Diary Friday 14th August

[Roobarb]

Not a great one today. Woke up feeling anxious and down, was thinking about how everyone seems to be getting on with life while I'm cowering on the sidelines. Feeling like I can't tolerate this half life but too scared to go a lot of places and don't even want to participate in some of the 'new normal '. I feel like I'm becoming socially inept too, I used to be quite eloquent in the written word but have been finding it difficult to put together the appropriate words, I have struggled to pen such simple things as birthday greetings and was even unable to respond to the diary post on Rootschat about the soldiers in WW1.
It was another grey and drizzly day which didn't help. Couldn't be bothered getting up apart from getting cups of tea, spent some time reading. My friend A phoned, there was no chance of having lunch outside today, she's been very understanding about not pushing me to go anywhere inside yet, we'll just wait for a fine day when she's free.

Eventually got myself up and about, felt a bit better after talking to my friend. Gave the bathroom a thorough clean and did some other housework before having a late lunch. Portioned the pasta sauce and put it in the freezer, brought groceries out of quarantine, cleaned the kitchen.

Still a lot of sea fret hanging around but I needed to get out, usual walk, the air was wet but was good to be outside . Back home, read for a while. Fish for tea with jacket potato, roasted tomatoes and peppers, peas. Last of the strawberries.

Watched some TV, Doc Martin gave me a much needed laugh.

[Caw1]

Sorry you've not had a good day Roobarb... I don't think you're 'cowering on the side lines' it's not an easy thing to decide where you stand in this new normal, which I dislike too.
Although I've seen neighbours for coffee and early evening drinks and the odd BBQ, a/noon tea all outside in the garden which doesn't feel normal to just leave the side gate open instead of opening the front door and welcoming people into our home... it's NOT normal and I don't want to live like this either... what on earth is it going to be like when the weather turns colder and not pleasant to sit outside... hibernate for the winter ... I can't bear the thought of it and every time I do think about it I feel my levels of anxiety rise...
Next week our daughter and grandsons are coming to stay for 3 nights... we're so looking forward to it but I'm already feeling anxious about it... not helped today by my daughter saying she's going to find it hard not to hug us... me too and the boys... but we won't ...
sanitising all the necessary rooms that just they will be using ... not being able to help or enjoy bath time, reading stories with them cuddling up to me like they always do... it's almost going to be as bad as not seeing them at all with all those restrictions when they're inside the house...
I know just how you feel Roobarb...

Today started off dull, but not cold... took a chance and put some washing on..
Vacuumed the conservatory yet again and had General tidy up...
put shopping that had been isolating in the garage away...
Made a birthday card for one of my friends/neighbours for her birthday and walked up the lane and popped it through her letterbox.
Messaged SiL to wish her happy birthday, she replied saying she'd been twice for swim in the sea... they live in Brighton but know quiet beach in Hove said the water had been quite warm.
Whilst I'd been in my work room I was flicking through my craft mags and found a lovely little cardi pattern that I've ear marked to knit from wool I've still got...
Also a pattern, to sew, of an elephant that is for little ones, just add some batting to inside and could put crinkly stuff in the ears ( for feeling with their fingers and makes a crunky noise) body of one fabric head and ears of another... so cut out several of those to make too.
Daughter FaceTime... she's home alone as boys and her hubbie visiting his family from Wed until Saturday... had nice chat with her until she had to go for a meeting...
Had some lunch and watched the news.... flabbergasted to hear nearly 500,000 people on holiday in France now all racing to get back before 4am Saturday.... extra trains, ferries, flights all fully booked people panicking... so if you get back at 4.05 am you're going to have to quarantine for 14 days... people indignant that they couldn't afford time off work...
Excuse me didn't you think about that before going in the first place... sorry might seem heartless but no time for wingers..
Decided to go andcut out some more face coverings as OH well into watching the snooker...
Washing nicely dry and sun out now and about 23C... did some weeding, deadheading and general tidying... ( as I'm writing this now it's pouring with rain)
 Dinner was roast chicken thighs with salad... piece of pecans, white choc cake and couple glasses of wine.
Started knitting cardi watched new series Harlots... right load of rubbish
Gardeners World much nicer and I like Adam Frost he's got a beautiful garden not so unkempt looking as Monty's..
That's it for today... must stop getting in a lather over silly people it's not going to change just have to accept that we're being careful and they're not... living in a small village helps to be isolated but can't be like this for ever...
Well good night all hope others days have been better...

Caroline
 

[Annette7]

Didn't wake up due to the heat last night - when I awoke temperature was low 20's and didn't get any higher than 26C today.   Such a relief.  However, it was overcast for most of the day, just a little sun mid-afternoon which was short lived.   Groceries delivered and duly put away.   Worked on FH project for a little while and it's now complete.   Just have to place it appropriately in a display folder together with a covering letter.   

Nothing of any consequence done today so won't bore you with my mundane tasks.   My neighbours at no.5 have gone camping in Canterbury this weekend so asked if I'd water their plants.   This I duly did as well as all the usual ones.   Got bit of a back ache after that so think I'll ask my downstairs neighbour if he will do them all tomorrow.   It's my b-in-l's birthday tomorrow and myself, nephew and family plus niece and family are all going for a BBQ in the garden (weather permitting of course).   Met.Office forecast was thunderstorm around 3pm - did we get it, did we heck!  We, as a family, are hugging now but no kissing.  Amazing what difference a hug makes.  Not sure what time I will be home hence asking downstairs neighbour to handle the watering.

Windows all open but it's feeling a bit sticky in my study right now so think I'll put the fan on for a while.   Can't remember when I last had any kind of covering on me when I went to bed.

Try not to let things get on top of you, Roobarb - I honestly think we need to loosen up a little bit now as it's 5 months since lockdown.   Whilst we can't go back to 'normal', I do think we need to make the new 'normal' as pleasurable as we can.

A little RC and then bed for me.

Annette

[River Tyne Lass]

Try not to be so hard on yourself Roobarb.  You are only human and I should think it is quite normal for someone who has been keeping safe and mostly self isolating to experience these ups and downs.  I think this is bound to take a mental toll.  But look at you!  Despite feeling low sometimes, you are strong and resilient.  That weather was a literal dampner on the spirits yesterday but you still got up and did things - you did a lot of housework, read, went for a walk and made a healthy meal.  You just seem to keep going no matter what life throws at you - covid, NN and all - so don't underestimate yourself. 
As for losing your eloquence with the written word - I don't see any sign of that.  And you are definitely very far from being socially inept.  I think if you couldn't bring yourself to comment on the soldiers etc it might be more because you were feeling a bit temporarily mentally worn out.  I think this is normal and understandable at times in these current circumstances. 
Perhaps regarding the future just take baby steps and don't pressure yourself by worrying that you need to do too much too soon.  If things feel too worrying perhaps just take one day at a time and don't dwell too much on what might be ahead.
Keep holding on to the thought that things are getting better and that this won't last forever - just as other horrible things (pandemics/wars etc) in history didn't last forever.
I really admire how you are so productive and  keep going like you do with so many things like your regular walks and healthy eating.  I don't imagine that having the will power to keep going with routines and healthy eating will have been easy to keep up with for anyone trying to cope with self isolation. I don't think you have missed a diary day either.  From the outside in I would say you are doing really well Roobarb and it is important that you know this. 

[Roobarb]

Thank you so much RTL for your kind and compassionate words, they have really touched me and given me some strength and determination to not let it all grind me down. 
No drizzle or sea fret today, it's better already!

I hope that Caroline will be able to think more positively too, I am grateful for her kind words and those of Annette.

[arthurk]

We, as a family, are hugging now but no kissing.  Amazing what difference a hug makes.

The family members living closest to us recently moved about 250 miles away, and it was very difficult not being allowed to hug them before they left, as we really would have liked to.

The ones who live next nearest are in an area under local lockdown, so we can't even visit each other now. It's been explicitly stated that one of the main reasons for this local lockdown is gatherings in private homes and gardens where social distancing hasn't been observed.

[Annette7]

I'm the only one of our family who lives alone so has been especially hard for me (and others like me).   After almost 5 months of lockdown, observing all the rules, we have only met in gardens, not homes, and socially distanced.   Thankfully, none of us have had COVID (or any symptoms thereof) and there has to be a time when we start to relax a little.   Everyones interpretation of when this should be will be different no doubt.   Even todays (Saturday) gathering was held in the garden - my poor sister worried all day that the weather would change for the worst but it managed to stay dry all day. 

Annette

 

[Viktoria]

Well I thank all who contribute to the diaries , they are somehow personal contact and though sometimes I sense people are” down” they don’t get me down .
I feel for those who are feeling the strain , but that makes me grateful that I
am ,generally speaking , not too bad.
So I send to you all my very good wishes and grateful thanks ,for your news ,
observations,and fortitude .
Not much happens that I can relate as I go  nowhere except for a little walk in the Cemetery,a few moments of chat to passers by if I am in the garden and my neighbours too.
Got what I need, getting a bit lazy so need to buck my ideas up , wish I had a dog but that could be difficult should it need the Vet.
Not fair , to the dog.
So I plod on,  long for family contact again and of course Flash Harry is growing( but not much) and will be at school all being well in a couple of weeks .
Just a little laugh, think this is from the letter page of a woman’s magazine years ago.
Child with Mum on their  way to the first day at school.
Child” ,How long do I have to stay at school?“
Mum,’ Until you are sixteen”.
Child crying ,” Does that mean I won’t be coming home for my tea? “
 Aaaaw!
Cheerio, keep up the good work.
Viktoria.

Lovely Commemoration  service this evening ,but so sad.
Fitting our Asian troops have not been forgotten , it is good their part in the defence of India at places like Kohima is fully recognised.
V.