Co-habiting/ family mystery

[BSmith2268]

Hi,

I have been researching my x3 great grandparents and I recently found out that they lived together for roughly 35 years before legally marrying. They were legally married in 1914, but would've met around 1878 and had their first child in 1879. They would go on to have three more children after this. All of the children are registered with the father's name.
My x3 great grandfather was a railway signalman and retired on ill health the following year in 1915, so I'm assuming that they married to ensure my x3 great grandmother would get his pension?

There was clearly a stigma around it in the family as as they got married at the register office of a completely different town, about an hour away from where they actually lived, stating their address as the home of their niece.

Adding to this mystery- My x3 grandfather is  interestingly listed as a 'widower' on the marriage certificate. He was originally from Ireland but came to South Wales for work, where he met my x3 great grandmother. I'm guessing he must've been previously married back in Ireland and therefore couldn't marry my x3 great grandmother as wouldn't have been able to get a divorce. By 1914, I'm guessing he had received news from Ireland that his previous wife was dead, or just presumed she was dead?

Have many of you on here found ancestors that lived together but never married or married later in life/  found out a hidden family mystery?

Thank you,
BSmith

[brigidmac]

I researched for someone whose mother had married his birth fathers brother after WW2
He always assumed he was illegitimate but it turns out his half- siblings / cousins were the illigitimate ones
His mother married his uncle in late 1950s
In a registry office
After the death of her first husband ....the birth father

They'd never divorced ..both had had second families

[jbml]

I think that you're right about the marriage being to ensure that she'd get her widow's pension.

I don't think you're right about the timing being down to his having got news from home about the death of the wife he'd abandoned 35 years ago. I mean ... really? Who was keeping an eye out for him and thought he'd care and was still in touch?

No ... he called himself a widower just IN CASE there was someone who noticed and knew and thought "hang on ... weren't you married before?".

[Jebber]

It's not unusual, I have found examples in my own family, my husband's family  and those of friends whose families I researched.

One case in my family, two couples married. Couple A separated,  Couple B the wife was committed to an asylum. The wife of A set up home with the husband of B, they cohabited and had two children whose births were registered  under a fictitious name as if the parents were married. The children grew up aware of the situation.

The husband of A married another woman  bigamous, declaring he was a bachelor. That couple  had a son  who  I believe was unaware of his parent bigamous marriage

The family took some unraveling because of the fictitious name.

[maddys52]

You may well be right about a previous marriage, or it could be as you say, a requirement for pension that they finally married.

I have a case in my family where the couple had 4 children, all registered with the mother's surname (1859 - 1864). In the 1861 census they are not in the same household, the couple are both with their respective parents, but whether they were living there or just visiting on the night I don't know. (The way the census is written it looks like they were part of the household, not visitors.) They ended up marrying in 1867 in a nearby town. Why they waited is a mystery to me. As adults the children were all known by the father's surname. 

[heywood]

I think that you're right about the marriage being to ensure that she'd get her widow's pension.

I don't think you're right about the timing being down to his having got news from home about the death of the wife he'd abandoned 35 years ago. I mean ... really? Who was keeping an eye out for him and thought he'd care and was still in touch?

No ... he called himself a widower just IN CASE there was someone who noticed and knew and thought "hang on ... weren't you married before?".

You could check for an earlier marriage and for any other information about that marriage/spouse.

My grandmother married in 1899 and then began her family with my grandfather in 1903. The children were registered as though my grandparents were married.
They married in 1943, in the same quarter that her previous husband’s death was registered.
This  was in the same area though.

[AntonyMMM]

I've seen quite a number of these marriages later in life, between a couple who have been co-habiting as "married" for many years and had children together.

I think in virtually all of them it was because one (or in one case both) of the couple was already married to someone else and they waited for them to die to be free to marry again.

The marriage might even be kept secret from friends & family (who all believed they were married already) and may only come to light once they die.

Prof. Rebecca Probert, in her work on marriage law and custom, did quite a bit of research into this and she found that, whilst there are always exceptions, our ancestors living together and having children together would usually be married, unless there was a very good reason not to be, such as a surviving previous spouse (at a time when divorce was difficult and expensive to get).

[jbml]

Professor Probert also gave a magnificent lecture to the Selden Society (and since published by the society) called Double Trouble: the Rise and Fall of the Crime of Bigamy.

[phil57]

I have numerous examples of bigamous marriages in my tree, usually involving untruths on the part of one or the other party that they were widowed, or married again under their maiden name. Some later repeated the marriage when their circumstances changed to legalise it, for example when the previous husband who was already dead according to the information given at the first marriage (but was in reality still alive) had actually subsequently died, and the wife could claim to be a widow again, but that time truthfully.

One of my GGFs married 6 times, at least two of which were bigamous, and three of his wives had similar circumstances. And a GG Uncle who remarried bigamously after his first wife had left him, she in turn marrying again a further two times, firstly declaring herself a spinster, and then as a widow she later married the brother of her second husband which was itself illegal at the time.