Author Topic: How to ask your relatives delicate questions?  (Read 1170 times)

Offline Rose_Patterson

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How to ask your relatives delicate questions?
« on: Sunday 16 February 20 19:26 GMT (UK) »
Hey! I'm a complete rookie in ancestry research and I'm on stage 1 - interviewing relatives. I have a problem with it because I feel awkward asking some questions because they are delicate. For example, my grandparents got divorced many years ago because they lost their son when he was 7. I've heard very little about my granddad because my granny got married for the second time and moved to Hungary. I'm afraid that questions about my granddad and those years may hurt her. I've made a list of basic but I don't know how to delve into it. Have you ever faced such a problem? I would appreciate any advice.
I took the questions from these websites:
https://treemily.com/blog/family-history-questions and https://www.familytreemagazine.com/premium/20-questions/
If you have any helpful resources to share - you're welcome :)

Offline louisa maud

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Re: How to ask your relatives delicate questions?
« Reply #1 on: Sunday 16 February 20 19:31 GMT (UK) »
As far as I am concerned it is all family history which cannot be changed,  I am sure if you tell the person concerned you are chasing your family history they will help you, BUT don't ask about the divorce on your first visit

Happy hunting

Louisa Maud
Census information is Crown Copyright,
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Granath Sweden and London
Garner, Marylebone Paddington  Northolt Ilford
Garner, Devon
Garner New Zealand
Maddieson
Parkinson St Pancras,
Jenkins Marylebone Paddington
Mizon/Mison/Myson Paddington
Tindal Marylebone Paddington
Tocock, (name changed to Ellis) London
Southam Marylebone, Paddington
Bragg Lambeth 1800's
Edermaniger(Maniger) Essex Kent Canada (Toronto)
Coveney Kent Lambeth
Sondes kent and London

Offline Craclyn

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Re: How to ask your relatives delicate questions?
« Reply #2 on: Sunday 16 February 20 19:39 GMT (UK) »
Start by getting her talking about the things she is comfortable about discussing. The more she opens up the easier it will be to tackle the more difficult subjects.
Crackett, Cracket, Webb, Turner, Henderson, Murray, Carr, Stavers, Thornton, Oliver, Davis, Hall, Anderson, Atknin, Austin, Bainbridge, Beach, Bullman, Charlton, Chator, Corbett, Corsall, Coxon, Davis, Dinnin, Dow, Farside, Fitton, Garden, Geddes, Gowans, Harmsworth, Hedderweek, Heron, Hedley, Hunter, Ironside, Jameson, Johnson, Laidler, Leck, Mason, Miller, Milne, Nesbitt, Newton, Parkinson, Piery, Prudow, Reay, Reed, Read, Reid, Robinson, Ruddiman, Smith, Tait, Thompson, Watson, Wilson, Youn

Offline Rose_Patterson

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Re: How to ask your relatives delicate questions?
« Reply #3 on: Sunday 16 February 20 19:43 GMT (UK) »
Thank you for replies. The thing is that she never discussed this even with my mom. This topic has always been off the table in our family.


Offline louisa maud

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Re: How to ask your relatives delicate questions?
« Reply #4 on: Sunday 16 February 20 20:00 GMT (UK) »
Delicately try and talk to her, if she clams up don't press it,  she might think about it and reconsider,  is there any way you could find more about her ex husband yourself by trawling
 through the archives, you must know his name

I remember finding a great aunt who married at 14.5 years and stated she was 21, the family member I had found ,  her nephew was a very intelligent  and respected man, he could not understand, she was in his opinion " nobut  a child"  I had to give him a little chat to remind him if I was to do research for him we have to accept it all, we cannot change it.

Louisa Maud
Census information is Crown Copyright,
from  www.nationalarchives.gov.uk

Granath Sweden and London
Garner, Marylebone Paddington  Northolt Ilford
Garner, Devon
Garner New Zealand
Maddieson
Parkinson St Pancras,
Jenkins Marylebone Paddington
Mizon/Mison/Myson Paddington
Tindal Marylebone Paddington
Tocock, (name changed to Ellis) London
Southam Marylebone, Paddington
Bragg Lambeth 1800's
Edermaniger(Maniger) Essex Kent Canada (Toronto)
Coveney Kent Lambeth
Sondes kent and London

Offline Tickettyboo

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Re: How to ask your relatives delicate questions?
« Reply #5 on: Sunday 16 February 20 20:42 GMT (UK) »
Many years ago I asked my Pa in law to do me a sort of 'C.V.' of his life. Where he was born, where they had lived, schools he attended, jobs he had done etc etc.

The document produced was very enlightening. Though we never discussed the specifics, there were things that none of his children were aware of.  Sometimes people are able to put things down on paper that they feel uncomfortable talking about.

May not be suitable in your case, but its another avenue to consider.

Boo

Offline gazania

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Re: How to ask your relatives delicate questions?
« Reply #6 on: Sunday 16 February 20 20:57 GMT (UK) »
Be careful about asking the question “which school”.  A relative of mine got huffy when asked, clammed up. I can only assume she felt ashamed that she did not attend school for very long and it was not a posh school.  I now wish I had been more sensitive, as she and her family lived very interesting lives before and after migration. But enjoy your journey. Best wishes, Gazania
ALDERMAN, Bucks
BELK, Yorkshire, London
CARLING, Bedfordshire
CUNDITH,CUNDILL, Yorkshire, PALIN. Lincolnshire
FOX, Essex; Camberwell Surrey
LANE, Cork IE;Askeaton LIM, Liverpool, Clifton, Bristol
VOLLER, Surrey
WALL Clonlara Co Clare Ireland
WAREHAM, Esher, Surrey; London
WINCH, Surrey

Offline Mart 'n' Al

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Re: How to ask your relatives delicate questions?
« Reply #7 on: Sunday 16 February 20 22:05 GMT (UK) »
Just say that you want to ensure it is the facts that are recorded for history, and not the rumours.

I left it too late.

Martin

Offline Rose_Patterson

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Re: How to ask your relatives delicate questions?
« Reply #8 on: Sunday 16 February 20 22:08 GMT (UK) »
Thank you all for the replies!