Diary > Saturday 5th June

[Roobarb]

Me first again? This was Saturday:


Was feeling a bit washed out as a result of being awake till 5am, not enough exercise on Friday I think. I dragged myself up and had just got my first cup of tea when I saw a notification that my Amazon delivery was five stops away. Quickly put on some proper clothes then looked again, the map showed that the driver was actually an hour away. Plenty of time for two cups of tea.

Daily walk as usual, it was warm in the morning and turned out to be a mostly hot and sunny day. Settled myself in the garden with the parasol up, just read for most of the time, very little gardening. The clouds came over in the late afternoon so I did some work to my lion picture.

Received a message from a friend asking if I wanted to join in with a night out at the pub, I had to tell her that I don't feel brave enough yet. I felt quite panicky just thinking about it but also upset that I'm feeling like this, have totally lost my confidence. I actually had a few tears thinking about it, I don't know how to resolve this other than biting the bullet. I'd rather get back into things before any more 'freedoms' are granted on the 21st but I can't seem to summon up the confidence.

Watched a programme on TV about the Scottish islanders of North Uist who won the jackpot on the postcode lottery, they all won different amounts. They all had quite simple things in mind for spending their winnings, one man bought a new wheelbarrow. It was a lovely programme, very entertaining and what stunning scenery.

[jo1962]

It's rubbish isn't it when you can't sleep. I have nights like that so I feel for you Roobarb, hope you slept better last night.
I don't think you are alone in feeling apprehensive about the lifting of restrictions and venturing back into normal life again. I think a lot of people will suffer from anxiety. Personally, I have always been a 'life is for living' person and have embraced the lifting of restrictions but I do understand how others feel.
We have just come back from a week in Wales. Glorious weather and long walks on the beach was just bliss. Bob the dog loves the beach and so was a very happy chappy all week, not so today! A walk down the canal doesn't just cut it with him after the beach.
Well, must tackle the washing I have brought back with me.
Have a good Sunday

[pharmaT]

wellI hung the washing out just in time for a thundery downpour. Bit of other housework without achieving much and that's about it.  Work has been flattening me recently and nothing left when i get home.  Yes, I do realise proper people have more energy.

[Roobarb]

I slept like a log last night Jo, hadn't done a lot during the day but I was very tired. Thank you for your understanding of my anxiety, I was absolutely terrified at the beginning of the pandemic due to being asthmatic although I'm not sure whether I would otherwise have been less frightened. That has lessened but left me with the unwanted legacy of loss of confidence. Not everyone understands, one of my friends (not the one who invited me to the pub) got quite exasperated with me when I didn't want to travel outside the immediate area for my jab. I have to take it at my own pace but I'm sure I'll get there!
Good to hear that you had such a lovely time in Wales and a happy Bob, bless him!

PharmaT, we keep telling you that you are a proper person and that's because you are. Anyone would be exhausted by the work you do. Give yourself a break.

[jo1962]

Pleased you slept better last night Roobarb. It's completely understandable to worry if you have asthma or any other respiratory condition. I have friends who are taking the easing of restrictions at their own pace, some are more nervous than others, each to their own I say, and nobody should stand in judgement of anybody else. I have found that my confidence in driving has taken a bit of a dip. I used to think nothing of getting in the car, setting the sat nav and driving anywhere. Not anymore! I find I'm planning my route, looking at traffic reports etc before travelling. I supposed my confidence will return in due course. I think each and everyone of us has been affected in some way or another during the last 14 months.
Off to the pub now for a glass of wine. I know you enjoy your wine Roobarb so I will have a virtual one for you 

[Roobarb]

Thanks Jo,  have fun, 

[River Tyne Lass]

I am sorry to read of your tears recently Roobarb.  I would suggest just take your time with things and try not to feel pressurised into venturing into things you don't yet feel ready for.  Just because we might be given the go ahead to do things and go places doesn't mean we should go where we don't feel comfortable.
Your confidence will come back.  I hope your friends will respect your feelings.  I think many of us will need time to readjust as more freedoms open up and we each need to go at  our own pace.

[Roobarb]

Thanks RTL. My friend who invited me is in a very different day to day situation to mine so she hasn't been as closeted as I have but she's a very caring person so I'm sure she will understand.  I appreciate your kind words.

[DianaCanada]

Roobarb, you know what is right for you, don’t let others push you...but you sound like a kind person who might not push back.  You just do what works for you.
I must say this pandemic has not made me feel very confident about where the world is going, i.e.
People not showing their better side, or perhaps just the media ramping everything up.