Whats Love Got To Do With It?

[zetlander]

I had a good parent and a bad parent.

Bad parent physically and emotionally abusive - childhood not a happy time!

As a result I have no interest at all in researching the bad parents family history - no interest at all.

Family History Tree a bit lop sided!

Anyone else find it difficult to research the lives of the relatives they don't like?

[Pheno]

Have no experience of this kind of issue at all but all I would say is that surely this bad parent might simply be one bad node on a branch - the whole branch won't necessarily be like that but you will continue to think that unless you do a bit of exploration.

Pheno

[iluleah]

No, I had an extremely world travel, educationally and materially rich and a lonely, isolated, emotionally poor childhood, one died when I was 17, the other moved home when I was just 21 without telling me or me knowing where they were moving to. I started researching aged 23yrs old and have researched both sides

[rosie99]

Have no experience of this kind of issue at all but all I would say is that surely this bad parent might simply be one bad node on a branch - the whole branch won't necessarily be like that but you will continue to think that unless you do a bit of exploration.

Pheno

I agree with Pheno.  I would be wanting to know if there was any history of similar behaviour

[Andrew Tarr]

I agree with Pheno.  I would be wanting to know if there was any history of similar behaviour

I agree too.  It's a mistake to get too emotionally involved, tho I understand your reasons.  Just concentrate on the interesting surprises you may turn up - how did people meet, when they came from far-apart places; why was the wife 10 years older than the husband, etc. ....

Sorting out apparent discrepancies between records can be an interesting challenge too.  And question and test everything you find.

[Jebber]

I understand your feelings, especially when it is such a close relative, but one unpleasant person does not mean the whole family would be the same.

It is worth remembering that we are made up of genes from both our parents, so their ancestry is an equally important part of our makeup.

I would want to discover as much as I could of both sides of my family, warts and all. You may even be pleasantly surprised at what you find, or conversely you may find an explanation for you parent's behaviour, which may help you in coming to terms with it

[larkspur]

"As a result I have no interest at all in researching the bad parents family history - no interest at all."

But it is not only the "bad parents" history- it is yours- and you are missing half of your story.

[Craclyn]

I think that would make me even more determined to do the research in an attempt to understand more about what factors impacted on the bad parent’s behaviour.

[IgorStrav]

Very strange, our researches.

I always found researching my mother's paternal family hard and depressing.  It was difficult to do - they were in the East End of London and lived very poor lives, and weren't easily tracked down in records - didn't seem to marry, and the names were very common ones.

I think that this depressed feeling came from two particular conversations -
the first from my mother, who said she was 'afraid of her father', as he used to come home from the pub drunk
and the second from my father, who said that my mother was the best by a considerable way from a not particularly nice family.

I wonder whether this influenced my research which - as I say - wasn't easy anyway.

However, finding out about them and discovering the real hardships they went through has illuminated my thoughts about them. And at the very least, it's made me appreciate my mother even more for her energy and determination.