Finding a grandparent.s birth parents ...how to approach new family

[brigidmac]

With help of rootschatters  & documents my mother finally identified her mothers birth mother and even a half cousin

I have been able to help other people work out their family lines
Involving birth parents in other generations

But of course when you do home in on a potential parent for someone s parent or grandparent
It might be revealing a secret of someone who is still alive

If theyve taken a dna test themselves it could be assumed they hope to find a birth child

If they are deceased it might still upset someone to know their parent had another  child

Sometimes you can tell what branch an adoptee is connected to and maybe narrow down to a group of.siblings

My question is how have other people handled this .
A child of an adoptee whose great grandparents we.d identified by shared DNA .matches contacted her * grandmother & asked her  directly  she denied it...
(Maybe she is a great aunt ...with an exceptionally high dna.match ) either way along the way her nephew was also questioned about match & we may have accidentally exposed her secret .

I will continue to help people but advise not rushing in or jumping to conclusions

How would.you feel if you were contacted by a half sibling or half cousin ....if youd taken DNA to work on genealogy or to know your ethnicity .

The closest unknown relative to me was mums half cousin once removed
We knew about  him and were active ly searching but it was hard for him to absorb that his grandmother had had a previous child.

[brigidmac]

Same dilemna could arise with a paper trail you might find an affilation order or baptism citing a birth father

But thatis likely to be over 100 years old

The birth fathers family may not accept that as conclusive proof

I have several scottish cases of fathers being named or child given their first name & or surname as first or middle name

Examples 0f such  1875 .1893 1906 1910 1933

The latest people Im helping really want to know about their blood family

 has a half sister who is 40 years older than hers ....if we do find her I wonder how she will react if her sister finds her

Another has a grandfather who was adopted in 1948 ...so birth parents could be alive !

[Ruskie]

Something that I wonder when trying to ID a birth father or grandfather is, with DNA being similar between siblings, and percentages of DNA varying in amounts passed down the generations, how can one be certain who is a birth father, grandfather etc - could it not be a brother for example?

[brigidmac]

Yes it could be a brother ...suppositions then begin from jobs professions locations but when you get down to the actual adoptee if parent or uncles half siblings or half cousins have tested the amounts will be much conclusive enough to know which brother ...or sister it is

[Familysearch]

My thought is that if someone has taken a dna test then they accept they might find a skeleton or two.
I am still in two minds whether to go ahead with a test.  I have a missing gt, gt grandfather. On the other hand, I have already found a skeleton in my cupboard and certainly not where I would have expected!
It's in the past, and part of what I am.  But having said that, if someone is not expecting it, then it surely comes as a bit of a shock.
FS

[brigidmac]

Thanks for your answer .I imagine some people must discover that one of their siblings may have had a child and not know which one ...

All sorts of dilemmas might arise .

Long lost families + salvation army have training in how to approach people but we might get it wrong if acting as go betweens