Unexpected parent in baggage area

[Ruskie]

As well as uploading your raw data to My Heritage, I believe you can do the same with FTDNA, however there is a cost to unlock the useful features.

Neither of those sites are as popular as Ancestry so there are likely to be fewer matches (though people do transfer their data from other sites), but you might find some of the features, such as chromosome browser and Autocluster reports quite handy. I am amazed that Ancestry don’t offer these.

I hope you do hear from your 580cm match. A nice friendly cheery follow up email might be worth a try in a week or so if you don’t hear back. With the UK currently overrun with covid, you might need to consider that those you contact may be ill so they may not be able to get back to you straight away. In the mean time, concentrate on those who match with both you and the 580cm match. 

It can be a waiting game too, and you don’t know what might be around the corner - the results of all those test kits bought as Christmas presents should be filtering through soon. There is hope.

DNA can sometimes be a bit randomly passed down so keep an open mind, eg my daughter shares more DNA with common matches than I do, my father has matches which I do not have .... etc etc.

Understandable that you want to protect your father. You come across as a very nice person.

Let us know how you get on. If you need specific help or even a second opinion, there are plenty of knowledgeable people on rootschat who would be happy to help - don’t hesitate to ask. 

[Romilly]

Just a quick thought on the unanswered messages on Ancestry; (which we all have).

I’ve found that following up with a, -  ‘Are you able to see this message?’
Sometimes elicits a response...

Best of luck,
Romilly.

[Flemming]

I think one of the issues with Ancestry messages is that people don't always get the alerts into their email inbox, particularly if they've changed email address. It depends on them signing in to Ancestry and seeing a message waiting. I've had a few reply to me after 6-12 months, and more recently one that's been nearly two years since I contacted them.

With c. 140cM matches, you could be looking to share great grandparents with these. Do any of those who match the 580cM match have trees with the same great grandparents? If so, you can work downwards from there. One of their offspring should be your grandparent, and your father's parent.

[JohnDoe2020]

Your situation is not uncommon. I realize this can be traumatizing for some people. There are several books out that share the stories of discovering your father may not be your father. I have personal experience with this and I am currently involved solving two missing father cases right now (within my extended family). I would be happy to share techniques if you want to pm.

[Romilly]

Your situation is not uncommon. I realize this can be traumatizing for some people. There are several books out that share the stories of discovering your father may not be your father. I have personal experience with this and I am currently involved solving two missing father cases right now (within my extended family). I would be happy to share techniques if you want to pm.

‘The Stranger in my Genes’ was one that I read recently. By Bill Griffith.

Romilly.

[JohnDoe2020]

That is a good book. The Author really struggled with the knowledge he gained from the testing. I see this a lot in the YDNA projects, discoveries that the father people always knew was not biological. Peoples lives are complicated. Decisions are made for reasons we can only guess. Some of us have two fathers, the one that raised us and our biological father. A lot to consider. All good.

[Jo6100]

This happened to my husband. We both did our dna: mine was as expected but his showed lots of cousin matches in the 200-900 cm range, all related to each other but not obviously to him. We also had not a single match searching with his uncommon but not that rare surname. So an NPE was assumed and his sister agreed to test with everyone expecting it to be at grandparents level. Unfortunately, the results showed her to be his half sister. He found this really difficult at first but has come to terms pretty well now. His father is the man who raised him and we don’t know the circumstances of his conception to have any views on it. However, his sister has asked him not to tell his side of the family so as not to shade his mother’s memory for his siblings as she died fairly young. This was difficult as it does seem secretive.

For us it was quite easy, with all the high matches, to work out that his “ father” must be one of three brothers. Strangely, the close matches who had been very keen to work out the link went very quiet once the NPE was found.

As it goes, his genetic ancestry is very close to where we live so in a way it’s a little more interesting- they’re still ag labs  just not the ones we thought they were!!

Good luck with your journey

Jo

[NPEWhoopsThatsMe]

As well as uploading your raw data to My Heritage, I believe you can do the same with FTDNA, however there is a cost to unlock the useful features.

Neither of those sites are as popular as Ancestry so there are likely to be fewer matches (though people do transfer their data from other sites), but you might find some of the features, such as chromosome browser and Autocluster reports quite handy. I am amazed that Ancestry don’t offer these.

Thank you, I did this yesterday and FTDNA has been really useful and has thrown up some more matches which is great. I haven't tried the chromosome browser and autocluster reporter yet but I'm looking forward to wrapping my head around it all (having things to dig into and feel like I'm making progress definitely helps).

I hope you do hear from your 580cm match. A nice friendly cheery follow up email might be worth a try in a week or so if you don’t hear back. With the UK currently overrun with covid, you might need to consider that those you contact may be ill so they may not be able to get back to you straight away. In the mean time, concentrate on those who match with both you and the 580cm match. 

There aren't that many but I am blessed with a spouse who has previously specialised in genetic stats which makes the process a lot easier. We've managed to narrow down the probability - marginally more in favour of this person being a 1C1R than a half-aunt, so we'll see. I hope my existence doesn't reveal anything too painful for her, either (e.g. it's possible she may not be aware of a half sibling or that they are a half sibling if it is a half aunt).

It can be a waiting game too, and you don’t know what might be around the corner - the results of all those test kits bought as Christmas presents should be filtering through soon. There is hope.

Yes, such a different kettle of fish from record hunting!

DNA can sometimes be a bit randomly passed down so keep an open mind, eg my daughter shares more DNA with common matches than I do, my father has matches which I do not have .... etc etc.

Still astonished at how much DNA I share with my aunt!

Understandable that you want to protect your father. You come across as a very nice person.

Let us know how you get on. If you need specific help or even a second opinion, there are plenty of knowledgeable people on rootschat who would be happy to help - don’t hesitate to ask. 

Thank you so much. It's going to be a tough journey to navigate but I have been extremely heartened by the warmth and kindness shown by the community around this.

[NPEWhoopsThatsMe]

Just a quick thought on the unanswered messages on Ancestry; (which we all have).

I’ve found that following up with a, -  ‘Are you able to see this message?’
Sometimes elicits a response...

Best of luck,
Romilly.

Thank you. I'm thinking of doing this ina few days giving my high-scoring match a little more information on the probability of our match and asking if they would be prepared to tell me about their grandparents. I really, really hope they reply. Luckily one of our mutual matches has been through quite a journey with an adoptive mother so they have gone out of their way to help even though we are not too closely connected.