Author Topic: To tell or not to tell?  (Read 1212 times)

Offline zetlander

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To tell or not to tell?
« on: Thursday 20 June 19 18:09 BST (UK) »
Following on from a recent thread where the question was asked how did we feel if we were lied to about parentage family secrets etc.

I wonder how many of us keep secrets from our families/children.  A friend of mine has never told his children about the child he fathered when he was a student - another friend has never told his children that he spent time as a young man in prison - another  has never told his children about his gay past.
Perhaps some things are better not said - or are they?


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Offline ~Rachel~

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Re: To tell or not to tell?
« Reply #1 on: Thursday 20 June 19 18:14 BST (UK) »
I think some things are better left unsaid.

During my research I unearthed a huge untruth which had been told which got back to the person who it directly impacted. It caused an awful lot of hurt, resentment and confusion and I wish they had never found out, continued being able to think of family members who had passed as they always had.
Waite, Marchant, Nash, Goddard, Pocock, Hiles, Switzer, Larondie, Harris, Radford, Monger, Harper, Harris, Sixsmith, Fitzgerald.

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Offline Kiltpin

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Re: To tell or not to tell?
« Reply #2 on: Thursday 20 June 19 19:29 BST (UK) »
I think some things are better left unsaid.
 

The problem is, deciding just what those things are. Everything that we think, or say, or do, offends someone, somewhere. And the things that matter, really matter, today, right now, are trivial unimportant tomorrow. 

We can only do what we think is best and does the least harm to the most people. 

Regards 

Chas
Whannell - Eaton - Jackson
India - Scotland - Australia

Offline zetlander

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Re: To tell or not to tell?
« Reply #3 on: Thursday 20 June 19 19:44 BST (UK) »
I think some things are better left unsaid.
 

The problem is, deciding just what those things are. Everything that we think, or say, or do, offends someone, somewhere. And the things that matter, really matter, today, right now, are trivial unimportant tomorrow. 

We can only do what we think is best and does the least harm to the most people. 

Regards 

Chas

it's one thing not passing on information about someone else but are we being dishonest if we don't share information about ourselves with our relatives?

Offline Xinia :)

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Re: To tell or not to tell?
« Reply #4 on: Thursday 20 June 19 20:30 BST (UK) »
Secrets are BAD    ---- especially when they are uncovered by 'ACCIDENT'


xin

Offline Kiltpin

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Re: To tell or not to tell?
« Reply #5 on: Thursday 20 June 19 20:57 BST (UK) »

It's one thing not passing on information about someone else but are we being dishonest if we don't share information about ourselves with our relatives?
 

Yes - and I am absolutely fine with that. I am not going to show myself up in a bad light just for the sake of "full disclosure". 

Do as we would be done by. 

The day my relatives bare their souls to me is the day I do the same. 

Regards 

Chas
Whannell - Eaton - Jackson
India - Scotland - Australia

Offline BenRalph

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Re: To tell or not to tell?
« Reply #6 on: Friday 21 June 19 14:56 BST (UK) »
I never knew my granddad was in prison even though I was very close to him and know all his relatives. The way I found out was that I went in a pub in town and overheard someone talking about a local pub which I knew my granddad went in. I asked him about it and he told me my granddad went down for the same crime as his brother in the 50s. I asked my dad and he knew of it but never told me. I've not asked my grandma yet.

Offline zetlander

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Re: To tell or not to tell?
« Reply #7 on: Friday 21 June 19 16:11 BST (UK) »
I think that a lo of our forebears history has been buried and not spoken about.

And I'm sure a lot of us have things we don't talk about or want others to know about!

Offline andrewalston

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Re: To tell or not to tell?
« Reply #8 on: Saturday 22 June 19 13:23 BST (UK) »
I was recently doing some research on behalf of a visitor at out research centre and found that one of her great grandfathers had been more than a "naughty boy". Newspapers reported that on his first conviction for running a disorderly house that he was "well acquainted with prison life".

When I broached the subject on her next visit, she was delighted. She now had some scandal to report to the family, whose attitude up until then was probably at best lukewarm.

Of course, it had to be her decision whether or not to tell her relatives. She reckoned that they would be fine with events of over a century ago.
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