up in defence of her daughterís well being and was proved correct.
It is a bit like saying to a friend ď does this suit me? ď and being told by a true friend that it didnít,whereas a false friend would say it did.
Poor Mum would be wrong either way.
Would the motherís comments be even published today?
Viktoria.

Offline IgorStrav

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Re: Gee, thanks, Mum
« Reply #23 on: Sunday 05 May 19 15:43 BST (UK) »
Whether it was expressed well or not, it seems to me that the mother was trying to say to the suitor that she doubted his motives for marrying. 

If he was particularly good looking and the daughter was not (not necessarily ugly but just not as handsome as the suitor), then she wondered why he had chosen the daughter when he would have had his pick of the crop (so to speak).

I see him as a good-looking villain, and the daughter was attracted by his good looks.

And so - it seems - it was proved.

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Online Erato

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Re: Gee, thanks, Mum
« Reply #24 on: Sunday 05 May 19 16:34 BST (UK) »
"Mother may have been on the autism spectrum."

Yikes!  That seem like a long stretch from what is just an amusing 1914 news article from rural Ohio.
Wiltshire:  Banks, Taylor
Somerset:  Duddridge, Richards, Barnard, Pillinger
Gloucestershire:  Barnard, Marsh, Crossman
Bristol:  Banks, Duddridge, Barnard
Down:  Ennis, McGee
Wicklow:  Chapman, Pepper
Wigtownshire:  Logan, Conning
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Offline louisa maud

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Re: Gee, thanks, Mum
« Reply #25 on: Sunday 05 May 19 17:10 BST (UK) »
In truth none of us know the reasons why the mother should say such a  thing, unless someone is following this  for their own family history we may never know, but never the less it is sad thing to say, she had her reasons

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Online Erato

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Re: Gee, thanks, Mum
« Reply #26 on: Sunday 05 May 19 17:48 BST (UK) »
Well, Mr. Fenn [the husband that everyone here assumes was a cad], was probably an incredibly distant in-law, somehow related to Mary Fenn, the wife of gg-uncle Robert.  It was a small town and there were several branches of the Fenn family living there since the mid 1800s.  I don't think I'll bother to work out the relationship, though - it's too far afield even for me.  So whether Mrs. Fenn really was unattractive or whether her mother really was on the 'autism spectrum' we'll never know.  Of course, it's also possible that the mother's testimony was misrepresented by a spiteful or mischievous small town newspaper reporter.
Wiltshire:  Banks, Taylor
Somerset:  Duddridge, Richards, Barnard, Pillinger
Gloucestershire:  Barnard, Marsh, Crossman
Bristol:  Banks, Duddridge, Barnard
Down:  Ennis, McGee
Wicklow:  Chapman, Pepper
Wigtownshire:  Logan, Conning
Wisconsin:  Ennis, Chapman, Logan, Ware
Maine:  Ware, Mitchell, Tarr