Thanks so much again all. I'm so glad I posted this thread as I have been wondering for a very long time.
I won't be able to properly think about this until tomorrow, but it looks like my widow Mary is Mary Tobin after all. I think I thought this at first a long time age, then changed to the idea that Mary Tobin must have been the other Mary, wife of Thomas, who now turns out to be Mary Morrissey.
I did do some investigating of the workhouse records ages ago at the library, and think I might have found something about a Thomas and Mary there, as well as the records above. I wrote them down & need to investigate them tomorrow, but I think that might have been why I changed away from my Mary's being Mary Tobin. I think I might have also found a George in a workhouse somewhere too, maybe in 1881.
That wedding between Harriet & Thomas Leader's having a witness of Alice Webster seems to be pretty convincing to me that Alice might have been Harriet's sister. Getting the birth certs of Harriet & "Female" (who could be Ellen) may have been a good thing to do after all!
Maybe my Mary just liked coachmen!
I wonder how George comes into it. Was he really the father of George & Alice? Was he still alive when they married? Should I be thinking that Mary married Michael, had James & female (?Ellen), had George & Alice with George after Michael presumably died (which was what made her a widow), & then had Harriet & Mary Ann with Thomas? It does seem more likely than that she just met George later & George & Alice called him their father, especially if Harriet kept calling Thomas her father until she married the same year as George.
questions questions questions
Thanks again.