50 People Whose Families Have Been Destroyed by Online DNA Test Results

[Rosinish]

Certainly some similar genealogical events could possibly happen, and it is up to you whether you let it ruin your life.

Sue...

Your thoughts are a bit on the misunderstanding side...no compassion whatsoever!

I know I have a brother who was adopted at birth, hence my reason for doing DNA after donkeys years of searching & time is running out.

If, having done my DNA & (this hasn't happened) I were to have discovered my father was not my father, are you trying to tell me...

"it is up to you whether you let it ruin your life"

I really hope not as I'm sure there will be many people out there who do discover their biological father is not the person they thought was, the man who brought them up as their 'dad' & who thought their daughter/son was theirs, not knowing their wife/partner/fiancée had had an affair & lied about paternity.

Annie

[sparrett]

Hi Annie,
I am not one to counsel or offer professional help to those affected by such events.
But perhaps not everyone would see it as the ruination of their lives.

I have not long ago found a close relative whose birth was the result of infidelity. The event did not shatter or destroy either of our lives. It is a matter of factual information from the past and life will be what it will be when these facts come out.

I am sorry you have felt upset by my comment and opinion.

Sue

[Rosinish]

I am sorry you have felt upset by my comment and opinion.

Sue,

I'm not upset at all probably because it doesn't affect/relate to me but I'm surprised your view is a little misunderstanding of how others would feel if they discovered their 'father/dad' was not their biological parent.

Without going any further, how would you have felt if you'd discovered your father was not the man you thought to be your biological parent?

I know I'd be devastated as my 'dad' was the best father anyone could have wished for & that's my point...there will be people looking for (like myself) adopted siblings/cousins etc. but to discover your parent isn't your true parent must be mind blowing to many.

Annie

[Guy Etchells]

Sue...

Your thoughts are a bit on the misunderstanding side...no compassion whatsoever!

I know I have a brother who was adopted at birth, hence my reason for doing DNA after donkeys years of searching & time is running out.

If, having done my DNA & (this hasn't happened) I were to have discovered my father was not my father, are you trying to tell me...

"it is up to you whether you let it ruin your life"

I really hope not as I'm sure there will be many people out there who do discover their biological father is not the person they thought was, the man who brought them up as their 'dad' & who thought their daughter/son was theirs, not knowing their wife/partner/fiancée had had an affair & lied about paternity.

Annie

Sorry Rosinish, but I agree with Sue it is up to you whether you let it ruin your life, I will explain my reasons why.
What is a father?
Is a father (1) the person who brought you up nurtured you, provided for you, stood by you when you were feeling down or (2) the sperm doner who planted the seed in your mother’s womb?
For most he is both, but for some he is (1) and for others he is (2)

Some people have been brought up by father (1) and in later life have met and formed a bond with father (2) They feel they have gained by having 2 fathers.

Others find out the person who they thought was their father was not and have rejected the years of love and affection he lavished on them and both parties spend the rest of their lives regretting the past.
That is a choice some are happy (1) spent years of his life looking after them even though there was no DNA bond.
I would also add some children spend their lives hating their parents because of how they have been mistreated, even for them once they leave home the have a choice whether to let it ruin the rest of their life or not.
I am not saying it is easy but it is still a personal choice.
Cheers
Guy

[arthurk]

I think some of the comments here are a bit too simplistic. A lot of what is being discussed relates to the subconscious, and we don't always have a lot of choice over how that behaves. Feeling hurt isn't a choice, it's a reaction to someone else's actions, and to imply that we can decide how much we will be affected by something gets very close to blaming the victim and absolving the perpetrator(s) from their responsibility.

Discovering in later life that one or more of the people who raised you were not your biological parents won't necessarily undo any feelings of love or gratitude towards them, but it will often introduce a sense of betrayal, that the people you loved and trusted most thought it better to let you believe a lie than to tell you the truth. That kind of discovery can be devastating, and no-one should be judged if they struggle to get over it.

[aghadowey]

Totally agree, arthurk 

[coombs]

Such events in your family tree will usually be the exception rather than the rule. 1 to 2% chance, so there is still the 98 to 99% chance of what you have researched being correct.

[TonyV]

I don't get the impression that any of the contributors to this thread have direct personal experience of such a discovery. I do, so maybe I can add some perspective.

I discovered last year via my DNA test, taken to unravel a brick wall, that my genetic father was not my Dad, a totally unexpected result. It knocked me sideways for a while and even today I only know where in the world he came from and the names of many members of his linked family but not who he was, or any close genetic relatives.

This happened during the war when my Dad had been away from my mother, whom he married in 1940, for about 4 years. I won't go into the details but he seems likely that my Dad never knew that he wasn't my genetic dad and my mother may not have been sure either. My Dad did all the things good Dads do and I have him to thank for pointing me in the right directions in my subsequent life.

I would love to find out who my genetic father was (or maybe is) and to say hello to his family, but this may never happen. However, I do not need another Dad and I don't blame my mother, a young woman whose husband was away helping to fight a war, for being lonely and needing male company. In wartime such things inevitably happen.

12 months on since the discovery my emotional state is back on an even keel and I have rationalised how it could have happened. It is not my place to ascribe blame and I don't feel let down, not even in the first flush of discovery, except in one petty respect. All my hours of research into my paternal line since 2004 turned out to be "up the wrong tree"! But no-one died!

Tony

[Romilly]

Hi TonyV,

Your experience reminded me of a book that I read a while back, ‘The Stranger in My Genes: A Memoir’, by Bill Griffeth.

Bill Griffeth was an American TV Anchorman, who became very interested in his family history and spent years searching out the Griffeth line. Eventually, a DNA test showed that the man who he thought was his Father, wasn’t, and that his brother was in fact his half brother. He spoke to his 95 year old Mother about it, and she told him that she had been having an affair with her ex boss, just before her marriage. And so Bill Griffeth was able to find out who his genetic father was, long dead by the time he found out.

His conclusion was very similar to yours, the family that he grew up in remained his family. I just thought that you might be interested.

Romilly.