Ethical Question About Finding Illegitimacy

[Pheno]

The only reason you have this dilemma is because you know the person whom it affects.

You have probably found illegitmacies in branches of your trees when researching but haven't found the need to inform those that they most affect I assume.  I would treat this just the same, and if asked about the original reason for the search, were the two of you connected in some way bring it up then as a reason for not being able to confirm that supposition.  Otherwise let sleeping dogs lie.

Pheno

[BenRalph]

When my parents had my older sister they weren't married and everyone in the family were saying they needed to marry other than my great granddad Jack and my great grandma Vera, both on opposite sides of the family.

When I started my tree I found out that my great grandma Vera had her second child whilst both she and my great granddad Wilf were still married to their previous spouses.

I also found that Jack's mum had a child to her husband and then left him and had 5 children with a man she never married but they stayed together. Jack also married whilst his wife was 5 months pregnant.

We think that is why both of them said my parents shouldn't marry.

[Sloe Gin]

I have a friend who I got to talking with about family history. I have some ancestors with his surname, I'll say it's Handley, and both families are of English origin, so I asked him if I could build out his tree and see if I could find a common ancestor. He agreed and I did that.

He gave you permission to look into his family tree, and he's aware that you have done so.  It's not as though you've done it behind his back. 

Quite simply, I would tell him what I found if he ever brings up the subject of his parentage, or if the conversation opens up in such a way.  But I wouldn't mention it unless prompted.

1930's is too recent for me to be able to acquire a birth certificate or any adoption or name change court records without being a family member. He could probably get that info, but I can't.

Are you sure about that?  I thought we only needed the GRO reference to apply for birth certificates over 50 years old.

[chempat]

Just randomly tried out my brother's birth certificate, 1950's, no problems so far.  No proof required.

[josey]

Ladyk is in Massachusetts so rules may be different there.

[iolaus]

I discovered my grandmother had had an illegitimate child which my father hadn't known about (he did know about another one) in the 1930s and mentioned it to him, since I was young I knew he had two half sisters and that his father had been widowed before his marriage to my grandmother (I assumed that both sisters were his dads - they weren't, one was his dads one was his mums) - his only response was 'I wonder if it was my dad's'

I would probably say that his grandmother had the baby at 15 and no father's name on the birth certificate, but that she married at 18 and the child then had the Handley name

[chempat]

Ladyk is in Massachusetts so rules may be different there.

I read in her initial 1st paragraph 'of English origin', so was just re-checking England.

Yes, other countries, other rules.