Author Topic: The funny side of lockdown  (Read 6667 times)

Offline Treetotal

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Re: The funny side of lockdown
« Reply #9 on: Friday 22 May 20 22:53 BST (UK) »
Pennines that is really funny and well thought out  ;D thanks for sharing, I'll take that  :)
The robin is so tame, it also perched on the bottle and the back of my chair and last week when he was gardening it perched on the spade handle and my OH was throwing worms to it  :D
Carol
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Offline Pennines

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Re: The funny side of lockdown
« Reply #10 on: Friday 22 May 20 23:40 BST (UK) »
It has belatedly occurred to me that Rootschatters from the USA may find it offensive -- and if so I do apologise most sincerely -- I would never deliberately offend anyone. I just thought it was SO funny and I really don't know how people think these things up!

So here is another one which gave me a laugh;

Paraprosdokian

    Here is the definition: "Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation."


             "Where  there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.

 
 1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with his experience.
 
 2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.     

 4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

 5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

 6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

 7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.     

 8 Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.   

 9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.   

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
       
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.     
                                                 
20. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

21. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

22. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.                   

23. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon and a shot of tequila.       
                                         
24. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

     

West Yorks; ---- Illingworth, Marshall, Muffit/Muffett/Murfitt, Barber, Sanderson, Townend, Barraclough, Lister -- and lots more. Locations mainly in Birstall parish - Hartshead-- Drighlington --Adwalton --Mirfield - Heckmondwike --Kippax - Sherburn in Elmet.

Ireland ------Cleary, Whelan - Nenagh.
Dowling - Monasterevin
Daly - Westmeath

Lancashire ---- Smith from Alston , Johnson and Fairclough---- Tarleton and loads more from Tarleton and Accrington areas.

Offline John915

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Re: The funny side of lockdown
« Reply #11 on: Saturday 23 May 20 00:03 BST (UK) »
Good evening,

There are two ways of argueing with a woman,


Neither one works.    😁😁😁

John915
Stephens, Fuller, Tedham, Bennett, Ransome (Sussex)
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Offline Erato

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Re: The funny side of lockdown
« Reply #12 on: Saturday 23 May 20 00:10 BST (UK) »
Trust me, we're used to it.  My mother used to always say, "British is best!"  I became inured to it.  I did always wonder, though, why English people are so insistent on toadying to the French in their spelling.
Wiltshire:  Banks, Taylor
Somerset:  Duddridge, Richards, Barnard, Pillinger
Gloucestershire:  Barnard, Marsh, Crossman
Bristol:  Banks, Duddridge, Barnard
Down:  Ennis, McGee
Wicklow:  Chapman, Pepper
Wigtownshire:  Logan, Conning
Wisconsin:  Ennis, Chapman, Logan, Ware
Maine:  Ware, Mitchell, Tarr, Davis

Offline Berlin-Bob

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Re: The funny side of lockdown
« Reply #13 on: Saturday 23 May 20 09:06 BST (UK) »
Quote
I did always wonder, though, why English people are so insistent on toadying to the French in their spelling.
Old habits die hard !

After 1066 norman-french became the language of the ruling classes, and the rest carried on using english (anglo-saxon), but - toadying to the rulers ? /accepted life as it was ? -   incorporated many french words and spellings into normal 'english' usage.

My favourite example here, is the difference between animals (on the hoof) and meat (on the table):
the anglo-saxon farmers used their words for the the animals: cows, sheep, pigs, etc., which ended up on the dining-tables of the (norman-french) ruling classes as meat: beef, mutton, pork, etc.(from buf, mouton, porque, ...)

I think the 'ou' where 'o' would do is also part of the "fall-out" from 1066 !

Bob
Any UK Census Data included in this post is Crown Copyright (see: www.nationalarchives.gov.uk)

Offline suey

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Re: The funny side of lockdown
« Reply #14 on: Saturday 23 May 20 09:57 BST (UK) »
Good evening,

There are two ways of argueing with a woman,


Neither one works.    😁😁😁

John915

When your wife/partner says Its fine be afraid, be very afraid !
All census lookups are Crown Copyright from www.nationalarchives.gov.uk
Sussex - Knapp. Nailard. Potten. Coleman. Pomfrey. Carter. Picknell
Greenwich/Woolwich. - Clowting. Davis. Kitts. Ferguson. Lowther. Carvalho. Pressman. Redknap. Argent.
Hertfordshire - Sturgeon. Bird. Rule. Claxton. Taylor. Braggins

Offline Guyana

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Re: The funny side of lockdown
« Reply #15 on: Saturday 23 May 20 10:37 BST (UK) »
With regard to Her Majesty's message, I would change two things;
1. Do not change to metric measurements, but let UK revert to Imperial, so that we no longer fill our
  fuel tanks with litres, but measure our fuel consumption in miles per gallon
2. Refer to Baseball by it's correct title, "Rounders."
CORDEN - N.Staffs/N.Warwicks
MORGAN - Tamworth/Notts
HIGGS - N. Warwicks
DEEMING - N.Warwicks
LEWIS - N.Warwicks

Offline Marmalady

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Re: The funny side of lockdown
« Reply #16 on: Saturday 23 May 20 11:35 BST (UK) »
With regard to Her Majesty's message, I would change two things;
1. Do not change to metric measurements, but let UK revert to Imperial, so that we no longer fill our
  fuel tanks with litres, but measure our fuel consumption in miles per gallon
2. Refer to Baseball by it's correct title, "Rounders."

1a Use the British pints of 20 fluid ounces when measuring 8 pints to the Gallon
Wainwright - Yorkshire
Whitney - Herefordshire
Watson -  Northamptonshire
Trant - Yorkshire
Helps - all
Needham - Derbyshire
Waterhouse - Derbyshire
Northing - all

Offline Pennines

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Re: The funny side of lockdown
« Reply #17 on: Saturday 23 May 20 12:07 BST (UK) »
Oh dear -- I posted those just because I thought they were funny!

Maybe this will make one or two of you smile then.
West Yorks; ---- Illingworth, Marshall, Muffit/Muffett/Murfitt, Barber, Sanderson, Townend, Barraclough, Lister -- and lots more. Locations mainly in Birstall parish - Hartshead-- Drighlington --Adwalton --Mirfield - Heckmondwike --Kippax - Sherburn in Elmet.

Ireland ------Cleary, Whelan - Nenagh.
Dowling - Monasterevin
Daly - Westmeath

Lancashire ---- Smith from Alston , Johnson and Fairclough---- Tarleton and loads more from Tarleton and Accrington areas.