Potential breakthrough

[Hopefulone]

Hi all, my illegitimately German born husband (62) is looking for his birth father and just received his first and only close match after 4 years, which is very exciting. He matches with this lady 8.1% at 577cM.
My husband's maternal half-brother has also tested and is not a match.

She only started her small 30 person tree in October 2020, and has just uploaded her DNA results. She was born just 6 years after my husband and is Danish (which I wasn't expecting). However, all christian names are private and only 2-3 surnames are on it.

I think she is probably either a first cousin or a half-first cousin.

I have made initial contact with this lady and in order to make a start, I asked if she could initially provide me with her grandparents names. I mentioned that we could potentially help each other with our research.
Then came the stumbling block.
She said she doesn't know her mother's parents names as she (her mum) was adopted. Neither does she know her father's parents names. She was sorry she couldn't help, but hoped I could find another way to learn how they are related (which in my opinion, seems quite dismissive at this early stage). But surely she must have tested for some reason.

I'm tempted to think the link is with her mother, perhaps she's either my husband's birth father's sibling or half-sibling. But at this stage I can't rule out her father being the DNA link either.

Perhaps she is just starting out and is unfamiliar with how it goes.
Or she could even be researching a different branch.
Or she could be uncomfortable with discussing sensitive details.

However, I feel she must have some useful details that could lead us in the right direction, but I'm afraid I may scare her off, if she feels overwhelmed with my questions.
I don't want to blow my only chance.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to make the next connection with her? H.

[majm]

Some thoughts ....

   some reasons for having DNA tested  etc are to find living relatives with medical history to share....  so you don't need to be experienced family history buffs.

  there are professionally trained counsellors who can be good intermediaries and who can follow up on genetics without infringing personal privacy concerns

    find a childhood photo to scan and crop out any identifying background etc and share it, indicating a willingness to share other photos and various official documents.

JM

[JohnDoe2020]

Look at shared matches between the two of them. I assume his brother does not match her....She is a solid match, check with dna painter for possibilities but if they are the same generation and share the father only she would be a half first cousin. Good luck

[Petros]

As JohnDoe says if they are the same generation they would be half 1C.

My Ancestry matches revealed someone who can only be a half 1C, a 339 cM match, with his niece a 167 cM match. In my case the dates fit with us sharing my philandering grandfather

[Hopefulone]

UPDATE on this previous post.....
I'm almost certain that we have narrowed down the mystery surrounding the identity of my husband's biological German father. My husband's Danish DNA match also has a German father. And
after several e-mails/telephone calls she still seems keen to know how she & my husband are related, although her German relatives don't appear to share her enthusiasm. They have given what seems to be very vague information, but made it clear that they aren't interested in corresponding further. So not sure how to move it forward from here.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Hi all, my illegitimately German born husband (62) is looking for his birth father and just received his first and only close match after 4 years, which is very exciting. He matches with this lady 8.1% at 577cM.
My husband's maternal half-brother has also tested and is not a match.

She only started her small 30 person tree in October 2020, and has just uploaded her DNA results. She was born just 6 years after my husband and is Danish (which I wasn't expecting). However, all christian names are private and only 2-3 surnames are on it.

I think she is probably either a first cousin or a half-first cousin.

I have made initial contact with this lady and in order to make a start, I asked if she could initially provide me with her grandparents names. I mentioned that we could potentially help each other with our research.
Then came the stumbling block.
She said she doesn't know her mother's parents names as she (her mum) was adopted. Neither does she know her father's parents names. She was sorry she couldn't help, but hoped I could find another way to learn how they are related (which in my opinion, seems quite dismissive at this early stage). But surely she must have tested for some reason.

I'm tempted to think the link is with her mother, perhaps she's either my husband's birth father's sibling or half-sibling. But at this stage I can't rule out her father being the DNA link either.

Perhaps she is just starting out and is unfamiliar with how it goes.
Or she could even be researching a different branch.
Or she could be uncomfortable with discussing sensitive details.

However, I feel she must have some useful details that could lead us in the right direction, but I'm afraid I may scare her off, if she feels overwhelmed with my questions.
I don't want to blow my only chance.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to make the next connection with her? H.
[/quote]

[Forguette]

Did she give you details on her father. Name? Date/place of birth? Anything at all?

[Hopefulone]

Yes, she gave his name, age, place of birth. Also his 2 brothers & their father's names & where they now live. She has given similar information about her Danish mother. But I'm convinced that the link is German, as my husband has next to no Scandinavian showing up in his DNA. The match does have a small tree but isn't motivated to develop it. Sadly it has no Christian names & very few Surnames.

[Pheno]

You could try the facebook group DNA Detectives and ask for a Search Angel to help you on this one.

Haven't done so myself but have heard good reports.

Pheno

[davidft]

Yoi could try uploading your DNA results to other sites in the hope of making new matches.