coping with finding out sad things

[kcrummett]

Now the second piece of upsetting family history info i have found but this has really upset me.How can i cope with this as i know it us bound to happen.Its so sad i cant stop crying or thinking about it.

[Craclyn]

You will meet with many tragic circumstances if you continue to research your family history. Just accept that life was very different in the past. Honour them by recording what happened and move on. This will not be the last difficult situation you come across.

[kcrummett]

Thankyou for your reply.I found an article about my uncle who died in 1960 in San diego...i was always told his car went off a freeway...the article stated he committed suicide 3rd attempt  at 20.the same age as my son now.All that time my grandfather must have carried that.

[Flattybasher9]

Why are you putting your uncle's frame of mind into your son's?? Two different individuals, and two different circumstances.

Malky

[kcrummett]

yes i know.i am just so upset by it all.what causes someone to do this.

[Craclyn]

I doubt if you will ever know the answer to why he made that decision. Try to focus on the good parts of his life.

[Ayashi]

I was on my second attempt at 18. I think there's a genetic factor in my family and a couple of suicides or suicide attempts in my wider ancestry, although one was the cousin of my direct who had other health issues and the other was a direct who was an elderly widow with other issues I think had had enough. I don't know how early your uncle started, whether those attempts were spread out through years and might have been to do with chemical imbalances in the brain such as I probably have, or if they were related to events that occurred in childhood, or whether they were close together and could have been circumstances that he found himself in as an older teenager/young man.

Last year we lost a coworker who was younger than me, about mid-20s. She was always smiling and whenever you spoke to her she would stop and look engaged in what you were saying. She was always up for banter and dyed her hair many colours. It came out of the blue to me that she took her own life but apparently it had been going on for a while and no medical professional could work out what was going on. Her family donated her to medical science to try to help others.

You might never know more about the circumstances, although if it was the 1960s you have a better chance of getting more information and understanding his motivations than an event from 100 years ago. Maybe, as upsetting as it is, it might help to know as much as possible, so you can put puzzle pieces together and then have some of a picture to get your head around, record it and show due respect to the past by having thought carefully about it, honouring him and his struggle by not sweeping it back under the carpet. That's one of the reasons I get the certificates for many of the babies in my family, no matter how long they lived. Time buried them, I want them on my tree and remembered.

It might help to talk about it. We've got our own chatroom here (although there's not always people in it) and there are resources online for you to speak to if you are having difficulties processing certain pieces of information and it is affecting your own mental state, I'm sure you can find coping techniques to try. If you are having difficulties longer term, maybe consider doing a fundraising day for MIND or some such? It won't erase the past, but it might feel cathartic.

On the whole though, I think you might find Family History a bit difficult as Craclyn says. If you investigate deaths, in all likelihood they will not have died of old age in their sleep surrounded by their families (some were lucky enough to, but by and large...) Each one is a tragic circumstance all by itself. I have many lost children who sometimes died young and distressingly. I have nasty diseases, mining and vehicle accidents and I have so many different types of cancer it is somewhat concerning.

Condolences for your uncle, I hope you feel better soon.

[Romilly]

yes i know.i am just so upset by it all.what causes someone to do this.

I do understand how you feel kcrummett.

I was upset when I found that my Father's youngest brother had committed suicide at home at 26yrs. (He cut his throat with a razor). The Coroner's Inquest records had been destroyed, but I found Newspaper Articles about it. It happened in 1930, when suicide was classed as a criminal offence here. The Articles stressed that he did it, 'on a sudden impulse'. I'm guessing that this was to spare the family from the stigma of depression? Certainly, my Father never told my Mother about it before he died.

Romilly.

[kcrummett]

Thankyou all for your replies and support...seems i am not alone
What would be the best way in honouring him? could i get a birth/death certificate?